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I hope this doesn't sound stupid.

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posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 05:33 AM
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A bit of background information: I'm female, 5'2, 23 years old. I have had a number of weird experiences in my life. And I've also had an eating disorder since I was 13.

I've been weird about food for a long time--I'd say 9 is the earliest age I remember trying to go on a diet and starving myself. I struggled with anorexia. I restrict calories mainly, but I eventually started throwing up around my junior year in high school up until I was about 19. I got down to under 84 pounds from my original weight of 128.

I was recovered for a couple of years--but then when all of this weird stuff started happening in my life and in my friends' lives (paranormal really messed up/traumatic events) I found it hard to cope because it was honestly all very traumatic. And then recently my mom got sick and has been recovering from having breast cancer.

I have a fiance--who is my best friend and knows all of what's going on. I'm not currently actively getting help because I want to wait for my mom to finish her treatment so that I don't put additional stress on her.

I have an honest desire to recover, but I've been having such a hard time lately with eating and feeling fat and seeing myself as fat/bigger than I logically know that I really am.

I guess what I'm trying to ask for is some advice from those of you who have also had weird life experiences that you may or may not be able to explain. Advice on how to deal with what happened and put it behind me. Because I know that I have to move forward. But I'm so angry and frustrated with myself that it's easier said than done.

I've lost a fair bit of weight over the last couple of months. I don't weigh myself anymore but I can tell by how things are fitting and also by the fact that I'm suddenly cold all of the time again. Anyway, sorry if this is depressing or whatever. I don't really ever ask for help like this so I'm kinda embarrassed that I'm actually doing it because I feel like maybe I'm not actually relapsing and maybe what I'm doing is okay--but then I realize that that's just the eating disorder talking because the fact is is that I'm anorexic and in a relapse. And it really sucks. I can't believe how out of hand this has all gotten.

I just want to be normal again.




posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 05:41 AM
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a reply to: rukia




And then recently my mom got sick and has been recovering from having breast cancer.

I have a fiance--who is my best friend and knows all of what's going on. I'm not currently actively getting help because I want to wait for my mom to finish her treatment so that I don't put additional stress on her.



Get help or you may not be around to help your Mom. Anorexia is nothing to ignore and hope it gets better.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 05:45 AM
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It doesnt sound weird .. people all react differently to stress and stressful situations .. beyond that wont attempt making a diagnosis online as its impossible to make a full proper evaluation over the internet .. best recomendation would be find a qualified person in your area to share your concerns with .. good luck to you and hope your mother has a good recovery .. apologies unable to help further ..
edit on 14/4/15 by Expat888 because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 05:46 AM
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a reply to: rukia

If you feel confortable enough to share these weird experiences we can probably help you make sense of them or rationalize them.

Talking about and sharing what you consider weird helped me much to put things in perspective.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 06:20 AM
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a reply to: rukia

First off, with this:

...but then I realize that that's just the eating disorder talking because the fact is is that I'm anorexic and in a relapse...


It's important that you can see this. It won't save your life but it's a good foundation and puts you ahead of many people with eating disorders. You've overcome the denial.

That's all I can say, you are your own person.

How do I cope with life's traumas? Deaths of close friends, deaths of family, both parents with cancer, partner hospitalised for over a month with our new born.... These are indeed sad times in my life but I don't take life seriously. I care for people and wouldn't intentionally hurt others but I feel this is just a game, one step in a larger game. Whatever happens to us, we all die and either it's lights out or something else. I don't know - there's something psychopathic about the way I deal with problems. I also pre empt them - in my eyes we're all going to die of unnatural causes like cancer, so when my parents got it - I sort of expected it. I expect I'll get it, or some other terrible illness.

If a problem does effect me I generally go through a couple of quiet days of intense introspective thinking in relation to the problem then I kind of cope with it.

