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Childless Parents

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posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 10:49 AM
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a reply to: Variable


Yes and it sounds like your ego makes you think you know what your talking about, even though the point is you don't have any basis for authority right?

It takes an ego to point out the ego in others. I am perfectly fine with how my "ego" is developing and changing. It's pretty hard, if not impossible to live without one. No need to resort to personal attacks.

When it comes to making things more efficient, I do know what I'm talking about depending on the subject matter. I'm not sure how you can say otherwise considering you've never met me.

I can still offer good parenting advice only if the situation was explained to me in detail. If I cannot be of service, then I would have no problem saying that. Being confident in ones abilities does not necessarily stem from one's ego.

Until you have as many stars and flags as me, I don't believe you have enough experience on ATS for me to take your advice seriously. /sarcasm





posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 10:56 AM
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originally posted by: ketsuko
But when you see someone in the grocery store with child in a full-on screaming fit, wrapped around their leg and the parent is simply dragging the kid along as they shop ... It's easy to assume the kid is throwing a tantrum because the parent refused to buy an item.


Even then, if the parent chooses to raise their kid like that, it's their business. I remember my mother using a situation like that (another kid throwing a tantrum) to instill in me to NEVER behave that way.



I think that's the point of this rant.


Maybe you're right, but I didn't get that at all from the OP. If that had been what the OP was about, I would have agreed 100%. But instead, it was about "childless parents" giving advice. Period. It was about telling people who don't have kids that they have ZERO experience with kids (which is patently false) and to STFU. It was about telling me that because I didn't birth any kids that my opinion doesn't count. Which is a valid opinion, I just disagree.

If it was about offering unsolicited advice to a parent in the store, then I'm in agreement.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 11:01 AM
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a reply to: DAVID64

No offense but I've heard the same stories over and over again.

"There is no manual for parenting..."

"The amount of times i've got up a 2 A.M..."

"You don't know because you don't have kids..."

I've heard it too many times. Yes parenting is hard work and the mothers (and some fathers) who have newborns deserve the credit. But they are not the only one who are up all night. Emergency services are on call all night and when they aren't stitching up a patient or performing CPR or they are watching a mangled corpse being scooped out of a car. They are overworked and underpaid but they never feel the need to constantly remind us about the amount of times they get up at 2 A.M.

Paramedics do what they need to do- just like parents do what they need to do. So they next time your infant throws up on you in the early morning, spare a thought for those paramedics.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 11:21 AM
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a reply to: DAVID64

I would like to add a friends personal story that may reconsider your rant.

A friend of mine's newborn son was gravely ill. He had a prediagnosed brain condition and the prognosis was not good. My friend gave me a call after the birth and he was a mess and I did what I could to comfort him (but I'm not a parent so what do I know.)

The boy is much better but he still needs specialist care and not once has my friend complained about waking up at 2 A.M because he is happy that his son is still breathing.

This is for you Doom.


edit on 21-3-2015 by Thecakeisalie because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 11:31 AM
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a reply to: Thecakeisalie

When I was about 15, my infant nephew stopped breathing... His mother, FREAKED with panic, handed her infant to me. I kept a cool head and got him breathing again. Sometimes "childless parents" can and do help.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 11:34 AM
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I've got 6 kids and 2 grandkids.

I don't even tell my daughter how to raise my two grandkids.

Guess who I listened to as I was raising my kids?

Was it some young buck with a sheep skin on their wall? Nope.
Was it some stranger in a store? Nope.
Was it from people who didn't have kids of their own? Nope.

Ignored all those people.

Instead, I asked those who had experience: My parents. My wife's parents. Friends of our that had their own kids, especially if their kids were older.

Did I do everything that even they said? Nope.

We did things OUR way. Which was a mixture of things we remembered as kids ourselves, or advice from our parents, along with new ideas, and advice from friends who had kids.

If it worked, we kept it. If it didn't work, we didn't keep on doing it.

Funniest thing in the world was a good friend of mine while I was in the Navy, he and his wife were planning on having kids. He had a book on parenting that he was reading. I laughed and asked him about it. He told me that he wanted to be ready and so he and his wife were reading every book they could get their hands on written by "experts"

I told him that it wouldn't mater how many books they read, they were going to be in for things not "covered" by the book or they would find things get actually worse.

