Dear Sir, Madam or Student of the University ~
Hello and welcome to the United States of America, Planet Earth.
We have a system of rules for the safety and well being of our Guests.
Please learn and abide by them.
Selective reading will not aid you during the Final Exam.
A Drivers License is not a PhD.
Nor does it grant special privileges above and beyond the Law of the Land.
We are sorry if this inconveniences you or you loved ones.
We have seen all sorts of misbehavior and goings on of the general populace over the course of Human History and we are trying our best to eliminate
potential threats to the safety and well being of our own citizens alongside a multitude of intergalactic tourists just wanting to cavort freely and
naked in the summer grass without cause or care throwing caution to the wind with great abandon and childlike revelry.
We are sorry to inform you there are several indigenous species that are highly venomous and territorial and may be prone to attack you or your
children if you provoke them. I see you are most likely not entirely familiar with our warrior caste. Please note that they are there to protect you
from these creatures and do not take lightly to being treated as inferiors on their Home World.
To poke or provoke those in charge of the safety of yourself and others will more often than not unlock a predominantly dormant but very powerful
dominant instinct. This will not be to your advantage, so please:
Do Not Poke The Guards With Sticks or Rude and Pointed Language.
They are trained to respond to threats of all kinds, and they will take you down regardless of Entitlement Status.
Respect given, respect given - this is a simple way to remember that friendly interactions are encouraged while hostile ones are not.
Transgressors may not enjoy finding out what happens when such protocol is not adhered to.This is not by our choosing, but rather because of that damn
reptilian cortex that has been evolving over the course of Human Evolution.
This of course does not need to be stated with those who understand such subtle nuances of the human condition because, well, gee golly darn, they
aren't the ones getting out of their cars and recording incidents they should know full damn well won't be in their favor. Silly tourists. We gave
you those pamphlets to read, not to be tossed carelessly on the causeway floor.
Please also be advised there is a large indigenous populace who enjoys Schadenfreude
viewing tele-screens and it is advisable not to voluntarily put oneself in harms way because if you are recording something and trying to make a
point without knowing what you're really getting into. This is a Sanctioned WildLife Preserve, and some animals may bite.
(And also, Such Events will inevitably end up on the internet for All to See and Laugh While Viewing
Such precautions are for your safety and ensures the well being and enjoyment of your time here on Planet Earth, United States Sector.
Please treat Border Guards with respect and politeness because they have been doing their best to protect the population. Dealing with the worst of
the worst of the worst can take a heavy toll on one's psyche. When visiting royalty from neighboring star systems insist on naively pretending they
own the entire planet and it's resources and have little else to do all day than idly sip "Starbucks" beverages and talk about how they're "going to
law school" and "getting good grades" even though we all know it's just an elaborate cover to blindside the naive humanoid populace from knowing their
true origin and reason for having terrestrial landing privileges....which is namely, to stimulate the economy by shopping, having your nails done,
and flitting the day away sightseeing from the comfort of your terrestrial transport window in-between various relationships and ensuing dramas.
Please be sure to always carry around your purse dog because it will protect you from Terminators. If you suspect a Guard to be a Terminator in
disguise, please be comforted by the fact that if he/she/it is talking to you and complimenting your purse dog, it is a friendly gesture and therefore
not a rogue human killing Terminator hell bent on violating the terms of your life span tenure. Please forgive them if they are not familiar with very
subtle nuance of your Planetary Customs because....to put it bluntly....you're not in Kansas anymore, Dorthy.
If you cannot politely abide by the rules set forth on the terrain of the United States Sector because you failed to grok the entire social and law
system of the country you have found yourself spending your summer vacation in, please kindly direct yourself to the nearest Interplanetary Embassy
and wait for your parents to pick you up from Summer Camp.
Congratulations - you have just failed Planetary Hospitality Codes and Diplomatic Protocol 101.
Welcome to Planet Earth.
You are NOT the only Royalty Present.
Please mind the guards.
They're sick or your entitlement b.s. and frankly, so are a large percentage of the rest of us.
Grow up or give up. We've got you surrounded.
GAME OVER MAN GAME OVER!
I KNOW, RIGHT?
The next Starbucks is five miles up and on your left.
Have a nice day.
edit on 5/11/15 by GENERAL EYES because: grammar edits, minor additions, formatting - perfection is the selfsame beast that gnaws at my very