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Can any of you remember when you chose your sexual orientation?

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posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 10:49 AM
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a reply to: Ghost147

I didn't choose my sexual preferences, what i will say is ....... being forced to wear girls clothes (once) at age 8 by my farther affected me for pretty much my whole life, at first (at 8) i was pretty upset that he did that, then, through tears, i saw something un-natural, my legs sticking out of a hem. I still wear womens clothes to this day .... 40+ years on.

Had he have not done that all those years ago, would i not be attracted to womens clothes? 100% heterosexual btw, just saying, the actions of some may affect the outcome of others. Cest la Vie




posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 11:05 AM
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originally posted by: reldra
a reply to: nerbot As for me. But the OP asked about 'when you chose.' If you did not have to choose, there was no choice.



eg: NATURAL = no choice necessary.

So my answer to the OP's question is "never".

Simple question, simple answer.

I'm sure others would entertain your obtrusivity but it's hot, the barbecue is going and I have beer so not today thanks.

Cheers.
Cheers.



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 11:08 AM
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originally posted by: corblimeyguvnor
a reply to: Ghost147

I didn't choose my sexual preferences, what i will say is ....... being forced to wear girls clothes (once) at age 8 by my farther affected me for pretty much my whole life, at first (at 8) i was pretty upset that he did that, then, through tears, i saw something un-natural, my legs sticking out of a hem. I still wear womens clothes to this day .... 40+ years on.

Had he have not done that all those years ago, would i not be attracted to womens clothes? 100% heterosexual btw, just saying, the actions of some may affect the outcome of others. Cest la Vie


Interesting....your post only leaves hints as to your genda.

I'm sure you look nice whatever you wear.



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 11:33 AM
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I've always been attracted to females.
Preferably blonde haired and chav-like.

...although if I found myself in a world where women did not exist then I would adapt accordingly.
A mouth is a mouth.
...all the concern about gender/sexuality on ATS makes me chuckle, why the # does anyone care who #s who?



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 12:27 PM
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I've always been attracted to females. Always.

I mean, after all in kindergarten I asked my best friend to be my girlfriend...25 cent candy ring from the vending machine and all.

We'd sit in the cement tunnel (above ground, painted cement irrigation tube) and hold hands and talk about cartoons and candy. lol.


While I can appreciate a good looking male, I am in no way attracted to him beyond just being a friend, just like any other man.

Have never had a fantasy or thoughts on being intimate with another male, they just don't 'do it' for me.



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 01:58 PM
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a reply to: Ghost147

....deep breath...
Ok, here goes nothing.

I made many choices regarding sexuality during my formative years in a time long past.

My first choice was that I was Heterosexual. With every fiber of my being, I had to be. Everyone else was. The last thing I wanted was to be different; yet, from the first, I knew that different was exactly what I was.

I feel it important to point out that this was the early 70s in a small town in the NE US. We had never even heard of Homosexuality. There were a few jokes about queers and fairies; yet we really didn't know what that meant. Just simply a derogatory statement for someone who was... uh.... different. We even had a joke(?) that a homo was a person who was half man and half woman who hung out beside the railroad tracks. Seriously. That should put into perspective what we knew about the subject. So when I say I chose Heterosexuality it really wasn't framed in that way in my mind. I desperately wanted to share the drives and attractions that were the norm among my peers.

I had a girlfriend and, in a respect, a boyfriend. I loved both of them insofar as being very good friends. We had great times together doing all the things that friends do as teenagers.

I had sex with my girlfriend twice over the course of three years, and both times I had to be so drunk that I didn't know what I was doing. Those were the most uncomfortable situations of my life. The second time I lost all function, which only added embarrassment into the mix; but I had to do it. She wanted it and society demanded it.

With the boy it was a completely different ball of wax. It felt right, natural if you will, to me anyway. We had many such liaisons, too numerous to remember. I tried to resist; yet the drive was always there, in my mind and in my body, pushing me toward him and away from her. There was no relationship status with him, and we never discussed what we were doing. It just seemed to happen whenever we were alone together.

So from that I had made two choices: Sex with her and sex with him. Yet with her it was a duty; with him, passion.

Afterward, in both situations, there was guilt. Oh, yes, the guilt. Guilt that I was failing my family, my friends, myself, and at that time, God. What felt right was wrong and what felt wrong was supposedly right. It ate at me constantly, gnawing away insidiously in my gut and in my mind. I couldn't escape the guilt nor could I control the thoughts and drives that kept reenforcing the disgust I felt for myself. There was no one to talk to, no where to turn. I was on my own.

Then came the confrontation. To this day my palms still sweat and I get cramps in my stomach from the memory. She couldn't understand why I didn't act like a guy. I was supposed to be sex crazy, always wanting it, needing it. So, naturally, she took it very personally. Tears, accusations, questions I had no answer for. That was it for our relationship. The end. Except for....... the guilt. A new guilt on top of the rest. I had hurt someone that I cared about. I didn't know what to say, what to do. What was wrong with me? Why did God do this to me?

