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Stay at home moms

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posted on May, 4 2015 @ 12:47 AM
This O.P. is not based on research but based on personal accounts. My mom stopped working soon after my younger sister and I were born in order to help raise us. I think it did quite a lot of good, because she could pick us up from school. We were also able to socialize after school with friends because my mom could pick us up and she was home. She could also take us to our friends' houses.

Also, without work, she was able to care for us and provide us with things like healthy snacks after school or homework help. Later on in life she broke her leg, which never healed, and became depressed and started napping a lot but she was still around.

My parents would take me out on camping trips and my grandparents were involved in my life too, doing things like taking my sister and I on a trip to Yellowstone or going hiking / fishing.

I was just talking to a friend of mine whose parents both worked and basically ignored her while she was growing up. She would take the bus home and watch television and do homework and had little to no social interaction outside of school. She hardly ever had friends over, and her mom and dad would both come home late from work and eat dinner and go to bed. This seems like quite the empty childhood, and it is affecting her as she gets older - she is now in her later 20's, as am I, and she is having trouble forming relationships. Her parents' divorce also affected her quite a lot, and her mom would date guys while she was growing up, too.

What do you guys think about moms staying at home? Is it strange that both parents have to work to support a family these days? In the past, it seemed like the dad could go to work and support the family while the mom stayed home. I am not opposed to the dad staying home. I just wonder what happens to all of these kids who come home and watch TV after school by themselves, or go to child care services after school until 5:00 or 6:00...

What kinds of experiences have you had or seen?

I am very thankful my mom stayed at home to take care of my sister and I. We have autism, as well, so it is even better that she did.

edit on 04amMon, 04 May 2015 00:47:37 -0500kbamkAmerica/Chicago by darkbake because: (no reason given)

edit on 04amMon, 04 May 2015 00:48:09 -0500kbamkAmerica/Chicago by darkbake because: (no reason given)

edit on 04amMon, 04 May 2015 00:49:34 -0500kbamkAmerica/Chicago by darkbake because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 12:52 AM
a reply to: darkbake

My wife stayed at home for a few years until the last child started school. By that time the oldest ones were in their teens and it wasn't a problem.

I still made a pretty decent wage back then but it was almost impossible to not have both of us work if we ever wanted to do anything but scrape by paycheck to paycheck.

Great if you can do it for sure.
edit on 4-5-2015 by infolurker because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 12:54 AM
a reply to: infolurker

That sounds like a good strategy. I don't know much about taking care of kids myself since I haven't had any yet, but I'm guessing teens would do better than younger ones without a parent at home. I still think it would benefit them to have had the loving care early on in life.

My mom cares a lot about her family, would that be the same if she had been working or would she have cared about and focused on her job more instead?
edit on 04amMon, 04 May 2015 00:56:41 -0500kbamkAmerica/Chicago by darkbake because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 01:01 AM
a reply to: darkbake

Your analogy is spot on in my parents were not interested in kids and yet had 3....all 3 of us were out of home by 17 as we all hated it mother just had better things to do and my father worked all the time,constantly in other countries for months at a time......

My sister is doing ok in the long run... she has had 3 kids,still married and has been for over 20 years but still has issues but has for the most part done well,both my bro and i have difficulty with relationships....

Both my bro and sis are older and have 5 kids between them all of which are in the early 20s and they all still live at siblings have done a much better job of raising kids that our parents did.....hell my sisters kids are 2 budding doctors and a lawyer...

I have 2 kids and i spend all my time with them....circumstances have not allowed me to work so i am there for them and like my brother and sister i will put alot of time and effort into my kids to give them the best possible chance....i can let you know that all works out in another 15 years or so

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 01:09 AM
I didn't have parents present growing up, and on one hand I learned to be independent,
on the other, I think I suffered in the area of learning how to socialize well.
I also think that there are areas of being independent that I didn't get developed, which I noticed had with kids who had parents present- like I didn't learn much about cleaning. The very basic stuff, like how to make a bed each morning or mop the floor. It sounds dumb, but I didn't dare tell anyone, once I became an adult, that I didn't know how to do such things correctly.

