"No shame" for male domestic abuse victims, says scalded victim

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Thought I made that point clear in my post brother.

Yea no worries man I'm living it. She's the brand new dodje journey four bedroom house while I am homeless and work a 20/ per hour job and support the 5 of us.

I'm 26 years old. I'm a fire/ intrusion alarm tech. The lonelyness and inability to see our children is painful. Awh I could go on and on but rather not.

originally posted by: DYepes
In my book, and how my pappy raised me, any man that is being physically abused (unwillingly of course

) by a woman, is no man at all. There is no such thing as emotional abuse. A real man just laughs it off. Only girly men can be emotionally abused by a woman. Simple solution, go bang her friend.

Thanks. I couldn't ask for a clearer example of the idiocy that surrounds this topic, and why men won't discuss it.

a reply to: Anyafaj

hey thats good to hear. You should try studying philosophy. It might be interesting for you. I find that a big part of the problems with women is that they really dont have much of an understanding for who they are. It creates this inner turmoil and they lack self peace lashing out at those around them. Part of it comes from obsessions over material things, part of it is selfishnes combined with jealousy , and a lot of it is just ignorance and denial.

You dont see it as much with adult men typically. Men and women are very different though from a psychological standpoint. What women interpret as verbal abuse is often just how men talk to other men. Its not out of the norm for men to call each other names when they do stupid things and a lot of men just don't have that female filter nailed down until later in life. It will only be worse in future generations since nobody really communicates with each other face to face anymore anyways. People just say things. Nobody listens. Shrinks will but you have to pay them.

I am talking about grown adults by the way. teenagers and older kids are just wacked out today. I dont think there is much that can save them. they are apathetic about reality and typically seem to dictated by cheap and easy entertainment. There will be a lot more broken lives in the future statistically speaking.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Hey no problem, always happy to be a shining example !!

originally posted by: DYepes
a reply to: DeadSeraph

Hey no problem, always happy to be a shining example !!

I bet your pappy also taught you negroes were born to pick cotton and women were fair game for violence if they didn't cook your cornbread properly?

originally posted by: agenda51
a reply to: Anyafaj

hey thats good to hear. You should try studying philosophy. It might be interesting for you. I find that a big part of the problems with women is that they really dont have much of an understanding for who they are. It creates this inner turmoil and they lack self peace lashing out at those around them. Part of it comes from obsessions over material things, part of it is selfishnes combined with jealousy , and a lot of it is just ignorance and denial.

You dont see it as much with adult men typically. Men and women are very different though from a psychological standpoint. What women interpret as verbal abuse is often just how men talk to other men. Its not out of the norm for men to call each other names when they do stupid things and a lot of men just don't have that female filter nailed down until later in life. It will only be worse in future generations since nobody really communicates with each other face to face anymore anyways. People just say things. Nobody listens. Shrinks will but you have to pay them.

I am talking about grown adults by the way. teenagers and older kids are just wacked out today. I dont think there is much that can save them. they are apathetic about reality and typically seem to dictated by cheap and easy entertainment. There will be a lot more broken lives in the future statistically speaking.

I'm sorry but calling me a c**t in front of our daughter is a lack of respect, not a "how men talk to other men". He was showing what he truly thought of me. Choking me at night was physical abuse, he wanted me dead. Before he left he raped me twice, held me down while I punched, and kicked and begged him to stop. That's abuse. He downright HATED me. He even flat out said so. He told me on my birthday, that when we renewed our vows 8 years prior, he didn't want to renew them, he wanted a divorce then, he just didn't say anything. So for 8 long years, he kept quiet and instead, was so pissed, he decided to torture me because HE was angry. When to solve HIS problem, he could have gotten a divorce and left! But no, violating me, and hurting me night after night after night for 8 fricking years was a much better idea for him. That's not on ME, that's on HIM. Would you believe 5 years later he's STILL pissed at me, know why? Because I told him I could have pressed charges on the rape. He committed a crime and he's pissed at ME for it.

a reply to: TechniXcality

Hang in there go do SOMETHING you like to do in a group and find someone there.
THAT is how the last one found me DON'T date. the games are reddiculous.
AND you can't tell who the hell they are anyway.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

But.I'm gonna tell you somethings that I've learned. First thing wondering what happens after you make that leap is pointless because the answer is splat, your done.

