a reply to: rukia
Good morning rukia,
Name is Kyo and I am pleased to have run across this thread not because you are hurting but because you are seeking. As stated before you have made a
massive step of admitting. Now is the doing and that can be very rough.
Two things about me...
1. I am a licensed therapist in my home state and I specialize particularly in PTSD, ASD, anxiety and complex trauma
2. I don't know you at all and I am by no means an "expert." I have studied and worked with about 40 people suffering PTSD, anxiety, panic and many
related disorders. Point being that I am throwing the bit I can towards you in hopes it might help a bit but I am most certainly not pretending to be
a guru...or anything close to it.
So let's throw out the first pitch
You are not in any way abnormal. You are not defective, weak or any other nasty name. Trauma by its very nature is defined as a "normal" reaction to
an "abnormal" event.
Or the appropriate way to put it...An "understandable" reaction to an event that is hard to "understand." Trauma, be it physical, sexual,
ethereal, social, mental, emotional (etc) is a hard being to control. This is especially true for infants/toddlers/children/teenagers. As our brains
and psyche (as it is believed in some circles) do not fully mature and develop until later in life, trauma in the formative years can cause a hasty
and completely understandable retreat. When you think about a traumatizing incident, it is a perceived or real threat to your person. Most people who
are younger may not have the capacity to process what occurred and thus the brain packs it away until a later time.
This does not necessarily mean complete repression or denial, but sort of a hazy ignoring of the issue.
With that said...pitch two
It's superb that you are aiming for assistance. Obviously, ethically I will quote that nobody here, including myself, can diagnose or treat online
and so forth despite our credentials. However, my own experience tells me day in and day out that people who share experiences are worth their weight
in degrees and licenses. So I am glad to see so many people here happy to approach and sound off.
Finally...the meat of it
Trauma can indeed be perceived/real/unreal and all sorts of other experiences. So I have a few questions for you to ponder however I am
asking for answers; rather looking for you to look into yourself for them.
1. When you talk about ethereal trauma, I do have to ask if these experiences are in any relation to lack of food/sleep. I want to make VERY VERY
clear this isn't meant to insinuate you are lying or to embarrass or offend you. This is merely to see if anything might pop up in a line of
questioning I'd typically take with someone new. Lack of food, energy, sleep and the minerals/vitamins can cause powerful hallucinations and
appearances. However, I believe you mentioned these things have happened before. I would check to assure you are properly balanced. Even a small
decrease in an essential mineral/vitamin or a heavy decrease in hydration and sleep can cause vivid and remarkable visions. So really this questions
is grounded more in safety than anything. When you compound this with other traumas such as your mother's illness, it's cause for more alarm on that
I of course recommend seeing a therapist and potentially a psychiatrist as well. I know you've stated it takes a lot of courage but I believe you
2. Considering residential is huge. It's a lot of work but when done with intentions like yours it can be remarkable. The benefit of residential is
the non-stop and ever-present support when needed. I know you know this already but no matter how well someone recovers, it often gets worse before it
gets better. Having a nonjudgmental ear around when needed can make huge differences. It's why my career exists today. We don't know you in the
outside world so we take each word you say as if we'd never heard it before and help you unravel to get the answers YOU have/need...not what we
As a side note...I love CBT (though am not typically a CBT practitioner despite my training) but have you considered looking into a more existential
base? I admit freely that I practice existentialism so I am sure I sound like an advertisement...but the reason I mention it is because the
existential school focuses on the "now" but what it really does is offers a look into you and your mind, spirit, heart in effort to find the value
in you. Not some inserted value that the therapist gives you...but your own intrinsic value (which is far more important than external value). It
offers reflection on your experiences, on yourself and on your world.
Just a thought. I'd be more than happy to give you more info on existential therapy if you choose to PM me. However I understand if there is any
3. Dreams (one of my favorite practices) are one heck of a look into the soul. If you ask two therapist what a dream means you'll get three answers.
Mine, the other therapist's, and yours. The essence of collaborative dream work is to offer a foundation of safety and challenge for you to
experience who/what the dream is. For starters, the "world" or environment of the dream typically symbolizes you and the events in the dream
typically symbolize what you desire, need or are experiencing distress over. It can also show you an obstacle you need to get through to grow.
I can go on and on for days about reflection and dream collaboration...but I will leave that up to you. Feel free to share or message me if you have
any further questions
Good day brave one