Shut up, body! Just do what I friggin' tell you!

So, yesterday, in a drunken stupor, I volunteered, and paid, to register in a 5K fun run.

I am a fat person. (Not really, but fat enough.)

I am lazy. (When it comes to running for 5 kilometres.)

I am horribly out of shape. (Nothing I put in parentheses will negate this.)

This morning, I downloaded a Couch to 5K application on my phone, leashed up the highly energetic dog and started out. I planned to walk for a minute, jog for a minute, alternating for 20 minutes. The first bout of walking for one minute went great! After that was all downhill. Except it wasn't, it was uphill, technically.

First things first, I just couldn't get my body to...jog. It felt so lumbering and awkward. The dog had it down pat, though. That show off.
Then my brain kicked in. 'Oh my god, don't run by that yard sale! Don't run by your in-laws house! Don't run when cars are passing! You know what, B, just don't run."

I'd love to report that I got through these hurdles and triumphed, but, I didn't. I just walked for most of the 20 minutes, kicked my shoes off, and ate a cookie. To reward myself.

Does anyone else share this lazy mentality? How did you get over it? I all ready paid for the run. It isn't until September 26th; I know I could get there if I tried. Deep down I'm intelligent and driven, it's just that my legs don't have a brain, only my head does,

a reply to: Atsbhct

First things first, I just couldn't get my body to...jog. It felt so lumbering and awkward. The dog had it down pat, though. That show off.
Then my brain kicked in. 'Oh my god, don't run by that yard sale! Don't run by your in-laws house! Don't run when cars are passing! You know what, B, just don't run."

Sounds like you're a little insecure, you could try jogging at first light when the air is cool and fresh and nobody is around!

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

Despite being the most confident shy person I know, yes, insecurity is something I have to deal with. But mostly, the whole act of running feels uncomfortable and foreign.

a reply to: Atsbhct

Usually when I am in that space, I am injured. If you are not injured, I suggest you just push for a little more ground every day. There is nothing that says you have to RUN all of the 5K. The point is to finish and do better the next time -- if that's your goal. I'm getting close to 60. It's been my experience that that which you don't maintain, you sometimes loose. If you want to be able to walk and/or jog 5K, you have to work for it. Probably falls under the heading of "things that won't hurt you, and might help a hell of a lot."

Good luck!

a reply to: argentus

I like that saying "Things that won't hurt you, and might help a hell of a lot."

I also like your lizard. We have a bearded dragon who is as lazy as I am.

Your biggest hurtle will be mastering your breathing.

Matching your breathing to your pace is crucial to getting out of that awkward, lumbering stage.

If your huffing and puffing for air, then your pace is too fast at your current level of training. Breathing like that will also cause side stitches, as your body is out of sync and your guts are hammering your diaphragm.

DON'T over push yourself. Take your time and if it seems like your zombie walking to keep your pace and breathing in sync then so be it. Speed will come later, the longer you stay with it and are able to build stamina in your lungs.

~signed former Couch to 5K to eventually a half marathon novice runner.

a reply to: Atsbhct

It is just a few miles (1.6k per mile) so suck it up and walk it out.

a reply to: SgtHamsandwich

Thanks for the, what I'm sure will eventually be, genuinely helpful advice! I think for the next week or so I'll stick with a brisk walk each morning, since walking is a motion I've almost mastered.

I did find that when I was jogging, I couldn't focus enough on my breathing to feel like a normal human being with functioning lungs. I might have to get zen about my thinking.

P.S. I for got to mention HYDRATE. Very important to your muscles and how well they repair themselves after running and also in the build up of lactic acid that causes soreness. If you don't know how to properly hydrate, I suggest you google it and learn.

originally posted by: ChesterJohn
a reply to: Atsbhct

It is just a few miles (1.6k per mile) so suck it up and walk it out.

Statements (or jokes, maybe you're one of those people with a "sense of humour") are exactly the reason why I didn't bother ever with sports. Are you my high school gym teacher?

originally posted by: SgtHamsandwich
P.S. I for got to mention HYDRATE. Very important to your muscles and how well they repair themselves after running and also in the build up of lactic acid that causes soreness. If you don't know how to properly hydrate, I suggest you google it and learn.

