NLBS #46 The Madness Of Helicopter Parents Versus Free Range Parents

I know what you mean, I've been utterly creeped the hell out by those sites. But I also think, and I don't mean this any weird way, there are offenses that will label a person "sex offender" nowadays that would've gotten you a stern "talking to" back then. Same with DUI. I'm not saying all sex offenders are "18yr olds who had a 17yr old girlfriend", but laws and technology have changed a bunch.

Again, not saying anything in between the lines, but I'm a felon for giving a roach to a friend (.256g of mj) and have to tell people I'm a convicted drug dealer? I can only imagine there are numerous "sex offenders" with the same type of stories.

Man, that hurts trying to "defend" that label. I'm really sorry 😞

a reply to: JustThisOnce

When i was 10yrs old (1979) i would take my 8 and 6 yr old sisters down to the 'local' 7-11 to get penny candy... ' local' was over a mile away. My friends and i would ride our bikes to the 'local'' river a couple miles aways...i would walk home from school, over 3 miles away. As children we grew up learning self reliance and understandong when we needed help.

Due to the latest msm about ' free range kids'....like they are some kid of animal...my sister and i had a conversation about it...,,she, mind you, was much more 'free range' than i was. Her thoughts were that kids should be watched more....when pressed for why she thought that....,,'because the media reports about it sooo much'........

We have generations that have grown up independant and strong, that is exactly what the govt does not want anymore.

For those of us 'old folk' we are a lost cause that will soon die out....no sense wasting time on us, get after the young kids who dont know any better. We are so concerned about ourselves, we forgot about our greatest weakness.....and our greatest strength..........but the govt hasnt

a reply to: JustThisOnce

I once looked into the map of registered sex offenders provided by www.familywatchdog.us and was surprised by the number of registered offenders in my neighbourhood and beyond, it was shockingly much more than I had remotely expected.

And 90% of them were probably just trying to bang 15-year-olds, or got way too drunk and mistook public property for their bathroom.

Not a lot of "sexual predators" did any actual preying, and the real-life, child touchers are rare.

It's just that, the US and the UK are extremely sexually conservative, and any sex-act other than doing it in the missionary position strictly for the sake of procreation, will get you labeled and forced to file as a sexual predator.

I mean, for real, call Chris Hansen and tell him your favorite position is female dominant. You'll be a registered sex offender within a week.

Or, even better, let it be known that you're gay and you fully support age-of-consent laws. Not only will you be a registered sex offender, we will also have you standing in front of a firing squad within the hour.

Activities that could get you registered as a sex offender in the US:

Believing that sex is natural and normal.
Non-missionary coitus.
Sex for pleasure.
Sex with teenagers, even if you are a teenager--and especially if you're a teenager and male.
Taking too long in the shower.
Cunilingus or felatio.
Being born with genitals.
Menstruation.
Disagreeing with sexual conservatives.
Taking birth control.
Manufacturing birth control.
Selling birth control.
Saying hi to birth control as you pass the pharmacist while strolling through WalMart.
Shopping at WalMart.
Having a pulse.

What I'm trying to say is that, you're probably already a registered sex offender and don't even know it.

a reply to: LewsTherinThelamon

Well said There's just too much fearmongering going on!
A teenager who has sex with another teenager is NOT a predator, and yet they are listed as such, its just wrong!
Something many of todays parents dont realise is - What they did when they were teenagers would now put them on the sex offenders list!

a reply to: LewsTherinThelamon

Believing that sex is natural and normal.
Non-missionary coitus.
Sex for pleasure.
Sex with teenagers, even if you are a teenager--and especially if you're a teenager and male.
Taking too long in the shower.
Cunilingus or felatio.
Being born with genitals.
Menstruation.
Disagreeing with sexual conservatives.
Taking birth control.
Manufacturing birth control.
Selling birth control.
Saying hi to birth control as you pass the pharmacist while strolling through WalMart.
Shopping at WalMart.
Having a pulse.

I seriously doubt most, if any, indicted and registered as sex offenders are due to reasons given on your list. However, if you are willing to provide any statistical evidence to prove your point, I am willing to be educated. Even then, all it takes is for one of them in one's neighbourhood to be a (qualified: of your definition) sex predator for a parent's worst nightmare to come true.