Second when your boss starts to see your shoes fall apart and knows you have pneumonia yet you keep coming to work, and he has new kicks Some food and give you a couple hundred extra never asking why. It gives you humility and that strange feeling like just when everything is about to fall apart there is grace its evident in my life.

Not all homeless are bad or schemers many wear the weathered faces of a few bad choices many years ago yet stay stuck because they give more than they take.

Lastly this taco joint in Dallas where there is only Latinos and no one speaks English but they greet you with smiles. Yea that's where you need to eat lunch its about the only place you won't feel lonely.

a reply to: TechniXcality

Not sure why you are telling me this. I have been humbled many times, and I don't judge any man (or woman) that is down on their luck and trying to rebuild their lives. Best to you, and God bless.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

I was telling you this to impart some knowledge and to share. Mainly because you named the threat of homelessness as abuse. Its not, you got to love yourself more than anyone else. That means always being in a position to give, not need if you can help it.

But what when needing never complain nor beg go out there and get it. Lest your body litteraly falls apart.

originally posted by: Anyafaj

originally posted by: agenda51
a reply to: Anyafaj

hey thats good to hear. You should try studying philosophy. It might be interesting for you. I find that a big part of the problems with women is that they really dont have much of an understanding for who they are. It creates this inner turmoil and they lack self peace lashing out at those around them. Part of it comes from obsessions over material things, part of it is selfishnes combined with jealousy , and a lot of it is just ignorance and denial.

You dont see it as much with adult men typically. Men and women are very different though from a psychological standpoint. What women interpret as verbal abuse is often just how men talk to other men. Its not out of the norm for men to call each other names when they do stupid things and a lot of men just don't have that female filter nailed down until later in life. It will only be worse in future generations since nobody really communicates with each other face to face anymore anyways. People just say things. Nobody listens. Shrinks will but you have to pay them.

I am talking about grown adults by the way. teenagers and older kids are just wacked out today. I dont think there is much that can save them. they are apathetic about reality and typically seem to dictated by cheap and easy entertainment. There will be a lot more broken lives in the future statistically speaking.

I'm sorry but calling me a c**t in front of our daughter is a lack of respect, not a "how men talk to other men". He was showing what he truly thought of me. Choking me at night was physical abuse, he wanted me dead. Before he left he raped me twice, held me down while I punched, and kicked and begged him to stop. That's abuse. He downright HATED me. He even flat out said so. He told me on my birthday, that when we renewed our vows 8 years prior, he didn't want to renew them, he wanted a divorce then, he just didn't say anything. So for 8 long years, he kept quiet and instead, was so pissed, he decided to torture me because HE was angry. When to solve HIS problem, he could have gotten a divorce and left! But no, violating me, and hurting me night after night after night for 8 fricking years was a much better idea for him. That's not on ME, that's on HIM. Would you believe 5 years later he's STILL pissed at me, know why? Because I told him I could have pressed charges on the rape. He committed a crime and he's pissed at ME for it.

WOW! your really messed up!

I would say both of you are better off just staying the hell away from each other. Chances are he didnt divorce you then is because men are typically very loyal when it comes to marriage even if they screw around.

dont be silly though...if he was choking you and wanted you dead.....you would be dead. Married couples call each other wicked names all the time and still care about each other. so do guys and their pals. Being calls a vagina is not the worst thing that can happen to you. He said he hated you? .....to your face....LOL. my wife told me she wished i would die....so what. The next day she said she didnt mean it LOL. No my wife is not crazy.

