A lamentation for the past, never to be relived.

Just the other day, I heard that System of A Down song, Aeriels on the radio...one of my favorites. It took me back to the 9th grade, when I first heard it. I remembered the childhood friends I grew up with, and the smoldering heat of the of the city as it rose up from the pavement. I remember how simple things were back then. Sleep through class and chill with my friends afterwards. We would sit around in altered states bitching about the system and laughing at everything until our faces turned red. As much as we all hated our circumstances, those were indeed the best years of my life thus far. Those ties that made us as brothers were all we needed.

Now things have changed. As the radio proceeded to play that familiar melody, I realized that never again in my life will I ever hear Aerials for the first time again. I'll always know what that feeling was like, but I'll never feel it that same way again. Since those rebellious days, those childhood friends who once saw each other as brothers, have slowly drifted apart. Psychosis, faith, and worldly ambitions have slowly driven a wedge between the three of us. Our individual priorities have proven themselves to be less and less compatible with each other as time and maturity progressed. Time can be so cruel to the aging soul. Some memories are just too good to be worth remembering.

I try not to live in the past, but every now and then, a song, a taste, a scent, or a texture even, will cause me to relive a shadow of a moment...a dying echo making its way through eternity.

No matter what the future holds, I do believe I will find total and perfect peace in this age or the next, but still the question eats at me: How can I have peace and still know that the past is lost forever? It's too painful to remember, but it would feel so wrong to forget.

I really don't know why I felt the need to share this. The longer I live, the more I realize that time is a prison.

"Swimming through the void, we hear the word. We lose our selves, but we find it all..."

a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

I like this Thread and Your thoughts here! I have been through 53 years of the same feelings really. It is torturous to think of the past as just that. It is back there and gone forever, except in our minds... Keep those good memories alive and keep making new good ones to pass along to all your Family and Friends now!! Take it Light Man. It will all work itself out. Syx...

a reply to: SyxPak

Thanks, its the big QUESTION MARK that is the future that keeps me looking forward.

a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

I know how that is. Hearing certain songs will take me back to my hellion days and get me thinking of my old friends. We all lives in different states now. One is dead and the other has been in and out of prison for things I'd rather not talk about. We don't talk to him anymore. I talk to my other friends still, when I can. We keep wanting to get together again but it never happens. I hope we do at least once before it's too late.

I've lost so many memories of the past. Life has ever been a constant challenge ... and that's enough to know.

a reply to: Skid Mark

I hope for your Reunion bud, like you said, before it's too late... I lost a few friend along the way now, and lost contact with most of them now. All spread out, and like some of your friends, I have some Friends in and out of the slammer too. I've had a reckless past and was in my share of trouble as well... Like I told Believer, it will all work itself out...

a reply to: Snarl

I like that Snarl! Short and too the point! It's very well said!!

a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

I wear my System Of A Down patch, right over the neck of my battle jacket, closest to my cerebrospinal connection. Good, damned good thinking music.

But this is the beauty of life, because you see, although it is absolutely true what you say, you will never listen to THAT tune for the first time ever again, you will listen to other tunes for the first time, and it stands to reason, that some of those tunes are going to be utterly moshtastic, emotive, or in some other way powerful or inspiring to you.

Perhaps this is a mindset that comes of not having had the most fun when I was a teenager, of things that happened back then colouring the whole period, but I happen to prefer the now, to the then. Sure, I would rather be living in times way before my birth, times when reliance on a good sword arm and chivalrous conduct was all a fellow really needed to get ahead in life. But in terms of progressing through time and space in this period... It's like Bill and Ted so wisely said:



\m/

a reply to: TrueBrit

Lol, yes, always good tunes to look forward too, and good memories to go with them. Many 'excellent' days to come. I love Bill and Ted. Thanks man.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Please do get back together with your friends, dont let the opportunity pass. Im still in contact with my friends, but we just aren't the same anymore. We've all changed.

Well, its time for me to stop thinking and go to bed. I thank all of you for sharing your wisdom. I do feel much better about the future now.

Good night, ATS.

a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

We're trying to plan a reunion. It's just a matter of money, travel, and life settling down enough for us to do it.

You are not alone my friend. Such is the feeling that passes through me at least once every day. Life is so sad and so beautiful at the same time. You don't realize how blissful your youth really is until it's gone. Keep the memories alive.

