Ideal situation for children to grow up in??

In lieu of the supreme court decision on the gay marriage thing. I heard one of the arguments that was being looked at is same sex couple and parenting. So with that discussion I was thinking to myself what indeed is the best situation for a child to grow up in and be raised. Obviously we all live life and not everybody has the best ideal situation.

We know that there are great single parents out there single mothers a lot of great single mothers a lot. a lot and there are great single fathers out there. And single parents can do a great job raising children. And this also not to say that same sex couples cannot raise children properly or do a great job themselves. But again convening question what is the best scenario for children to be raised in?

It takes love, compassion, insight, effort, resilience, patient and more qualities. any person can have these qualities to be a parent. lets establish that.

For me my answer is to draw upon libe-rative (that's a fusion of libertarian conservative) thoughts and to say that the best situation is for a opposite sex couple to be parents. the ability to get most of what that child needs in home and not look for outside sources to help with whatever issue is probably the deciding factor.

alright What does everybody say is the BEST not only situation/scenario for a child to grow up in??

okay to personalize it and to try and give more clarity to what I am thinking. I grew up and was raised by a single mother. And I wish that my father was in my life. If I had my ideal situation and could wave a magic wand I would want my father in my life as a kid. That is also to take nothing away from the job my mother did raising me.

a reply to: American-philosopher

The best situation is to have a mother and a father...A child should grow up in a normal household IMO....Please don't argue and tell me father and father or mother and mother is a normal situation either because it isn't...Kids will be asked by friends at school why they have 2 daddys or 2 mommies and it will make a child not only feel uncomfortable but questioning his childhood for being completely different! This can cause a child much stress and anxiety for not feeling like they fit in...

School and kids have a hard enough time growing up without having difficult situations about their parents...

But this again, you said "ideal", not saying that same sex couples can't have a child in an "ideal" circumstance, but you said ideal and that is my opinion on the topic....Thanks!

a reply to: American-philosopher

Mom & Dad. One of which stays at home.

Involved Grandparents.

Siblings/cousins/lots of friends to interact with.

Child has opportunity to participate in activities outside of school (library programs, scouting, etc.)

Quality of education is important and I would encourage people to move if that's what it takes to get their child in a good school.

Just my thoughts off the top of my head.

Nowhere on this rock I can say that much.

I woulda taken a loving gay couple over my single mother any day. Not that I don't love her dearly but working full time and raising 3 kids isn't exactly ideal.

a reply to: corvuscorrax

So is basically what your saying is two parents are better then one?

a reply to: American-philosopher

I talked to a friend in who is a social worker working with adoption about this very question, and she said its an interesting question, but actually does't play in. All parents are not ideal, and those who want to adopt are limited. If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

originally posted by: American-philosopher
a reply to: corvuscorrax

So is basically what your saying is two parents are better then one?

Most definitely. I have to help my brother take care of his daughters because he and his wife have to work full time to get by. So even go with the 'it takes a village' adage.

a reply to: tridentblue
again that's obvious. but lets put the same sex couple and opposite sex couple on the same playing field and say that they have no criminal background and income level is the same and all that. what situation is the best??

originally posted by: tridentblue
a reply to: American-philosopher

I talked to a friend in who is a social worker working with adoption about this very question, and she said its an interesting question, but actually does't play in. All parents are not ideal, and those who want to adopt are limited. If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

Can I ask something without a fight here?

Why would you say that different sex parents are "more likely to abuse"? Or "more likely to have criminal backround or alcohol problems"?

I don't understand why this comes up all the time in this discussion about gay parents...Are gays saying that gay couples will not abuse children or have drinking/drug issues? If that is the case, then gays must have mental health issues or possibly a disease to have them not act like other humans whom are not gay...(I mean no disrespect or anything argumentative here, just asking why this part comes up in these discussions?)

OP, I appreciate you saying your single mother was excellent and I don't doubt that because I have friends with single parents who did awesome with them as well, but my opinion is just that having 2 parents (ideally a mother and father) who love and care very much for their child is the ideal situation for a child.

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein

originally posted by: tridentblue
a reply to: American-philosopher

I talked to a friend in who is a social worker working with adoption about this very question, and she said its an interesting question, but actually does't play in. All parents are not ideal, and those who want to adopt are limited. If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

Can I ask something without a fight here?

