Two Questions for Transgender people

a reply to: TrappedPrincess



Do dooo do dooo. I'm really not worried about that sort of thing. I think the majority of trans* people are very understanding and respectful of others.

I think people are getting the idea that I'm against transgender people. I'm not at all, I think they're incredibly brave and have been instrumental in getting the world to be more accepting. The Stonewall riots really saw a societal shift and were instrumental in getting us where we are today. I don't begrudge anyone who goes through the surgery and the hormones, and the sideways looks and nasty comments. No one would just choose that, it's pretty clear to me that it's a very powerful feeling of disconnect between the body and the mind and I can't imagine how hard it is to come to terms with that while also being treated poorly by society.

That being said, I think it's important to inform a potential partner and let them make the decision. It's difficult to verbalize my feelings because really there aren't many good comparisons.

originally posted by: Domo1
a reply to: Kojiro

Bacon huh? Wow... these metaphors are getting really... terrible.

Bacon. It was the first thing that sprung to mind, don't read so much into it. We can change that to alcohol if you want.

Nevertheless, if it concerns you that much, stop having one-night stands.

I don't and this isn't just about me. It's about the vast majority of people that would be upset if they slept with someone who was transgender without being informed beforehand.

There's nothing morally wrong about a woman or a man who had been born with different genitalia trying to lead a normal life and not broadcasting to the world that they were born as the opposite sex.

I agree until it starts affecting other people. You're rights ending where mine begin and whatnot. No scarlet letters, just tell people before you have sex with them.

Transgendered people shouldn't have to wear Jade's "scarlet letter T" just to pander to your sexual insecurities.

You seem to be confusing insecurity with preference. It is my preference not to have sex with a transgender woman. I don't think it would make me less of a man, or give me the gay, or be morally objectionable. It's just my preference. Are you going to tell a gay guy he's sexually insecure if he doesn't want to sleep with a woman?

You know I heard one time that if an unknowing man did in fact unwittingly sleep with a Trans-woman after midnight he would turn into a gremlin. So I don't blame you for your fears, you should probably wait at least 3 years into a relationship before asking for a kiss just to be safe and sure. Better safe than sorry.

I really do agree with you about disclosure too by the way in all seriousness.

a reply to: Domo1

As I've stated before, you wouldn't really be able to tell the difference between a post-op transgendered woman and a natal woman. The changes that take place are really remarkable and are a testament to how our bodies are just machines powered by chemistry. If she doesn't say anything, and no one else ever says anything, you would never know.

And frankly, the gay man sleeping with a woman comparison doesn't work, because transgendered people are not the sex they were assigned with at birth. The whole transitioning issue is seen as correcting a birth defect. We are who we are in our minds, through and through.

Would you be bothered if the woman was born intersexed (improperly called hermaphrodites by the ignorant) and transitioned to be fully female?

It is indeed insecurity that's driving you, because somewhere in the back of your mind you're going "ew, she used to have a penis" and that's what's causing you to fail to see a woman for a woman. Regardless of the deformities she had at birth.

a reply to: Kojiro

If it looks like the formation of a long, steady relationship, it should be divulged.

How do you figure it should only be discussed if the relationship is getting serious? I thought the whole point you were trying to make is that there is no difference so you never have to say anything. Is it only because it might be found out and you realize not everyone would be into that? Or is it because of the potential to have children? This isn't like a hysterectomy.

a reply to: Domo1

It's because I believe that romantic partners shouldn't have any secrets between them, so that they know, for certain, if their love truly is... genuine.

OOH OOH we could solve this issue with like surrogate robots from the movie Surrogates. Would you be upset if your surrogate was intimate with a Trans gender surrogate? Hmmm?

a reply to: Domo1

originally posted by: Kojiro
a reply to: Domo1

It's because I believe that romantic partners shouldn't have any secrets between them, so that they know, for certain, if their love truly is... genuine.

It is truly sad that so many people limit were they can find love and respect because of fear.

a reply to: TrappedPrincess

So I don't blame you for your fears, you should probably wait at least 3 years into a relationship before asking for a kiss just to be safe and sure. Better safe than sorry.

What kind of hussy do you think I am? Only three years!? I'm less worried about turning into a gremlin than I am about the neighbors gossip if I'm ever so cavalier sexually to sleep with someone before I've been married 10 years for the sole purpose of procreation.

I really do agree with you about disclosure too by the way in all seriousness.

Well I'm glad. I would think that if you were transgender you wouldn't want to sleep with or be in a relationship with someone who had a problem with it in the first place.

a reply to: TrappedPrincess

You've been looking at my Google history haven't you?

originally posted by: Domo1
a reply to: Kojiro

Here's the truth, Domo, Interupt: There's no way you'd be able to tell most post-op transwomen from genetic females if you picked them up in a club and had sex with them.

Yeah, that's the problem. I don't want to have sex with someone who was born with a penis and had it surgically reconstructed into a vagina. That's not to say I have a problem with people who don't care, or trans* people that get the surgery, just have a problem with not being told if I were in that situation.

This is the last I will post on this.

If you are a guy who is sexually prolific, frequently picking up girls for one night stands in clubs which are frequented mostly by young people every other night in most large cities there is a fairly high non-zero chance that you may have already slept with one of us. And there will probably be more of us in the future.

So the wise decision might be to take things slower and get to know your sex partner instead of being like a little boy in a candy store. Or if nearly anonymous sex is something you're into then accept the risk that the great sex you just had might have been with a woman born differently.

In other words don't be so promiscuous.

Your problem is yours in that regardless of my birth certificate, drivers license, brain scan and HEART indicating that I and other young women like me are female you would not accept us as women.