Listen I know I sound horrible and all but think about things. You could find out you have cancer tomorrow and look back on your life. what is the point of finding the negative about things and dwelling on it. Let it go...move on. People mature at different rates. Maybe it was him, maybe you, probably both. when my wife and I get into an argument its typically both of us unless she is just in psyco mode and in that case I get the kids and take them fishing, bowling, whatever. It doesnt happen much though. Typically some alone time chills her out.

You need to learn to like yourself....respect yourself. When you like who you are and what you are people can say all sorts of things to you and it wont bother you one bit. You will have the inner peace needed to be somewhat happy. Philosophy will help you a great deal as it is basically the study of YOU. You will figure yourself out.

also...try finding a constructive hobby. something where you can spend a little time producing something for enjoyment instead of passive entertainment with little to no creativity. Its all good stuff.

a reply to: TechniXcality

look at the bright side. after 18 years the kids can choose to come live with you. Your still Dad no matter what she does. chances are she is to self centered to even understand how screwed up she is and chooses to be in denial about it. this leads to you being the cause of all the dissatisfaction and unhappiness in her life. She focusses that hate onto you instead of having to deal with her own issues. Its easier to blame you than deal with her own guilt. Women like to play mind games for fun. If you really want to get to her just act really happy all the time around her. Nothing pisses of hateful people more than happy people that they cant inflict their own misery onto.

If you get lonely try to do something to get out of that funk. Work out maybe. take care of yourself and you will like yourself more. Nothing good ever comes out of self pity and beating yourself up. you dont sound like your doing that though.

I see much hope in you. keep your chin up Dad.

originally posted by: agenda51

WOW! your really messed up!

I would say both of you are better off just staying the hell away from each other. Chances are he didnt divorce you then is because men are typically very loyal when it comes to marriage even if they screw around.

dont be silly though...if he was choking you and wanted you dead.....you would be dead. Married couples call each other wicked names all the time and still care about each other. so do guys and their pals. Being calls a vagina is not the worst thing that can happen to you. He said he hated you? .....to your face....LOL. my wife told me she wished i would die....so what. The next day she said she didnt mean it LOL. No my wife is not crazy.

Listen I know I sound horrible and all but think about things. You could find out you have cancer tomorrow and look back on your life. what is the point of finding the negative about things and dwelling on it. Let it go...move on. People mature at different rates. Maybe it was him, maybe you, probably both. when my wife and I get into an argument its typically both of us unless she is just in psyco mode and in that case I get the kids and take them fishing, bowling, whatever. It doesnt happen much though. Typically some alone time chills her out.

You need to learn to like yourself....respect yourself. When you like who you are and what you are people can say all sorts of things to you and it wont bother you one bit. You will have the inner peace needed to be somewhat happy. Philosophy will help you a great deal as it is basically the study of YOU. You will figure yourself out.

also...try finding a constructive hobby. something where you can spend a little time producing something for enjoyment instead of passive entertainment with little to no creativity. Its all good stuff.

I happen to like myself a lot more now that he's out of my life. I do have a constructive hobby, two of them. I used to love being into the news, so much so I wanted to be a journalist. I'm finding my passion for that again here at ATS. While married I wasn't even allowed to discuss the news, let alone watch it. My other passion is cooking. Maybe someday I'd love to open a diner, but for now I'm happy just creating recipes. I quite understand what philosophy is, I was quite smart in college.

We're not talking I hate you as in, a normal couple fight. We're talking I hate you as in he was about to walk out and he thought to leave a few parting shots over the bow, so to speak. At first, yes, they hurt. But I'm over it now. What hurt most was the rapes. As a rape survivor, you certainly do not expect the person you love to hurt you with something that they know will do the most damage. Thanks to him, I'm now getting flashbacks from the previous rape from childhood, so he left me with a little parting gift, so to speak. On top of the damage he left. I already had PTSD from the childhood rape. I certainly didn't need anymore to deal with, but, deal with it I must. I already had a severe claustrophobia from the childhood rape, but thanks to him, now I have a severe fear of choking. One of my meds, once it starts working, I have trouble swallowing, and if I'm eating when it begins to work, and it's hard to swallow, I begin to panic. I have to force myself to calm down, breath, and eventually I can swallow whatever I was eating. But it scares the crap out of me.

a reply to: Anyafaj

sheesh, forget the journalism. Stick with the cooking. Your probably a bit to conflicted to be an unbiased journalist. Then again there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of unbiased journalism anymore.

