posted on Jul, 29 2015 @ 05:44 PM
Crying and Trying
I am scared. I try so hard to fight it. The pain is overwhelming. Crying helps, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. Trying only does so
Physical and mental.
It never dissipates.
How do I overcome the constant barrage? Every day is a battle. It's not easy. Does praying to my higher power make it bearable? No. Do pain
pills or alcohol alleviate the distress? No. Does meditation free me from the fortress of solitude corrupted by the inability to overcome? No.
Then how do I manage to beat it, everyday? A simple reminder. The alternative is not much better. Could it be worse? Yes. Sure I am in pain and
it is unbearable, but it also, allows me to appreciate life.
I am thankful for the pain and the hurt and the mental anguish of coping. Thankful? How is that possible? If I wasn't feeling and dealing and
crying and trying, it would mean something entirely different has happened.
I speak and write often about spirituality and the soul and how the light is so important to me and the evolution of my eternal being, why would I
want to continue this journey when there is something better waiting?
Part of that evolutionary process is to be human and to feel emotions and to learn from choices, I want to continue until this journey takes another
path. How will I know it is time?
Whatever my destination is in my next incarnation, I want to get there when I am supposed to, I do not want a premature exit, I do not want to let
the curtain fall until the final act has been written.
When I am lying in bed crying, wondering how to keep trying, I only need to feel one emotion to get through the pain, the love I get from my spouse,
my soul mate, all it takes is for one touch and the hurt becomes more bearable.