The BlackSmith

The Hammer Strikes the Heated Steel,
From the Smith's strong arms power He wields.

Shaping Metal is a tiresome task,
As smoke from the fire seeps through his mask.

A creation now taking shape before Him,
will become a sword as He sweats,
through pores in His skin.

Heavy blow after Blow must take place,
as wipes sweat from his eyes and face.

He set the finished sword aside,
and begins a new piece fit for His bride.

She was once His prize and Loved Her so,
Now forsaken He feels Very low.

Hammer striking Hot steel once again,
Forging a new Weapon for Him.

He creates a long handled Battle Mace.
again wiping the sweat from off His face.

Now working on the Large Metal Ball,
with Spikes portruding from it's sides all.

He'd already made the links for the long chain,
One afternoon while outside it rained.

He knew that he would need them soon,
Fitting it to the handle now this afternoon.

Fitting Handle to Chain to Swinging Spiked Ball,
"This will demolish all in My way, Destroy it all!"

He grasps the finished weapon and approaches His house,
all quiet inside, not even a mouse.

Upstairs His wife sleeps dreaming, of ALL Her Lovers He just Knows.
He quietly Slips up beside Her and delivers the first Blow.

He cried out in Heartbroken anger as He swung that Deadly Spiked Ball,
"You should not have been a Lover to all those Men, I will now end this once and for all!!!"

She awakens screaming out loud and is panicked for sure,
This will do no good as He Swings the mace again at Her.

She sees it coming this time, and tries to move out of the way.
She is not near fast enough, on this her last fateful day.

Down and across He swings that terrible Mace,
this time connecting to the soft tissues on the side of Her face.

Tearing through grissle fat and some bone,
he delivers even another heavy Life ending blow.

As her skull cracked wide open for all to see,
He was finally done, ending the life of she.

He stood looking at the terrible mess,
Blood and bone covered the once beautiful dress.

He slowly walked out of doors back to his firey shop.
Once inside the door, he looked around then stopped.

Across the room from Him stood a fellow with a sword in His Hand,
He knew it was the one He just made, one of the best in the land.

The swordsman raised the blade high up over the top of his head,
He lunged at he BlackSmith Running Him through the heart killing Him Dead.

The swordsman was bereft with the loss of His lover,
as he looked at the blood on the Sword.
Running it up through himself, asking forgiveness from his Lord.

If there are any lessons to be learned here it might be just what I suggest,
Stay true to Your Mates and Love Them dearly, in that way your lives will be best...

Yikes!
Battle of emotions and complications. This poem portrays life and love gone wrong. Well done!

a reply to: Night Star

Thanx Night! I was after a Moving Story line this time... Worked out Well I S'pose eh? LOL!!

It was a little gross..You to me are getting to be pretty farten good..I need to get my note book out and start...i just cant use some words as you know the whys...I am glad to have a start guy like you in my life..So I guess this one was well ok for me..So keep up this cool stuff as you know I love reading them all..Love Ya..Me..

a reply to: ccbears

Thanx CC!
I'm tryin to get better at My Poems/Tales...
Workin on it!! Love Ya...
LOL!!

a reply to: SyxPak


Ummm...Wow Bro...what imagery...I can see this as an opening scene to a movie...or play...

perhaps some back story to follow...Then in closing...their wounds heal...they awake...the angst and hurt and love and sweat merge with the fire as the smith creates the blades...and infuses them with the gift of life...forever changing whomever these weapons pierce...as the slain pay that ultimate price for redemption and are awarded a second chance....

At least that's where your poem led me...and I was grateful to be led...




