i was laughed at few years ago on ATS about computer spying

a reply to: Develo

You can keep trying to pick apart my experience, but you weren't there and you don't know what happened. If steroids caused what I felt then more than 2% of the population would feel as I do. Most cancer patients are on steroids. Can we agree to disagree on this matter? Nothing you are saying to me is anything that I consider to be helpful or new. I don't want to feel this way or believe what I believe, but that's the way it is and more pills or professionals won't change my world view.

originally posted by: Darksea13
a reply to: Develo

You can keep trying to pick apart my experience, but you weren't there and you don't know what happened. If steroids caused what I felt then more than 2% of the population would feel as I do. Most cancer patients are on steroids. Can we agree to disagree on this matter? Nothing you are saying to me is anything that I consider to be helpful or new. I don't want to feel this way or believe what I believe, but that's the way it is and more pills or professionals won't change my world view.

2% if for paranoia only.

Steroids cause all kind of psychosis and mood changes.

I'm sure you can see the difference right?

Like I said, the vast majority of people are mildly deluded in different ways. In your case it just took the case of paranoid thoughts, like for 2% of people.

I clearly said you don't need medication or doctors, your response indicate that you are very defensive about this, but it's normal: how else would one feel when he is told that what he once believed could be a deception from his own mind?

You only problem is that you think you are above something that happens to a great deal of people.

a reply to: Develo

I don't think I'm above something that happens to a great deal of people. I already said that I considered the possibility that I was paranoid or delusional--enough to tell others that I believed that. Only when nothing changed did I feel that I wasn't simply paranoid. The dosages of steroids in the article you cited are 5x what I was on.

originally posted by: Darksea13
Only when nothing changed did I feel that I wasn't simply paranoid.

This makes zero sense. I hope you can see this too.

a reply to: Develo

How does it make zero sense? Your delusions ended because your TV talked to you? If what I went through was just a delusion then what is supposed to end it? Recognizing it as a delusion didn't work, so why should I believe that's what it was? I recognized the changes the steroids caused in me. I know they had nothing to do with my "paranoia."

originally posted by: Darksea13
a reply to: Develo

How does it make zero sense? Your delusions ended because your TV talked to you? If what I went through was just a delusion then what is supposed to end it? Recognizing it as a delusion didn't work, so why should I believe that's what it was? I recognized the changes the steroids caused in me. I know they had nothing to do with my "paranoia."

You talke about different things and mix them and give them causal relationship when there is none. It's a complex subject and I don't expect to explain this in a few post, but you should read about psychology and it will maybe help you make sense of this.


"Recognizing it as a delusion didn't work, so why should I believe that's what it was?"

Again this make zero sense. Does acknowledging you have the flu make the flu go away? No! You still have to treat your flu or wait for it to pass.


Likewise, recognizing you have delusional beliefs will not magically make them go away. When I knew I was having hallucinations, I kept having them for some time. I just didn't pay much attention, knowing it was hallucinations.

If you want to make delusional beliefs go away you have to consult, and discuss about them with other people giving you an external perspective, showing you what is irrational or impossible.

Again, and again, until the incorrect beliefs in your mind are deconstructed.

You don't just go from believing X to believing Y overnight, it's something gradual that can take years!



The fact that you still entertain the belief that you might be a targeted individual shows the problem is still there. The problem isn't the event from long ago, it's the meaning you give to them. In your case you give them the meaning "someone is manipulating my life", doing so, you further reinforce this very belief. The meaning I was giving to my hallucinations was "It's hallucinations I should not bother about them and wait for them to pass".

a reply to: Develo

I was making a general statement about my situation so that I wouldn't have to provide a lot of details that no one wants to read about nor do I feel comfortable sharing publicly forever on this site. Certain aspects of my life have been controlled in unethical ways. I don't believe the government is sending people to harass me, I simply posted in those other threads looking for a name and context for what I've felt--and so far it hasn't exactly fit. I have been able to convince a few people close to me of certain aspects of my story. Some of the things that happened to me were so wrong and scary that they just didn't want to believe it.

a reply to: Darksea13

Carry on with you life and ignore what both your loved ones and a doctor have tried to tell you. They know you better than I do it's funny they came to the same conclusion as me but what do I know?



