posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 03:42 AM
a reply to:
reldra
it all started when i relapsed and started being all eating disordered again ( imo triggered by some weird experiences that I've had a somewhat
difficult time dealing with--I won't bore you with the details but I've gone into the whole schpeel on some of my other threads on ATS) besides that,
i have anxiety and panic disorder (since early childhood) because I'm pretty sensitive and I can be somewhat of a perfectionist I suppose--but that's
just in my nature so I've learned to deal with that mess pretty well. So I don't think that it's just the anxiety.
What I'm hoping is that it's just some weird side-effect of having an eating disorder again. Then again, it could also be a not-so-weird one,
too--lol--could be because I'm hungry (
).
I'm planning on finally making that call to my therapist to start seeing him again within the next couple of weeks. But I want to figure out what's
going on with surgery that I'm going to be having due to a torn ligament in my (totally unstable) ankle (injured about 7 years ago while compulsively
over-exercising) due to repeated sprains. I had an MRI last week and yeah...I'm feeling like a big idiot--having done this to myself and all >_<
I also need to get my grass in gear for school and finish up what I need to do to so I can start again in the fall (it's crazy i'm procrastinating
because i've been offered this super-amazing wonderful deal at a private university where I can literally get my whole thing paid for by the school
thanks to my wonderful friend in admissions who thinks I'm a perfect fit for the school). My fiance says that he thinks I'm just afraid of it actually
happening--the thing I've been wishing so fervently for ever since I had to withdraw from Loyola due to my eating disorder back in '09: going back to
school at a good school that I actually want to go to and am excited to be able to attend. I think he might be right. But I still don't understand why
that would make me hesitate. Especially when all I want to do is to stop hesitating! lol the tangled webs we weave~
a reply to:
ignorant_ape
I guess it could definitely be worse
One way or another, I know that I'll do what needs doing--I needed to vent, though :X
edit on 21-7-2015 by rukia because: (no reason
given)
--
Another thing is that my mom blames me for her getting cancer (she is doing much better now--almost done with radiation and then just hormone therapy
but they caught it very early and she's going to be okay) and also blames me for having an eating disorder. Even though I know that these two things
aren't true--I still feel guilty like maybe they are true.
edit on 21-7-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)
edit on
21-7-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)