What I'm trying to say is that, you're probably already a registered sex offender and don't even know it.

I can assure you that I am not a registered sex offender, but from your response to my response to woodwardjnr, it sounds like you may be one. Or is this a case of indifference in your use of pronoun, or a casual disregard to the term "registered" so as to prove your point?

a reply to: DuckforcoveR

Again, not saying anything in between the lines, but I'm a felon for giving a roach to a friend (.256g of mj) and have to tell people I'm a convicted drug dealer?

It took me a while to understand what you mean with terms like "roach" and "mj", even then, I am only assuming. If you are convicted as a drug dealer for sharing what I assumed is 0.256g of marijuana with a friend when you were a teenager, I suspect you may have a good chance of getting your record sealed or expunged, especially in states with a more open-minded attitude (ie. legalised marijuana), and if this has been a while back. It all depends on the state law in concern. Speak to a lawyer, judges will look at the circumstance, and you may have a real chance of getting your record expunge. Best of luck!

Man, that hurts trying to "defend" that label. I'm really sorry

Hey, you made your own bed on this one.

a reply to: JustThisOnce

I seriously doubt most, if any, indicted and registered as sex offenders are due to reasons given on your list. However, if you are willing to provide any statistical evidence to prove your point, I am willing to be educated. Even then, all it takes is for one of them in one's neighbourhood to be a (qualified: of your definition) sex predator for a parent's worst nightmare to come true.

I can assure you that I am not a registered sex offender, but from your response to my response to woodwardjnr, it sounds like you may be one. Or is this a case of indifference in your use of pronoun, or a casual disregard to the term "registered" so as to prove your point?

Satire [sat-ahyuh r]
noun
1.
the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

Some of us believe that sexual authoritarianism is foolish.

Understanding different forms of humor helps to make us well-rounded, individuals.

If you didn't notice, I was poking fun at the extreme conservatism and puritan attitudes towards sex held by the majority of people living in the US and UK.

a reply to: VoidHawk

Well said There's just too much fearmongering going on!

Agreed. It is impossible to use the sex offender registry to objectively measure the actual number of people that have hurt children.

A teenager who has sex with another teenager is NOT a predator, and yet they are listed as such, its just wrong!
Something many of todays parents dont realise is - What they did when they were teenagers would now put them on the sex offenders list!

Yep, and this is exactly the attitude I was poking fun at.

Many people do not know that, if two 15-year-olds have sex they are breaking the law because teenagers cannot give legal consent, but only the boy will be charged with a crime--even if the sexual encounter was truly consensual.

And there are psychos who actively support this backward paradigm.

Personally I don't think sex should be treated as a private contract that requires legal consent. That whole notion is absurd. If sex is a contract that requires legal consent, why stop there? We have numerous social interactions that we either engage in or do not engage in with no need of contracts.

Like just having a conversation with someone. If teenagers cannot legally consent to one social interaction, then they can't legally consent to any social interaction--because, for the same reason that one social interaction is a contract that requires the legal consent of all parties--then all social interactions have to be treated the same way to remain logically consistent.

That means that just having a conversation with a teenager is a crime because a conversation is a contract and minors cannot give their legal consent to be a party to a contract.

When you begin applying legal concepts to aspects of human life outside of the original, intended realm of said concept--you're gonna have a bad time.

a reply to: LewsTherinThelamon

Understanding different forms of humor helps to make us well-rounded, individuals.

Ah... the satire defense.

hy·per·bo·le
hīˈpərbəlē/Submit
noun
exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally.
synonyms: exaggeration, overstatement, magnification, embroidery, embellishment, excess, overkill, rhetoric; More

See what I did there?

What I'm trying to say is that, you're probably already a registered sex offender and don't even know it.

Becareful when you made a statement like the above even if you truly mean it to be a satire, in some countries, you can be sued for defamation.

def·a·ma·tion
ˌdefəˈmāSH(ə)n/
noun
the action of damaging the good reputation of someone; slander or libel.
"she sued him for defamation"
synonyms: libel, slander, calumny, character assassination, vilification; More

a reply to: JustThisOnce

Ah... the satire defense.

It is satire, VoidHawk saw it, why didn't you?

