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How I Learned Not To Be A Boy

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posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:04 AM
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Let me give you the facts, im 26 in april, female and grew up in the 90's - Early 2000's in a poor part of Leeds (UK) In a very poor and somewhat toxic family. Sob story over, this is the story of how i learned not to be a boy.

From an early age i was never the type of child to want to sit still for long periods of time, i could easily play with other toddler's and i could easily play by myself because i just had the imagination to do so. When i started nursery that's where i began to notice how girl's were different than boys. The first incident of how i rejected "being a girl" was when we did this play and all the girl's were dressed in make shift Hawaii dress - You know, a skirt and effectually, a bra. WE were expected to perform half naked in front of strangers (everyone's parents but strangers to me)

I was not having it. I remember telling them repeatedly i wasn't doing such a thing but they weren't having any of it. My objection, as far as i could explain, was that i didn't like the "clothing" I wasn't able to tell them that i found it to be to exposing. They forced me to do it anyway, i would have rather just sat it out. All the other girl's were well up for it, good for them.

Growing up further, a year or so later, i was so bored at play time. I found that GIRLS were boring. All they wanted to do was play jump rope, hopscotch, make a play etc. BORRRRINNNGGGG. The adventurer in me wanted a little more fun than that, So i started playing football (Soccer to you americans) WITH THE LADS.

I had to earn my place mind. Spent many matches, many play times in goal, but eventually i won them over and i wasn't the last person picked and i wasn't always in goal. I'd finally found something i could enjoy in life. But surprise surprise, people spent a lot of time ruining that for me. I remember two teacher's confronting me about playing football in the playground and actually SCOFFING at me, like there was something odd about what i was doing.

To make thing's a bit worse (why not eh) I came from a very poor family as mentioned and i had an older brother. I also grew up next to 2 boys next door who were the same ages as me and my bro - I got a lot of hand me down's of "boys" clothes I.E trackies, sports tops etc. My parents were so poor, they NEVER bought ME clothes, so up until the point of around 14-15, i never got to choose what i wore, which only added to the abuse i got for not acting "like a girl"

Back to growing up as a child. I had inevitably been labeled the term "Tomboy" - Now, let me make this clear, i am not a tom and i am not a boy. I take full offense to this term as an adult. First of all, you're insulting my gender by proclaiming i am a boy because i do "Boy things" and second of all, there is a boy's name in that term, and again, i am not a boy so stop insinuating that i am one.
When i did start being able to buy my own clothes i was so used to wearing trackies that it felt very VERY strange to wear tight fitting jean's, although with it being the fashion of the early 2000's, i was put under a lot of peer pressure to follow suit, reluctantly i did.
But again, what it all came back down to was what was acceptable for boys and what was acceptable for girls. By that time of my life the divide was still clear - The boys wore all the comfortable stuff and their gender was never questioned but the girls HAD to wear tight jeans, nice tops etc to show off their bodies. And then be labeled sluts for sleeping with boys. Still doesn't make much sense to me.

Never in my life did i say "I want to be a boy" But it just seemed BEYOND society at that point to accept that this is girl who wants be active and play sports that are not boring! I wanted to ride my bike for hours at a time, build tree house's and dens, travel far and wide and explore the city i was born into and come home just before dark in time for tea and early enough to not p!ss off my parents.
The people around me had such a problem with it that they tried to convince me that Ihad a problem. They consistently asked me "why do you want to be a boy" "why do you act like a boy" "why do you never do nice girly things"
And all i could ever think was "I don't want to be a boy... I like my body... i have no issues with my body... why cant YOU understand that your version of being a girl is tedious??"

And being a girl IS tedious - But some people like playing with doll's and pretending to be mother's. Some people like playing skipping rope and making plays so they can practice being drama queen for when they get older.

Only 2 weeks ago, at work, did a boy/man start questioning the way i dressed. I can only facepalm that someone would have an issue with me wearing a shirt and some smart work trousers. Apparently... You guessed it, i dress like a boy.

Im not saying being a boy is easy but i could have avoided most of the bullying and questioning of my gender had i simply been born with a penis - How stupid is that? Although i am slightly happy about all the crap ive been through, you see, a girl who i went to school with had a little girl of her own who is EXACTLY as i was as a child and im so happy to see that her mother supports it and doesnt paint her room pink and buy her stupid little doll's in order to convince her to "act like a girl"

We are who we are and people need to get over that and top judging other's for doing what makes them happy.




posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:09 AM
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a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Thanks for sharing, was a good read.

Glad you kept on keeping on and did what made you happy!



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:13 AM
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A leeds lass
.
Good for you being who you want to be.
You still up north?.
Brighouse here.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:14 AM
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a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Thanks for sharing. I consider myself a gay guy trapped in a female body.(disclaimer: joking)
Was also a big tree climber in my younger years and always wanted to be a knight, love bows and such, also loud and dangerous things.
End the clichee-corsett-educations we don't want your stupid #ing rolemodels! We are free and awesome! Butterflies made of steel!



