Saturday, March 14, 2015, 05:36:48.
Just rolled out of bed on a day that I don't even have to work. Could have just kept on snoozing but lying down really hurts my shoulders sometimes
like they hurt right now. It just started raining a bit while I was getting my coffee ready and seems to have stopped already as soon as I sat back
down to type here. Didn't sleep well really and had a strange dream.
The dream seemed to be about being at a VA hospital which was very ornate with sculpture and masonry work which was mostly outdoors. All of the
veterans including myself were in uniform as if they were still enlisted in the military and marching around in formation, but I wasn't marching
around as I was being followed around by a big lion. Lots of people besides myself walking around both with me and around me and the veterans in
formations milling around here and there. Nobody else noticed the lion behind me by the way....
I remember walking along what appeared to be a big lake or an ocean with a hot water vent from a geothermal feature near the sidewalk with a plackard
depicting it rising from the earth and explaining that it was all that remained of a now extinct volcano. It was a big manmade looking thing with an
eerie green, almost fluorescent glow to it from deep down below.
Flash to myself on a bicycle, the particular type being unclear, viewed from above as I rode insanely fast past all types of vehicles going insanely
fast themselves in what appeared to be Madison , Wisconsin or a city that resembled it but larger and with many high speed roads and freeways.
Jump back to the VA place and the lion. The lion became angry with me and started to charge me. I remember feeling afraid for my safety and faded to
awake and the image of the lion in my mind faded into my right foot with a white sock on it. A DVD was still playing in my computer and I turned it
off and tried to go back to my dream even though the lion chasing me scared me awake, knowing it was only a dream I wanted to go back there to that
dream place. The only real escape from this miserable place called life and the world.
My brother Fred called me last night while I was eating at Hibachi and I let it go on voice mail and called back from outside on the computer which
costs nothing to make calls on. He told me that Mom was just getting out of hernia surgery and we talked until the doctor came out to tell people how
things went. The doctor said things went alright so far and everything appeared to be good and fine and I hope it actually will be.
This may be my excuse to leave here as I don't really like the situation I find myself in presently. I don't like to lie, but really I don't think I
had such an awful day at work yesterday for no reason. Somehow I knew something was wrong and just didn't know what it was specifically. Now I know it
wasn't just the job however crappy a job it may be or how hard yesterday was. I am beginning to hear what the world is telling me and only wish I had
honed this ability long ago when I was younger and stronger and not so distracted. Sometimes I still don't listen hard enough.
Maybe I am just delusional but if I pay attention to where my eyes fall and think about it and I know what it is I will need during the day before I
need it. It sounds crazy but it has happened many too many times to ignore. If man's manufactured and false distractions are somehow ignored, and
people can be pushy, things are clearly a matter of trusting one's feelings and paying attention to them and what one sees and hears and feels.
There is no future needed in a world that never ends. There is nothing resembling the dreaded death which so many fearfully dwell upon when nothing
actually or truly dies but really only changes form. People are conditioned to be afraid and distracted as they are easier to control and exploit if
they are scared to the point of being stupid and distracted and in need of some feeling of security which seemingly can only be attained with the
surrender of a bit of their wealth in exchange for security that is never really delivered as promised. Such a messed up world full of scared stupid
people thinking the wrong things. I am probably as wrong as anyone else and I don't actually know what is right but I do know the world could be
closer to right than it is. If only people could respect and consider the opinions and needs of others there may be a possibility of coming to
something like consensus regarding what we all need versus what many merely want instead of arguing points based on fear, greed, ignorance and
selfishness and the fear of death and loss.
I have written it in this meandering mess before that I am sure that things are merely knocked enough out of balance by those with the power to
control the balance of things to not allow people to pool their power together and collectively implement positive change and make the world a better
place to live in for everyone and not just those with status and wealth greater than the majority.
The whole mess doesn't really make sense to me somehow. It all seems so artificial if one looks at the relative peace of nature that surrounds them
right outside the walls they imprison themselves within, thinking they are somehow free when they are prisoners of fear and selfishness and greed
The short list would be the list of what one does not fear. I sometimes wish I were not stupid enough to fear so little as I actually do. Stupid
Fearless I am for the most part. I mostly fear stupid people who all do the same thing for the sake of fitting in with everyone else which effectively
limits one such as myself from feeling free to do as I please even if I do consider others when I do those things. I don't quite know if it would be
called "morals" so much as understanding that some things are just not done because one wouldn't want another to do such things to them. There are
always differences in opinion regarding right and wrong though and people just collide and bounce off one another even though we are all pretty much
Mere preferences and little details and the lacking in understanding between two people who may even speak the same language hold everyone back from
being more happy and more free.
The world and everything seems to be just one giant misunderstanding. I can't really claim that I myself understand but I know there is almost always
too much lost in translation in the microsecond it takes to formulate a reply to another.
In a world where there is effectively plenty to go around for everyone, where no one should really get left out or deprived for any reason other than
the selfishness of others.....There has to be a better way.
And I really have no clue how writing about a dream I had turned into the mess I just wrote.
Just another morning entry of the recorded thoughts of an insane person....
I frequently read these things I write afterward and cannot even recognize myself a being the writer of them.
Who the hell wrote dat?.....?....
edit on 14-3-2015 by MyHappyDogShiner because: bleep
edit on 14-3-2015 by MyHappyDogShiner because: bibbledy