a reply to: olaru12
I do believe this and believed it to be true before reading the article....
I am very alone.... Sort of by choice but more by circumstances... Being an Empath I felt my wife's family need of her being back in the UK from
the States where she decided to spend her life with me. We were a wonderful match.... The day after she gave a difficult birth.... 19 hours labour
getting no bigger than 2cm it was no longer up to us an emergence "C" section. I had some of the best health care available. Mt. Zion Hospital SF
Ca. our Doctor - Lady was told she was in the top 5 of her chosen profession and that we were very luck. She was clocking out heard my ex wifes
accent and decided to look in and stayed another 9 hours and did the panty line cut which in the situation was exceedingly skilled.
Our first born cost $28,500 back in the day a simple birth was $10,000. So there were other complications... not on topic... I got home shattered as
I was there from the start until she was in her private room and being asleep. I went home and received a call nobody should have to deal with.
Having been married 15months was told my mother in law was dying of cancer and we should consider arranging a passport for our new addition... ASAP...
I did so and when ex wife and Jennifer were well enough we were in the air flying back to the UK and once touched down had another 4 hour drive to
Devon.... We were here 10 days before Christine died with us by her side. We arrived just in time.....
I decided to leave my ex wife here by her fathers side, being an empath that scores way too high I felt everyones pain and it was overwhelming. Who
would give up their first born for 5 months for someone else? My ex father in law had his parents living with him and he has never boiled water for
tea being a retired Squadron Leader and professional man. Christine was the woman of magnificents behind the man!!!!
I went home to sort out the hospital paperwork with my company who paid 100% but I had $5000 bill that 3 of my friends tried to loan me money so I
would not be penalized for withdrawing what little cash that was saved locked into a high int deposit which early withdrawals would have been
crippling. Those days there were no cheap fares and babies were charged, probably still true today the same as an over weight adult.... In 5 months
that crept by slowly was a sad time yet I knew it was for the greater good which help pass the time as well as very very dear close friends. I have
been in the UK as a transplant for 30 years (it takes 200 years before you are a local!!!) and these friends are still dearly missed. They made sure
my weekends were filled and many weekday evenings busy....
After I had the $5000 paid off (in 5 months) I called my ex wife and said darling its time to come home. Her father came with her to help with the
baby on the flight over and stayed 11 weeks. Of those 11 weeks they traveled to LA and to Washington State from the Bay Area in the VW Camper van....
two trips...... More lonely times as one wants to be with their family.... Not much one can do as my company gave me 30 days off to get married and
another 30 days 16 months later due to illness in the family... In outside sales they do not like more than two weeks off for an empty territory due
to competition!!!! Yes I am blessed and lucky on so many fronts but that did not help with the loneliness when the lights are out in an empty
After 11 weeks I decided that my father in law would need help in a few years with his parents and could not perceive him being very happy to deal
with cooking, shopping and cleaning let alone the care his parents would need. Empaths think too much at times and its not for their benefit.....
We moved here. I cannot begin to explain how alone one feels when one looses their wife to her family. That was done in those 5 months. In the
third week I realized I no longer had my wife. It was not my unwillingness to share her rather her inability to have anything left over to cover her
promises before marriage, let alone her wedding vows. I had a choice to be the husband sort of, and a father. My father was married to someone else
when I was conceived. I could see no difference to my father's selfishness to mine had I decided to leave like most men would have. It was
exceedingly important to me to be by my two girls lives as they grew up.
The Cancer that claimed my mother in law's life when she arrived to her sister's age when she succumbed to the dreaded C now hit my estranged wife
at the same age. They performed 3 operations that removed all of her breast and 21 lymph nodes before they had it all. My ex was almost a 4 and
they were unsure if they could help her. We were very lucky to have the head of the C unit to take her case personally! My ex had the worse (best
for her cancer) Chemo available. Then the radiation..... had to be cut short cause they burnt her lungs, heart and esophagus. On top of this she had
to take drugs that removed the female hormone from her body as that could feed the cancer. After two years of this my ex was another person besides
the woman who changed so much after just being married. My fault???!!! Well my decisions..... I take full responsibility.
The point behind my story most of my last 32 years have been exceedingly lonely. I am separated from my culture my way of life and all the things
that I had at my disposal for when the blues hit. Hwy 1 north or south for a day drive so many places one could turn around.... Mt Lassen, Yosimite,
Muir Woods, Mt Tam, Beserkely Hills, Napa wine drinking, Redwoods, Sierras and hwy 49.... so many places. Never spent many weekends home when rains
stopped. I did not think of these mechanisms as the overwhelming sense of need for my wife trying to comfort her family would not allow me to
consider what I would be loosing out on..... Let us not forget eating out or that important Sunday Breakfast out!!!!! Two countries divided by a
common language they said... NoN SenSe! Culturally different. EVERYTHING was taken away including sex.... or a decent disagreement LOL....
2 years ago Feb 6th my ex wife came back from her lawyer with papers submitted. Sat me down and explained that she will never fancy sex again with
NOBODY. That I was still young enough to fine someone else! I gave her what she wanted as I do not know how much longer she will be with us. Her
father has vascular dementia since ex wife's Cancer treatments now worse than can be imagined. This is after my ex wife's grandmother suffered for
5 years with senile dementia back in the days the NHS had no clue to it....
I am not complaining. I have lived an exceedingly charmed life. Those who have seen years ago posting I had a monster not a mother.... I had tons
of abuse. Hence Loneliness has been hmmm far from a friend rather a constant companion.
A good Ranger will never give up we always have faith that it will get better. For those of you who suggest there are times when even that can be
tested... It was I am a winner of a "V" device metal... Not bragging just trying to explain no matter how dark one hmmm insane as it sounds never
give up hope. Again I have had a charmed life. I am now on Morphine as chronic pain from service connected disabilities have caught up with me.
Everyday I go out for Coffee even when it rains.