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Seems I'm a sucker for punishment

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posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:20 PM
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I tend to keep my personal life to myself but feel the need to share due to a lack of other outlets to do so.

So when I was in my early 20's I dated a girl for 3 years, we broke up but stayed friends. Her next boyfriend she stayed with for 14 years and had 3 kids with him. A year ago he dumped her and she moved back closer to home while he moved to another town a bit later on.

I never actually stopped loving her, probably why most of my subsequent relationships never seemed to work out. Anyway I kept all these feelings to myself, for 14 years! I even kept them to myself once she became single again, thinking she'd need time to sort out her life first..

In the last couple of weeks she has met some other guy who is obviously obsessed with her...get to that later, she also has decided to uproot herself and the kids to the town where he ex partner works, not to get back with him but so he can be closer to the kids and help her out.

This is when I decided to tell her how I felt, oh and I've just moved 2000km's away myself.

I don't really know why I timed it when I did, I guess it was all held in for so long and giving me serious anxiety issues that I just had to get it off my chest.

She doesn't see me in the way I see her she tells me, which is ok, at least I have a bit of closure and maybe try to move on.

Today I get a message from her new guy saying leave her alone and he starts threatening me, saying I'm lucky to be far away and all this crap.

I've given him a few choice words and told him to mind his own business, if she wants me to leave her alone then she'll tell me to.

I'm so pissed off right now, at myself mostly, but I want to squash this little clown like a bug!

I should never had said anything and just bottled it all up like usual.




posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:22 PM
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a reply to: Chadwickus

You should not crush the clown like a bug.
This is further along the way of not getting closure.

Take your big loss and know that's what it is.

I'm sorry man.

Your last sentence is dead wrong.


edit on 20-8-2015 by Reverbs because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:28 PM
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a reply to: Reverbs

It feels pretty wrong right now.

I've made her life just that little but more difficult now, with what I said but I had backed off until he interfered. How ever I look at it, I'm now the villain and will lose. Even before he pissed me off I was on a one way track to failure with this.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:32 PM
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a reply to: Chadwickus

Well, I mean how can you win?
I don't see that he is stopping you.
It's her you would have to win over, and you said she doesn't feel the same.
Unless you want to keep her as your friend?



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:33 PM
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a reply to: Chadwickus

Dude sounds like an over jealous douche.

Doesn't sound like your friend is on her way to a healthy relationship.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:36 PM
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a reply to: Reverbs

Exactly, there was zero benefit for anyone with me saying anything.

Yes I want to stay friends with her. He's jeopardized by interfering



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:38 PM
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a reply to: Chadwickus

oh well, damn my man..
You cannot be seen to be attacking this guy.
maybe lay low for a few days.
It sounds like he will make himself lose out on who must be a wonderful woman.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:41 PM
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originally posted by: Chadwickus
a reply to: Reverbs

Exactly, there was zero benefit for anyone with me saying anything.

Yes I want to stay friends with her. He's jeopardized by interfering

But she chose him, right?

So you're the one interfering, right now.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:51 PM
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a reply to: Chadwickus



I'm so pissed off right now, at myself mostly, but I want to squash this little clown like a bug!


Are you sure you're aiming your anger in the right direction ?

How did he find out about your private little confession to her ?

Sounds to me like somebody purposefully stirred the pot between you and him.

Believe it or not, some people's minds are so warped that they like to play the 'make-my-ex-jealous-so-they-want-me-back' infantile game card.


Just trying to give you some food for thought.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 09:53 PM
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originally posted by: Reverbs
a reply to: Chadwickus

oh well, damn my man..
You cannot be seen to be attacking this guy.
maybe lay low for a few days.
It sounds like he will make himself lose out on who must be a wonderful woman.


Listen to this brother.

" if you love it let it go, if it comes back it is yours".

I can promise you, with the scant details I have this far, let her go.

Do not under any circumstances bad mouth him to her.

It will turn her away from you and towards him.

If you want the opposite to happen, just sit back and be supporting of her, not necessarily the fact they are together, but support her, and watch this obviously over jealous douche bag sink like the Titanic.

ETA-especially an over jealous douche, in the same town as her ex.

He will cause problems with the ex, I will bet $20 right now.


edit on 20-8-2015 by johnwick because: (no reason given)

edit on 20-8-2015 by johnwick because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 10:00 PM
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He doesn't matter.
You do.

You did the right thing for you, be at peace with that.

You and she will sort yourselves out, together or not as is destined.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 10:04 PM
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a reply to: johnwick

Exactly - she has 3 kids with the ex and has moved so he can help be a parent. This will not end well. He will be so jealous of the time she will spend communicating. She has 3 living beings with the ex - this new guy will self destruct with the jealousy that will surely erupt.

And Chadwickus - you revealed your heart and now you can move on with your life knowing how she feels. It would have been worse not knowing and pining for her forever more and wondering what could have been.

