posted on Mar, 6 2015 @ 07:18 AM
Wow, well that thread took some reading. Whilst I can see that some gay people have posted I thought I would give my point of view as a gay woman.
So is being gay a choice? I don't know.
All I know is that from the earliest age, perhaps 7 or 8 years old, I can remember being drawn to women. Before I even knew what sex was I had an
"attraction" towards female teachers/staff. I would, for want of a better word, "show-off" and try to impress them. I had no idea what sex was at
As I got older I still didn't develop an attraction to boys. I would get "crushes" on girls at school and even at that point there was no thought
of sex. I never discussed my feelings with anyone and tried to go on as normal and basically just didn't have any interest in boys.
I went to university, there were LGBT groups (all that was in its infancy) but I remained firm that I was just going to ignore it. I didn't know
anyone that was gay and was just going to get on with life. Again I had "crushes" on girls at uni but never came across anyone in my social circle
that I even suspected was like me. I was all alone and never spoke about how I felt. I did not want to be gay.
I met a lovely lad at uni who really liked me and I tried to begin something with him but it just didn't feel right. I wasn't disgusted by him and
kissing him wasn't bad but I certainly didn't want to take it any further. I realised I wasn't bothered so broke it off before it went anywhere
because he was a really nice person who deserved to be with someone who thought he was as special as he obviously thought I was. That was the one and
only "boyfriend" I ever had and at this point I was about 21 years old.
I finished uni, moved back in with my parents and a close friend from school returned from travelling. She admitted to me that she had been attracted
to one particular girl when travelling and this girl was a lesbian - she felt that it was just this one girl and that she was probably bi-sexual.
Finally I had someone I could talk to. I also said I felt the same - it seems that the bi-sexual label is easier to start with rather than the all out
gay thing. I still didn't know what to do. Through a chance meeting with a friend of a friend on an evening out, I got my first girlfriend. I was
To cut an already long story, short(er). I have been with my current partner for 12 years. We had a civil partnership which we upgraded to a
"marriage" in December last year. I am not "out" to my work colleagues. I have been at my place of employment for about 15 years and, whilst
attitudes have changed, I wouldn't dream of opening up about it because I still hear negative comments about gay people. I sometimes feel bad, like I
am lying by omission when they talk about their husbands etc. I am sure some of them have an idea but I am probably just seen as an old spinster who
is happy being on her own. Little do they know I am in a very committed relationship and have been for over a decade.
I never felt like this was a choice. At one point, I would have given anything to have been "normal" - the reason I use that word is because. No one
else was like me growing up, it wasn't as prevalent in the media and certainly not something that was accepted in the community I lived in. All I
know is that I didn't want to feel this way. I was resigned to being alone as I didn't think I would ever find someone living where I live.
Did my upbringing make me this way?
I grew up with a mum and dad and brother. We were a "normal" family. I wasn't abused. My family aren't ones for affection but I know without doubt
that they love me. I was closer to my mum than my dad as he worked all hours but would that make me gay? I don't know. I have felt an attraction to
women for as long as I can remember, I have never felt any other way. I would love to have chosen differently but well, I am what I am.
I am not one for the gay scene and looking at me, you wouldn't "know" that I was gay. As a couple, we are very private and are happy that way. I
know people have said that they don't like it being shoved down their throats and I can understand that point of view but it would be nice to be able
to share my life with my friends at work. I don't feel like they can ever be true friends unless they know this important thing about me. No it
doesn't change who I am but it's a key part of my life, none-the-less.
My "wife" (sorry if that offends) is a different kettle of fish and might support the nurture argument. When I read the thread we discussed whether
or not being gay was a choice. Her early memories of attraction to women, were similar to mine but her childhood was very different. Her mother was
not a loving or affectionate mother. Her father died in a car crash when she was 7 years old. Her mother made no secret of how abusive her father was
and somehow seemed to blame her, it also didn't help that she was the spitting image of her father. My missus was born with a jaw deformity which was
very noticeable. Her mother would point out that she was ugly and that no one would love her. She was also the least favoured child. I believe she
suffered emotional abuse when she was in those formative years. I could see why she would choose (albeit subconsciously) to be attracted to women, to
replace the mother that she never had.
So in conclusion, I don't feel like I chose this life. And even though I am happy currently, it isn't without its stresses. Both my wife and I have
often said that if we could have been "normal" we probably would have chosen to be straight, simply because life would have been easier. It hurts to
read people comparing the way I feel to a paedophile. I understand that both are a deviation from the norm but I would never hurt anyone and the love
I share with my wife is as good and as strong as the love that any of you share with your husbands or wives.
Peace and Love,