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:14 AM
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a reply to: boymonkey74

Oh and personally I'm glad I'm a boy.
If not I would never leave the house cos of boobies.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:19 AM
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originally posted by: Sremmos80
a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Thanks for sharing, was a good read.

Glad you kept on keeping on and did what made you happy!


The sad thing is, i didnt. I stopped playing sports in my mid teens and locked myself in my room away from the world because i felt shunned.

How different i could have been and felt about myself as a person if people had just backed off and let me be who i was?

What i'm saying is that gender roles are bad and toxic.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:21 AM
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a reply to: boymonkey74

Haha, yeah you're right, it is a never ending temptation. I had to get rid off the mirror in my room, because it was... Not helping, in terms of getting dressed and out of bed.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:23 AM
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I'm constantly amazed at the "pressures" we put on our children, and friends.

Who cares what colors the kids like, what activities they like, what they want to do. As long as it's not being a mass murderer, or arsonist.. All the more power to them.

My daughter hates pink with a passion.. She likes blue.

I'm glad you stuck to your guns, and yea, dress in what is comfortable to you. I can't believe women wear heels, and all that jazz, no wonder they're all cranky.

Society needs it's head examined, collectively. The generalized paintbrush we all are slathered with, needs to be done away with, and we need to realize that we are all individuals, one size does not fit all.

Hats off to you, OP!



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:25 AM
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At least girls are allowed to be 'Tom boys' and wear trousers/shirt/blouses to work.

Men are generally not even allowed to wear shorts in the office but its fine for women to wear them or short skirts.
Men also are not allowed to wear skirts in the work place and even wearing feminine clothes socially is generally laughed at.

Everyday I see women who are wearing trousers etc but it is extremely rare to see a man in a skirt.

So I would say it's easier to be a non conforming woman than a non confirming man fashion wise anyway.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:28 AM
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Everyday I see women who are wearing trousers etc but it is extremely rare to see a man in a skirt.

So I would say it's easier to be a non conforming woman than a non confirming man fashion wise anyway.

And that's a shame, because every lady has mused about what may be under these Scottish kilts... So go guys, it is f#ing hot!
Be as brave as we ladies are, we are wearing pants since the 50ies...



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:33 AM
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Your making yourself stand out to much compared to many of the other girls who have nothing to offer at all really.

personality is a trait lacking in females i find all to often, However. I find plenty of male personality to be temperate and mellow.

Females talk to much about other people, And who's jsut got preggers. And talks about peoples jobs and personal things i'd rather not express or hear about other people.

Where as physical activities and *Chilling* is great. Yup Acting like a girl defenantly sucks.

So just act like a Human, Which is you.
Society is always critisizing people. even if you are perfect which no one is, People would critisize you for that alone.

Ur lucky all they can think of when mentioning you is that you wear boy cloths, if that's supposed to be their only insult since people like to think nasty things about others than you are lucky just like i said. Better to have people stating obvious statements like they are dense or something.

For a comparison, Lets say that in a similar scenario. Idiot 1) says. Wow your wearing boys, clothes. Are you like. a tom boy or something?

Now comparison number 2) Oh wow, That banana is Yellow. Are you a Banana picker or something?

Chose point 1 or point 2.
Both are failure at any proper insulting.

I mean you could be like DUHHHHH yeah im wearing boys clothes. Does it look like im wearing a dress?

And response for number 2. Yes the Banana is Yellow but your face will be red in a minute if you want this banana shoved down your throat.

Considering you are wearing boys clothes. They will opt to believe your statement and proceed to be scared of you.
From then on, They might watch what they say around you unless they are drunk obnoxious idiots who others have said the same oppinions about them. Then its jsut exactly what it is, Random drunk idiots. However for the others. Men quickly learn to not piss off a woman who dresses like a man, some dumbasses do. But they don't usually keep that attitude for long, Since in most cases the manly woman beats the crap out of the dude. And the dude can't do anything most of the time. And if he does! He just hit a woman! If the woman knows the guys name or someone else does. Hes screwed. Welcome to the court room where 2 years in prison await the clown who tried to make you frown.

Just do what you want.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:33 AM
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a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Sometimes the specific environment you are in can seem like "the whole society". But there are many different environments and attitudes within the same society. Sometimes you are just not in a context which is "right" for you.

My daughter was a "tomboy". She played rugby for years, until she got to an age where they wouldn't allow her to play on a boys team anymore (17). She got into fistfights (and won) with some of the most notorious bullies at her school.

The other day, her brothers girlfriend shared with us at the dinner table that though she was younger, and didn't know my daughter personally, she was intensely aware of her reputation- she was known as extremely powerful, tough, and admired because she seemed to only use that against people who deserved it. Nonetheless, when she found herself in a kickboxing tournament with my daughter, she said everyone on her team made sure to avoid being placed in a match against her.

She wasn't into girly things either, but she just didn't come up against the kinds of attitudes you are describing. She never felt shame about her "boyishness" and is quite proud of that part of herself. I think the lack of resistance is what allowed her to easily begin exploring her more feminine side later, once finished with high school- because she wasn't bitter and fighting the current to retain that masculinity.