One of my favorite bands is called "... And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead." Your feelings remind me of one of their songs, called "The Summer of '91," specifically:

Lying on the shady grass
Afternoon, there’s always something happening
Friends go floating gently by
I’m listening to a song inside my head
Although the summer’s past
Those mythic dreams would never last
Nor do I care anymore
And if it makes you sad
Remember all the things you have
That can’t be bought

Recollection brings me back
Sad to think that it was just a fantasy
We’d already accepted that
Which many others struggled to believe
And though it makes no sense
I know there are no accidents
I’ve no fear anymore
And if it makes you sad
To give up dreams you’ve always had
That can’t be caught
It just can’t be fought.

Looking back at ’91
Reflecting on those things we could have
Said and done
The dancing lights across a crowd
Remind us of another town
That’s dead and gone
It’s just dead and gone

Take me to that summer past
And tell me is it really worth remembering?
I realize that music then
Was really just a song in my head
And though the fun has past
Those mythic dreams would never last
Have no fear anymore
And if it makes you cry
To look ahead well dry your eyes
It can be done
Yes, it can be done.

The feeling is real. Thanks for acknowledging what many never express in words.

(Out of curiosity what is your zodiac sign?)

@ BELIEVERpriest S n F

Thanks for your OP and thread... Music and smells take me back to a time that no longer exists in Napa. There are no wildflowers in the mountains as they are now all covered with vines. I remember kids smiling laughing taking tin roof sidings and curling the end up fasten a rope in the loop fashion for a handle. Sliding down the hill covered in wildflowers and that scent.....

I used to Parachute and ride bad arsed bikes. Just before launching one, tap some "Strawberry Fields" CokeSnuff on to a nail and apply to each nostril.... Then out the door or ripping through the gear box.... Some smells stay in the minds nose and some re-enacted bring back flying.... However, one can focus a moment in the mind and bring back the wild flowers that let off their fragrance as we slid down the mountain surfing on the flowers.

Thanks for the thoughts....

Re HS 30 years away man, missed so many re-unions... :'( ! A whole pond to swim and entire country to cross to get back to Napa California.....

Hope you guys make it to yours... there is no excuses for you not to....

@Skid Mark

True those of us classic rock was brand new... wow man we had cheap gas and real cars to listen to that music with open hiways and friendlier LEO's..... when we burned out listening to Smoke on the Water having a little Purple on the Mind right now....

@Snarl

Dude you always make me smile and like most of you guys get a star cause of it..... Love the poster had to send it to a lady I am talking to about a positive restart of life.... She lost her husband through cancer a soulmate few of us are lucky to experienced. She of all things is researching cancer in a big way so that poster was a big win.... Also its more on topic than this posting....

@Syx

Its always a pleasure to read your words of wit.... mind you last week I want to beat you with a printout of your 404 thread..... man you need to enter a disclaimer in those somewhere dude..... So pleased to see you are prolific in writing and posting. Many stars your way...

@TrueBrit

One just needs to see your avatar to know you were one of the ring leaders burning down the school after flushing m-80s down the loo (toilet to those across the pond).... Always makes me smile your words do... and somehow always a star pops up - I just don't understand that... it seems automatic... and thanks for Bill and Ted what a wonderful addition to this tread.....

I don't write much as I do not posses your guys writing skills but know I R a Lurker...... and many of ATS brothers and especially the sisters help me through the day with smiles.....

So thank you all for a smile this morning


Edited for same silly spelling mistakes and not finishing a thought...

a reply to: TruthLover557

I'm an Aries. Thanks for sharing, music has so much power. I guess its the closest thing to time travel.

originally posted by: BELIEVERpriest

The longer I live, the more I realize that time is a prison.

Well and truly said!!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us

J

a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

I'm an Aries. Thanks for sharing, music has so much power. I guess its the closest thing to time travel.

Absolutely. I'm immediately age 16 every time I hear Chop Suey!

I get the kind of memories you are talking about when I hear these two songs:





Right now, the only way to live some things again is to go with my son. He's going on 5, so there is plenty that's new to him. It isn't quite the same as it was when it was new to me, but you can see it on his face - the wonder, joy and excitement.