It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

Can I dump my bullcrap here? Kudos to anyone who reads it, hope it didn't hurt.

page: 1
4
<<   2 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 01:31 PM
link   
So... Where do I start.
I'll give a short introduction, it's not my first post on this forum but just to show some manners.
I am a 26 year old guy named Matthias, I live in Belgium with my parents and my brother.
I have 2 dogs and a cat.
I spend my days playing video games and going to a psychiatric hospital where I recover from dr*g-induced psychosis that happened in the past. (Now I figure that this is where alot of people want to take a leaving, feel free to do so, I understand that with all the loony tunes on the interwebz it is hard to have yet another one lay down his conviction upon ye. However, since many of you seem so spiritually advanced, or atleast try to be or act as if they are (myself included) you should give me the benefit of the doubt, as you can't dismiss what I will say with 100% certainty, how most likely my visions were indeed delusions, nobody knows for a fact that some strange things are truly impossible.)

If you are going to attempt to read this wall of text that will most likely critical strike your retina and miliseconds later hold rampage throughout your brain, have a in the meanwhile, it's on the house.

I can asure you that what you are about to be witnessing is 100% fresh, man-made
. So I must warn you
if you cannot handle some weird guy's fantasies then please
right here and leave the thread for people who are actually interested. Ofcourse any criticism or questions are always welcome.

I have told this story before, but in a more unstable moment, I will now tell it again in the most comprehensive way I can. I'll try keep it short. Read with an open mind, if you will.

It al began when I turned 18... A few months later, I got a message from the agencies who provide people with work that I have to do some sort of course, to learn and find work.
Nothing wrong with that, the problem was, there were some pretty weird people there.
There was a guy, with his brother, who said his dad was part of the Hells Angels (HA's for future reference) and a girl who said her dad was an Ancient Belgian, suposedly they are 2 motorgang associations.
At first, nothing was wrong, I did what I had to do there, as did they... But as time passed, they began acting weird. Like saying stuff to eachother, infront of me, which I did not understand and then laugh about it and look at me weird. I felt at unease. I didn't know what they were talking about, but I felt it had something to do with me, considering the way they laughed and looked at me.

Anyways, to get right into the action. Everything was going fine, I didn't feel paranoid or anything, I just thought it was weird how they behaved, but I didn't really care at that time, however, when I went home in the evening and I went to my room to watch some TV something strange happened. I was watching National Geographic channel and suddenly an image of a demonlike face with big teeth like a wild animal appeared on the screen, just in a flash, but very noticable too.

Now.. What made that situation so strange was that the guy who said his dad was part of the HA's had the exact same image but then tattood on his arm.
Before I experienced this alarming situation I had asked him about it, he said it was a demon.
It looks similar like the Metallica demon face, with big teeth. Now that would make sense, you think, it's a tattoo that's related to Metallica, but even more strange was that the guy himself, had exact the same teeth, but then in real life. Wait, let me find you a photo:

i.ebayimg.com...=/z/cmIAAOSws65Tpr5C/$_35.JPG

Very specific about it was that he had 2 really large teeth and between them he had lots of smaller ones. It looked as if it were the teeth of a savage beast. Some beast not known to humankind.

Anyways, as you can guess, I started panicking and that is where I started to lose my mind.
The next day I had to go back to the course, I hadn't have slept all night, so scared.
Ofcourse they were again being very dubious and mysterious.
But even more strange things happened... The guy had a flashlight and was shining onto other peoples faces, but what happened was that everybody's eyes lit up like cats eyes. They reflected the light and he was purposedly shining onto their faces to make it noticable to me.
Another weird feat was that, when I was helping paint the walls or something, the music would be at a normal sound volume, but when I went to lay down in the couch the volume would rise really loud without anyone being near the radio.

Anyway, when the course ended, we had a day for celebration and everybodys parents were invited. The girl who said her father was an Ancient Belgian had her father there, but the thing is, he looked at me full of hate, but not your normal kinda "I'm so fking angry at you" look, but really a most intense "I hate you to death and could eat your intestines raw" look, I even think that a "normal" human being can't even look that angry at someone else. His face was icecold, but full of hatred. I'm sure some of you will relate this to the "Reptillian Stare". Well, even if you don't believe in such a thing, the look on his face was NOT normal and that is the main reason why I believe there was something more going on.

