originally posted by: bananashooter
So that's my story, that is what keeps me wondering every day. Wondering what it was, was I crazy, was it real? Was it real but not real at the same
time. i don't know. Has anyone experienced this level of crazy or am I alone?
First thanks for sharing your story and being so lucid about it. There is quite a lot of stigma attached to psychological health that sometimes make
this subject almost taboo here but it really shouldn't since more than 10% of people will experience something similar during their life. Meaning a
lot of people on ATS. And the worse is when you cannot distinguish reality from a psychotic episode anymore. So congrats on trying to stay critical
and to put things in perspective discussing it here.
My experience was a bit shorter than yours but I also had a psychotic episode that lasted for a few days/weeks and I can relate to a lot of the things
First thing I want to ask you is do you smoke that spice stuff often? Because please, please stay away from it, it is known for causing psychotic
Second thing; did you sometimes had insomnia or very short nights during your manic episodes? Because I did (no sleep for 5 days) and it's at that
time that things spiraled out of control. Lack of sleep induces hallucinations, this is well known. And these hallucinations will be like dreaming
wide awake, because your brain is simply too tired so your subconscious will start dreaming and this will be mixed with reality around you. You can
see things that are not there, hear things that do not exist, and most of the times you will simply interpret mundane things in totally bizarre ways ;
like for example when you say people were almost looking "disgusted by your dino egg and not wanting to talk to you".
From you perspective you attributed this to the egg. But in reality in normal time anyone would understand that a manic person coming to you and
speaking incoherently would make people feel really uneasy and wanting to leave.
This is the most common type of "hallucinations" you will get. Your brain starts interpreting reality in really bizarre ways. This is why you feel
like being in another reality. You are in another subjective reality, but the objective reality is still the same. Another good way to know for sure
if what you say/here is to ask for a third party's advice.
Like I could literally see something happening, then asking the person next to me "did you see this?" and they would tell me no. Then I know it was an
hallucination and I should pay no attention to it.
During my psychotic break I learned a lot about how our mind works, and how to make sure it doesn't happen in the future. What helped me the most was
to remember at all time that I was having a psychotic episode, to not take what my mind was thinking too seriously (that's when you start
acting/talking bizarrely), to learn to trust others to help distinguish waking dream from reality, but most importantly to have a balanced lifestyle
to avoid the factors causing the psychotic break:
- lots of sleep, good eating and exercising; this is called "grounding yourself" in many traditions and is an advice that remains valid for a whole
lot of issues with the mind, including paranormal stuff
- avoid caffeine
- avoid drugs
- avoid alcohol
- not too much internet, a lot of time outdoor and having social contacts
- not taking conspiracy sites too seriously, not getting too invested in the esoteric/fringe topics
You went through a lot and I applaud you for your strength, your courage, and your desire to share this with others to integrate the experience and
make sense of it, and to try to avoid it in the future.
You are not alone in this, a big percentage of the population experiences the same at least one. For example I left my apartment on winter night,
during a snowstorm, and sought refuge in a monastery because I was sure demons were trying to use me to bring the apocalypse. I spent a few days there
being delirious until my parents came back for me and I told them I was the antichrist (I have no idea why I told them that, words were leaving my
mouth without me being really conscious about them). I was prescribed sleeping pills and finally managed to get sleep again. After a few more days
things started to feel a bit better.
I went back to work soon and attributed my absence to a burn out. No one but my parents and the monks ever suspected anything about my break. This is
because I knew I was going psychotic and I was afraid people would try to intern me and that I would stay insane forever. So I decided to try to shut
the f* up as much as possible to avoid embarrassment, to ignore my visions as much as possible, and to try to sleep, to sleep, to sleep. It's not
always easy though when you are delusional
Even if the crisis only lasted a few weeks, there was also some kind of "afterglow" period that almost
lasted years. I would still experience a lot of strange stuff, like tons of synchronicities, high intuition, etc, etc, but I was also much more
detached from all this (I follow a strict rule to never take these seriously because this is what caused my psychotic break) so I just have a good
chuckle when it happens and consider it as some kind of "wink" from the universe to me
I also read a lot on the subject and discovered all the similarities between psychotic breaks and similar processes happening among spiritual people
(spiritual crisis/kundalini rise/etc...). Same process, same dangers, same advises, same necessity to keep control until it calms down.
Basically about your last question, it most likely wasn't real. I know it looked real, but the same way when you dream it looks real even if
everything is crazy. Your mental censors are down during the break so you cannot distinguish imagination from reality anymore. When in doubt you can
even ask someone if they see/hear the same as you. It really helps.
You should probably try talking to your friend you gave the egg to (and all the other people you freaked out), and explain them what really happened
and how you lost control, and how you have it back now. Don't let them create a false image of you as "that insane guy talking crazy", you proved with
this thread that these episodes are the exception and that you are willing to stay in control of your psychological health. If they are real friends
they will understand.
If you have more question about my personal experience to put yours in perspective, don't hesitate!
Take care and thank you for raising awareness on this site where a lot of people live under the impression that it's always the others that slowly
descend into delusion and psychosis. Nope, it can happen to anyone and I read a lot of threads posted by psychotics who do not realize they are having
a crisis. This is bad.
edit on 2-6-2015 by JUhrman because: (no reason given)