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So me and my Dad do not get on.

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posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:07 PM
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This is not normally the kind of thing I would talk about here but yet again my brother has contacted me to say he does not have that long left.

I know that he will soon be dead and that there are those that wish I would see him before he goes but I just don't want to.

I must explain that this man was never nasty to me in a physical sense but I could never live up to his expectations and we parted ways around seven years ago.


After a good few years I find myself in the position where I am bieng forced into making ammends with a man that I have issues with not just on a personal level but one of morals.

I feel bad for my brother because I honestly feel if he were to die then I would accept this but others would be upset at both his passing and my attitude towards this?




posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:12 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

For what it's worth

Things happened the way they did and couldn't have happened any other way.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:17 PM
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originally posted by: nonspecific
This is not normally the kind of thing I would talk about here but yet again my brother has contacted me to say he does not have that long left.

I know that he will soon be dead and that there are those that wish I would see him before he goes but I just don't want to.

I must explain that this man was never nasty to me in a physical sense but I could never live up to his expectations and we parted ways around seven years ago.


After a good few years I find myself in the position where I am bieng forced into making ammends with a man that I have issues with not just on a personal level but one of morals.

I feel bad for my brother because I honestly feel if he were to die then I would accept this but others would be upset at both his passing and my attitude towards this?


just to throw a different perspective for you if you have a son or daughter would you want them to have the attitude you have right now towards you as you were in your position now with your father
edit on 4-7-2015 by AK907ICECOLD because: (no reason given)

edit on 4-7-2015 by AK907ICECOLD because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:17 PM
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Is is your father or your brother that's passing?

Either way, it really is about them at this point. You don't need to make any amends .

But it would be a kindness to acknowlege him and say good bye, you wouldn't have had life without him.

Let him say what he wants to, you don't have to agree or forgive or forget, just offer some of your time and presence.

It's a simple kindness nothing more.

Ultimately you will feel better for it - another chance isn't coming.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:19 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

I am pretty similar with my own family. It would not really bother me all that much if they were to pass away as I am just so disconnected from them.

Nevertheless, If one of them requested I visit them as a sort of "last request" type thing. I think I could overcome any previous hardship to grant them one of their last wishes.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:19 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

Well that's something I would meet up and talk about. With beer.
edit on 4 7 2015 by Kester because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:24 PM
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I'm in a similar situation. Dad's not doing well. We NEVER got along, hell, I hated him into my 30's. Since then there's been a "detente". I'll be going. For ME, not him. It makes sense to use the opportunity that ain't coming again. This makes sense:




posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:26 PM
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a reply to: FyreByrd

It is my Father and thank you for your kind words, you talk sense.

The issue that I think I have is that I have no feelings on the issue?

My brother will feel the loss and sees the sadness in my fathers eyes but due to circumstances I do not feel the same.

In my my mind he died years ago and although I feel the need to join in the truth is I no longer have any real emotion about this.

I am now expected to feel some sense of grief that is simply not there.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:32 PM
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originally posted by: intrepid
I'm in a similar situation. Dad's not doing well. We NEVER got along, hell, I hated him into my 30's. Since then there's been a "detente". I'll be going. For ME, not him. It makes sense to use the opportunity that ain't coming again. This makes sense:



Thats interesting.

I have often disagreed with your opinions.

The song put up there is one of my favorite songs especially when drunk and everyone always says there is something in that and I will always argue the fact.

There is truth in this song and your opiion.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:39 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

I have the same problem, except his idea of corporal punishment was bit extreme when I was a kid. It was a different time. See him, make amends, forgive but don't forget. We all grow different ways, I wanted to be a better person than my father, at least in attitude so when he developed PRP and cancer, I researched the problem. Then he got it in his blood and liver. Finally he got in his lungs, so I made him something to give him a chance because even though he was a prick to me, he is still my father and I wanted him to have quality of life as he made his exit.

We all make mistakes and stumble through life doing hopefully the best we can. Make amends, it's easier to regret doing something right than to regret a missed opportunity.

Cheers - Dave



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:40 PM
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My advice, as you are asking because you've posted your predicament...