A few days later, I wake up and I feel a lump in my mouth, under my nose, like a ball inside my palate, I could feel it with my tongue and fingers.. But what terrified me since then on, was that everywhere I went, someone let of a cracker, a small explosive.. Everytime I arrived at a place, **boom**, and I see someone walking away down the street. I then made the association that the lump in my mouth was a small bomb placed in my head. Somehow connected to my body. I lived in great fear. Since then I couldn't sleep anymore and I couldn't eat either, it was not much longer I found my way to a psychiatric hospital where I have been given great dosages of calming medication... Eventually.. The lump was gone, one day after another... What was so special was that I always woke up with my sheets crosswards over me. As if someone readjusted the sheets in my sleep. When I woke up they always were lieing straight, impossible that I could have done such a thing in my sleep, because it was too straight.

Anyways, since that experience I had lost all my energy, I was a zombie, I had no emotions anymore, I could not laugh, I could not cry, I did not feel anything, I was drained from my energy, nothing interested me anymore, everything was boring, life was hell.
But then years later, I was at a party (open air) with alot of people there (whom I didn't know) and I suddenly got what I call the "Duality Insight".

I had a certain thought about good and evil and it was as if a curse was lifted from me, everyone around me was suddenly smiling gently at me, but really EVERYONE. It's hard NOT to notice when even all the pretty girls are smiling at you. And when I walked by some of the people, some of them said: Positive, huh? And another person said: "Do you still think the same as before?"

And it felt as complete unity with the universe, I never felt so good, most peacefull I have ever been and yet a sense of guilt, because I have always fought the "darkness" and did not recognize its good side.
And since that day I had my energy back, I could laugh again, I could cry again, I could enjoy music and play video games, I was myself again, ALIVE, more than ever. With a great sense of understanding. /Now I'm out of chars

edit on 26-7-2015 by DrumsRfun because: curcumventing the censors,edited out the swearing in title.




posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 01:40 PM
link   
Pretty sure you can't curse in the thread headline. You may want to change that before it gets deleted by mods.



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 01:55 PM
link   
a reply to: jtrenthacker

bullcrap

(just a joke)

Wasn't one of their major offerings actually called BS?



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 01:59 PM
link   
I wish you well and be safe



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 02:11 PM
link   
a reply to: Lux96

That is your typical psychotic episode.

You will never be able to make sense of them. Your whole perception was out of sync and experienced reality in a different way. The experience was as it was according to the way your brain received information from your senses and processed it. For you it was real, but not for anyone else.

I hope things are much better for you now. Have you visited Bruges lately? I have been there, up from France into Belgium that way. Very nice city is Bruges.

In my experience it is best to just accept what happened to you and not dwell on it too much. Concentrate on being well and make the best kind of life you can for yourself.



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 02:34 PM
link   
Go back to your Doctor Bro..

If you still have your medication take it right now.

If you are out of meds.....Take yourself to the nearest Emergency Room.

Best of Luck



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 02:38 PM
link   
a reply to: Lux96

I am glad you are doing better, I hope they don't have you take too many meds.
I think that if we are not afraid of losing this life so much we can have no fear and nothing negative that wants to affect us can.
Math 10:28 gives us freedom!


fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 03:39 PM
link   
Firstly, If you own firearms or other potentially lethal items, then please render them useless or get did of them with the authorities,

Secondly, go to the doctor and get treatment or take you prescribed medication only after completing the first thing.

Thirdly, after the first two items are completed, enjoy the ride and be a happy for the medicated trip; it will probably be more fun than the reality of things.



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 03:43 PM
link   
a reply to: Char-Lee
Your potential preying on the weak is not very cool at all with your attempt at religious pandering. I have included a proper therapy that will potentially help this poster regarding to Math 10:28 as shown below:

Math 10:28
edit on 26-7-2015 by notmyrealname because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 04:17 PM
link   
a reply to: notmyrealname

Lol, you have not read his thread properly. This stuff is not happening to him now. It happened to him when he was younger and he now goes to the hospital every day and is in good hands. You are jumping the gun. Read it properly then comment.

