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Tell me what matters to you

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posted on Jul, 22 2015 @ 10:56 PM
a reply to: DontTreadOnMe
Thanks, DTOM.
No replacing either of them just isn't possible. Putting them both down, just like nursing them through sickness was one thing, but this dealing with them not being here now, is a whole other thing….

I friggin hate it. My corgi dog is sleeping by Bill's food bowl, and looking for him all day long. These next days are the hardest part. I can't even imagine trying to replace either of them, or what Boudreaux, the Corgi dog, would accept in their place….for there is no taking their place. They were individuals, loved and accepted and appreciated everyday for who they were….

Would that we all experience that appreciation for our lives….

A friend of mine wants to get me a new dog. I cautioned him against it. One of the most painful things I've dealt with, as we all do, is watching the life of a loved animal/person, and their suffering, and not being able to fix or help what's ailing them. I don't want to go through that again any time soon.

Thanks for your contributions and understanding here.

posted on Jul, 23 2015 @ 10:47 AM
Hi tetra50,

I have Sonja and I had Tyson.

Here they are, Tyson on the left side of the couch

I feel the need to share what happened after my Boy Tyson passed in Dec. 2012, I have shared this once or twice in other threads and I really feel this another place it needs to be shared.

Tyson died in my arms at around 1 pm on Sunday 2nd December 2012, He was only 6 and a half years old.

I let him out at around 11am and went back to bed, I woke up just before 1pm and went outside to see what he is up to.

He was laying at the back of house half way across the concrete walking path and half on the grass.

I ask him if he is conformable where he is and go to help him get up to lay on the grass as at times he struggled to get up due to having surgery on his crucial ligament (his knee) a bit over a year ago before his passing.

As soon as helped him up I realized something was very wrong, he started to get really limp and within moments what looked like water just started rushing out of his nose and he just died, there in my arms.

He weighed 66 kg so I couldn't lift him to get him into my car and take him the animal hospital I have near by,

I ran inside and rang my mother who lives near by (all of this why sobbing like baby) and said I need help, Tyson just died.

What seemed like a few moments, My mother arrived and said my sister was on her way as well (coincidentally she was coming over for some reason or another) with Mums help we got Tyson in the car using a large towel as stretcher to hold him, he was lifeless.

After collapsing once or twice as I thought I couldn't handle what was happening I gathered my strength just as my sister arrived and she got in the car with me and took tyson to the hospital hoping they could revive him, my mother followed us in her car.

We get to the hospital and the nurses and a vet come out to help get him on proper stretcher with the vet saying he was dead, there were no signs of life in him.

They took him in and double checked, he was dead.

Its hard even now to retell this story, it takes me back to probably the most traumatic experience in my adult life, its coming to 3 years and I still shed tears thinking about the moment, I struggle when I see animals die in peoples arms in movies.

Anyway, moving on

My sister, came over everyday for 2 - 3 weeks so we could grieve, deal the loss together.

Towards the end of December she stopped coming over and I didn't see my sister for about 2-3 weeks,

During that time something changed in me.

I was always a believer in higher power, a heaven, a spiritual realm yet my mind lost the ability to believe in that which I had proven to myself by my experiences of past.

It was fact for me, about the spiritual realm of things, the existence of A God or the God and a heaven/after life.

But like I said I lost those facts/beliefs and started to believe in a very materialistic way, we were alive and when we die, we die. there is nothing afterwords, our bodies just decay and thats that.

I was unable to control any issues that brought forth anger in me, where as for a week after Tyson dies I thought all the anger I have ever had was taken with Tyson when he passed. (there is really too much to the whole story to get into here, so I will break it down just to give you what I feel is important for you to hear/read)

This change (change in my belief) happened when I started getting back to work after the Christmas holidays,

coming into the 3rd week of not seeing my sister and having this feeling of not believing in something I have pretty much my whole life, I felt I couldn't go on and look after Sonja anymore, I felt so lost.

I guess I wanted to push Sonja away so could continue into a path of darkness that would have taken me as well,

I waited a few days until I realized I cant do this, I need my sister to take Sonja as I just cant care for her,

I had much guilt, a whole hell of a lot of guilt for Tysons passing, due to seem things I said to him in anger due to me having other issues in life at the time.

When it all became to heavy for me burden, I called my sister in the morning after not seeing or speaking with her for about 3 weeks and started to rant and rave about How she needs to come and pick up Sonja as I am no good for her and I cannot look after her I don't believe in anything anymore, there is no point to anything.

Half way through my ranting she tells me to shut up and listen as something important has happened last night when she was asleep and that she was just about ring me because she was concerned,

I asked what she meant, she just replied with 'I am coming over as I need to tell you something.'

She gets to my place,

she tells me Tyson came to her in her dream, she was in a field or something like that and Tyson comes to her,

He nudges her to look in a certain direction and it was me and Sonja in the distance,

I looked Lost and helpless.

As soon as my sister saying all this everything I had lost concerning my beliefs all came flooding back into me and the emotions I felt in that moment made be burst out in tears.

It was happiness/grief/love/relief, I felt like I could see after being blinded for a period of time.

It was another experience that to me personally proved there is something higher up so to speak, a place we go to after death of our bodies here in this physical realm.

Not sure If you have heard of the Rainbow bridge poem

here is a link

I tear up every time I read this,

Its tears of joy because it sooo much is reprasentive of what I believe,

Tears of sorrow that I will experience Sonja's passing and then tears of joy again because I know we all cross the bridge together.

So many tears even now writing this post,

Tears shed for your loss, tears for remembering the moments Tyson passed.

There is greater purpose for everything,

I think that is what we realize after we pass from here and go into there where ever there is.

I believe its place called heaven and it has no opposite.

Much love to you,

Take care of yourself,

Trust me, It took me two years after Tyson passed to change my habits which I believed contributed to the pain and suffering I was going through.

I still miss him but have moved on to better myself, better my life and Sonja's life which in turn will benefit all those around me including myself.

posted on Jul, 23 2015 @ 01:01 PM
a reply to: InhaleExhale
Dear InhaleExhale: Thank you so very much for taking the time to share your story on this thread, and personally, with me. Though I can tangibly feel your sorrow over Tyson, I can also feel the hope represented, here. And it comes at a time when I need this, for even before I lost these dogs, for quite some time, I have been in a dark place of losing faith, as you describe. The dogs and caring for them, was something that kept me connected with a life force, higher power, through this time. This was tested, as well, but my love for living things, and the importance of ameliorating suffering in any way possible came through that test, ultimately.

Nevertheless, the last ten years have been an extreme challenge for me. And now, I feel a lot like you describe about my Corgi dog, Boudreaux.

I don't have any answers, right now. But I know that writing here, receiving the caring, concern and reading the personal stories of people and their pets, their love for them, and how it's illuminated their lives and what's most important to them, has been a great solace to me. I am eternally grateful to all who have read about my dogs, and responded, here.

Thank you so much for the picture of your dogs, and the authentic outstretched hand you have reached out to me. And the poem, and caring, in general.

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