Not sure I've helped but that's a glimpse into my psyche.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 06:41 AM
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Take positive actions to get help for yourself. Your moms recovery will be faster if she is not having to spend time worrying about you being ill too.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 06:49 AM
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a reply to: rukia
It doesn't sound stupid.
It sounds like someone who is struggling inside.
Seek treat asap and do not feel any shame.
You are worth it!



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 07:07 AM
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Not an expert, but have someone close to me with same issues.
My 2 cents...

I'd say regiment your intake and make sure you eat 3 meals a day, by alarm clock on your phone, if you need to, also take iron and vitamin supplements, and make sure you get a quick check of your blood work and physical. Rule out any underlying health issues.

When you wake up in the morning, don't skip breakfast, even if your not hungry, it starts your metabolism up.
Even if it's just water and toast.

Psychological issues from traumatic experiences can be overcome by talking through them with trusted people.
If your afraid of their response and opinion of your sanity from divulging said experiences, then do it here, there are a million wild experiences posted here and probably someone with similar ones as well.
The sooner you deal with underlying issues, the sooner you can get your appetite and health back in line.

Gotta find your body & mind balance for health.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 07:20 AM
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Take a walk out in public and look at people who are heavy. Compare yourself against people who are way overweight, not against someone who is normal or skinny. Are those people who are heavy living and having fun most times? Yes they are. Now go out and buy a cheeseburger and savor every bite. Your fiance met you when you were a little heavier, I'm sure he doesn't need you any skinnier and less healthy. Maybe have a malt with that cheeseberger.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 07:34 AM
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a reply to: rickymouse

Trying to tell OP to eat more is completely missing the point.

First, this kind of anorexia is often caused by body dysmorphic disorder. Trying to rationalize OP about her appearance or regimen is useless. The OP needs to see a therapist to fix the underlying psychological issue.

Second, the OP did not come here to ask advice regarding her anorexia, but as a cry for help on how to deal with the trauma associated with paranormal experiences.
edit on 14-4-2015 by JUhrman because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 07:48 AM
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a reply to: rukia

It is encouraging to hear that you have a fiance that is supportive of you. Have you talked with him about your current struggles? Maybe both of you could think of a way to help you gradually work your way to eating regular portions again.

For me personally, loved ones and family are the only things that got me through my drug addiction (I know anorexia is different, but in ways it is a similar struggle). When I had lost all hope and was spiraling down out of control, I saw what it was doing to those around me and could see all of the time I had spent away from people, missing out on skiing with my little sister etc. and it helped me to seek out a recovery plan.

It's great that you have the courage to write about it - that's a huge step in the right direction. Keeping you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 08:10 AM
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Food is one of the longest-lasting pleasures in life.

As you grow older, life's little joys have a way of diminishing. Don't let yourself be deprived of this one.

While I'm not very heavy, I am overweight now, where I was very skinny until I was 21. And I wouldn't change a thing.
I love the taste of food. I find myself fearful that my life will pass without knowing the oral ecstasy of fine dishes I have never tried. There are so many that I know there will be amazing dishes that I will never get the chance to experience and I hate that. However, I know if I died tomorrow, that I have certainly had a plethora of fine meals that I have enjoyed immensely and with considerable regularity.

I personally love a lasagna with it's tantalizing mix of flavor, an omelet filled with cheese and topped with sour cream, nachos piled high with any number of delicious ingredients, savoring fine chocolate as it glides toward your stomach, downing a whole pint of lightly melted ice cream, a thick and juicy burger with just the right amount of toppings. The perfect combination of broccoli, rice and cheese, and of course, bacon.

Forget about junk food and all the snacky, crappy stuff. Avoid HFCS and other poor additives.
Learn to use fresh ingredients, experience home-cooked recipes more often, taste new things. Embrace the flavor.

Indulge in the foods that you love because you never know when you'll never get the chance to taste them again.



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 10:10 AM
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Thank you all for your responses.

Indeed, my fiance is very supportive--he was actually one of the main reasons I recovered initially a couple of years ago. He says that I improve under less stressful conditions. He makes sure I don't go a full day without eating anything. I trust him and eat much better while in his company. He's a wonderful partner--he's the man I want to grow old with. And I am so grateful for his love and dedication in staying by my side to help me fight this.

