May have met my true love but it comes with a price.(the herp)

I recently met this girl and I am in love with her and she is in love with me. Its crazy to say that because we have known each other for such a short time. I don't think I would ever need to be with anyone else if we stayed together. We have pretty much been inseparable since we met. We have talked about marriage and kids and the future. She is far more attractive then anyone I have dated before and more compatible then anyone before.

Here is the problem. The first night I told her that I was into her and wanted to be with her she tells me she has herpes.
I didn't know what to think. I was glad she told me and respected her honesty but all I could feel was very, very sad.

I told her that I would continue to see her but that we would have to take it slow. I can't see myself passing this girl up but at the same time this scares the crap out of me. I have always taken my sexual health very seriously and am proud in the fact that I have remained disease free for all this time.

She really, really wants to have sex with me and I am so stressed out about it. We got into it last night pretty heavy and were naked in bed and almost had sex but then I stopped her, she was pretty frustrated to say the least. I think she will stick around for a while but not forever waiting to have sex with me.

I don't know what to do, on one hand this girl is amazing and I really think I could be happy with her and think that we could possibly be married one day and I don't want to lose her. But on the other I don't want to be left with a broken heart and a herpes infection.

ATS I don't know what to do! Has anyone ever had this happen to them? I am so conflicted and its driving me nuts, should I go for it or should I run far, far away?

a reply to: bananashooter

Oh, wow, man. That's rough. You really don't want to get that. You can't get rid of it.

My 2nd wife gave it to me I went mad.
Then I remembered I loved her and thought oh well.
I have only had one flare up when I was run down and didn't eat enough fruit.
Dude it ain't that bad go for it. If you don't you may regret it.

a reply to: bananashooter

This is one of the only times I would say wait till marriage.

Seriously, only do it if you know you guys are going to be together forever.

I feel for you man.

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: bananashooter

This is one of the only times I would say wait till marriage.

Seriously, only do it if you know you guys are going to be together forever.

I feel for you man.

Agree,

That is a permanent gift that keeps on giving.... and not in a good way.

originally posted by: rockintitz
a reply to: bananashooter

This is one of the only times I would say wait till marriage.

Seriously, only do it if you know you guys are going to be together forever.

I feel for you man.

I Second this post...Wait till marriage, if you want to be with her for life, marriage, then everyones happy.

Side question...Does the Herpes gets transferred to the kids???

Does wearing a condom protect you from this? Even so,I guess they are not 100 percent effective. If you get it somehow from her you will have to deal with it the rest of your life. You may be in love with each other now but if you do break up it will be very difficult to find someone if you get it. I don't think it's worth it. You haven't known each other that long, you said.

Things to consider....


1. If you have a poor immune system, it can affect you significantly worse than others, appearing with frequencies up to every single week for years.

2. It's very nasty and can actually spread to your brain causing blindness or speeding up mental illness (in rare cases).

3. It does not get transferred to your children genetically, unless you physically transfer it to them during birth when you have genital herpes when a coldsore is present or any time after birth through physical contact when infected.

4. It's possible to physically transfer the virus to your eye and lose sight.

5. Most people with a reasonable immune system may not experience any symptoms when infected, others may only get it every so often (a few times a year).

6. The virus can affect you in multiple locations, an unlimited number in fact, wherever you spread it through physical contact.

7. It can significantly impact your way of life if you experience frequent break outs, you will need to consider transfer on your pillows/bedsheets/clothes/towels/toothbrush etc.

8. Wearing some form of protection like a condom may help prevent transfer in case of genital herpes, but not guaranteed.

9. Getting herpes can be as easy as someone picking their nose when they have a coldsore in there, and shaking your hand. It doesn't always have to be through sexual contact.

10. There are medications to manage outbreaks, or prevent them, but they don't work for everyone.

I would ask her how frequently she has break outs, and what type of herpes (HSV1 or HSV2, Oral or Genital Herpes). Then i would ask her to tell you if she get's a break out, so you can keep your distance. Good luck.

From what I understand, you stand a chance of not getting it if you guys play it safely. If she's on suppression drugs, and not in the midst of an outbreak, she may not pass it to you. Obviously there's always going to be the chance you do, but it's not the end of the world- you can beat the virus back, and not have grody sores constantly.