Honestly though I would stay away from the news. You have enough stress. News is largely negative.

Stop fooling yourself. You were never smart in college or you would have dealt with these issues a long time ago. I dont consider myself real smart either but I have a pretty good handle on they way my mind works and who I am. It took a little while but I got there. There is also a big difference between being smart and being wise. Thats also important to figure out.

crazy stuff for fun ......I have not met very many smart people. my Dad is one. From an early age he could just do things. He built our first house by himself...no training...no education. Original blueprints, electrical...everything himself. That is a large three story house that still stands today after 38 years. Another one... my brother started a business....my father did his accounting. he just did it...perfectly. no training, never been to college.......he can just "DO" things. I have never been able to understand it. My oldest son is 4 and he can do some weird stuff. things like math and reading.... he just does it. ask him 37 + 42 and he answers immediately with the correct answer without thinking. very strange and it freaks people out. His memory is also of the charts. He is either smart or defective...or alien LOL! maybe its a carry over from my dad...I don't know. from what I can tell he sees things differently. almost some sort of mathematic perspective. he reads books to his little brother sometimes who is dumb as a box of rocks from what I see. this is really funny....he is 4 years old and plays solitaire with real cards (I dont let my kids play on the computer). first thing in the morning he gets the cards and has to play a game.

I think the cooking is great though. Keep it up. Thats a Great hobby. The only downside I could see for myself is I would get fat real quick LOL.

originally posted by: agenda51
a reply to: Anyafaj

sheesh, forget the journalism. Stick with the cooking. Your probably a bit to conflicted to be an unbiased journalist. Then again there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of unbiased journalism anymore.

Honestly though I would stay away from the news. You have enough stress. News is largely negative.

Stop fooling yourself. You were never smart in college or you would have dealt with these issues a long time ago. I dont consider myself real smart either but I have a pretty good handle on they way my mind works and who I am. It took a little while but I got there. There is also a big difference between being smart and being wise. Thats also important to figure out.

EXCUSE ME!! My 4.0 would happen to disagree with you. There's no need to be insulting. I do happen to be street wise. Just because one time I wasn't doesn't mean in ALL cases I'm not. I've been taking college courses with my father since I was 10 years old. I was reading the dictionary for fun since I was 5. Same with the Encyclopedia Britannica. I was in the top 10% of my class in high school. I enjoy school so much if I had the money I'd go back to college, just for the boredom of it. But to tell me to "stop fooling myself". I was on every school newspaper from 6th grade all the way through college. And I enjoyed the hell out of it! If the local paper had any openings for reporters, I would have applied, sadly they were full at the moment when I got out of college, but gee, thanks for your assessment. BTW, my nickname all through school and college was Jessica Savage because I never gave up on a story. I was a BEAST when it came to a good story.

crazy stuff for fun ......I have not met very many smart people. my Dad is one. From an early age he could just do things. He built our first house by himself...no training...no education. Original blueprints, electrical...everything himself. That is a large three story house that still stands today after 38 years. Another one... my brother started a business....my father did his accounting. he just did it...perfectly. no training, never been to college.......he can just "DO" things. I have never been able to understand it. My oldest son is 4 and he can do some weird stuff. things like math and reading.... he just does it. ask him 37 + 42 and he answers immediately with the correct answer without thinking. very strange and it freaks people out. His memory is also of the charts. He is either smart or defective...or alien LOL! maybe its a carry over from my dad...I don't know. from what I can tell he sees things differently. almost some sort of mathematic perspective. he reads books to his little brother sometimes who is dumb as a box of rocks from what I see. this is really funny....he is 4 years old and plays solitaire with real cards (I dont let my kids play on the computer). first thing in the morning he gets the cards and has to play a game.