Yeah, I won't ask for help with my eating disorder on here but any tips in dealing with weird stuff are 100% absolutely appreciated. See, I think that my eating disorder is at least in-part caused by my heightened sensitivity/perhaps a semi-conscious desire to quell that heightened perceptual awareness-- as a 'crutch' of sorts to help me numb out uncomfortable things. I think what really set this relapse off was me wanting to escape being able to sense things (without going into too much detail--because it's not really pertinent and because I honestly don't know how to explain it very well, myself). lol Because the very LAST thing I want to end up like is like Amy from that show The Dead Files.

I think my biggest hurdle is working up the balls to call my therapist and schedule and appointment. I am torn between wanting to do this and wanting to get better on my own--which is basically what I've done up unto this point. But I know that I'd probably be more receptive to the CBT/whatever else therapy now that I'm not dealing so much with denial (like I was in the past--wooo boy I was a pain in the a$$ to deal with when that was going down let me tell ya T_T"). See my therapist told me to start doing individual sessions but part of me is wondering if I should just enroll myself in a residential treatment place and go big or go home. I don't really know which one would help me more. I'd prefer the talk therapy but I'm just unsure as to how effective that will be verses the more intensive treatment at the end of the day.

So yeah, any more insight into how I can cope with weird life happenings that are outside the realm of normal expected life happenings would be appreciated.

I have a life that I want to live. I just hope I can get over what all caused this mess in the first place. Thanks again for the help. It means a lot, guys.
edit on 14-4-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 10:53 AM
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It would really make things easier if you helped us understand what kind of weird things we are talking about! Is it related to your heightened sensitivity?

There are plenty of things that could cause you to see, hear or feel weird things. Don't be afraid to share more ATS is precisely the place where people can understand you and help you with this.
edit on 14-4-2015 by JUhrman because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 10:59 AM
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a reply to: rukia

First of all, I want to point out that in terms of weird experiences of the sort you are talking about, I have had very few, and to be quite honest, all the Lovecraftian nightmares one can conjure are an awful lot less harrowing than living normal life anyway if you ask me.

With that in mind, it seems pretty clear to me that your symptoms stem from some sort of dysmorphia or other, and that those symptoms get worse, when there is more stress in your life. I suppose it must be quite difficult to both care about ones appearance, AND dislike ones own appearance in general.

I could not give a crap what I look like, so I have no idea what that is like. What I do know though, is what it is like to loose weight because you cannot afford to eat. Of the two reasons to loose weight, I would rather shed weight through hardship, than by way of a mechanic of my own psychoses, but that is just me I guess!



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 11:28 AM
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a reply to: JUhrman

Oh, well, I guess the first thing would be I've always been able to see energy. Besides when I was really thin, of course.
I guess I'm mainly sensitive to how places feel--if that makes sense. Like, if I go somewhere that feels off or weird or something it gives me a panic attack of sorts. Being spiritually sensitive runs in my family--we are rh-negatives. There's nothing that happens all of the time besides the energy, but I can either focus in on that or let it blend into the background if that makes sense. Basically I suppose you could say I have a very good intuition. That's all it really is. My grandmother used to have prophetic dreams that would come true, my aunt is a strong empath, my mom can do some weird # (like see through your eyes and see the answer while playing Mastermind--things like that lol).

Simply put, I am sensitive with regards to variations in the radiant aether.

I do recall a series of odd lucid dreams where things that looked like a feather weighed a million pounds and something like an elephant was as light as a feather. So perhaps that is at the root of the cause of the dysmorphia. Or plays some role or something.

My main issue isn't not seeing myself correctly--it is the feeling of being 'fat'--which is probably actually feeling embarrassed or helpless or afraid because fat isn't actually a feeling.

