a reply to: ashflash
I'm strong, but the one in whom I place my trust and faith is even stronger and is always there for me because my faith is at a point where it is
there, as opposed to flickering in and out of existence. If that makes any sense. The God I believe in is strong enough to protect me, I just have to
want the help and protection. Sometimes for reasons I don't even know, I choose to give in to despair for a bit, a momentary lapse of thought and
common sense is what it is. Or a temporary forgetting to call upon the resources at my disposal.
It always comes down to choice and believing I have a choice. And having the will to see how great life can be if I make the right choices. When I was
suffering the other day, I made the right choice and stayed away from the alcohol and called on someone who loves me and I also said a prayer for
myself. In time, when C progresses in her break from addiction, this will be something she can do, too, like second nature. But every day it boils
down to choosing.
I am so happy to hear that C recently made these brave strides in progress. That is an incredible show of strength to do that in this early stage of
breaking the hold addiction has had on her. Remarkable. Keep at it, C!
Thank you for saying I'm strong. I'm happy to be strong. But you and C must know I was not always strong. Oh no. Things could have turned out so
differently for me at so very many critical junctures in my life. There were times I was a completely rotten person and had pretty messed up values.
The only thing I had going for me was a modicum of intelligence and an on again-off again (from my side of it) relationship with God. My mom was
always yelling at me to exercise my common sense, if I had any. So, I did reject making a lot of potentially devastating mistakes because I
recognized they weren't going to get me an outcome I'd benefit from.
At any rate, I got strong and stubborn surviving one test or trial or problem after another since I was about 2 years old. I had a rather challenging
childhood in a bad neighborhood. And like so many other parents around me at the time, my parents were very troubled people. But I'm certain I chose
them before I incarnated because we all grew together so beautifully over the years. I've made them be better people and they had good points and bad
points as parents that all in the very big picture over the course of my entire lifetime to date, have made me a person I can now be proud of when I
look in the mirror.
Some things I went through with them broke me down for a time, made me weaker. That's when, over time and under the advice of different friends over
the years, I learned it was possible to borrow the strength from caring and concerned friends, my husband and his family, from my doctor that I have
now, from God, from pets even.
Strength is a kind of energy like love. It's meant to flow to where it is needed. You just have to be open to receiving it and later, when you can
generate your own strength, you determinedly call it up and even share it. Maybe in this case strength and love are the same thing. I know when I and
my own daughter pray for you and C, we both feel a lot of love and good wishes and strength and determination flowing out of us. We trust God to
direct this to where it needs to be.
By the way I hope I am not making anyone else or you uncomfortable referencing my Christian beliefs and using Christian terms. I have been atheist and
I have studied and followed other faith systems for a time, so I know it can possibly make others uncomfortable or annoyed to have one particular
belief system referenced over and over again. I do apologize if that is the case. I know and respect we are all on different paths and would never
wish to push my path off on others. But I can only speak from the perspective I know. And this one is based in Christianity.
But I do think all the love expressed in this thread is as valid as mine. So many people on this forum have such a wealth of diverse experiences and
spiritual paths to draw from and to offer you. It's so nice to see the support you've gotten on this thread. You and C deserve it.
If there's one thing I hope C gets out of this post, it's that she understands we ALL are very slow moving works in process. Few people are exactly
who and what they want to be right away. Maybe she thinks her siblings are so blessed. But I guarantee that they go through their own struggles that
nobody knows about. Every day they are confronted with choices that could serve them well or ill. Nobody gets a free ride. Those who think they do
will be surprised to find that on a cosmic scale, they didn't amount to as much as they thought they did. Think of the kinds of people who are the
robber barons of our time. How deep is their peace and joy, really, when their ease and prosperity comes from the exploitation of others? Where is
their personal growth?
C is taking her first steps on a better path. C, at this early point, is it hard to see the big picture and see how all the jagged pieces of your
life could possibly ever come together? If it is, I assure you that time and time again, all of us who fight to persevere finally make it to a point,
a plateau where we can look back and reflect on how it all was working to come together.
And we get this epiphany that as hard and horrid as some or most of it was, we wouldn't change a thing and risk not becoming the person that surviving
those trials and errors made us. And risk missing out on the true rewards such survival brings. Oh and sometimes there are many plateaus, like steps.
You do get to see your progress over time, when you reach these plateaus. It's not one perpetual blind uphill slog. It just feels that way sometimes,
especially when we are at the start of learning the next big thing we need to learn to progress to being the person we want to be.
Also don't forget, even in these hard times, to see the blessings that are ever present and give thanks for them no matter how small. Think of life
as like panning for gold. Every day there's a lot of dirt to sift through. But there's going to be the little gold nuggets, too, which will be a joy
to find if we acknowledge them. Don't discard their significance because, added up, someday you will get a nice gold ring out of it.
Lol, okay now I really need to go because that analogy was really goofy, even by my standards. I think we can safely deduce that I don't make my
living as a writer!
Laughs and hugs to you both! --Sheep