I became a stay at home mother myself, until my three kids were teens, and they claim they had a great childhood, and much better adjusted than I was. I've become convinced that it is super important to have a parent at home when they are young.

Unfortunately that just isn't always possible in todays modern world- either both have to work to support the family financially, or parents are raising them alone, which is too bad- I wouldn't want to stigmatize them either if they just cannot do it.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 01:21 AM
I grew up as a "latchkey kid". Both of my parents worked to provide for my brother and I the whole time we were growing up. I don't ever recall being negatively affected by that at all. It instilled a strong work ethic in me and a great appreciation for what my parents did to provide for us.

On the other hand my husband grew up in a home where his mom always stayed at home and he wanted the same for his kids. Up until that point the type of lifestyle was only something I had seen in Little House On The Prairie.

I got pregnant and soon after I quit work so that I could experience this "stay at home mom" gig.

17 years later I am still doing it.

It does pretty much take two people working to survive. There have been many years that we only had one vehicle. No cable, no internet, no phone, etc. We did without a lot to be able to raise my daughter the way we did. I can not say how thankful I am that I had that opportunity. I can say that more people would be able to do the same if they were willing to do without some extras. My daughter always had name brand clothes, and nice things as well... We just did without some conveniences as described above.

We lived paycheck to paycheck for many, many years. In a lot of cases it is about priorities. Some cases it is not. It simply can't be done by some and that is a sad fact.

In short I think some people can have a career and children. In others... No. Some kids need more attention while others prefer to not have it. It's really a case by case basis IMO. I do wish that everyone who wanted to stay home could. But I also know that some parents just couldn't handle it and it would wind up bad for the child. Again... It's a case by case thing.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 01:33 AM
The reason both parents have to work is because of labour oversupply leading to progressively lower wages. Simple cause and effect deteriorating into a negative feedback loop. If you want to identify the cause you just have to look at what factors have increased the availability of labour since the early to mid Nineteen Sixties and decide if it was to the betterment or detriment of a healthy society.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 02:34 AM
I work at home as a freelancer. In my country first year with a child at home you get almost same pay as working, after first year you can still stay home with a bit less "salary" till kid is 3 years old and most of moms take this opportunity.
I work at home so i am available to my child when he needs me.
Kid does great, he has a lot of friends and has great grades at school. He is a kid who has never had a tantrum ( amazing isn´t it? ) he is a happy child ( comment made by others ).
I made decision to work at home when kid was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and it was not easy to find daycare for him ( he was 3 years at the time ) due his illness.. so i was between the rock and a hard place and had to find a solution for providing him safety, good care and teaching him little by little to accept diabetes and responsability what comes with it.
To me there were no other option.. and we are happy that working home worked out fine.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 02:35 AM
a reply to: hotel1

Also the minimum age which allows people to be virtually on slave wages doesn't give any kind of choice today.

My mother worked and I was bought up by a housekeeper and grandmother. It did instil a strong work ethic which has passed onto my kids, yet their mother was a home for a lot of their upbringing.

It does seem the higher you go up the ladder, the more pressure in many industries, except dare I saw some of the professions, where salaries are indeed higher, with kids following their parents into the same profession. But many only work 4 days of the week so obviously not under the same pressures.

Surely its how women handle multi tasking and whether they want to work and take on responsibility or simply turn up, do the job and go home without their minds fully on home. Its what people make of their homes and their relationships. For my generation our parents were traumatised by the war so perhaps that's why so many fled home after leaving school. Today one's kids seem more bonded, mine certainly are with us, than I was with my mother. (Father died) but i had a step dad who was cool, till he left.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 02:41 AM
a reply to: Shiloh7

That is one aspect of socio-economic mix factors, but it is not just increased availability of female labour that has brought us to this point.
edit on 4-5-2015 by hotel1 because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 02:46 AM
My dad shot himself when I was 5. My mom worked to support us. Being a registered nurse she did the best she could but she had very little control over me. I basically ran the streets and did what ever I wanted. I got arrested one night when I was 16. Sitting in the back of the cop car the dispatcher came over the radio and said "we called Joshua's mom she said keep him". I ended up on probation until I was 18. It straightened me out I didn't want to end up in the youthhome so I stayed out of trouble. If I so much as looked at my mom cross eyed she threatened to call my probation officer. I ended up in jail when I was 20 for contempt of court. I spent 2 weeks in the county jail. It was the last time I got in trouble. My mom and I were close but I wouldn't listen. She laid the smack down on me a couple of times. I told her to F- off once and she punched me in the nose and totally blindsided me.