In my experience the onset of the end of life brings a kind of reckoning, both for the dying and for those left behind. You need to make sure that you are a part of that for good, or ill. Once it has passed, it has passed.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:41 PM
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a reply to: bobs_uruncle

Seems like a lot of us have this problem.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:42 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific


I will tell you something it might not sink in right now. But no matter what the differences are between you and your father when he is gone you will regret it . You will also regret never having seen him one last time .

I can't speak from personal experience here. But I watched a friend of mine. He came from a wealthy family he was a complete mamas boy. Him and his father never got along after teenage years . His mother passed and I attended the funeral and looked over him for a while he handled it really well .


His father passed after he had not spoken to him for four years . He went to the funeral and lost it he was beset with regret over his small mindedness on his opinions.

He said to me once he was amazed that when the woman that nurtured him and comforted him and helped him all through his life pasted he was able to accept it .

But when his father which he felt animosity for pasted all he could feel was guilt on his part.

That is some sound advice my friend. If you still aren't sure I suggest using the rationalization to yourself that you are doing it for your brother's sake .

edit on 4-7-2015 by Greathouse because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:44 PM
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edit on 7/4/2015 by Klassified because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:45 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

You cannot force yourself to feel what you do not. I suspect, however, that you may feel quite a few things after your father passes. The young child who desperately wanted his father's approval and never got it is walled up inside and trapped, but that doesn't mean he's not there, still hurt and crying, wondering why he could never live up to impossible expectations.

If you let that child out to grow up and understand that your father most likely had mental issues and you are worthy, simply by being, and you find it in your heart to accept (notice I didn't say forgive) his many failings of the heart, you will experience healing and will be able to go forward, without worrying about what your family thinks.

If you simply ignore it all and pretend you have no feelings whatsoever, after your father dies, you will experience things coming up from the subconscious that will disturb you...a lot. But it is your choice. To let go of the pain of a dysfunctional childhood is incredibly freeing. To ignore it and be stubborn is to carry that heavy weight for the rest of your life.

Just a little advice from somebody who's been there and done that.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:48 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

I understand what you're saying, I've been through the same thing in a sense. I mean I've never really gotten on with my Dad, I've never been the son that he wanted when it comes to what he expected, such as a huge football fan like his other sons, I'm not a manly man as in tough and "hard" like the others and have a very strained relationship with him but saying that, even if we haven't talked for years and I find out he is on his death bed or heading that way I'd still go, just because I'd never forgive myself for not going.

I would understand if he abused you in a physical sense that would make you not want to go but just not going would be a mistake that you'll regret for the rest of YOUR life. My advice is to go if anything, just for your own peace of mind. You never know there might be a reason, I remember watching a documentary a few years back where a father seemingly hated his son but it turned out that his father saw the face of HIS own father, who was a horrible person, every time he looked at him and it made the relationship hard.

So yh, trust me, go even if its to stop yourself from regretting it.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 06:59 PM
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It's not really surprising that many of us are going through this. Just the math alone. With age infringing on the older generation(40's, 50's kids) and we are 60's or 70's kids, that was a HUGE societal difference.



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 07:02 PM
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I love my Dad..

but he is the biggesr jackass Crown Royal drinking douche on Earth....

he continues being so well into his 70s...you are right and shouldn't feel bad...in fact he should feel bad and apologize to you before he dies to save you the pain you will otherwise live with.

a reply to: nonspecific



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 07:07 PM
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originally posted by: BlueJacket
I love my Dad..

but he is the biggesr jackass Crown Royal drinking douche on Earth....

he continues being so well into his 70s...you are right and shouldn't feel bad...in fact he should feel bad and apologize to you before he dies to save you the pain you will otherwise live with.

a reply to: nonspecific



I agree.

I love my dad but there is also the issue of many hundreds of thousands of pounds in this.

I want no part in the arguments as to this and do not wish to seem as if I do?



posted on Jul, 4 2015 @ 07:10 PM
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originally posted by: intrepid
It's not really surprising that many of us are going through this. Just the math alone. With age infringing on the older generation(40's, 50's kids) and we are 60's or 70's kids, that was a HUGE societal difference.

My greatest worry in this is that I will become my own father.

If my son felt this way about me I would be destroyed.




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