I was raised in an environment that tried to force me to be a tomboy, because femininity was seen as inferior. When I wanted to play girl stuff, I was forced into boxing, motocross, and football. I was told I should be ashamed to want that pretty dress in the store- "put on your jeans and teeshirt and show me how tough you are!" It was the '70's, feminism was all the rage, and femininity was shameful. (ironic, but there it is).

I sometimes feel I suffer where I am now, because I am in environment that I don't fit into at all. A tall blue eyed blond Californian, financially well off, from an intellectual background, in a small rural community in south France, where people are mostly short and dark, didn't continue education after the age of 15, and have never been further than their family farm, the schism is huge. If I were to take the attitudes of "everyone" around me as being indicative of the whole society here, or of my own worth, I think I would have knocked myself off already.

I hope you find a place, and people, with whom you can feel more free to be yourself!!! It's a big world out there, and there surely is one!

But sometimes I ask myself if our soul chose to put us in contexts which contrast in order to most intensely experience our individuality? Who knows.... but it is surely in such circumstances that we become most aware of that.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:35 AM
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a reply to: SearchLightsInc

I am glad you seem content with who you are despite the pressure society puts on you.

I've know a few people with similar issues and the pressure broke them... Stay strong it will improve one day.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:37 AM
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originally posted by: Peeple



Everyday I see women who are wearing trousers etc but it is extremely rare to see a man in a skirt.

So I would say it's easier to be a non conforming woman than a non confirming man fashion wise anyway.

And that's a shame, because every lady has mused about what may be under these Scottish kilts... So go guys, it is f#ing hot!
Be as brave as we ladies are, we are wearing pants since the 50ies...


Oh yeah, love the kilt... my husband actually got one (specially made in my clan tartan) just to please me- and please me it does!!!!



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 03:38 AM
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a reply to: Bluesma

Oh I love you.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 04:57 AM
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a reply to: SearchLightsInc

I had a very similar experience. Older brother, piss poor in a northern town, hand me downs combined with an unwillingness to brush my hair that resulted in a short back and sides. I did like my Sindys and fortunately my Mum had no real objection to my cutting and dying their hair with felt tips and giving them tats and piercings, though she was none too impressed when she got me one of those with the bendy arms and legs. I did pinched a razor blade in order to open her up and see how she worked, I didn't get anymore Sindys after that, which was fair enough really. My Sindys used to kidnap my brother's Action Man to go on spy missions, dolls serve the imagination well so long as their purpose is seen to extend beyond being pretty in pretty dresses. Just as girls do.

I was grand up until I was 15, happily hung out with the lads without them thinking anything of it. Then the boobs grew in and that totally buggered that up. C'est la vie.

Being a girl is # in my experience, the upside though is that being a woman is fantastic. Took me until my late thirties to fully appreciate what it is to be a 'woman' though. Kind of worth all the times I stood tall with my chin jutting out in defiance at the rocks and barbs thrown my way or the times I was called a dyke because I had no interest in being arm candy and dressing to please.

Thanks for sharing your story of defiance. At the end of the day we are all alone within ourselves, and while concessions are necessary in life to accommodate others and their sensibilities, it is ourselves that we have to live with 24/7 and it is ourselves that we should first find peace with.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 05:08 AM
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a reply to: Peeple

Only real men wear kilts

Time to put the pressure on. them things is sexy!!!



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 05:14 AM
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Duh, of course girly stuff is boring. Dolls & home-body play is dull. I'm a tomboy, always have been. I'm not ashamed of the term, it's not a big deal. I wasn't a frilly prissy snot like other girls, I actually got out of the house & got dirty & played my butt off.
My older kid is certainly a tomboy, and the younger kid sort of is, too. Except it's with lots of pink clothes, flowers & lace. Can't tell you how many times that one's gone out & played in dressy dresses. Whatever works.

Just let kids play how they want, get over the stupid crap. And this stupid feminist empowerment bullsnip regarding play lately isn't what I mean. Just let them play, have fun. No need for any adult's idiotic agenda & resulting meddling to muddy it up with. Mine play with legos, k'nex, trains, cars, superheros, etc because they like those. They're not very thrilled with dolls like Barbie or baby dolls because, like I said, those are fricking boring and they said as much. They like to build their toys or race them, not comb their plastic hair. Same idea goes for boys. If Johnny wants to play with Barbies, cripes' sake, just let him. Whether it's an action figure or a Barbie, a doll is still a small humanoid figure to play with. Some kids prefer a girly decked out doll, some prefer Batman. So what?



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 05:36 AM
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a reply to: Bluesma

Indeed! Be still my beating heart...



We should start a petition towards the enforcement compulsory kilt wearing.



posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 05:46 AM
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a reply to: Anaana

Naah, it has to stay freely. Like Bluesma said it is only something for real men. If you don't wear it with a certain attitude it doesn't work.
But thanks for the nice pic
I love how he holds his cock.
edit on -06:00America/ChicagoAmerica/ChicagopThursdayAmerica/Chicago by Peeple because: uah




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