Your red herrings and ad hominems don't invalidate the claim that I was implying--that because of the extreme sexual conservatism of the US, finding a large number of "sexual predators" living in your area isn't alarming--considering a large number of non-criminal behaviors can have you labeled as a sex offender.

See what I did there?

You don't know what hyperbole is.

I'm typing this on my smartphone, let's assume for the sake of argument that I am sick with the flu so feeling physically weaker than normal and complaining that "my phone weighs as much as an elephant."

My complaint is an example of hyperbole, my original post was an example of satire.

Becareful when you made a statement like the above even if you truly mean it to be a satire, in some countries, you can be sued for defamation.

Look, all I'm saying is that, the only requirement needed to be considered a sexual predator in the US, is proof of citizenship.

A crappy bed to make indeed. But yeah, I'm working on a thread with my story, doesn't get much more NLBS than mine. I started the pardon process last year (by that I mean, I started looking into it and getting consultation from attorneys). It happened in a very small town in Wisconsin, DA was on his way out and wanted to make a name. It happened in 2001 so there aren't many avenues outside of pardons. I hope to see you participate when I get it finished this week!

a reply to: JustThisOnce

a reply to: theNLBS

yeah most parents need to back off their kids a little bit.

The park near my house has a big kids section and little kids section. I bounced inbetween both watching both my kids..and after returning to the little kids section my daughter was gone....It was a 30 minute panic session that almost ended in the police being called. I finally found some lady wandering around in the distance carrying her. she asked "Is this your daughter? She was crying and unattended." I was very angry..and she looked at me like I was the guilty party!! I simply said yes and gave her this get your hands off my daughter look.

I will never forget that day. I thought my daughter had been abducted. It was one of the worst days of my life. The lady who decided to stick her nose in someone elses buisness pretty much scarred me for life. What if she had called the police before I had? It was luck that I found her before she or I called the police. Im so angry at her for doing that. So not only do I have to worry about strangers..I have to worry about people like her!!!!I I was constantly back and forth every 7 min. I guess I didnt meet her 5 min criteria?

is 180 seconds away from a 4 year old child neglect?

There is so much wrong with this! One, since when it it neglect to have kids outside playing??? As kids, we would roam all over the place, and simply know we had to be in around dusk. This was normal. If parents kept the kids inside all the time, when they weren't able to be out with them, they'd be labeled neglectful for not allowing the kids enough fresh air.

Then there is the label itself. What sort of scum came up with that? "Free range"?? That sounds like a description of livestock, not of children!! It's insulting. Somehow, I suspect that is intentional as well.

originally posted by: Foxy1
The park near my house has a big kids section and little kids section. I bounced inbetween both watching both my kids..and after returning to the little kids section my daughter was gone....It was a 30 minute panic session that almost ended in the police being called. I finally found some lady wandering around in the distance carrying her. she asked "Is this your daughter? She was crying and unattended." I was very angry..and she looked at me like I was the guilty party!! I simply said yes and gave her this get your hands off my daughter look.

I would have considered having her arrested, myself. I'd have been sorely tempted to knock her down, too. Carrying my child? She might have been just stupid and nosy, or she might have been seeing which child she could walk off with! As a parent, if I saw a child crying and alone, I could see staying with them till a parent showed up, but carrying them around? NO WAY!! Not unless they were in some place with NO ONE else around, and had clearly wandered off. Her actions were not right! A playground full of kids and parents, and she thinks carrying a child is acceptable? Wow......you know, I wonder what she was doing there. Did she have kids that she neglected to carry someone else's? Gotta wonder!

Guess I was pretty much "Free Range" growing up in 60s-70s and it sticks with you for life.

Kids now I think are more of a pack mentality, watch as they leave school. Eyes down from the sec they cross the gate, sure still laughing & joking, but never taking their eyes of that mobile. The ones who do tread a little further run the risk of turning almost feral,responsible to no one and willing to almost anything for a few mins entertainment. And that kind of 'freedom' can lead to serious outcomes!

Parents are ostracised by the kinds themselves and are then at the mercy of whoever and whatever.

Im reminded of the kids in Disneys Pinnochio?