We have been gentle to him because that is the best way to deal with a guy who has just told us of a very personal experience. We offered him just a little company.

He is already in good care. He just wanted to get a crazy experience off his chest and see what a few members might think about his experience. It is not like the U.S in Belgium. It is not a culture of owning firearms like the U.S.



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 04:55 PM
link   

originally posted by: Revolution9
a reply to: notmyrealname

Lol, you have not read his thread properly. This stuff is not happening to him now. It happened to him when he was younger and he now goes to the hospital every day and is in good hands. You are jumping the gun. Read it properly then comment.

We have been gentle to him because that is the best way to deal with a guy who has just told us of a very personal experience. We offered him just a little company.

He is already in good care. He just wanted to get a crazy experience off his chest and see what a few members might think about his experience. It is not like the U.S in Belgium. It is not a culture of owning firearms like the U.S.




A very good post, thank you.



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 05:35 PM
link   

originally posted by: Revolution9
a reply to: notmyrealname



Lol, you have not read his thread properly. This stuff is not happening to him now. It happened to him when he was younger and he now goes to the hospital every day and is in good hands. You are jumping the gun. Read it properly then comment.

I guess I did not telepathically connect to the OP as I did not notice a timeline that related to when the psychotic break happened with regards to when he is posting now.

We have been gentle to him because that is the best way to deal with a guy who has just told us of a very personal experience. We offered him just a little company.

I thought my comments were gentle, as well as, logical. I am also offering him company if he so desires to communicate.

He is already in good care. He just wanted to get a crazy experience off his chest and see what a few members might think about his experience. It is not like the U.S in Belgium. It is not a culture of owning firearms like the U.S.

With regards to §belgium and their firearm ownership:

In a comparison of the number of privately owned guns in 178 countries, Belgium ranked at No. 39

as such, why is my logical and reasonable concern for the potential well being of innocent Belgian citizens unreasonable?



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 07:43 PM
link   

originally posted by: notmyrealname
a reply to: Char-Lee
Your potential preying on the weak is not very cool at all with your attempt at religious pandering. I have included a proper therapy that will potentially help this poster regarding to Math 10:28 as shown below:

Math 10:28


Maybe people are not as weak as some think. Preying lol!



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 07:44 PM
link   

originally posted by: notmyrealname
Firstly, If you own firearms or other potentially lethal items, then please render them useless or get did of them with the authorities,

Secondly, go to the doctor and get treatment or take you prescribed medication only after completing the first thing.

Thirdly, after the first two items are completed, enjoy the ride and be a happy for the medicated trip; it will probably be more fun than the reality of things.


You didn't read the OP clearly.



posted on Jul, 26 2015 @ 11:59 PM
link   

originally posted by: whyamIhere
Go back to your Doctor Bro..

If you still have your medication take it right now.

If you are out of meds.....Take yourself to the nearest Emergency Room.

Best of Luck



Is it a lack of reading comprehension---a lack of reading---or just the need to put down on someone?




I spend my days playing video games and going to a psychiatric hospital where I recover from dr*g-induced psychosis that happened in the past.


All of the psychiatric hospitals I know have doctors so your exhortation is completely off base and dismissive.



posted on Jul, 27 2015 @ 12:09 AM
link   
a reply to: notmyrealname

You've just proven to the world that you didn't read the entire post before your twitching fingers started typing!
The OP clearly stated his age now and how his sad experience began when he was 18. Didn't take any telepathic abilities at all to read what he has written had you taken the time and care to do.
And surprise---had you taken the care to read the actual post you would also have learned that your suggestion that he see a doctor is already a part of his life on a regular basis. In light of that, your suggestions seem silly at best and deeply condescending to a fellow who has just related a horrible experience in his past.



posted on Jul, 27 2015 @ 12:10 AM
link   
Hehe, thanks for the concerns guys but I am already doing very well, as said in the original post, I was 18 back then, I am 26 now, I have been taking medication for years, everything is going well, I am even going back to school now which is working out really well.

