RIP B'asia

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful comments!

originally posted by: Sremmos80
I hope it helped a little to write this all out and recall the good times.

I'd have to say that it did help. It allowed me to let down all the walls and cry so hard, my stomach hurts. It was cathartic. It was hard as hell, but I needed it.

The last link in my post was supposed to be this. s116.photobucket.com...

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic


Benevolent, I'm so sorry for your loss. She's such a beautiful girl. Know that she is watching over you with that same loving spirit she has always had. My heart breaks for you. Take your time and heal from this.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

My deepest sympathy goes out to you. I also just lost my golden lab to kidney failure about a month ago. It came on fast without warning, and a week later he was gone. It's really hard when there's no time to prepare - I was no where ready to let my boy go. It's really hard even writing this..He was just under 8 years old.

Each day does get a little easier, but I still find myself in tears quite often.

Let yourself cry when needed, although I haven't figured out yet if it's helping.

All your dogs are so beautiful, I hope your other two are able to live a very long healthy life.
Only problem with our fur-babies is that they don't live long enough

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

This pic of B'asia:

When a Shepherd sleeps in this position,in my experience,that is a sign they feel perfectly safe and protected-zero worries.
The best feeling a dog can have in this crazy world.
B'asia felt completley safe with you BH.

You are a good soul and a hero human to all German Shepherds.

Balling my eyes out reading your post for you and your family. I loved all B'asia's videos and pics over the years. I need to take myself offline to compose myself for a bit. Big hugs, I am so incredibly sad for you all.

Z

Oh, BH, I am beyond sad for you and your pack.
I'm in tears.

I remember when you got B'asia...such a wonderful dog.
She was on this earth for far too little a time!

So sorry, I know the pain all to well...

It is always gut wrenching to lose a precious pet. Your dog is gorgeous and now hanging out with the many pets of members here who have lost their furry friends. You shall meet again.
HUGS!

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

Oh, I'm so, so sorry.

She was a beautiful/brilliant puppers and you are a wonderful owner. My deepest sympathies.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

My heart goes out to you...our animal friends are family and sometimes closer to our hearts than other humans are.

Also I send to you...

Thank you all so much, for your words, here and in PM, and also your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate the feeling of support I have gotten here. It's helped me more than I can say.

Today is a better day.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

I can only offer my most sincere condolences.

Kindest regards,

Reminds me of the song Time and Tide by Basia, sad, I loved and miss my dog as well, I cried for a long time. It gets better over time, I know its hard to imagine that at this time, but it does. I was suddenly left with no one to take care of. She slept in my bed, she got health food store and human food, she had the best life. I would have given my whole family to get her back. Years later, I am ok with it, but still miss her. Some humans just don't understand.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

beautiful dog and she seemed special the way you described her. so sorry for your loss. you never forget the special ones

I am so sorry for your loss.

I feel like a big ol' sissy sitting here looking at the pictures of your B'asia and blubbering.

I'll go with what I would have said to you a few years ago ... may her passing over the Rainbow Bridge be gentle, and may she find peace, endless snacks and plenty of ear-scratchin's on the Other Side until you can be with her again.

But there are no words. Every metaphor fails miserably.

You are in my thoughts. Be blessed.

As soon as I saw her name in the title I knew who it was.

I know that pain. It sucks.

So very sorry. You can sometimes do a mental 'life review' and know she had a good one. Doesn't stop you from missing her, but it can, at times, bring a smile -- remembering her antics, and the things she loved to do.

Oh god BH, I'm so sorry. Over the years I got to know just how much love you have for your four legged family members. Make me sick this happened.

I can't believe I missed this. I am sorry more than you know for your loss. Like others here, I too have lost a beloved pet - her name was Kayla - my username is in her honor.

Take care and remember, B'asia had a wonderful (albeit too short) life with you and your family. Feel good about the joy you gave her, as well as the joy she gave you.

I wanted to thank you all again for your kindness and let you know that I'm doing better. I also wanted to ramble a little, (or a lot).

I'm doing OK. My husband and I have both come to terms with our decisions around B'asia's death. We felt SO guilty and second-guessed ourselves for about a week... holding each other and crying, because we wondered... did we do the right thing?

The stress of B'asia's illness and death wore my immunity and I got a pretty bad cold. One day this week I was lounging on the sun porch, just kind of thinking and quietly crying, and I closed my eyes and thought, "B'asia, I'm not sure we did the right thing, sweetheart, but you know we love you so much and whatever we did, it was because we adore you so much and didn't want you to suffer any more... If we were wrong, I'm so sorry! And if there's any way you can let me know that you're OK, I would really love that..."