Why would you say that different sex parents are "more likely to abuse"? Or "more likely to have criminal backround or alcohol problems"?

I don't understand why this comes up all the time in this discussion about gay parents...Are gays saying that gay couples will not abuse children or have drinking/drug issues? If that is the case, then gays must have mental health issues or possibly a disease to have them not act like other humans whom are not gay...(I mean no disrespect or anything argumentative here, just asking why this part comes up in these discussions?)

OP, I appreciate you saying your single mother was excellent and I don't doubt that because I have friends with single parents who did awesome with them as well, but my opinion is just that having 2 parents (ideally a mother and father) who love and care very much for their child is the ideal situation for a child.

You clearly misread his intent.

He stated that if a gay couple with no criminal background wanted to adopt vs a straight couple that already had criminal backgrounds and a tenancy to alcoholism that the gay couple would be preferable.

a reply to: American-philosopher

What a controversial subject, eh? We all grow up believing in the superiority of the heterosexual mum-dad team, after all, two parents can give kids twice the love and stability, right? I would agree to a certain point, but this is not always the case. Sometimes a single parent decides to become single to protect their kids from an abusive or addicted ex. I think kids needs stability, and stability is not always achieved even in a traditional mum+dad setting. I also think children need to feel loved, need to know that when they go home they are safe, wanted and that there is an adult who is eager to listen to them and who believes in them.... regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of that adult.

a reply to: corvuscorrax

If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

Intent? "If you have a choice?" "MIGHT??" "Less likely??" Please read it again and understand what I am saying...Then answer again please...What you said clearly is not what he said here...

a reply to: American-philosopher

The best situation--like many things in life--depends on the individual child.

I'm married to my wife and we have two children a decade apart. We love them, nurture them, my wife homeschools, I have a very good single income, and they certainly want for nothing. In many eyes, that would be an "ideal" situation in which children should grow up. Yet, my son (who has Asperger's and pretty intense ADHD for which we DO NOT medicate) routinely considers himself to have a terrible life. The reason is because he is often times incapable of separating making mistakes from being a failure, no matter how much I or my wife tries to explain the difference. He compares his skills and abilities to everyone else and gets down on himself for not being able to make friends easily, or suffering from anxiety because he's in a noisy, crowded public place.

But he's an individual, and hopefully we'll work through it, but there has been more than one time that he has been on an uncontrollable emotional meltdown and mentioned that he wished he were dead. It breaks my heart, and I feel nearly helpless in those moments ("only" has happened twice).

But, to the outside world, they don't see the meltdowns or notice the anxiety or self loathing...to the outside world, things seem "ideal."

Across the street from us, we have two houses, both with same-sex lesbian couples living in them. One couple has three kids--two of which are one's grandchildren--and they are raising them to be amazing people who are full of high self-esteem and gigantic hearts, always willing to help out others and donate both time and things to those less fortunate.

The other couple has one natural-born son (from a previous 'traditional' marriage), two adopted boys that they were fostering, one other girl they are fostering who will be out of their home this year, another that just got sent to a reform-type place because she could not abide by the state's rules (and caused her two-year-old daughter to be removed from their home as well...the only home she has ever known), and now another teenage girl in foster care at their house. That is four full-time residents (two adopted, two fostered) and shared custody of a natural-born son.

The backgrounds of these adopted and fostered children are terrible--seriously terrible. The six-year-old boy that they adopted wears size 3T or 4T clothes because he was a heroin baby and was malnurished for most of his young life. The 11-year-old boy was literally treated like a slave by his real parents, only given minimal food, beaten, physically and emotionally abused, and the list goes on. The 18-year-old girl who will be leaving was sexually abused for years by a family member. The 16-year-old that just got into their house last week was sexually abused by her grandfather for years and finally had the courage to report it. Her mother is a waste-of-flesh druggie who abandoned her family a year or so ago, and her dad doesn't believe her charges against her grandfather and has literally told her to recant her claims.

Every single one of those four children I just discussed came from traditional-marriage families. They are now in a same-sex home that is so overwhelmingly full of love, compassion, caring, understanding, patience, and utter devotion to these kids. The three that have been with them for years are absolutely wonderful kids, but with underlying, deep-rooted emotional issues. But they know that they're safe and loved inside of that family now--they were not safe nor loved before.