I choose not to explore whatever spiritual gifts I have because I don't want to open the door wider than it already is--nor do I want to invite anything else into my life. Sorry I can't be more clear on what exactly I experience--I've always tried my best to ignore it. Granted, it sure can be helpful in some instances, but most of the time being aware like this is a headache. And it singles me out as being weird. Perhaps by starving myself I was also just trying to fit in. Or give myself a handicap to make things interesting. I don't even know. Maybe it's all of those things. (or maybe I'm just totally screwed up haha).

But in all seriousness, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. Maybe I'm just overreacting. But I'm just trying to understand all of this because I'm a pretty level-headed person and I know how to handle myself. But when what I'm feeling isn't coming from me but from my environment, I can get sort of overwhelmed at times and would like to know how others have adapted to coping with such things.

I don't really think that learning to cope would exactly solve the eating disorder. But I sure think that 'accepting myself' would go a long way in facilitating recovery.

Wow sorry about the confusing post. I am sorta tired atm

edit on 14-4-2015 by rukia because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 11:51 AM
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Feeling fat while you are not totally sound like body dismorphism but therapy is the only way out of it.

Being hypersensible on the other hand is something you could accept better by talking about it here or with your fiance. For a starter it's quite common and many people have high intuition to varying degrees. There are neurological explanations for this but it hardly explain all of it. There are many resources online on how to deal with it. Some people try to shield themselves or to ignore it but it's never a lasting solution.

Also you should know lack of food or sleep will only increase the intensity so it's actually a very good reason for you to get therapy to solve your eating disorder. What you considered some kind of escape mechanism is actually the cause of your symptom.

I know panic attacks and high sensibility can be very difficult to deal with but they shouldn't cause trauma. Maybe there's more you don't want to share and I can respect that, but hiding it inside will not help you overcome it.

At the very least therapy can also help you with panic attacks and the social anxiety caused by your sensibility so definitely contact a therapist.

It soundslike you need to learn to manage your emotions and feelings and CBT can help a lot. As does grounding yourself more by eating properly, avoiding cafeine, going outside and doing exercise
edit on 14-4-2015 by JUhrman because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 12:51 PM
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It's inspiring to see you reach and practice getting help.

Everyone has their challenges, and many want to help themselves all on their own.Sometimes, the stubborn side of us can be very reluctant to ask for help,but sooner or later I think most learn that they can't do everything on their own.When you think about the goals you have for yourself, try not to measure yourself by where you are in relation to what you seek, rather by the daily efforts you practice making along the way.Idk, I feel many would benefit by focusing more on practice then simply staring at what they want long term.

What you mentioned about noticing that cold feeling is something that reminds me of some adversity I've been working through.During a particularly manic time in my life, I found my own body weight plummeting as I frantically wrestled with my own issues by burning the candle at both ends and in the middle.

Part of my healing placed me on some different kinds of medicine that had side effects of weight gain for example.The reason I bring this up, is that I feel that aside from the nutritional aspect of diagnosis like this I have a sneaking suspicion the lower body weight increases our sensitivity to the more hidden side of life.For example, individuals will fast when they are going on vision quests or that sort of mission.I found the weight gain was good to a certain extent for slowing down that mode of perception and being able to have some time to think more clearly about and assimilate my experiences up to that point.It's almost like the weight has an insulating effect of some kind on the energies around and passing through us.

I found hemp hearts are a good source of nutrition, if eating bulk is part of what makes you reluctant to eat more.Friends of mine use it for working out, though it has different effects depending on how you use it.I mention this specifically because I believe it is similar to mother's milk as far as nutrition goes a very complete form of getting alot of what our diets lack now a days.I like to start my day off with those in a kefir smoothy blended with fruit.It's something to consider taking a look at.

It's good that you are working on improving your health.A healthy body is one of the keys to unfolding your spiritual gifts.I am optimistic that working on your physical health will improve balance in all the other areas of your life.(I know i'm preaching to choir
)With your efforts to figure out which other tools to work with, I feel that the CBT could do alot of good.I've looked into that myself for a loved one, if you have the means (financial support or health plan) go for it.Individuals are sometimes reluctant to get one on one help, but I think for someone like you it may be better.