I suppose considering last night was a drinking night, this morning I was in no way hydrated enough to attempt physical activity.

originally posted by: Atsbhct
a reply to: SgtHamsandwich

Thanks for the, what I'm sure will eventually be, genuinely helpful advice! I think for the next week or so I'll stick with a brisk walk each morning, since walking is a motion I've almost mastered.

I did find that when I was jogging, I couldn't focus enough on my breathing to feel like a normal human being with functioning lungs. I might have to get zen about my thinking.

The trick I used in the beginning to regulate my pace was breathing through my nose. If I could not do that, then I slowed myself down till I could then picked back up a bit.

You should eventually get to point where you can run and still be able to hold a conversation with someone if they were with you. That's when you know your on the right track and your doing things right.

originally posted by: Atsbhct

originally posted by: SgtHamsandwich
P.S. I for got to mention HYDRATE. Very important to your muscles and how well they repair themselves after running and also in the build up of lactic acid that causes soreness. If you don't know how to properly hydrate, I suggest you google it and learn.

I suppose considering last night was a drinking night, this morning I was in no way hydrated enough to attempt physical activity.

lol

a reply to: Atsbhct

Thanks! That's a wild iguana I photographed on Little Cayman.

I don't think you're necessarily lazy. You have a desire to do something. I think perhaps you just [currently] lack the energy and conditioning to do what you imagine. SgtHamsandwich has good advice. I would only add to that: Set a goal for yourself, a reasonable goal. Walk until you can walk your ass off. Try to find a cadence when you move toward jogging -- a cadence of breathing in conjunction with your movements. I used to hear a drumbeat in my head which corresponded to a mantra I'd picked up. Eventually you might move toward jogging a bit, walking a bit.

Worse case is you walk the 5K. Shoot for that first. JMHO. ;o)

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

Or go after sundown. Even though people will be driving by, they won't know who you are.

a reply to: ketsuko

I don't know about you, but in my small town, I can identify everyone by their backside, their front side or their ugly side.

originally posted by: Atsbhct

originally posted by: ChesterJohn
a reply to: Atsbhct

It is just a few miles (1.6k per mile) so suck it up and walk it out.

Statements (or jokes, maybe you're one of those people with a "sense of humour") are exactly the reason why I didn't bother ever with sports. Are you my high school gym teacher?

Look, there is no shame in walking.

My senior year, I won the National Gatorade Award for the best female track and field athlete in my state. That's a pretty big deal.

But guess what? I SUCKED at distance running. Could. Not. Do. It. That same year I won that award I did Cross Country in the fall for two reasons - the main reason was for training and conditioning for the spring season (yes, already; when you are being recruited by serious, big time colleges, you do that all year); the secondary reason was because if the Cross Country team didn't get a fifth person, they wouldn't be able to field a full team. Sucked to be them, they got me.

All throughout my career, I was lucky if I could get past a mile at a reasonable pace without sucking major wind and having to stop. I never did get through a whole cross country race without having to stop and walk. And I was one of the best, but not at that kind of running.

So look, if I couldn't get through the race when I was in shape without having to walk, why is there any shame in your being somewhat less than at your best and having to walk?

Short answer is there isn't. Just go out and have fun. You won't be the only person who has to walk.

a reply to: Atsbhct

I won't run if I'm being stalked by a bear.

I admire your spirit.

a reply to: ketsuko

There's no shame at all. As long as I'm walking towards a BBQ at the end, I'll get through it.

a reply to: Atsbhct

How did you get over it?

I always tell myself that if I quit,other people win.
Even if you come in last...never quit and stay the course.

Take a week and do as many free squats as you can,you will be sore as hell but it will help the legs.
Walk 2K and run 1k....rinse and repeat.
It might be a week of pain by doing this....but your body will be stronger.

Keep it in your head to not quit and get yourself motivated.
Your reward in the end is that you did it and never quit.....who cares if you come last?
The sense of accomplishment is amazing in the end.

Everytime someone quits...a kitten gets punched in the face.
Good luck.