Perents BEWARE!

originally posted by: mamabeth
a reply to: hudsonhawk69

I am a christian and your step-daughter sounds like she is possessed.
I can have our prayer group pray for you and your families protection.
I also think it would be a good idea to get her out and into some serious
therapy before it's too late.

I appreciate where your coming from. I grew up in a christian home however I don't believe in demon possession. Prayers on the other hand... I don't think that I would still be on this today without them! Any and all prayers that we can get would be greatly appreciated and more helpful then most people realize.
Thank you for your concern and God bless...
Unfortunately for my step daughter she now lives with her boyfriend and she is beyond my help and influence... I'm afraid that it might already be too late for her... Love and prayers are all we can offer her now.

originally posted by: ForteanOrg
a reply to: hudsonhawk69

A number of observations, just facts:

1. your stepdaughter was 11 when she came to live with you.
   
2. she was 12 when she got pregnant.
   
3. in those last 4 years you sired 3 new children
   
4. you never solved the problems with the existing kids
   
5. your child became part of the drugs scene when she was 11-12 years old
   
6. she somehow can deceive a slew of skilled professionals
   

At best, you're quite incompetent as a parent. At worst you ARE what your daughter says you are.

I dig the rant, get it off your chest. But sorry, there are way too many little tell-tales in your posting to convince me that you are the victim.

I only wish that you were right... Things would be much simpler if you were... Unfortunately your not.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting
Everything you typed about ODD is absolutely wrong according to the seminars and books I took the time to explore in order to understand my children.

The best way to explain ODD is you start with a child with something as simple as ADD or ADHD and in interacting with them. (Life, not just home but school and everything else) causes the ODD to develop.

My child fit the definition of an explosive child way before he was ever diagnosed with ODD.

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

This sounds like a terrible mess.

You need to get camera's 24/7 installed asap. This way the next time something happens you'll have proof to show the court, and/or the mental health department. Witnesses are also important.

Other than that the only way to end this is to walk away.

Sending good vibes your way friend.

Regards,

RT

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

Yea that will happen after some years of undiagnosed ODD. Especially in teens.

ODD is oppositional defiance disorder. In her mind, she feels she constant has to fight back against ANY authority. When she's able to manipulate to her will, she feels she's pulling one over.

It's a tough disorder to deal with and takes quite a bit of love and patience.

It can take a toll on the whole family if not addressed properly.

I know this will sound rough but I say walk out and leave the whole bunch of them. I did!
Now, in fairness, she and I had no kids together so that made this easier for me.

My situation wasn't even that extreme with all the violence and lies. My situation was all too familiar to many of you though. My wife's crack head son with his two kids needed to stay with us for a few weeks to "get back on his feet". Yeah right, month and months passed and he was still there and she wouldn't make him leave. And believe it or not, even as the sole supporter of the household there was nothing I could do in the eyes of the law.

So I filed for divorce and wrote it in the papers that the house would be sold within 6 months and we split the profits. The whole 6 months I had to pay the mortgage on that house and for me a place to live. The whole 6 months she begged me to come home and even the son kept trying to contact me to "apologize" and promise to help support the household. I didn't fall for it.

Jump forward about 5 years; I have a new beautiful home and a great new girl who has two grown kids that have families of their own and all is good..... So far!

Ridin2live

Her rage and violence makes me think she is abusing methamphetamine. Has she been drug tested?

a reply to: hudsonhawk69
Anti smacking laws go out the window when you got somebody coming at you with a knife. And that question about walls, it was rhetorical even here the walls are barely covered drywall and plywood, I could put my hand clear through if I wanted to.

Either way, you must have had a cellphone or something. Document everything, then literally toss her ass out and call the cops, you should not have waited for her to play her drama on you, and I am quite sure that if your wife and you kids testified to this as well things would have gonna a lot more smoother even with all the anti smacking child laws.

wow talk about a step daughter from hell. just makes me glad i didnt have kids yet. i know i would loose it if i was in your shoes.

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

It's this simple, cut off absolutely 100% of all financial support for her. If your wife refuses, leave her and find a better life and Women. No matter what my friend, you do not deserve to be subjected to a hostile environment, being violently assaulted, being accused of criminal libel, or being incarcerated for defending yourself.

The fact is, we live in a Bizzaro World like society where commonsense takes the back seat. One day that will change, because everything goes full circle eventually. I myself cannot wait until it happens, and I will help with the cure when and if it ever happens.