After all the stuff I did when I was a teenager I'm thankful I never got caught doing most of it. I turned out ok I'm 40 years old now and have a normal life.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 02:47 AM
OP, I am an only child and my mother has been stay at home since I was 3. I've never been babysat for because one or both of my parents have always been with me--with like two exceptions of my aunt (mother's sister) who I was and am very close to babysitting me and us having a pizza/movie night together while my parents were out

Yeah, I loved having a stay at home mom. But she seems to have some regrets about it, since I went from being uber successful to being forced to wait way too long to finish school for various reasons. So she's anxious about that as well and kinda takes it out on me I suppose. We are kinda co-dependent a bit as well and get in arguments all of the time since we all seem to love to yell.
But yeah such is life I suppose lol It's bound to get better again one of these days. I suppose loving one another too much has its downsides as well. Though I'd take it over a distanced parent any day.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 05:04 AM
a reply to: darkbake

When I was growing up 40+ years ago in probably the last generation that got to enjoy a little of the "American dream", there was no labeling of Stay At Home Mom. Mom's were just "moms" and my mom did not work outside the home and neither did the majority of my friend's moms. I really think I was lucky to have that. I can imagine I would have gotten into a pile of trouble if I knew she wasn't keeping tabs on my whereabouts. Dinner was at the kitchen table with everyone present and it was always home cooked. She wasn't too stressed out or distracted by a job to listen to my issues and give me advice.

Women working outside the home was supposed to be a choice, but now society and the economy pressures women to have a career at the expense of the solid family unit. Most women don't end up with a career but just a job, and they end up giving most of their wages to childcare - chucking the kid into daycare as newborns. The whole women's lib thing was supposed to be a way for women to have equal opportunities but not be FORCED into them. So we went to work but nothing else changed. We still are responsible for the majority of cooking, cleaning, and childcare in the scarce hours we are home. WE CAN'T DO IT ALL. Something's going to get neglected.

In my opinion society is really breaking down because mom's/one parent aren't home. How can you expect a child to respect and love someone they barely know? Or to respect authority because the real authority aren't at home either. I'm not blaming women who work either - most don't have a choice. It's just that we need get better paying and available jobs back to this country so a family can get by on one income if they choose - like we used to be able to do.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 06:47 AM
i think it is important for one parent to stay home. does not have to be mom though.

my wife stopped working the day she found out she was pregnant. we felt it was important for her to stay home.
our daughter will be 3 in august and will begin head start in september.
4 days a week, 4 hours a day.
this is more for socialization and getting her used to being away from us.
my wife will still be home for the 2 years of head start.

for kindergarden she will be going to the science academy and my wife will probably work part time at that point.

i think it is important for a child of 3-4 to be in a 'school' type environment to teach them social skills but it is equally important for a child up to that age to have a parent home full time.

thats our take on it and it works for us.
not every family can have a parent stay home and that sucks. but if you cant, you cant

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 07:21 AM
I was a stay at home mom for awhile but I also worked many years as my children were growing up. When I was a stay at home mom the finances were unmanageable. We would often go without medical care we would have been better off if we had gotten. The kids didn't have the nice new clothes at the beginning of the school year. And well we ended up moving out of the apt complex that was occupied mostly by hud subsidized renters because the rent became unaffordable to us.

When I worked the kid's grades suffered and I ended up living on 4 hours sleep while trying to do what is essentially two full time jobs untill my health would break down I to the point where I just ended up quitting the job. I could never make enough to justify working if it meant incurring a child care expense so when I did it had to be opposite my husband's shift. Which well meant that if he decided to change jobs and it was a different shift, I ended up quitting the job.