I understand that you have the caveat listing qualities that people need in order to give children an ideal situation in which to grow up, but real-life experiences should tell you to shed the pre-conceived notions that you hold because of libe-rative 'values' and see the realities of things. It's the personalities of the individual parents that matter, and how those are adapted to each child. The sex of the parent really does not have any bearing on much, at least in every scenario in real life that I've been lucky enough to be a part of.

With my son, I suffer from the character flaw of lacking patience and understanding--something that I'm focused on fixing, but it's very hard to do, especially when I don't understand how certain things get processed in my son's brain. I'm not saying that I'm not the ideal father for my son, but I'm just using myself to make a point that not everything is necessarily rose petals and rainbow tears because he is growing up in a household that meets all of your requirements and happens to be a traditional marriage.

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein
a reply to: corvuscorrax

If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

Intent? "If you have a choice?" "MIGHT??" "Less likely??" Please read it again and understand what I am saying...Then answer again please...What you said clearly is not what he said here...

Okay I'll try again

The MIGHT applies that the child MIGHT be at a higher risk to be abused because the couple ALREADY HAS A CRIMINAL RECORD AND ALCOHOLIC TENDENCIES.

If you still would take a risk on the straight couple well then I guess you really don't like gay people eh?

There is no best way.

originally posted by: corvuscorrax

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein
a reply to: corvuscorrax

If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

Intent? "If you have a choice?" "MIGHT??" "Less likely??" Please read it again and understand what I am saying...Then answer again please...What you said clearly is not what he said here...

Okay I'll try again

The MIGHT applies that the child MIGHT be at a higher risk to be abused because the couple ALREADY HAS A CRIMINAL RECORD AND ALCOHOLIC TENDENCIES.

If you still would take a risk on the straight couple well then I guess you really don't like gay people eh?

And now you missed my question....It's okay, it wasn't intended for you anyways...

Anywho...There are many parents both traditional and gay who raise a child properly with much love and care, and we will also always have the d-bag parents that shouldn't have a child in the first place! No matter what anyone says about who is proper to have a child just needs to have a child for themselves and do their level best to be the best, loving, caring parent you can be! I have a daughter with my wife and we love this little angel so much I have no idea how parents could see a child as anything but a blessing! Not only that, a challenge to prove that you can be the best parent you can be, and to raise your child with love and passion to see him/her grow up to be a great adult one day!

A King (Father).
A Queen (Mother).
A wet nurse.
4 chamber maids.
8 kitchen staff.
A Butler.
A food taster.
My two gay Dads (the 2010's remake of my two dads).
Oh and driver to get the nappies.

a reply to: Chrisfishenstein

I'm not saying that different sex couples are more likely to abuse. I'm saying adoption agencies face situations where limited couples want to adopt, and they have to make decisions based on factors other than the sex of the parents, pretty much every time. So this question doesn't come up like you'd think it would.

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein

originally posted by: corvuscorrax

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein
a reply to: corvuscorrax

If you have a choice between a same sex couple with no problems who aren't likely to abuse, and a different sex couple with factors saying they might (like criminal background, alcohol problems) the kid will be better with the couple who are less likely to abuse.

Intent? "If you have a choice?" "MIGHT??" "Less likely??" Please read it again and understand what I am saying...Then answer again please...What you said clearly is not what he said here...

Okay I'll try again

The MIGHT applies that the child MIGHT be at a higher risk to be abused because the couple ALREADY HAS A CRIMINAL RECORD AND ALCOHOLIC TENDENCIES.

If you still would take a risk on the straight couple well then I guess you really don't like gay people eh?

And now you missed my question....It's okay, it wasn't intended for you anyways...

Anywho...There are many parents both traditional and gay who raise a child properly with much love and care, and we will also always have the d-bag parents that shouldn't have a child in the first place! No matter what anyone says about who is proper to have a child just needs to have a child for themselves and do their level best to be the best, loving, caring parent you can be! I have a daughter with my wife and we love this little angel so much I have no idea how parents could see a child as anything but a blessing! Not only that, a challenge to prove that you can be the best parent you can be, and to raise your child with love and passion to see him/her grow up to be a great adult one day!

You're just being deliberately obtuse.

No one EVER said that gay couples are less likely to have those problems than straight couples.

It was just the scenario in which the OP used in the hypothetical that you quoted.

You may have just assumed he felt that way because of that but that's just grasping at straws.