A few years later I ran into him again. Asked about his kids, which were doing great. I asked how much those books helped. His face got red and he laughed. Said it was some of the stupidest crap he'd ever read. Nothing worked, or things got worse. They took to just working things out for themselves or doing what their parents had did.

As a adult volunteer with the Boy Scouts, I'm here to tell you that I've seen the results of kids who were raised by those who used books written by those who thought they knew best, and those that decided to raise their kids either how they were raised or by figuring it out on their own.

Guess which boys get into trouble a lot more, never listen or always seem to have issues?

Not the ones who's parents raised them either like they were raised, or figured it out on their own.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 12:23 PM
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originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: Anyafaj




I've heard comments about my frequent miscarriages and how I must have "deserved" it by my stepmother and stepsister.



I don't know how you kept from spitting in their face. At least.



My stepsister was pregnant when she made the comment once, "At least mine lived" I have never wanted to attack a pregnant woman more. Worse, I was dragged to her baby shower for her 2nd child, just weeks after my miscarriage. When she said that, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. It was one of my worst miscarriages with severe heavy bleeding to the point where I had to go to the ER and everything. I didn't even know I was pregnant, My ex and I were playing around and he went to throw me over his shoulder just horsing around, and I felt such agonizing pain I laid in bed for days bleeding. But yeah, "At least hers lived".



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 12:27 PM
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a reply to: butcherguy
"I got to the bottom of the carpeted stairs just in time to see her launch a formidable projectile vomitus down at me. She hit every stairstep, the walls, the landing and the door at the bottom."

Wow! That takes talent

edit on 21-3-2015 by Autorico because: added quote for context



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 12:30 PM
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originally posted by: Benevolent Heretic
a reply to: DAVID64

There's a HUGE difference between a non-parent using their limited experience with children to give their sincere advice (which I have done many times) and some arrogant little brat who is just out to drill insults into other people (which I have seen on ATS)...

Please don't lump us all into the heading of "childless parents". When I give advice, it's with the understanding that in my many years on this planet, while I have cared for literally hundreds of children, some over long periods of time, I don't have the experience of being an actual parent (except to the 4-legged variety of child). So, even though I can only imagine what it's like to be a parent, I have a pretty darn good imagination and my advice is given with the care and respect due to parents.

So, I won't STFU. May I suggest that you simply ignore me or others like me, who get under your skin so badly?




Se, before I had my daughter, I helped raise my brother since he was 6 months old. I felt I was a second mother to him, if you will. That use to tick off my stepmother if I used that phrase, second mother, but what would you call someone who was there every step of the way? Not to mention, I took parenting classes at age 13, red cross classes at age 12, and a base fireman's baby sitter course to gain certification in baby sitting at age 12. By high school, I was taking childhood development courses to gain even more insight into children. I was fascinated! I spent so many hours baby sitting it was unreal! When I went to college, I majored in Education with a minor in Journalism, with 6 months internship in a classroom as a Teaching Assistant in a special needs classroom. Who knew it was life experience I was getting before it was my time?

I don't mind getting advice from someone who has the experience, life-wise. But from a smart-alec, no I could do without.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 12:33 PM
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originally posted by: Lysergic
Seems having kids isn't as wonderful as everyone pretends.


It depends on who you ask. Me, personally, it's worth every tear, every grey hair, every laugh, and every snuck look at your daughter when she's sleeping knowing you could be visiting a grave.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 12:38 PM
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originally posted by: Thecakeisalie
a reply to: DAVID64

I would like to add a friends personal story that may reconsider your rant.

A friend of mine's newborn son was gravely ill. He had a prediagnosed brain condition and the prognosis was not good. My friend gave me a call after the birth and he was a mess and I did what I could to comfort him (but I'm not a parent so what do I know.)

The boy is much better but he still needs specialist care and not once has my friend complained about waking up at 2 A.M because he is happy that his son is still breathing.

This is for you Doom.



Considering my daughter was born dead, died 3 times the day she was born, and is 19 years old now, I take every day I have with her as a blessing. You paramedics, doctors, and nurses, are a Godsend! Thank you for everything you do and aren't acknowledged for.




posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 12:57 PM
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a reply to: Anyafaj

I was never a paramedic or a doctor-but I do know others that are and I wanted to highlight their good work.