At least in my case, it seems the kids suffered no matter which way I went.
Now they are grown my husband has recently passed away. I hadn't been working for over a year because of those health issues and well his boss didn't offer any health or life insurance at work and he couldn't find the money to get it. So I am now a 50+ year old widow with no job, a truck and some tools that I am trying to sell and very little money! And my kids are going nuts trying to find a way to help me while working these low wage jobs that don't pay crap because there really isn't any gov't program that will help me get on my feet. Although if I did luck out and manage to do it, they would be there with thier hands out taking so much money that it would leave me still in the position where I couldn't meet my needs no matter much I tried to cut my expenses, and well use that money to help the illegals, the single moms, and whatever "special group" they can justify as to needing the money more than me!

Read whatever lesson you wise into this story!

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 08:08 AM
a reply to: darkbake

I'm a lucky* enough to have a job that can support my family, which frees up my wife (on her own wishes) to stay at home and homeschool our 11-year-old (with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD for which we choose not to medicate) and raise our 16-month-old. This is doing wonders for our son who has suffered from low self-esteem because he used to always get in trouble at school from his ADHD (and, unbenownst to us at the time, his awkward social skills from the Asperger's), and it go to the point where he felt like throwing up every day before the bus would pick him up for school. It was really sad to watch.

This was the first 8-9 years of his life, so we're in the midst of trying to reset all of that. He's super intelligent and embraces learning, and it's a shame that the public school systems in both TN and here in Northern KY were deficient in their ability to appropriately teach someone with these two behavioral issues--it made him hate school and, quite honestly, himself.

I'm very happy that my wife was willing and is capable to take the reins of such a task on behalf of our son, and I thank her almost every other day for it. Sure, they get sick of each other from time to time, and there are some very tough days every now and again, but it's so worth it to her to go through those tough days. She's pretty amazing.

It also helps her understand his needs for learning and for life much better, and this has helped us immensely.

My mom, through most of elementary school, was a SAHM as well, and I have very fond memories of it, as does she, but a divorce when I was 9 and then remarriages and changing schools multiple times threw a wrench into that. But even so, I have very fond memories of my mom's patience, understanding and love when she was able to stay at home--even if they were short-lived, I'm really glad I have them.

* Luck really has nothing to do with it--I worked my butt off to get the job I now have.
edit on 4-5-2015 by SlapMonkey because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 09:11 AM
a reply to: darkbake

Stay at home moms (and dads too)...have the hardest job there is. I was a latch-key kid, so I can relate. God bless all those moms out there (dads too!)

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 11:52 AM
a reply to: darkbake

I'm SO glad my mother was at home! I used to walk home from lunch and she'd have my lunch tray set up and the TV turned to Lassie, Fury or My Friend Flicka (this was in the 60s). I was the youngest of 7, too and she still had the love to spoil me with. My parents raised 7 kids on my father's income.

The last 50 years has been a period of wealth redistribution to the upper income percentiles, leaving us regular folks with lower wages and more expensive EVERYTHING. The wages haven't increased with the price of everything, so both parents have to work.

In 1960, the average chief executive earned 40 times as much as the average worker. By 1990, the average CEO earned 107 times as much. In the following decade, this ratio rose to 525:1 before settling back to 301:1 in 2003.


Food Prices in the 1960s

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 11:59 AM
I grew up in a time when most moms were stay at home, when you could get by on one income.

While there are benefits to having mom at home with small kids, and school age kids, it is by no means a guarantee of being well-socialized and having lots of friends.

If mom is too possessive, if few friends visit and the kids are not allowed to visit is harder to form friendships later in life.
The insecurities of the parent are visited on her children.

posted on May, 4 2015 @ 12:30 PM
I support "planned" children and stay at home somebody.

"Planned" meaning how and who is going to raise them - - - because children need to be RAISED - - not just left to grow up.

IMO - the single family unit (mom, dad, kids) is one of the most harmful things of society. What happened to extended family?

If mom is college educate, working towards a career - - is it really in everyone's best interest that she give that up and stay home? I don't think it is.

Mom, dad, grandparents, aunts etc - - - can work their timelines so that someone is always with the kids.

Not only that, but its good for kids to learn and understand different people have different quirks. In real life you have to associate with a variety of people.

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