posted on Dec, 28 2004 @ 10:35 PM
OKAY, i think I'm going to look like the first jerk on this thread, but no, I don't always cry. Sometimes, I feel nothing at all.
We spend our whole lives watching morbid movies and telling ourselves "dont be scared, its just a movie, dont cry, none of its real" and then the
one day when a catastrophe actually strikes, i think i revert back to being 6 year old girl watching an R rated horror flick...dont worry little
girl...none of its real....
but then there's always one thing, one sound, one face that changes my entire perception. i was unfeeling towards 911 until we watched a documentary
at school. it was taken of the firemen inside the lobby of the first tower immediately after it had been hit. they were scurrying about, looking at
blueprints, trying to discover how to get people out.
then suddenly, outside you heard a crash, then silence. every single firefighter raised their head towards the windows and the lobby stood still.
soon, the crashes repeated themselves every 10 or 15 seconds.
it wasn't debris anymore. the crashees were the sounds made of people jumping from the upper stories.
at this i broke down.
the tsunami footage outraged me, mostly because of anderson cooper being a jerk off, saying things like "this footage is incredible. you almost have
to watch it over and over and over again to truly understand what youre seeing." i saw the tape once and said "yep, thats a giant tidal wave."
then i saw in the background of a shot, a small child standing alone while people were running about after the wave had stopped. this i cannot
so as you see, until something hits me that i can fell, that i can understand, no i cannot cry.
until i recognize something that i have not already told myself "dont worry, this isnt real"...until reality breaks through the barriers of my
protected vision...it is not until then when i can cry.
until i haven't already seen it on the silver screen.