YouSir

a reply to: YouSir

YS I'm glad You liked This Tale! I Like your thoughts of a second chance. I had not thought of that myself... Most of my short stories/poems I write to be left just as they are. Hadn't considered extending any of them for the most part. But this one would do well as a beginning to a longer Tale of one such as You suggest!! I'll definitely consider that!! Thanx for the ideas here Bro! Stay Cool! Syx...

a reply to: SyxPak
Seems rather good. I just wanted to comment on the semi random capitalizations. I'm sure they are not random, but they seem to be missing in some areas. For example "Hot steel" in the seventh set of lines. Should "steel" not also be capitalized? There are a few other instances of this, also with the fact that perhaps each line should begin with a capital letter, or perhaps only the first line in a stanza? I only say this so there can be more uniformity which may help this piece of art. It reads nicely only those issues. Hope you don't mind me dropping this link of the short story I mentioned. If you have the time to read, and perhaps critique. After all none of us will be successful if all we hear are good things, but also do not conform to critiques.


www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: Tiamat384

Thanx for the Critique here Tiamat! I appreciate it! I know I had messed up by missing some Caps here and there, but by the time I had noticed, the timed edit window had expired. Damned timed edit window anyway!...

Seemsm like You did like the poem/story. I am glad of that...

I went to Your story and really enjoyed it!

[NOTE to anyone reading this, go to the link He left for Me and have a read of His Story. It will time well spent!]

a reply to: SyxPak
One of the nicest people here that I've met so far. Though just about everyone I've met on this site has been very pleasant. Ah yes, that window does suck. I usually read through posts to check the grammar, though the short stories I copy and pasted since I had them on the computer anyways. I'll be sure to read anything you post in the Short Stories. I did like it! But there needs to be critique, even minor things in order to help one another

a reply to: Tiamat384

Hey Thanx for the Compliment of Me being one of the nicest peolpe You have met so far here! My philosophy is simple: Treat others as You would like to be treated! And Yes there are many decent People here at ATS, that You will meet in Your time spent here!!...
As far as critique, I usualy don't give any unless the author has asked for it... At the same time, I do appreciate Your's given to Me! You didn't come out and say my style sucked. And for that I am glad. But what You told me is very useful for Me to move forward in My writings!

If You click the little Green dude under My Avatar, and then click, "go to profile", then you click on "threads". There I have many poems and stories you can read at Your leisure!!...

a reply to: SyxPak
I shall do that, but I've promised someone else that. Ah, sorry for critiquing then. I don't remember you asking for it. What you wrote was good though I just didn't want to seem too nice or anything. Not sure what made me do it. As to your philosophy to a point I agree, but if someone mistreats you then you have to, or should, alter that philosophy to being; treat others the way they treat you. That's a satanic philosophy and knowing that you might reel at it, but It makes sense. Besides Satanism isn't theistic (always). Sorry for bringing religion into this. I can be very random.

a reply to: Tiamat384

No prob on the religious thing. To each their own. And I will say that I have treated others as they treat Me as well.... To a degree...
I didn't mean to rag on You for the critique. That was not My intention at all. So sorry if it came off that way...

It's all good here...

a reply to: SyxPak
No it didn't seem that way, but at the same time I don't want you to think I'm being mean or anything. I genuinely liked what you wrote and gave my honest opinion. Sometimes I know what I say can be offensive :p. I assume you'll be writing for the contest too Can't wait to see. I did actually see the Halloween post. Oh wait, I think I commented there. Not sure. But it was good as well.



EDIT: For the record I welcome critique with open arms. Even if it's all bad, so long that it's honest.

Geez

a reply to: Hyperia

LOL Hyper!! It's all good!!!

a reply to: SyxPak

I learnt how to make a poem better, earthly to transcending, or ideals or idea

a reply to: Hyperia

Sorry it took Me so long to reply here to You... I rely on the system here to let Me know when someone drops in a comment to a post of mine. But by waiting to see the notification in My message area, "Thread Replies", I miss when some write Me and it does not leave Me that notice!! That is what happened here. Once again Sorry That!

As long as We learn, We move Forward!
By not learning, We remain at a stand-still and that is not a very Good way to Live!!

a reply to: SyxPak

Wow! That was intense!

Almost as if Hephaestus himself was letting his anger out in prose!

This is a reminder why I'm a faithful woman!

Very powerful work.
Thank you for sharing!

a reply to: GENERAL EYES

I didn't recieve a prompt telling Me You had commented here! Sorry that! You are Welcome for the Share here. Glad You liked it!!... Syx...