I haven't been through any kind of residential treatment place per se, but what I imagine is that being sensitive may create a challenge from the contrast that could come up between the way the others in the place feel and what the therapists in the house are trying to achieve.Individually if your intuition doesn't feel comfortable with the initial therapists you encounter while exploring CBT, it may be easier to give someone else the opportunity to work with you then switch residential treatment facilities.Not because your loved ones aren't standing behind you,but rather just the practicalities of the situation. Besides, you can always take advantage of that form of help down the road.

Please, if you decide to do one on one therapy, take the time to do research and find someone who you feel comfortable with.There is many who have had negative experiences with professionals in this field, but I think they may have sold themselves short by not trying to find someone more suited to their individual needs.The better therapists, and psychologists often provide extensive information online and in person about their education, areas of expertise, methodologies they use and other factors to consider how well they may be able to communicate or be able to see where you are coming from.Take advantage of that info, to encourage a smoother healing experience...
edit on 14-4-2015 by dffrntkndfnml because: spacing

edit on 14-4-2015 by dffrntkndfnml because: grammer



posted on Apr, 14 2015 @ 11:56 PM
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originally posted by: rukia

I was recovered for a couple of years--but then when all of this weird stuff started happening in my life and in my friends' lives (paranormal really messed up/traumatic events) I found it hard to cope because it was honestly all very traumatic. And then recently my mom got sick and has been recovering from having breast cancer.

I have a fiance--who is my best friend and knows all of what's going on. I'm not currently actively getting help because I want to wait for my mom to finish her treatment so that I don't put additional stress on her.

I've lost a fair bit of weight over the last couple of months. I don't weigh myself anymore but I can tell by how things are fitting and also by the fact that I'm suddenly cold all of the time again. Anyway, sorry if this is depressing or whatever. I don't really ever ask for help like this so I'm kinda embarrassed that I'm actually doing it because I feel like maybe I'm not actually relapsing and maybe what I'm doing is okay--but then I realize that that's just the eating disorder talking because the fact is is that I'm anorexic and in a relapse. And it really sucks. I can't believe how out of hand this has all gotten.

I just want to be normal again.



Right now you ARE under stress, a severe amount of it. The fact that you realize you need help is a HUGE step! Massive! I'm incredibly sorry to hear about your relapse and your mother. I hope it won't offend you if I offer my prayers. I am glad to hear you have the support system of your fiancé. That's good to have someone there for you. Very good that they understand not only the stress that you are undergoing right now, but that they can be there for you to fall back on when you need them. I think it's incredibly brave and considerate of you to not want to put your mom under stress by letting her know what you're going through, but I'm sure if she knew, she'd want to be there for you just as you are for her. As a mother, no matter how sick I were, I can honestly say I'd want to be there for my daughter. You are a wonderful daughter, who I can see obviously loves your mother very much. I'm very sorry you are all going through this right now.

I know we didn't talk much when you made those two jpegs for me for my Avatar, and I only know some about anorexia, (only what I've learned through articles, etc...), but should you ever need an ear, feel free to IM. I'll be there.

[[[[[[[Hugs Rukia]]]]]]]]



posted on Apr, 15 2015 @ 12:11 AM
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a reply to: rukia

Knowing next to nothing at all about any of this (he lies) I would say concentrate on nutrition. Put that first and the rest should follow. It is as simple as that. And now I will of course add some more.
Feel free to disregard any or all of it but you will probably be better off going with what feels right to you.
I think that some good liquid vitamins will most likely help and something that you once enjoyed eating perhaps also? Dont know for sure. Ice cream maybe. Get calories any way that is comfortable and remember that you NEED some body fat. Before anyone flames me here you should know that I dropped 60 lbs from being stupid and living on beer for a year or so but im just beginning to add a few pounds in the past few months. Thats all I have for now except to say best wishes and I wish you good luck with this as you seem to be a very nice person.
edit on 15-4-2015 by bluemooone2 because: (no reason given)



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