Many parents like to get on their high horse and tell everyone how they are awake all night looking after their children, bu there are so many parents that stay awake at night in a hospital waiting room as the doctors work all night to keep their children alive.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 01:16 PM
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a reply to: DAVID64

While it is true that my body has never given birth, my life situations gifted me the blessing of raising 2 of my nieces into adulthood. I've experienced all those moments you ranted about and more. Cradle cap, chicken pox, whooping cough as infants to toddlers, all the way through their first kiss and hugs at their high school graduations. I did this 100% alone and without financial assistance.

Does this not make me a parent?



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 01:38 PM
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a reply to: Ultralight

I don't think the OP made giving actual birth a requirement.

I believe the OP was saying: Only if you have had to raise children yourself.

To me that can be: adoption, step-kids, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, or even the neighbor kids that spend more time at YOUR house than their own house (I've seen that too).



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 01:53 PM
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originally posted by: Thecakeisalie
a reply to: Anyafaj

I was never a paramedic or a doctor-but I do know others that are and I wanted to highlight their good work.

Many parents like to get on their high horse and tell everyone how they are awake all night looking after their children, bu there are so many parents that stay awake at night in a hospital waiting room as the doctors work all night to keep their children alive.





Sorry, I misread it. Forgive me, they do get my recognition though.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 02:10 PM
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Of course, much advice from actual parents is no better.




I've learned that parenting is an ever evolving skill adapted to the SPECIFIC child or children, where the game changes nearly daily.

And the real truth is that being a parent is very much like sledding down a snowy hillside. Rarely the same experience twice. Often much faster than you'd like...with much less control than you think...and an ample amount of hope that it will all end well.



As is true with much in life....good advice- or bad for that matter- can come from anywhere.


edit on 21-3-2015 by loam because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 02:10 PM
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a reply to: DAVID64

Other people, I don't care who they are should not be lecturing to other parents how to raise their kids.

The only exception being when a child could come to harm and I suppose I can understand health workers giving out advice.

otherwise they should shut up and focus on their own kids, and if they are not changing nappies (that's diaper's for the Americans) at 3am they should be slapped silly for saying "the study says.....!



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 03:07 PM
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a reply to: Anyafaj

Blimey! With relatives like that you don'y need any enemies. You have enough on your plate being told "it's your fault".
It's no ones fault, it's really the luck of the draw, just love your daughter and she will love you back.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 03:12 PM
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originally posted by: DAVID64
You have ZERO experience getting up at 2 am to feed and change a baby. Or have warm baby puke running down the back of your shoulder after that. Or having a baby pee in your face, when you took his diaper off a little too soon, or the cool air makes him want to pee again. This time straight up at you. You don't know what it's like to have to clean a baby, after they've got a hand in what's in their diaper and smear it all over themselves, their crib, the blankets, the wall AND YOU when you start cleaning it up.

You have no idea what it's like to stay up all night because they have a fever. Or listen for the slightest sound from their room, pole vault out of bed and run in to see if they're choking on mucus, heart doing a Neil Peart impression. [ The YYZ solo for you fellow fans ] You don't know what it's like to have to "baby proof" a whole house. Or go through a room, inspecting every inch before you put them down, to make sure there are no little things lying around for them to stick in their mouths and choke on. You don't know the endless hours of potty training. Or the terrifying experiences you'll have when they start learning to walk. Or all the scrapes and scabs they'll have when they do learn.
You think because you baby sat for your little brother or sister a few times, you know what it's like to be a parent and that gives you the right to tell the rest of us we're doing it wrong.
No.
You Don't.
Till you have one and they're at least a few years old....stay out of it. Your opinion doesn't count.


Jesus, & I was already not wanting kids, thank you for sealing the deal for me.



posted on Mar, 21 2015 @ 04:33 PM
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a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

Well it is patently true that not only do you have zero experience living with a kid 24/7/365 but it is also patently true that you do not know those particular kids.

A lot of times, people who parrot advice they've heard that comes from something they've read and not actually practiced as if the parents themselves are either 1.) unaware because we're too stupid to do our own research or 2.) somehow less knowledgeable about child care despite being in the midst of it.

A lot of times we have sought solutions in a variety of ways, even tried those tidbits of advice being dispensed perhaps, but because the kids are all different, what we're doing is what we've arrived at for the present. You neither know what we have nor where we've been.



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