However, what does bother me is that the label "psychosis" can be used for practically everything. People used to think the earth was flat, then there was a guy who said the earth was round, in their eyes, he was psychotic.
And where do we draw the line? There are so many people believing in God, their belief make them act in a certain way, then are they psychotic? Just because it is culturally determined doesn't mean it isn't psychosis or vica versa. Especially vica versa.

And how do they treat psychosis? They give medication to "stabilize" your neurochemistry. Well, I've been taking those medications for years, I am stable, yet my beliefs are still there, I do not act upon them, if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know I have them, but I still think that way.. Am I psychotic?

The diagnose of psychosis is related to the PERCEPTION of other people's reality. Just because millions of people think left is the way to go doesn't make right a bad way.

Now, before you get me wrong, I realise there is indeed such a thing as psychosis, I believe everyone lives in 2 realitys, the reality of the mass and his own personal reality. When one only believes in his own reality and dismisses the culturally determined reality he becomes psychotic. The line would be in the question if the person does this voluntarily or is forced by certain situations.

When I was 18 I was forced to such situation, so to a certain degree I can accept the fact that it was a psychosis, even though I never really believed so.
But now I am wondering about it out of free will. I believe because I want to believe it. Does that make me psychotic?

It is a belief just like any other belief, if people can believe in God (invisible man with a beard) then I can believe in paranormal experiences.
Why is the latter forced into: "going to a dokter", "take your meds", "please remove yourself from guns are any other sharp objects".

Now.. The way I see it. We have all been conditioned to think that the latter is something dangerous for yourself and others around you, something to be shunned and avoided at all costs, even though they are just people like you and me and much like ourselves they have their own perception of reality.
I agree that, when going into this matter to far and "losing yourself" is a realistic situation and should be treaded with care, if you are stable and know what you are doing and perhaps even talking to a doctor about it then it should be accepted by others as just another way of thinking.

I just think the stigma around this subject should be a thing of the past. If even more open-minded people can't accept such "non-sense" and are compulsed to go answer in a steriotypic fashion à la "take your meds, boy" then it's kinda logical that such "delusional" persons will never fit in society because everyone keeps circlejerking, especially! without having the full knowledge of what is LIFE?

Answer me: Do you know for a fact that there are no aliens, demons, ghosts, whatever?
Do you know for a fact that these things CANNOT excist?

Our lives are filled with assumptions and theories and people let them imprison themselves, willingly.
I sleep good at night, because I know as much as people would like to prove me wrong, they can't, just as much I can't prove I am right and the only excuse they have for feeling better is: The burden of proof, which in itself is just a theory for people that like to critize everything without needing to come up with stonehard evidence that their perception is the right one, just so they can sleep at night. No offence ofcourse.



posted on Jul, 27 2015 @ 12:13 AM
link   
a reply to: Lux96
Thank you for a very thoughtful and stirring post. That must have been a very difficult time.
To hear that you were able to recover is uplifting. Best of luck and keep smiling!




posted on Jul, 27 2015 @ 12:17 AM
link   

originally posted by: diggindirt
a reply to: Lux96
Thank you for a very thoughtful and stirring post. That must have been a very difficult time.
To hear that you were able to recover is uplifting. Best of luck and keep smiling!



Well if you read carefully, the WAY I recovered was remarkable too, I wasn't exactly doing anything to improve my life at the time, I just had a certain insight in duality which was an amazing experience in itself and from one day to the next day I was alive again. I had my feelings and my energy back, which allowed me to take my life back into my own hands and AFTER that experience, I let myself be administered to a psychiatric hospital.

Thanks alot.
Pretty weird stuff, but just what I needed in this life.
edit on 27-7-2015 by Lux96 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 27 2015 @ 12:27 AM
link   
a reply to: Lux96
Indeed! A remarkable recovery all around. And from that experience you've gained insights that a great many of us will leave this earth never having experienced. But as you said, it was just what you needed.
That last line reminded me very much of a very wise friend who has since passed out of our realm. Even today I can hear him saying, "Be thoughtful when asking for favors, you may get what you need rather than what you want.



new topics

top topics



 
4
<<   2 >>

log in

join