I understand what you're going through, hudsonhawk. However If you, nor your wife are willing to show some tough love by cutting your daughter financially off, then please do not complain about it here anymore. Yes, Solving the problem really is that simple, trust me because I have seen that policy all unfold successfully with a friend on mine. ~$heopleNation

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

That's messed up and I'm very sympathetic to what you're going thru. I went thru the same crap but with with my ex-wife. I've watched her hit herself, slam her head between a door and the jamb, break things, etc and I could go on and on. All of this just to try and make me miserable or get me arrested, which did happen once as well as getting herself arrested on assault charges. I never abused her mentally or physically in anyway shape or form. It's a sickness that I spent a lot of time trying to find answers to. I finally came to the conclusion that the only way to any sort of resolve was to remove myself from the situation. It's an extremely difficult situation when we're dealing with the ones we love and rarely does it have a fairy tale ending. My thoughts are with you and hopefully she can receive help someday. Unfortunately denial runs deep with personality disorders such as bi-polar and manic depression cases. Stay strong.

originally posted by: Iamthatbish
a reply to: ladyinwaiting
Everything you typed about ODD is absolutely wrong according to the seminars and books I took the time to explore in order to understand my children.

The best way to explain ODD is you start with a child with something as simple as ADD or ADHD and in interacting with them. (Life, not just home but school and everything else) causes the ODD to develop.

My child fit the definition of an explosive child way before he was ever diagnosed with ODD.

I don't know what your books and seminars are. I'm not incorrect. I didn't feel it was necessary to go into etiology. It can have several causation factors. Some kids with ODD don't have ADHD. Some kids with ADHD dx don't have ADHD. : )
I was making a suggestion to the OP, and quite honestly believe I have a good point. Provided drug usage and organicity are ruled out. Just because a child wasn't diagnosed with something at a certain time, doesn't mean he didn't have it. Maybe the example you gave is how your child developed ODD, but it's certainly not the only way. Explosive personality and ODD can sometimes go hand in hand. (Sorry about that too, I know how frustrating it can be.) If you want to discuss this further, please PM me, as the OP has moved on.

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting

originally posted by: Iamthatbish
a reply to: ladyinwaiting
Everything you typed about ODD is absolutely wrong according to the seminars and books I took the time to explore in order to understand my children.

The best way to explain ODD is you start with a child with something as simple as ADD or ADHD and in interacting with them. (Life, not just home but school and everything else) causes the ODD to develop.

My child fit the definition of an explosive child way before he was ever diagnosed with ODD.

I don't know what your books and seminars are. I'm not incorrect. I didn't feel it was necessary to go into etiology. It can have several causation factors. Some kids with ODD don't have ADHD. Some kids with ADHD dx don't have ADHD. : )
I was making a suggestion to the OP, and quite honestly believe I have a good point. Provided drug usage and organicity are ruled out. Just because a child wasn't diagnosed with something at a certain time, doesn't mean he didn't have it. Maybe the example you gave is how your child developed ODD, but it's certainly not the only way. Explosive personality and ODD can sometimes go hand in hand. (Sorry about that too, I know how frustrating it can be.) If you want to discuss this further, please PM me, as the OP has moved on.

My step daughter definitely has Narcissistic Personality disorder. She drinks and smokes cigarettes. I don't know if she does drugs... It is certainly possible. For many years we have suspected her father of being an undiagnosed sufferer of schizophrenia. There is good reason to believe that she suffers from both organic and spiritual issues... Unfortunately the further she gets away from those significant events in her life the more she becomes the abuser and less the victim.

To be honest I don't know much about ODD. To me it sounds like a scientific way of saying that your child is a bull headed little troll. My step daughter certainly was.

Thanks ladyinwaiting I appreciate your input and your support. You tend to use different words and phrases from what I do, however I believe that we understand each other.

originally posted by: hudsonhawk69

originally posted by: eeyipes
Is it possible to put her up for adoption, or for her to be emancipated? Seriously ... I know that sounds cold but putting her in the system may provide her with access to help and treatment resources you cannot give her at home. Truly a tough love solution and last resort.

Either that or she needs to spend some time in a group home for wayward teens. Perhaps you could have some serious treatment court ordered by a judge. Her behavior could be a danger to your other children, you need to find a way for her to be removed - preferably to a place that is equipped to handle her and give her the help she needs.

We tried to get her younger sister (also my step daughter) into a home to treat her anorexia and behavioral issues. However this could only be done with the approval of her father, who refused to give it.

Kia Ora Hudson,

Having two daughters of my own, I read your post with interest... and an ever widening gape as my jaw dropped lower and lower; and at the same time, here I was thinking you were caught up in the US Child Services/Police system and sharing your horrific story accordingly... No, No! Aotearoa no less!! Dude... what a nightmare. Seriously... at some point you're going to have to put the safety, well-being and generally just the much needed and valuable 'stability' in and around your remaining tamariki and cut this other lost-cause loose.

