a reply to: DYepes
Yeah I hear you loud and clear. I do agree with you and what you describe is actually my only purpose in life. If not for my family and the little
joys they bring me I would be lost. I have had my life saved many times and my family is the last and most important thing that saved me.
I dont know if wanting to reset it all is defeatist, maybe it is. I dont dwell on these thoughts since they dont really amount to anything. I do think
about them from time to time though. A random, "why doesnt a billionaire somewhere just hire a mercenary force to rescue sex slaves", or "why doesnt a
powerful person just go nuts and burn out trying to rid the world of the worst people around?"
They are more fantasy, hope, though my faith is what keeps me.
I dont know. I do try to push on, smile at the difficulties and enjoy a good laugh. I do know that I am one of billions. But I have to ask our total
worth if out of those billions, and in that millions of incredibly powerful and wealthy people, why some of these problems arent solved.
Why doesnt a billionaire somewhere rescue a town that is going to become a ghost town in foreclosures? Why doesnt a powerful person somewhere walk
into a hospital and pay for lifesaving treatment for all the kids inside?
The only conclusion is that they dont because I wouldnt. I would do as I do now, like you tell me to, like I tell myself. Just worry about your own.
Do right according to you and that is enough. It is too.
There comes a time though, when you see there is room for more. You also say to get wealthy healthy and wise and help people...that is what is driving
me nuts. I am trying, but I cant do enough. I cant do anything. I am just another random person out of billions. I can barely take care of myself at
times. I fail frequently. Then I think about this insurmountable task I wish I could face, but all I do is WISH. I, wish I could do more, anything.
I think I need to help more people, in my capacity. In what I AM capable of. I think I do, but at the end of the day, I am just worried about myself
and my own. I, WISH, dream, of being able to make a real difference.
I dont know if a reset would be the answer. Its just what I end up feeling out of frustration. I would like to raise an army and rid this world every
sadistic asshole. Make trillions of dollars and remove the shackles of debt from so many. Be smart enough to educate thousands, strong enough to
defend thousands, wise enough to heal thousands. Etcetera....
All I got are my kids, and that is enough....and nothing I do beyond them will last forever. Human nature will just come back like sands unto the wind
and RESET any good I or anyone could possibly do. I still cant help but wanting to do it anyways.
It is almost what keeps me sane....LOL, going insane contemplating how to do something great with the nothing I can offer. It gives me a purpose I
cant fulfill, but motivates me to bring that will to the little things I can....it drives me to stay true to my purpose.
I just dont understand though. Why out of billions of us, cant a few save the best of us from the worst of us. Why? Well I think I know...because we
may not be worth it. We may not be worthy in their eyes, so our suffering is what it is. Ours, not theirs....like the suffering I dont take on. Like
the suffering I cant.
Is it even worth it to think about? No, this has always been true.
I cant help it though. I can almost see the change, almost taste it....yet it just leaves you hungry....blind.
"One day", I will say that and just hunker down. Hold down what I can...but I am always thinking "one day".
Its my foolish venture, the kid inside I didnt let die.
It does get to me at times though. I almost feel the pain others feel and its.....too much sometimes.
Thanks though. You improved my state of mind.
Have a good one.
Hold it down.
edit on 4 26 2015 by tadaman because: (no reason given)