I then made another choice, related; yet not directly. I chose to take my life. I just couldn't do it anymore.
My parents were away; my sister at University, so I was home alone. I took a handful of pills, some prescription, some OTC. I then laid down and let them do the job.

I remember feeling really odd, my body tingling and burning, my stomach roiling and cramping, my heart pounding and my head spinning. I vaguely remember panicking, thinking I had made yet another mistake, but i was too far gone to do anything. Then there were these blindingly bright lights...... and that is all that I remember. Two days later, I woke up, sicker than I have ever been before or after. My parents came home that evening and my Mom nursed me back to health, never the wiser to what I had attempted. It was, after all, just the flu.

It was during that recovery that I made my final choice as to my sexuality, and that was that I would live my life as it best served me to be. It wasn't as cut and dried as that; actually wasn't really a conscious choice at all. More so a sense of resignation coupled with a form of determination to live as it seemed I was intended to live. I couldn't stop my feelings or my drives, nor could I control or direct them. I was being forced to find a way to live within the parameters of how my life was playing out. Now, forty years later, that is exactly what I have done. I have never flaunted my sexuality; never demanded anyone change themselves in any way for me. I simply wanted to live my life with the man that I fell in love with (who has since passed). That I did do; however my life and myself have been devastatingly and irrevocably marred by a society that violently despised and was vocally opposed to my mere existence.

In the hours that it has taken to write this post, I have discovered that i have made yet another choice regarding my sexuality; again not conscious, but more so an adjustment to circumstances. I have past my midlife change in hormones, so sex has become more a distant memory instead of a driving need. I have no partner and the three people who mean the world to me are women. I have become a hermit and an introvert, and as much as I would like to have someone to snuggle up to and be intimate with; it just isn't as important now as it used to be. Even with being young by some perspectives, I feel very old, very tired, and very hard. I'm just waiting for my time to run out naturally, and to move on to my next great adventure, if that is indeed what awaits after death. I spend most of my time perusing the internet and wandering aimlessly through my mind in search of that elusive something that keeps beckoning me to it; yet never deciding to reveal itself. But that is a topic for anther day.

ETA:
My apologies for the long post. It did, however, feel good to let that out. Thank you to the OP for the thread and allowing me to participate.

I now return to observation mode.



edit on 6/28/2015 by Lakotas because: ETA

edit on 6/28/2015 by Lakotas because: Wording



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 02:32 PM
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originally posted by: reldra

originally posted by: boymonkey74
a reply to: ConfederateZombie

The thing it is not a choice for pedophiles either thats the whole point of the thread no one chooses.

www.nytimes.com...

It is wrong to act on feelings of pedophilia and while not socially acceptable at all I do agree that we should support them to take therapy to contain their feelings BUT to equate this to homosexuality is dishonest because homosexuals give consent to be together and do not harm anyone.

So again it is not a choice.

In the case of pedophilia, it is a mental disorder though, even if not a choice. confederatezombie is focusing on it a wee bit too much and it;s OT.


Actually, that is not totally the case. Pedophilia, in many cases is just as much of a sexual orientation than Heterosexuality and Homosexuality. It can of course start later in life from a disturbing event (such as being molested), but that would then make it a Paraphilia, or even some kind of post-traumatic stress issue (or otherwise).

Nevertheless many people are simply born Pedophiles without any ill-gotten childhood experiences. There's a researcher who is desperately trying to enlighten the scientific community on that matter as we speak and have it changed from the common conception of "Mental Disorder" to a fully fledged state of Sexual Orientation.



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 02:44 PM
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originally posted by: Spader
Absolutely. I was in the 3rd grade. I remember looking at the bra section in the big ole Sears catalogue and remember definitely liking what I saw. That was also the year of my first crush. A little red haired girl in my class. (I'm a guy) I have never, ever, not liked a person based on their sexual orientation.

I am in no way saying that we are born into being our sexual orientation. That's just how it went for me. Who am I to say how a person decides to live their life?


Not to be rude, but wouldn't that be more of a "discovery" of your sexual orientation than an conscious choice to be attracted to the opposite gender?


originally posted by: OccamsRazor04

originally posted by: Ghost147

originally posted by: OccamsRazor04
Mecanophilia is also not a conscious choice. It does not mean that a person is born sexually attracted to cars. Or are you claiming a man born in 1509 was born with a sexual attraction to a 1960 Ford Mustang that was not even invented yet?

Man who gets aroused seeing a shoe?


Paraphilias and Sexualities, although similar in many respects, are not the same thing. Paraphilias, like fetishes, can begin after birth.

You mean like sexual orientation? The evidence you gave to show their differences are actually similarities.


No, sexual orientation is based on neurological and biological properties that form during gestation. Therefore Sexual Orientation is not something that can begin after birth.



originally posted by: ketsuko
Hmmm, I see most are saying it was when they realized they were attracted to the opposite sex.

But for me, it was when a friend hit on me. That's when I knew I wasn't attracted to women. Until then, I didn't know.


So then you also came to a realization, rather than made a choice?


originally posted by: corblimeyguvnor
a reply to: Ghost147

I didn't choose my sexual preferences, what i will say is ....... being forced to wear girls clothes (once) at age 8 by my farther affected me for pretty much my whole life, at first (at 8) i was pretty upset that he did that, then, through tears, i saw something un-natural, my legs sticking out of a hem. I still wear womens clothes to this day .... 40+ years on.