Harsh... sure. But what's the next thing she's going do? How is she going to 'up the ante' and top her last effort? She needs to keep the cops with just that small measure of doubt, so as to keep the attention and focus off her... and that means 'bigger and better' than before; cut her loose... for the rest of your whanau's sake and safety.

The other thing... the main reason for my reply actually, before noticing the NZ in your handle, was the last line of your reply to eeyipes above. That one jumped out at me like a bolt of lightening. 'Her father won't consent to counseling for his daughter's eating disorder and psychological issues'. Really?? Think about that Bro... it may have been raised already, but this screams 'sexual interference and abuse'.... why would any father not want to seek help for his clearly sick and unhealthy daughter?? That makes about as much sense as a bum full of smarties bro. He's preventing it because he knows that any prodding by a psychologist, could very well cause the girl to blurt out every deep, dark, dirty little secret and that would be the end of him.... look there mate. It could answer a whole heap of other questions and provide much needed answers to your 15 y.o. 's current extreme 'acting out'... makes the most sense out of everything at face value.

Kia Kaha Hudson.

Arohanui to you and yours.

NMC


(Edit: SP)

originally posted by: hudsonhawk69
My adorable 15yo step-daughter had lived with us for four years and she has a long history of significant behavioral issues. She used to throw the temper tantrums from hell. She would run out into traffic. she has smashed windows, broken furniture, punched holes in walls, physically assaulted both her mother and myself. On occasion she has threatened us with knives and gone around the house stabbing the walls and furniture.
We have spent countless hours looking for her when she hasn't come home or has run away. She goes around telling everybody that we beat her and abuse her, that we don't feed her, that she has to do all of the housework, that she isn't allowed out and that I am a pedophile... None of these things is true.
She has accused her father of being a pedophile and his best friend. She has laid a false rape complaint against a young to boy to cover the fact that her 21yo drug dealing boyfriend got her pregnant when she was twelve. She accused her ex boyfriend of rape. she arranged to have two of her ex's beaten up for things that they didn't do.
My step daughter is a talented liar and a skilled manipulator. We have had her engaged with mental health and countless counselors and she either won't talk to them or wraps then around her little finger.
The police women who investigated her false raped claim said that my step-daughter was the most dangerous little girl that she had ever met.
When we spoke to the police regarding her violent behavior in the home they simply said that were bust and probably wouldn't be able to attend. They said that even if they did attend the only thing they could do is throw her in the cells for a night and would have grumpy, bitchy teenager back in the morning.
My partner and I have three younger children together who have suffered through all of this violence and abuse.

So I reached the last straw.

Last time my step-daughter threw a tantrum she threw the coffee table across the room damaging one of the stereo speakers. She tipped a glass of wine on the floor. She screamed at the top of her voice repeatedly and slammed her bedroom door so hard and so many times that things fell off shelves and the three younger children (who were asleep) woke up screaming.
Having had enough of this behavior I decided to remove my step-daughter from the house. She bit me and hit me punched me. As we struggled we both tripped and fell into the hallway hitting our heads against the wall. I suffered a moderate concussion... My step-daughter was fine.
At this point my partner intervened. Her daughter went to town punching and kicking her leaving bruises all over the right hand side of the wife's body. Then step daughter punched me in the head above my left eye... Right where my head had hit the wall, splitting mu eyebrow open it began to bleed profusely.
At this point my step-daughter ran to the front door, turned around, put her hands on her hips and waggled them and said "I'm going to call the police" with a big smirk on her face.
I said "please do. Please do it from the other side of the road."
So anyway... To make a long story short... My step-daughter told the police that I had violently assaulted her. Twisting her arms up her back. Punching her in the face. Throwing her into walls. Apparently at one point I even picked her up by the throat! Clearly I did none of these things.
I was arrested and spent a night in the cells. I received five stitches in my eyebrow. I wasn't allowed to return home and see my family as long as my step-daughter was there. Luckily after about six weeks she moved out and moved in with her boyfriend. That's six weeks that I had to support my self away from home which completely drained what little saving we had. I slept more than one night sleeping in the car.
After nine months and four or five court cases. I have six months supervision with probation. I have to do a drug and alcohol course and a family violence course. I will have to pay for both. I have two months community detention which means I have an anklet.
In all this time I have been completely unable to get a job with pending court cases hanging over my head...
And once again my step-daughter walks away scott free.
My lawyer managed to get my charges dropped from "Male assaults Female" to "Common Assault". The judge removed my charges from under the "Domestic Violence Act of 1995" and put it back under the "Criminal Justice Act of 1985". This was unprecedented. This is apparently the first and only time this has happened in the twenty years of the "Domestic Violence Act".
The judge said that had I been prosecuted for "Male Assaults Female" under the "Domestic Violence Act"... Even though this is my first violent offense... He would have found me guilty and given me six month in jail!
Be very careful how you manage your children my friends... The government won't protect you from them!

