a reply to: LoverBoy
I now look at her different
Just so you know, you always will now.
At this point, you have to start from ground zero as she is not the woman you married anymore.
Your perspective on her will be totally different forever.
It has been my experience and observation that it takes two in order for these things to develop in a marriage.
As you said in your main post, you were not the perfect husband, just as much as she was not the perfect wife.
Do you point the finger at her?
Or do you point the finger at yourself and see what your own failings in the marriage are?
You are only in control of you, and you can only change you.
However, you can admit your failings to her, and allow her the chance to do the same.
For right now you are probably going to go through a cycle of anger,sadness,and frustration.
Act wisely, find an outlet, give yourself enough time to think about what can be done.
It will do no good to beat yourself up with what she has done,
so don't replay it in your head. Focus on what can be done now other than what has already happened.
It is not what happens, but how you react to it that counts.