And it can still happen once she sees how much more of a man you are compared to the new guy, as johnwick has pointed out so well.

Hang in there. You have to love yourself too and first before loving anyone else. This would not be possible if you were pining for something that isn't to be (which can still change because the future has not occurred yet).
edit on 20/8/15 by ccseagull because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 10:06 PM
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There are better ones out there, friend. Time to cash your chips.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 10:20 PM
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Stay away and live your life, if she is a true friend then you will be in each others lives in the futures.

Oh and be the bigger man, let that doush bag sink is own ship.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 10:39 PM
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a reply to: intrptr

She chose her family first actually.



posted on Aug, 20 2015 @ 11:08 PM
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a reply to: Chadwickus

BTW, if you are single and looking, I can help with that.

I made a thread about online dating a couple weeks ago, I just started it a few days before the thread.

In the couple of weeks since, I have not only met several very nice local ladies in small town Podunk indiana, but hopefully "the one".

If you are interested in testing the waters, just DL POF (plentyoffish).

I guarantee you you get a date within a couple of days.

Especially if in a city.

I'm in a town of barely over 10,000.

I got 5 potential dates in a couple days.

Dropped them all.... Long story.

Went on 3 dates in the next week.

Have 5 more lined up, but will likely only go on one, with the girl I met already.

If you work in public, it is perfect.

Ladies like options, especially, safe options.

Chat with them on POF, if you guys hit it off, just leave your number and a message like " we really seemed to hit it off, call or text me if you want".

They won't call but will text all but definitely.

At that point text about a day or two, then give them a perfectly safe option.

Like " I work at X ,give them your schedule and say something like " just stop by anytime I'm there, if you like what you see, say hi, if not just walk away, no worries for either of us. "

It has worked every time for me.

I have a lot more options than I would have thought in so small and town.

I am honestly picking and choosing.

I'm not looking for random sex, I am looking for the real deal.

So far out of about I would say 30 women, 6 were " carders".

" I just want to make sure your not a weirdo, I have a site for background checks, just need your name birthday social and credit card number "

Any variation on the above, just break contact, it is always a scam, ALWAYS!!!!!

Also avoid any woman that sends you "sexts" before you have at least gone on a date or a few ( this is relative to your experience on said date).

Just because you guys have sex on the first date is not necessarily a red flag.

Maybe she just really likes you as well, and nature happened.

You are a guy, you know what it is like when the right buttons get pushed.

Do not be jealous or judgmental if she is on POF while you guys are getting to know eachother.

Remember, you are both trying to find that one person that was molded just for you.

It is all trial and error.

But you WIll meet many nice woman.

If you have any questions about online dating just PM me.

The learning curve is crushingly steep.

I had no help or advice, only witts and intelligence to protect me.

Then I asked ATS and got some very good advice.

Good luck!!

Happy hunting!!
Don't forget you can PM me anytime.

I have learned much in a short time.
edit on 20-8-2015 by johnwick because: Mother #ing autocorrect, I hate you so much so often!!!!!



posted on Aug, 21 2015 @ 12:04 AM
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a reply to: Chadwickus

You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don't let what happened with this cause you to continue to bottle things up. That is not healthy.



posted on Aug, 21 2015 @ 12:13 AM
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a reply to: CranialSponge

This entered my mind and I stopped short of accusing her of doing it deliberately, but she must of said something to make him interfere..



posted on Aug, 21 2015 @ 01:16 AM
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Listen Bro, until you have had your beating heart ripped from your chest.

You wouldn't be able to appreciate the woman soon to enter your life.

I had a girlfriend tell me she needed some space.

The only space I was willing to give her...

Is the space between the arch of her back and the mattress.

Back to serious. Work on yourself. Love yourself. Quit looking.

You follow this old guys advice...you will never forget or replace this other chick.

3 Kids ARE YOU NUTS ?...No women on the Earth is worth that hornets nest.

Rule #1 kids would be fine, it's the Dad that hangs around makes it a no go.

Rule #2 do not have sex for the first three dates. Make out but no boiking. Trust me.

Rule# 3 (the most important) women want a man not a wimp. A strong, self confident man.

It took me 50 years to learn this guarded wisdom. May the Forcification be with you.



posted on Aug, 21 2015 @ 02:42 AM
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Man go get that bitch if you want her.

Call her tomorrow, say "hey, I want to go out with you and talk about this as friends". Thats your cover.

Get her ass out the house. See where her heads at. If those sparks are still there you'll see it. If not play your position. We're friends.

You don't need to talk back to her guy friend. But make sure he is a topic of conversation on the date. And bash him for being a douche on the phone with you and that he is controling. Because she had already controlled the situation. He does not trust her to deal with her own affairs.


Good luck.

If she does not go on the date. Her mind is made up. If you have to reschedule. Make sure its no more than a day.

She has 3 kids.. how much do you like her?

These are all questions that come to mind.



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