I didn't read the whole thread, I apologize. I'm on my phone which makes it difficult.
Though for some, this sort of behavior/state of mind is considered "enlightened" or otherwise desireable ethical behavior,
I tend to see it more as a problem - as much an imbalance as egotism is, on the other side. It's a lack of sufficient ego.
When I was little, I lived in a violent atmosphere at home, where beatings were irrational and unpredictable, and the whole family often ended up in
the ER.... everyone crying, someone with broken bones or stitches.
Probably just as a way of learning to predict when violence loomed ahead, I made the connection between my mothers internal states and emotions, and
the outbreaks. Before I was seven years old, I had mapped out her perceptions, her beliefs, her feelings, and knew when to hide the siblings and play
rodeo clown, or retreat to my fort in a nearby field, or hide the dangerous objects she could use to kill herself.
Because of this coping mechanism, I also became terribly aware of her suffering, and how the pain she caused others was only a shadow of what she
suffered inside. I was filled with compassion, and that is what made me lie to babysitters that would question me about my injuries and bruises - my
mom was not evil, she was hurting. I still had hope for her to get out of it (and eventually, she did!).
I never felt angry.
The problem, as I see it, is that this became a behavioral pattern for me for most of my life. I can't help seeing the psychological mechanisms at
work in others, and accepting all kinds of behaviors, even if they hurt me. I have lots of compassion, but on the other hand, I allow myself to be
abused, stepped on, walked on.
As people observe this happening, more treat me the same way, as they have no respect for me then. I remain in the same role, no matter where I go.
Where I had to really make changes is when I became a mother. A child cannot feel safe if they watch their mother being walked on by everyone else!
-And they shouldn't, it isn't safe. I had to put into action some of my own ego and selfishness to install borders of my own.
That is where I formed my idea of what real compassion is- it isn't in the action you take- whether you say yes or no, whether you fight back or
remain on the ground. It is the understanding you have within for the other, while you do whatever is necessary and rational. You refuse to take the
blows, and grab that fist as it comes down , looking them in the eye and proclaiming, "You will not hit me. I will not let you."
Because also, when people lose control, they feel ten times worse later, if they have hurt others around them. In protecting yourself, you limit some
of their suffering in the future too.
When I started to wake up to the fact that I needed to develop some different habits and protect myself, I had dreams which made me realize that I had
anger all that time, it just was repressed! Because I had no where to direct it - nothing was anyone's fault, no one was to blame, there was no where
to project the normal surges of self preservation, so they sunk into my subconscious almost immediately.
-Where they manifested themselves in self sabotaging and self destructive ways.
The ideal of a saintly martyr, taking abuse with forgiveness, has a way of keeping someone in that position over and over.
If you look at oppressed peoples, who just seem to have terrible luck, being targetted over and over through time, it seems illogical.
But maybe it isn't. It is an unending cycle you get caught up in, and don't even know you are playing a part in re-creating.
(consider the experiences of the jews, the christians, and the blacks....)
edit on 23-6-2015 by Bluesma because: (no reason given)