Again, awesome video, Joe. As a student of traditional Okinawan Martial-arts, we've recently gotten an influx of these helicopter parents . . . and their children. Now usually, a legitimately equipped Dojo will have a 'parent-room,' where they may observe the happenings in the Dojo, without us seeing them, and by which they can shoot the sh*t amongst themselves & not disturb or disrupt the proceedings of the Sacred Hour. Largely, the reason for this is that in 'hard-style' martial arts, the student is gradually taken beyond his/her present mental and physical capacities to perform various exercises that require an extraordinary focused level of attention, concentration and introspection, or self-reflection.

Sometimes, student's shed tears; not simply due to the intensity of the physical demands, but because of the mental nature of the 'breaking through' old patterns of self-doubt and habit is a very positive and liberating experience that is often channeled by primal expressions such as crying or even screaming or wailing - adults and young people alike. This 'Ki-energy' is then learned to be channeled in various ways, in a variety of techniques, often accompanied by the familiar 'Kiai', which grows stronger with time, liberation and practice. You could go so far to say, and be absolutely correct that the Okinawan Martial Arts are an ancient form of therapy and self-development which focuses equally on the healing & strengthening/development of the Mind, Body, & Spirit. Mental & Spiritual healing requires a degree of introspection, and sometimes we unearth unsightly things, as the battle of Okinawan Martial Arts is only superficially with an external opponent - at the core, the battle is always with one's self.

Unfortunately, in our Dojo, these Helicopter parents sit on the side-lines and just . . . observe. You can clearly see it even in the young child or teenager's posture that they are unwilling to even attempt to do their best in a given exercise or commit to the 'throwing off of one's superficial limitations' because their parents are sitting RIGHT THERE behind them & thus, these students are not allowed to go into the deep state of consciousness & focus that is absolutely essential to any positive growth in the Art. This is due to that knowledge in the back of the student's mind that their parents 'are always watching,' thus reinforcing the lack the freedom from the mental restraint that is necessary to explore, and exceed beyond their present capacity. It is a very simple concept, and these parents just don't seem to get it. The kids (most of them) definitely don't like their parents sitting on the side-lines, & especially don't like the parents of other students being there as well.

Sometimes, we have had these Copter-P's interrupt the lecture or exercise because they 'feel' that it is too strict or demanding. Okinawan Karate should never be believed to be an easy thing, and the level of strictness & discipline in our gym does not even compare to the strict procedures expected (and well respected) in Okinawan & Japanese Martial Arts schools on the other side of the world where Karate was developed (in Japan for example, the Sensei will bitch-slap you across the face if you happen to even lightly yawn during a lecture, telling you, 'This is a Dojo, not the world outside' - and fidgeting or adjusting your Gi won't just be rewarded with push-ups...). Well, our school is certainly not that strict, but Our Dojo has decided that we need to figure something out quick, as it is corrupting the level of integrity & standards of our Tradition.

As a relevant side-digression, I remember that I couldn't truly grow in various ways as an individual until I forced myself out of the nest as a young teenager. My parents (God bless them) had their own ideas of my behavior, capacity, etc., and these 'psychic' bonds (used not in any way connected with the supernatural, but is meant in a psychological sense), would prove major obstacles to the direction, growth, and capacity that I desired for myself.

In much the same way, and while I'm sure these helicopter parents in our Dojo have only the best intentions, it is the same nature of these 'psychic bonds,' that often impose very real limitations on a student's growth at any level. Of course, the student will have to eventually overcome, or even collapse these bonds for the initiation of any real and positive development, but the fact that these psychic bonds exist so strongly, by being reinforced by the parents' very presence not a few feet away from these kids, poses much more of an obstacle to the student's progress than it normally should. We are working it out.

Thanks for yet another excellent video - great use and placement of the 'F-bombs' - i love it!
Best,
-Kissy

a reply to: DuckforcoveR

Again, best of luck! I took a few law classes in my post-graduate to better understand the law and to understand my rights. Most judges, as far as I know, are quite sympathetic. All they wanted to see is evidence of remorse and tangible changes in one's life and their positive contribution to the society. Again, from what you've wrote here, with the right attorney and the right judge, I sincerely believed you'd have a good chance in getting your record expunge - Expunging or Sealing Adult Criminal Records in Wisconsin

Keep your chin up, and if you'd like to, let me know how it goes.