Also please be aware the internet is an echo chamber. Coming to a conspiracy board where paranoid people post about being stalked to make sense of your story isn't the brightest thing to do but again, what do I know?

a reply to: Develo

You came to that conclusion because I asked you not to call someone else paranoid. For someone who says he wants to help you have been consistently rude. I'm not going to suddenly change how I feel because you've picked apart my posts in other threads.

originally posted by: Darksea13
a reply to: Develo

You came to that conclusion because I asked you not to call someone else paranoid. For someone who says he wants to help you have been consistently rude. I'm not going to suddenly change how I feel because you've picked apart my posts in other threads.

Like your loved ones and doctor, I'm just offering you a different perspective to make sense of your feeling that someone is manipulating your life. That's helping.

You think I'm rude simply because you are defensive about this. I never called you names, told you you are crazy, told you you should take meds or anything, far from it. I never even called you paranoid. I only said you show signs of paranoid thoughts. If it helps you to believe I was rude and not helping so be it.



I don't care about being politically correct in here it's an anonymous board. This place is full of people with psychological issue. I'm not saying everyone here have. I'm saying some here have. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging this and refusing to see reality will not make it go away. Someone having paranoid delusions has a paranoid personality disorder. Someone hearing voices in his head has schizophrenic disorder. These are just diagnostic, there is nothing insulting or rude about this. Only in your mind it is an insult because you don't want to face the reality of your symptoms.

a reply to: Develo

"Not the brightest idea" isn't exactly polite. I came here looking for people who may have had similar experiences because no one that I personally know has. I don't consider seeking answers to a problem to be a stupid idea. You are convinced of one perception and I am convinced of another, but I would never pass judgment on your version of your life. Like I said, some of those who believed I was paranoid in the beginning no longer feel that way. It took time and distance from the problem for them to see that I am who I've always been and things were done to me that shouldn't have been done. I'm not paranoid for knowing that a group of people I trusted lied to me and mentally and physically abused me.

a reply to: Darksea13

I don't see how that is being "consistently rude".

By asking opinion from other people who believe they are targeted individual, you will only get answers reinforcing this beliefs.

All serious and critical research on the topic have shown this is sadly a common beliefs shared by people suffering from paranoid thoughts.

It's up to you to decide if you want to favor critical and external perspective on this, or the beliefs of the very people who think this is all true but can never prove it.

a reply to: Develo

When did I ever say that I totally subscribe to those beliefs? I entertained the idea. I don't have words for what I've experienced nor do I know why it happened. You know extremely little about it so to consider me paranoid for discussing something with other people is a giant leap on your part. Why you feel the need so badly to prove to me that I'm paranoid is a mystery.

a reply to: Darksea13

Again, I never called you paranoid. I don't know why you keep believing I did?


I'm explaining how paranoid thoughts work and reinforce themselves to give you feedback about what might have been happening to you.

I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not even qualified to make a diagnostic.


On the other hand, you have constantly tried to explain me in this thread how such a conclusion cannot apply to you for whatever reasons, usually for reasons which made no logical sense. It's like you are unconsciously refusing to consider it a possibility.

There is only one way for you to be sure, and it's not by posting on here with people who are genuinely paranoids. It's by meeting various specialists, telling them how you feel, and based on all their feedbacks, come to your own conclusion.

But I doubt very much you are ready to do something like that (because the perspective you could be wrong is frightening, right?)



Anyway, be well, but don't think ATS is a great place to get answers. It's a place for people to make wild speculations, just the opposite of getting answers.

a reply to: Develo

You clearly think you know more about me than I do so I am out of this discussion. It serves me no purpose, but you seem to be getting something out of it. Calling me paranoid and saying that I show paranoid feelings are the same thing because the rest of your words indicate that you believe I am paranoid. I'm not scared at all of being wrong, I've said that. I would love to be wrong, but I know what happened to me and you do not. Respond if you really need the last word, but I am done.