My hope is that guys like you eventually go the way of the dinosaur through better education and In some places like my city they already are.

While it is a small sample size the two guys I referred to earlier didn't have an issue with me when I told them. They were typical 20 something straight guys from Seattle. It would not shock me if the majority of guys that age here would have no problem with me. People are pretty chill sbout that issue here.

I think it varies by where we live but I can see why some girls like me here wouldn't feel the need to tell a one night stand their backstory.

And don't make this about morality either. Plenty of guys who find abortion morally wrong and objectionable don't feel every woman they want to bed down with should disclose whether they ever had an abortion.

Your problem is your own sexual insecurity because it wouldn't matter otherwise.

Guys like you who ignorantly still do not understand or recognize that women like me are women have a problem which you need to solve through education.

To force us all to wear a scarlet letter "T" for casual sex because of your insecurity is pushing your internal issues off on the poor girl you picked up.

You can justify your feelings all you want but it all boils down to you denying me and other girls like me our feminity because of ignorance.

In the interest of denying ignorance I had to point out the core of your issue is based on ignorance.

I have a wonderful boyfriend and am in a long term relationship with him going back to high school but if I had to date again I'd disclose before a guy like you even so much as kissed me because it would honestly be your loss if my backstory made you all squeamish.

I know that for every one of you there would be another man who is sexually secure and have no issues with me at all.

What we seem to be trending towards is a spectrum of gender expression and sexual preference. Some want to be referred to as "he" or "she", others prefer a "they." Some like guys or girls or both, some don't care about a transition, others do. In that model of expression I feel like the goal should be to respect EVERYONE'S preferences.

What is the best way to get there?

a reply to: JadeStar

I would hope there would be respect and not a "them and us", this subject is for some people very very hard and perhaps impossible for them to understand. There comes a point where its pointless talking to them any more the subject is just too taboo for them. As I said before if I can find true love and respect then a persons bits and pieces are not so important, nor skin colour or which country they come from.

originally posted by: solarjetman
What we seem to be trending towards is a spectrum of gender expression and sexual preference. Some want to be referred to as "he" or "she", others prefer a "they." Some like guys or girls or both, some don't care about a transition, others do. In that model of expression I feel like the goal should be to respect EVERYONE'S preferences.

What is the best way to get there?

If you find the answer to that you have found the answer to the question of a better world

a reply to: solarjetman

Education. Obviously. People need to learn about and understand these issues.

originally posted by: TrappedPrincess
I would offer some personal insight on the matter but I'm not a "real enough" woman and my in between status would obviously disgust you as you stated. I will say this though I have learned to be better woman just by observing how some of these so called natural born ladies behave. Picture any of the housewives of whatever. I also heard someone say once that "Trans women try harder at being sexy and feminine than genetic females these days and I AGREE with that. Look around at some of the "real women" you see walking around and be honest, are they even trying anymore?

After reading back over this I felt compelled to clarify that I meant that I learned how not to act, example the housewives. I despise those harpies and feel they disgrace themselves and their gender.

I applaud anyone who stays true to themselves no matter what.

However, why the hate towards "real woman"? It seems to me that you are obviously insecure about something.

a reply to: JadeStar

You just became a more amazing girl

Thank you for sharing your story !!

originally posted by: JadeStar


Your problem is yours in that regardless of my birth certificate, drivers license, brain scan and HEART indicating that I and other young women like me are female you would not accept us as women.

My hope is that guys like you eventually go the way of the dinosaur through better education and In some places like my city they already are.

You're awesome, and I wish you all the best.

As we say in New Zealand: Kia kaha e hoa

BlackMetalMist,

You know what I don't care anymore your right, I'm so insecure. You have shamed me into leaving even though I don't understand how you think I hate woman other than the aforementioned housewives whom I do despise the majority of them.

And yes Jade is such a lovely person and we should all applaud her for sharing her experiences here.

Well, humanizing the issues instead of whatever vague thing the media tends to make this would CERTAINLY be helpful. I absolutely calmed down after reading the other thread that was pointed out earlier in this one.

I just don't think education will change people's sexual preferences, however. Rather than dismissing your point about guys like me being sexually insecure, I would like to hear you out on where you're going with that.

Like I mentioned earlier, most dude friends will never kiss each other after a few drinks, whereas (SOME) straight women happen to do that. I'm not trying to compare that to kissing a trans woman at ALL, I'm just saying there might be something to what you're saying about sexual insecurity...

originally posted by: TrappedPrincess

originally posted by: blackmetalmist

originally posted by: TrappedPrincess
I would offer some personal insight on the matter but I'm not a "real enough" woman and my in between status would obviously disgust you as you stated. I will say this though I have learned to be better woman just by observing how some of these so called natural born ladies behave. Picture any of the housewives of whatever. I also heard someone say once that "Trans women try harder at being sexy and feminine than genetic females these days and I AGREE with that. Look around at some of the "real women" you see walking around and be honest, are they even trying anymore?

After reading back over this I felt compelled to clarify that I meant that I learned how not to act, example the housewives. I despise those harpies and feel they disgrace themselves and their gender.

I applaud anyone who stays true to themselves no matter what.

However, why the hate towards "real woman"? It seems to me that you are obviously insecure about something.

Have you seen any of those shows those people are just crappy human beings forget gender for a moment and be real. I'm not insecure, would like a photo to prove it?

There are crappy human beings anywhere, but that is not the point. Your comment was directed towards women of today and saying that we don't "try" anymore? What's your definition of trying? I don't need a photo to prove anything. Beauty comes in different shapes and form among women. Whether you were born a female or not.

Don't knock us down.