posted on Apr, 26 2015 @ 05:43 AM
I'm so sorry you're having to face this horrible disease. And I have so much respect for your selflessness in the face of it all to consider her
feelings before your own, even knowing that it could mean being alone towards the end, that I don't even know how to put it into words. It's obvious
you care for her very deeply. As I suspect she does for you as well, despite her fears about what it will be like going forward.
I feel the answer to your dilemma is in your topic title. "Brutal honesty is needed." (Though I prefer the word unabashed, to brutal,
Tell her everything you've just expounded upon. Tell her of your inner conflict and ambivalence, lack of decision, and how torn you are. Tell her
everything you're feeling, and make the realities of your future with her - should there be one - unequivocally clear. After that though, let go, and
let her be the one to decide what she should do.
If she's willing to endure the loss that awaits her at the end of this partly painful but partly wonderful journey with you through your last days in
this world, then I say that should be her decision, and that it speaks volumes of her depth of affection for you. If she decides she can't, then
honor that too. That's all you can do. Be completely honest, and let her decide. There's really no other way to confront the dilemma.
Also... be prepared for the possibility that she will not necessarily make a firm single decision. She may say she wants to play it by ear because she
loves you and wants to be with you, but can't promise she can endure what that will at times entail, especially going forward. At that point you
yourself must decide whether you can accept that lack of commitment and whether you're willing to take her as she comes with the knowledge she may
leave halfway through the journey (which would be understandable, if painful for you. And for her, to be fair.)
Again though, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. If I could take it from you somehow I would. I sincerely hope your suffering is as minimal as
possible. And don't forget that you can talk to people here if you need to. What you're facing is unimaginable to most people, but I have been
impressed by the level of empathy and caring in this community repeatedly. I would avail myself of it if I were you, if it would help that is.
Good luck. I will keep you in my thoughts for what that's worth. Peace.