I cannot get "angry" anymore. I think I might be broken?

originally posted by: KnightLight
a reply to: nonspecific

haha, I thought that's how you meant.
I wasn't really directing it at you.

I thought thats what you thought I meant.

I think...

i don't think you're broken. I think that people just act like they act. Right now, its just how you are.

If you don't like it, change it. If you are happy, then accept it.

But FWIW, i think you are probably alright. And if you have any belief in karma, you will continue to be alright.

nvm

haha.

originally posted by: nonspecific

originally posted by: kaylaluv
I don't know if you took being a good person too far or not, but it sounds like something Jesus would have done, so you're only broken if you think Jesus was broken.

I am not religious in anyway but do like the idea.

But in all fairness if you belive the stories then Jesus did the right thing and they nailed him to a cross and watched him die.

Yes, they did. Because if everyone followed the way He taught, there would be no more power for individuals, no more need for it. He threatened some very powerful people with His teachings.

But I know what you mean. I don't have much energy to waste on getting angry over everything. I do get angry here and there, but it's always fleeting, more like a vague annoyance than true anger.

a reply to: nonspecific

i onlyhave spare tools, toaster and a washing machine lol

You have very admirable traits

a reply to: nonspecific

ok this thread is a very touching story. Does the person know you feel this way about them? I understand it can go bad. some people abuse selflessness. but what you wrote is really nice. I would end it with a statement of disappointment in what they did. I know my words don't make ur situation better or worse. is just to add what is on my mind. hence sorry I am mixing my thoughts in this. will stop now.



"" The preson in question is young and has a pretty awul life in truth. Two terrible useless parents, I have known them since they were about 8 years old. Bounced from pillar to post, in and out of care because parents are too lazy, drug issues ect.

So yes they steal to survive and I do mean survive we are talking about someone who at 15 was living on the streets.

It is hard when you see someone who used to ask you if they could have a drink please put in this situation, someone who is actually a good and caring person having to do this kind of thing simply to survive because the people that should be there to guide them are too self centred to care. And no I cannot afford for them to keep stealing from me but also do not want to live with the thought that because of me they went to prison and will never be able to get ahead in life because of it. ""

I didn't read the whole thread, I apologize. I'm on my phone which makes it difficult.

Though for some, this sort of behavior/state of mind is considered "enlightened" or otherwise desireable ethical behavior,
I tend to see it more as a problem - as much an imbalance as egotism is, on the other side. It's a lack of sufficient ego.

When I was little, I lived in a violent atmosphere at home, where beatings were irrational and unpredictable, and the whole family often ended up in the ER.... everyone crying, someone with broken bones or stitches.

Probably just as a way of learning to predict when violence loomed ahead, I made the connection between my mothers internal states and emotions, and the outbreaks. Before I was seven years old, I had mapped out her perceptions, her beliefs, her feelings, and knew when to hide the siblings and play rodeo clown, or retreat to my fort in a nearby field, or hide the dangerous objects she could use to kill herself.

Because of this coping mechanism, I also became terribly aware of her suffering, and how the pain she caused others was only a shadow of what she suffered inside. I was filled with compassion, and that is what made me lie to babysitters that would question me about my injuries and bruises - my mom was not evil, she was hurting. I still had hope for her to get out of it (and eventually, she did!).
I never felt angry.

The problem, as I see it, is that this became a behavioral pattern for me for most of my life. I can't help seeing the psychological mechanisms at work in others, and accepting all kinds of behaviors, even if they hurt me. I have lots of compassion, but on the other hand, I allow myself to be abused, stepped on, walked on.

As people observe this happening, more treat me the same way, as they have no respect for me then. I remain in the same role, no matter where I go.

Where I had to really make changes is when I became a mother. A child cannot feel safe if they watch their mother being walked on by everyone else! -And they shouldn't, it isn't safe. I had to put into action some of my own ego and selfishness to install borders of my own.

That is where I formed my idea of what real compassion is- it isn't in the action you take- whether you say yes or no, whether you fight back or remain on the ground. It is the understanding you have within for the other, while you do whatever is necessary and rational. You refuse to take the blows, and grab that fist as it comes down , looking them in the eye and proclaiming, "You will not hit me. I will not let you."

Because also, when people lose control, they feel ten times worse later, if they have hurt others around them. In protecting yourself, you limit some of their suffering in the future too.

When I started to wake up to the fact that I needed to develop some different habits and protect myself, I had dreams which made me realize that I had anger all that time, it just was repressed! Because I had no where to direct it - nothing was anyone's fault, no one was to blame, there was no where to project the normal surges of self preservation, so they sunk into my subconscious almost immediately.
-Where they manifested themselves in self sabotaging and self destructive ways.

The ideal of a saintly martyr, taking abuse with forgiveness, has a way of keeping someone in that position over and over.
If you look at oppressed peoples, who just seem to have terrible luck, being targetted over and over through time, it seems illogical.
But maybe it isn't. It is an unending cycle you get caught up in, and don't even know you are playing a part in re-creating.

(consider the experiences of the jews, the christians, and the blacks....)