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posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 03:17 AM
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Why do I feel this awful apprehension whenever I attempt to do something that needs doing, lately??

I am an ENTJ--this isn't normal for me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep avoiding responsibility. I hate myself for it. But I always seem to find time to put it off. Maybe I'm afraid. Honestly I don't even care about the reason behind why I'm behaving so abhorrently (even though I already think that I have a pretty good inclination as to why )--I just want it to stop and I want to feel like myself again. Sometimes I feel as though I can't even think straight due to this constant feeling of being too keyed up and anxious over nothing and everything at the same time.

I am very distraught. I want to fix this. I keep trying to fix this. Sometimes I feel better--and of course I know that it's not always going to be like this. But I'm sick of it. Enough is enough already.

I feel like a complete and utter fool.

I don't know what it's going to take to give me that kick in the grass that I so desperately need right now.




posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 03:26 AM
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Sorry, in retrospect I don't want to contribute.


edit on 21-7-2015 by Revolution9 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 03:28 AM
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a reply to: rukia It can be depression, anxiety, a combination of the 2 either temporary or more long term.

Don't feel like a fool. You should talk to your doctor. I wouldn't recommend jumping on being medicated right away, but therapy can be done without medication. You can try yoga, deep breathing exercises, meditation. I like listening to dreamingwithjeff.com for either sleep or meditation.

This happens to everyone at one time or another. It is serious if it persists more than 6 months.

You will find a way to feel better.




posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 03:29 AM
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a reply to: rukia

if - like me - you had no idea what an " entj " was - to save you googling it too :

its a personality profile

wikki primer

thaving got that out the way - my advice OP :

just get on with it



posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 03:42 AM
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a reply to: reldra

it all started when i relapsed and started being all eating disordered again ( imo triggered by some weird experiences that I've had a somewhat difficult time dealing with--I won't bore you with the details but I've gone into the whole schpeel on some of my other threads on ATS) besides that, i have anxiety and panic disorder (since early childhood) because I'm pretty sensitive and I can be somewhat of a perfectionist I suppose--but that's just in my nature so I've learned to deal with that mess pretty well. So I don't think that it's just the anxiety.

What I'm hoping is that it's just some weird side-effect of having an eating disorder again. Then again, it could also be a not-so-weird one, too--lol--could be because I'm hungry (
).

I'm planning on finally making that call to my therapist to start seeing him again within the next couple of weeks. But I want to figure out what's going on with surgery that I'm going to be having due to a torn ligament in my (totally unstable) ankle (injured about 7 years ago while compulsively over-exercising) due to repeated sprains. I had an MRI last week and yeah...I'm feeling like a big idiot--having done this to myself and all >_<

I also need to get my grass in gear for school and finish up what I need to do to so I can start again in the fall (it's crazy i'm procrastinating because i've been offered this super-amazing wonderful deal at a private university where I can literally get my whole thing paid for by the school thanks to my wonderful friend in admissions who thinks I'm a perfect fit for the school). My fiance says that he thinks I'm just afraid of it actually happening--the thing I've been wishing so fervently for ever since I had to withdraw from Loyola due to my eating disorder back in '09: going back to school at a good school that I actually want to go to and am excited to be able to attend. I think he might be right. But I still don't understand why that would make me hesitate. Especially when all I want to do is to stop hesitating! lol the tangled webs we weave~

a reply to: ignorant_ape


I guess it could definitely be worse


One way or another, I know that I'll do what needs doing--I needed to vent, though :X

edit on 21-7-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)


--

Another thing is that my mom blames me for her getting cancer (she is doing much better now--almost done with radiation and then just hormone therapy but they caught it very early and she's going to be okay) and also blames me for having an eating disorder. Even though I know that these two things aren't true--I still feel guilty like maybe they are true.
edit on 21-7-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)

edit on 21-7-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 04:13 AM
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a reply to: rukia

Sorry, in retrospect, I don't want to share this so have removed.
edit on 21-7-2015 by Revolution9 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 05:12 AM
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a reply to: rukia

Having a certain personality type and knowing what it is, won't help you when your neurochemical balance is off, which it certainly seems to be.

Go out into the sunshine, have a tall, cool glass of something refreshing and fruit based. Nourish yourself, food, drink, sex, music, have a bit of it all.

Try again tomorrow!



posted on Jul, 21 2015 @ 07:32 AM
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i got a sprain once fighting trolls with a keyboard!




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