Less than a minute later, my husband arrived home from the post office with a very nice card from the crematory. That's one.

I got up to go to the restroom and on my way into the hall, I smelled her. Now, with my cold, I could neither smell nor taste my own food, but the scent of her at the head of the hall (her place) was so strong, it stopped me in my tracks. I told my husband and we cried. That's two.

Since I was sick, I decided to sit and watch some TV. I turned it on and was flipping through the channels and came across a Long Island Medium rerun (which I really like) so I stopped there and Teresa was reading a lady who worked at a doggie daycare. She told the lady that she was bringing a message from her dog. Her dog wanted her to know that the decisions she made around her dog's death were all absolutely right and good and that her dog was with other loved ones who had passed before. I got a flash of a picture in my head of B'asia lightly "biting" on Mia's neck (our other dog, who we lost two years ago) as she always did when they were both here. That's three.

So, within 15 minutes of "talking" to B'asia, I felt I had 3 signs from her. To be honest, I don't know if it was coincidence or my imagination - or if things like that actually do mean something, but I chose to believe the latter. Since then, I have felt a weight lifted and I do feel like I can move through the grief and let my life get somewhat back to normal. I feel more at peace.

Just a couple things I wanted to ramble on about... B'asia LOVED to lick the bottom of my feet while I was watching TV in the evening. She would get excited when I took my shoes off and get up from wherever she was to come and "clean" my feet. It annoyed me a bit at first, but she was so persistent (she apparently loved it so much) that I decided not to fight it and let her get her jollies. Eventually, I came to see it as a sign of love from her and I began to enjoy it myself. It felt nurturing and sweet and was just one her "quirky" things...

During her last week, before we knew the extent of her illness, she stopped doing that. She just didn't feel good enough to get up and do it. One evening, I said to my husband, "I can't wait till she gets better and feels good enough to get up and clean my feet. I really miss that..." Well, she never did. There have been so many times when I have just ACHED thinking about that. So, I decided to teach Jaia to do it, which he did. He's such a good and smart boy. But his tongue and touch are much softer than hers and I could tell he was doing it because I asked him to and not because he LOVES to. I wanted it to be the same, but it's not. So, I stopped asking him to. It's just one more way that I'll miss B'asia...

Also, we never realized how "loud" B'asia was! Not just verbally, but her energy and spirit were SO big, they filled the house! She was always prancing around, vocalizing, letting out a bark at the slightest noise, in and out of the dog door to keep an eye on everything. During her second year, my husband asked me, "When will she outgrow her puppy stage?" and I told him sometimes it takes to or three years. After her fourth and fifth birthdays, with absolutely no change, we just resigned ourselves to the idea of having a puppy forever. We got used to the idea and came to love it, hoping she would never outgrow her puppyhood. And she didn't.

When my husband (whose office is downstairs) would turn off his light after work, B'asia would always hear it and come from wherever she was in the house, to the top of the stairs and bump the gate with her nose, so she could greet him. ALWAYS. Now, he turns of the light and nothing happens, and his heart drops. It's reminders like that, the holes left in our lives, that hurt now.

There's a dirty spot on the wall at the head of the hallway. It was "her place", because lying there, leaning on the wall, she could see me in the kitchen, and jump up if I gave Jaia a bit of broccoli or small chunk of cheese, knowing that I had one for her, too. From her spot, she could hear my husband downstairs, and also "guard" the bedrooms at night. She had her "paw on the pulse" of the household. I can't bring myself to wash the wall. I sometimes look over there while working in the kitchen, just to "feel" her. I can almost see her there.



The house is quiet. The puppy energy is gone. But her spirit is still with us in our memories and we will always love her and always know what an honor it was that she chose to share her short life with us.

If you read this, congratulations! And thank you.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

The worst is when you lose the intelligent ones. They have the most fun quirks and are the most relatable. We had a dog that was super smart. He used to love watching us play on the computer (often trying to bite the screen). He used to trick our other dog (literally the canine equivalent of a dumb blond, even her fur is dirty blond) whenever she was getting attention from us by seeking out her favorite toy then playing with it until we threw it. Naturally the other dog would chase after it and then the smart one would jump onto our lap for attention time. His name was Chip and sometimes it felt like he was another human in the house. His energy, spirit, and intelligence were THAT relatable.

We also lost him to an illness... I spent the night over my friends house the night before he died. He waited until I came home then shortly later passed away. That act alone destroyed me for the rest of the weekend.

I'm sorry for your loss there.