I think the cooking is great though. Keep it up. Thats a Great hobby. The only downside I could see for myself is I would get fat real quick LOL.

a reply to: Anyafaj

I am not trying insulting you so I hope you dont take it that way. like I said if you were so smart you wouldn't be so messed up. I do think you honestly think your smart though possibly do to years of self deception. I have impressive transcripts as well....so what. its not that hard if you do what your told and study. It doesnt mean I am smart I just did what I was supposed to do.

maybe its a smart vs intelligence thing though.

You obviously like attention or crave it. Its obvious with your posts. Its an attempt to legitimize the feeling of self importance...that you are some how special etc. because you lack respect for yourself. Its a self centered attitude that will only cause you inner turmoil. W hen you get these feelings try to always ask yourself WHY? WHY do I feel this way? How you feel psychologically is internal. Its perspective. When someone says something to you and you feel insulted its not their fault...its yours. goes back to the old saying...the truth hurts. If they are not trying to be insulting then again your just grasping at anything to place attention on yourself......"hey your insulting me! I am important!" and that doesnt work either.

try this... If I tell someone the truth and they call me a lier... why would I feel insulted?

Its the self deception where it gets tricky. I tell a lie....I know its a lie deep down.....but I have to deceive myself to hide it. Now someone calls me a lier...it starts to break down the wall of deception I have built and I feel under attack...so i then lash out or feel attacked. This is very often how the mind works.

this is all part of why. i think philosophy might help you. I dont read it LOL. I kind of figured myself out in other ways, harder ways. It really doesnt matter how you get there though as long as you get there. some people never do and they are miserable their whole lives. as good as cooking is for a hobby I am not sure how much it can help you in this. I definitely would not try and find answers in relationships with others. Thats not going to work. It may distract you from yourself for a short time. The answers are within you. From what I have read you still have not found the questions though. This coming from a running theme of self deception i see in your posts.

originally posted by: DYepes
In my book, and how my pappy raised me, any man that is being physically abused (unwillingly of course

) by a woman, is no man at all. There is no such thing as emotional abuse. A real man just laughs it off. Only girly men can be emotionally abused by a woman. Simple solution, go bang her friend.

tell that to the guy that had a jug full of boiling water poured over his head, i bet he isnt laughing it off, or going to get laid anytime soon either. seems like this theory is flawed

originally posted by: PLAYERONE01

originally posted by: DYepes
In my book, and how my pappy raised me, any man that is being physically abused (unwillingly of course

) by a woman, is no man at all. There is no such thing as emotional abuse. A real man just laughs it off. Only girly men can be emotionally abused by a woman. Simple solution, go bang her friend.

tell that to the guy that had a jug full of boiling water poured over his head, i bet he isnt laughing it off, or going to get laid anytime soon either. seems like this theory is flawed

that guy has some serious self restraint and is a tough SOB. most guys would have killed her after that. i am sure she said it was his fault LOL. maybe he called her a bad name and hurt her feeling justifying physical assault. poor woman.

a reply to: agenda51

maybe he called her a bad name and hurt her feeling justifying physical assault.

And, maybe he was one of those larger men who believes their size demands instant respect, if not fear, from those he interacted with, especially his partner? Maybe he'd told this woman once too often that it was his way or no way Jose? If the person he is opposing is physically incapable of bending them to their will, sometimes more extreme methods are required to make your disapproval clear. Unless I knew a lot more than I do about this couple's background, I wouldn't instantly side with the man in this instance.

a reply to: TechniXcality

....That means always being in a position to give, not need if you can help it.

A very wise quote, very wise indeed. Can you imagine if everyone was able to get themselves into this healthy psychological disposition? I may look at your posts in a different light from now on Sir.