Had he have not done that all those years ago, would i not be attracted to womens clothes? 100% heterosexual btw, just saying, the actions of some may affect the outcome of others. Cest la Vie


I'm sorry he put you through that.

Nevertheless your case would be that of a fetish, which most definitely occurs through environmental factors and experiences. Your sexual orientation - being that of a heterosexual - is the intrinsic part of you

Thank you very much for sharing



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 02:49 PM
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a reply to: Lakotas

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. I think your words will help open the eyes to a lot of people within this thread



posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 03:14 PM
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posted on Jun, 28 2015 @ 03:19 PM
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a reply to: Ghost147

If I had a choice, I'd have chosen gay.

I'd have had one helluva lot more cazh sex than I've had...



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 02:15 AM
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originally posted by: Ghost147

Actually, that is not totally the case. Pedophilia, in many cases is just as much of a sexual orientation than Heterosexuality and Homosexuality. It can of course start later in life from a disturbing event (such as being molested), but that would then make it a Paraphilia, or even some kind of post-traumatic stress issue (or otherwise).

Nevertheless many people are simply born Pedophiles without any ill-gotten childhood experiences. There's a researcher who is desperately trying to enlighten the scientific community on that matter as we speak and have it changed from the common conception of "Mental Disorder" to a fully fledged state of Sexual Orientation.


Paedophilia is still categorized as a psychosexual disorder in the category of paraphilia by the DSM 2013 (Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Diseases), by the WHO 2014,etc.

I agree as paedophilia is a crime that targets and hurts the most innocent of creatures: children. And I also agree they should be treated as criminals if they act upon their preferences, because they can choose whether to follow their urges or to have self control and respect the vulnerability of those underage. If they have the urge and they don't act on it, it is not a crime, they need help. If they hurt children I have no sympathy at all, we are meant to protect kids... and we can stop our sexual urges..... imagine if I have to jump on a guy everytime I think one is dishy!!! hahaha

Homosexuality is not an illness because it happens between two consenting adults, this is completely different.



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 03:04 AM
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originally posted by: Ghost147
No, sexual orientation is based on neurological and biological properties that form during gestation. Therefore Sexual Orientation is not something that can begin after birth.

Nice opinion, not a fact. There is certain a biological/genetic component, but there is also unquestionably a social component. There is also the fact that biological differences aside from genetic differences are NOT set at birth. The brain changes drastically during your life. Biological differences between gay/straight brains in no way at all indicate differences set at birth.

I have known several women in MA who decided men were no longer worth their effort and they chose to be gay. They were in their 20's and 30's mostly.

I work with a girl who just recently decided to be with women after finding out her Fiancee was cheating on her.

My ex gf had zero interest in women at all and had zero attraction to them. Her friend told her she should try it. She was drunk, her friend talked her into it, we did a 3some, she went from the idea disgusting her to very much liking it overnight, literally. In the course of 1 night she went from the idea of kissing a girl making her want to vomit to being very excited by it.

I don't care about your opinions, there is literally zero fact in them. Sexual attraction is VERY much influenced well after birth, and that is a fact. Anyone who debates that is a complete fool.

www.huffingtonpost.com...



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 03:08 AM
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a reply to: Agartha


DSM 2013 (Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Diseases), by the WHO 2014,etc.


DSM is published by the American Psychiatric Association. ICD is published by the WHO.



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 03:22 AM
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originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: Ghost147

If I had a choice, I'd have chosen gay.

I'd have had one helluva lot more cazh sex than I've had...

Crazy sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 03:37 AM
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originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: Agartha


DSM 2013 (Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Diseases), by the WHO 2014,etc.


DSM is published by the American Psychiatric Association. ICD is published by the WHO.


Yep, I was trying to say that it is still recognized as a mental disorder by many organizations.



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 08:52 AM
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a reply to: Agartha

Yes, I understand. I brought it up because there are a number of researchers now that are trying to get it reclassified due to the outstanding number of traits which are identical to the other sexual orientations and sexualities.



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 09:49 AM
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Interesting to hear the responses of Women. I know of quite a few who are married, have kids, and you would assume, very straight and narrow, but enjoy other women as well. And for some reason, I seem to accept that as normal, but a man doing the same thing is not normal. Could be too much porn, I don't know. I may have messed up going to dual screens.

It almost seems society in general has the same outlook. Or is it me?



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 10:33 AM
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a reply to: network dude

Well "normalcy" is a bit of a vague term.

~Normal for society? ---- Depends on which society you are in
~Normal for statistical values? ---- Depends on which statistical research you're referring to
~Normal for biological variation? ---- Absolutely normal


edit on 29/6/15 by Ghost147 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 29 2015 @ 12:59 PM
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a reply to: Ghost147

Sorry, If you ever hear me refer to "normal", it's the version in my head. I was told a long time ago "normal" is just a setting on the dryer.
edit on 29-6-2015 by network dude because: bad spler



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