Stay at home moms

I was a stop at home mum for 5 years. My little girls Dad died when she was 6 months, and I had to bring her up on my own. Money was so tight on benefits, but I had no family around to help out with childcare if I found a job.

When she turned 5, she started full time school, and I was so bored at home. The job centre was hounding me to find a job now I had all this 'free-time', and I did. It's nearly a year since I went back to work, to a job that is within school hours, and which I love, so I have been really lucky to do that. I am also studying for a degree in Religious/Classical Studies with the Open University (Distance learning).

Money wise, I am so much better off than being on benefits, and my little one has not suffered one bit. I am still around to take her to school, pick her up, and spend quality time with her in the evenings. She is genuinely such a happy and loving child you wouldn't believe it.

I think everyone's circumstances are different, and you just have to adapt to what life hands you.

a reply to: darkbake

My own mother stayed home most of the time, and when she did work for a while, we had serious issues with the sitter. Other than that, it was good having her home, to bake and simply be there. I did work a lot with my oldest, because I was a single mom for some of her younger years, and there is a clear difference in how she acted and how the rest do. Most of their lives - all for the younger three - I have been home. When I was working, when the grown son was young, it was just too much stress for not nearly enough benefit. We worked it out, and the actual net income was ridiculously low. After deducting all of the associated costs - professional clothing, gasoline, daycare, added car insurance cost, higher tax bracket, meals away from home - we weren't clearing $200 a month, during school times. In summer, it was a loss. That was with a decent-paying hourly job with a bank, too. Long hours, tons of stress, lots of expense, and we were not better off. If both parents earn a really good salary, there could be some financial gain, but is it worth the cost? I don't think it is. Kids need a mother at home, if at all possible. As a kid, I had grandparents around as well, and that makes a difference, too. Kids without that level of support lose something very needed.

originally posted by: MissBeck
I think everyone's circumstances are different, and you just have to adapt to what life hands you.

Wise words. Life doesn't always turn out as we planned it or hoped it would be. It sounds as if you doing a wonderful job raising your daughter alone.

I was discussing this with my brother the other day, how much it easier it is for me to be a lone working parent than it was when our Mum was doing it in the 70s/80s. My Mum had to jump through hoops to be even considered for any temporary support and gave up in the end when the man from the DSS asked her if she and my Dad were still sleeping together. He was shown to the door in no uncertain terms.

I usually work in the public sector which do tend towards investment in people, to varying degrees. Being able to negotiate working patterns, having it accepted that I go to every assembly, play, sports day etc etc and stay at home if my son was sick, are 'rights' that my Mum never had access to.

It still impedes your earning power, and career development. I didn't really enjoy what I was doing at the time I became pregnant, and though I went back to work for a while after maternity leave, it was no competition, I wanted to be with my son. Had I been happy and successful in my career, it may have been a harder decision to make.

It's hard to have stay at home moms or dads in this economy.

When women entered the workforce it doubled. As a result, everyone got paid less, and now it requires both parents to work to take care of a family. Then automation started improving as well, then there were the baby boomers, and it all continues.

This is what happens when workers are no longer a rare commodity. Since jobs are so scarce, businesses can afford to pay less because there's always someone to take the lower pay.

Worst part is that, big business can easily afford to pay us a living wage, but they have no incentive to do so, since thanks to supply and demand, we as workers are pretty much worthless, as our supply is way over demand.

We need a social and economic revolution throughout the world, cause our technology and advancements have moved us passed the need for a large work force to sustain us, we need to completely restructure how we live as a species. Our current system can only go downhill as population grows, and automation increases.

Capitalism cannot work in an economy where the workforce is in greater supply than the demand for workers.

When my oldest was born, I made the most money in the relationship. We were renovating a house so her father stayed home for a few years. He worked part time outside of the home and we were blessed to have my parents to fall back on during those times. He is a good parent and I see the benefit of him having stayed home with her often.
When my next daughter came along, we both worked full time and my parents weren't available to help out so we hired someone until she was school aged. My children are 17, 16, 15, 14, and 12 I am still a parent when I come home from work...
I suppose I could have stayed home and "raised" my children myself but, I enjoyed working also. So far, my children seem well rounded and okay for me not having chosen to be a housewife but, I suppose we won't really know until they are older. We like to have money in the bank and savings we like nice things. We like to travel. If only one of us was working I think that would be difficult to say the least.
I suppose I don't understand about the children not making friends and going to visit. My kids go to people's houses and social events and their friends come here and go on vacations with us sometimes.
WE are busy as a family, I do admit that. We run a tight ship and are on a strict schedule. There's after school activities, homework, dinner, laundry....we relax on the weekends and do fun things together. We go to new places and explore. My children are in school all day and I don't think it's necessary for me to be at home. That is just MY OPINION.
I am lucky in the sense that my job and my S.O.'s allow us the freedom to be "off" when needed and I am able to work from home if necessary but, without those years of climbing, I wouldn't have those luxuries now.
I would never fault someone who chooses to stay home and raise their children. I think it's a personal decision. I don't think it makes you a bad person or parent necessarily either way.
It is necessary, however, to make the most of the time you do spend with them to try to instill some values, help them with their moral compass, help in the reading, writing, and arithmetic, we have hours of homework MOST nights X 5 children. I believe you should assist them with growing up to become productive members of society, whatever that means to you whether it means holding down a 9-5 and being the breadwinner or being the one who takes on more of the responsibility of the child rearing....personal choice...
My Mother stayed home and my Dad worked all the time. I couldn't wait to leave home and get a job.

I KNEW that wasn't me...it just wasn't. Again, personal choice. I see positives and negatives on both sides.

a reply to: darkbake

I think that a stay at home mom (or dad) is one of the most important jobs in the world. When it came time that my wife needed to go back to work (since wages did not keep pace with inflation) My wife worked nights and I worked days so there would be no need for babysitters. I am not saying people that use babysitters are bad parents,I am saying its what worked for us. Everybody personal lives have different needs and situations. But what some of the posts in this thread have said is true, I have seen some parents that are more worried about having the big suv, boats, 70 inch flat screen tvs then they are about the up bringing of there children