Deeply sorry to hear this! My heart goea out to you! It sounds like you live in Oregon where a simple argument w/o any physical violence will get you 90days ....

Sad but very true and can confirm this tyoe of treatment by the courts/judges being on the frontlines of sorts; everyone is now made a fellon regardless if the accused performing all required orders and when doing so, are still made a fellon.

This IS the new world 'Order'.

I'm pretty sure we all know how this will end - VIOLENTLY - I might ad. She will probably be killed either by an abusive boyfriend or in a shoot-out with the police. SAD really...

originally posted by: salamanda

originally posted by: hudsonhawk69

originally posted by: eeyipes
Is it possible to put her up for adoption, or for her to be emancipated? Seriously ... I know that sounds cold but putting her in the system may provide her with access to help and treatment resources you cannot give her at home. Truly a tough love solution and last resort.

Either that or she needs to spend some time in a group home for wayward teens. Perhaps you could have some serious treatment court ordered by a judge. Her behavior could be a danger to your other children, you need to find a way for her to be removed - preferably to a place that is equipped to handle her and give her the help she needs.

We tried to get her younger sister (also my step daughter) into a home to treat her anorexia and behavioral issues. However this could only be done with the approval of her father, who refused to give it.

Kia Ora Hudson,

Having two daughters of my own, I read your post with interest... and an ever widening gape as my jaw dropped lower and lower; and at the same time, here I was thinking you were caught up in the US Child Services/Police system and sharing your horrific story accordingly... No, No! Aotearoa no less!! Dude... what a nightmare. Seriously... at some point you're going to have to put the safety, well-being and generally just the much needed and valuable 'stability' in and around your remaining tamariki and cut this other lost-cause loose.

Harsh... sure. But what's the next thing she's going do? How is she going to 'up the ante' and top her last effort? She needs to keep the cops with just that small measure of doubt, so as to keep the attention and focus off her... and that means 'bigger and better' than before; cut her loose... for the rest of your whanau's sake and safety.

The other thing... the main reason for my reply actually, before noticing the NZ in your handle, was the last line of your reply to eeyipes above. That one jumped out at me like a bolt of lightening. 'Her father won't consent to counseling for his daughter's eating disorder and psychological issues'. Really?? Think about that Bro... it may have been raised already, but this screams 'sexual interference and abuse'.... why would any father not want to seek help for his clearly sick and unhealthy daughter?? That makes about as much sense as a bum full of smarties bro. He's preventing it because he knows that any prodding by a psychologist, could very well cause the girl to blurt out every deep, dark, dirty little secret and that would be the end of him.... look there mate. It could answer a whole heap of other questions and provide much needed answers to your 15 y.o. 's current extreme 'acting out'... makes the most sense out of everything at face value.

Kia Kaha Hudson.

Arohanui to you and yours.

NMC


(Edit: SP)

She has moved out and is living with BF now so I can only hope that she is finished with me and will stay away...

And yeah... She was about eight or nine years old when when she started displaying the types of behaviors that I would associate with someone who has been abused... There was just nothing I could do about it. The Missus always said that her ex was 'hands off' so I respected her decision and left him alone... Sometimes I wonder if in fact I made a terrible mistake by doing that...

originally posted by: CT_Flyboy
I'm pretty sure we all know how this will end - VIOLENTLY - I might ad. She will probably be killed either by an abusive boyfriend or in a shoot-out with the police. SAD really...

It's her choice unfortunately... Not mine.

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

so sorry you went through this...is there even the slimmest possiblity that she could have a key to you house??? you should change the locks.are there any radio shows were you could go on and share your story????

any tv shows or local news that could tell your story??? if the system is as horrible as you say, there must be many families going through the same kind of thing, you could be the catalyst for change

be proactive, she hasn't come back but , talk to the police and child social services, ask what you should do if she comes back, she is a danger to herself and others and you and your family are terrified of her and the violence she could cause.... this leaves a paper trail
some kind.....cameras record everything,...IF she shows up, don't open the door... if she starts flipping out, call 911 or the equivalent in your country.....tell them you all are in fear for your lives because of her past history.

you need to protect yourself and your family......don't open the door, don't talk to her, don't take her calls ((((((hugs)))))