Maybe do as the other person says- wait til you marry her, and you might be reasonably certain you're going to stay with her.

Questions :
How old are you ?
How old is she ?
You say you are inseparable ?

Age has a way of making that happen... the older you get the less time together you require.
Basically you do not need to validate each other and the "inseparable" part is fear of loss.

If you are young.. say under 30. Then what is the rush?
If she is a looker, just know you are not the only one doing the looking.....

You hear of high maintenance women... this is a whole new level!
Once you go down that road you can NEVER come BACK!
Consult your doctor to see if you could even survive Herpes.

Last question.
How did she get it.. Sex or drugs. if the latter run !

a reply to: DogMeat

I am 32, she is 37. Yes I would say we are inseparable. Also she is a massage therapist and loves to give massages and I love to receive them. Is that shallow that I brought that up? Probably but in all honesty I have never even known a massage therapist, yet alone been together with one.

Also we have everything in common. Our birthdays are only one day apart, we are both left handed, we are both the youngest child, and a slew of other really bizarre things that seem like definite signs to me.

a reply to: bananashooter

Not that I think you should take STDs lightly, but Herpes is really, really common. Chances are that you have already been exposed to it.

The good news? "Most people who have the virus won't have recurrent outbreaks. In fact, most people won't have outbreaks at all. For some people, though, it's a really awful, symptomatic, recurrent thing," Dr. Marrazzo says.

www.health.com...

a reply to: bananashooter

Well if she told you before sex then there is a good chance she will never cheat on you. She sounds like she's cautious spreading it. That alone should show you she cares about your well being.

Have you asked how she contracted it? Most likely a cheating partner gave it to her.

a reply to: windword

You are probably right. I have screwed around with a lot of girls in the past and have not always been as safe as I could have been. I would always get tested after new partners. I guess I am also having some performance issues with the fact that I know she has herpes, I am having a hard time staying aroused because of the fact that I am so nervous about catching a STD. This whole situation sucks, damned if I do damned if I don't and damned anywhere in between.

originally posted by: boymonkey74
My 2nd wife gave it to me I went mad.
Then I remembered I loved her and thought oh well.
I have only had one flare up when I was run down and didn't eat enough fruit.
Dude it ain't that bad go for it. If you don't you may regret it.

Yep...I realized I had herpes when my diet changed when Imoved to a different country. My GF and I were baffled because it came out of nowhere after of being together for a year. Researching the subject, I realize that I couldve contracted it years before. After a few outbreaks, I realized that I only got flare ups when I ate ALOT of a certain food (peanuts imported from China). After researching the subject, I now know its not a big deal. Most people who have sex have herpes, they just dont get flare ups. If you have a decent immune system and live a relatively healthy lifestyle, dont worry about it.

a reply to: bananashooter

...or you can hang around and catch HIV from the next one.
The fact she told you beforehand should speak volumes of her character.

originally posted by: bananashooter
a reply to: windword

You are probably right. I have screwed around with a lot of girls in the past and have not always been as safe as I could have been. I would always get tested after new partners. I guess I am also having some performance issues with the fact that I know she has herpes, I am having a hard time staying aroused because of the fact that I am so nervous about catching a STD. This whole situation sucks, damned if I do damned if I don't and damned anywhere in between.

Just be sure to NOT have sex during an outbreak, even with a condom, and you should be okay.

a reply to: TheLieWeLive

Yes she told me the story of how she got it. It was when she was about 18. And it was from oral sex, the guy had it on his mouth. She was married for the last 14 years and said she never passed it on to her ex husband. I know that if you get cold sores that it greatly reduces your chance of transmission but unfortunately I have never got a cold sore.

originally posted by: TheLieWeLive
a reply to: bananashooter

...or you can hang around and catch HIV from the next one.
The fact she told you beforehand should speak volumes of her character.

I thought the same thing, it showed a lot of character and integrity. I kinda think that its a lot harder for a guy to find a new partner with the herp than a girl, so if it doesn't work out its not like it will be as easy for me to find someone.