posted on Aug, 19 2015 @ 01:56 PM
a reply to: ladyvalkyrie
Yeah, but if people left you alone, you'd be standing there by yourself thinking, "What a bunch of callous jerks. No one is showing me an ounce of
You are right about that. I have a friend whose brother died of an overdose a few years ago, and he was understandably distraught over it. But he
behaved very nastily toward other people, lashing out instead of properly taking the time to deal with his loss and addressing the true object of his
anger: his brother. He was "irked" too, by kind people trying to comfort him and pay their respects. It got to the point where he would just snap on
people and become verbally abusive; "venomous" probably best describes his behavior.
The thing that would really set him off was if anyone said the words "I know how it feels". He would launch into a tirade, screaming that they
know how he felt, they had not lost a brother to addiction, on and on. And he was often correct about that...most hadn't. However,
they had lost brothers/sisters/parents/spouses to equally horrific and early demises, and that
was what they were trying to convey. They were
trying to comfort him, trying to tell him that they could relate to the level of pain he was feeling, because they, too, had lost someone who was
their entire world. But because they didn't phrase it the way he wanted, he used that as an excuse to mistreat them.
Eventually, he had no friends left...he had driven them all away with his horrid behavior. One night, he was whining to me about it, and I just
straight up told him, "dude, you refused to accept help and kindness when it was offered to you, and now you want to complain because people don't
want to be around someone who berated them for trying to help?" This is very much like that, to me. People place way too much importance on specific
words or gestures, and while they're so busy finding fault with something that was said, they're missing the actual message. If someone reaches out
to a grieving person, they are trying to help, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable to do so. Why would anyone nitpick about the words they use
to offer that comfort? It makes no sense to me.