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Gender Dysphoria, Cuervo, and ATS

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posted on Feb, 7 2015 @ 09:23 PM
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a reply to: [post=18976832]Cuervo[/post



Yeah, the whole "lesbian trapped in a man's body" is literally true for me. My wife had a good chuckle about that one, as well.
As far as exclusively? For now, yeah. I'm just not into dudes. I'm hoping my sexuality will broaden a bit later on but I'm not counting on it. I also had the startling realization that if I transition "all the way" and undergo bottom surgery, I just might die a virgin.


I very nearly didn't reply for fear of offending you , but if you don't ask you don't find out i guess . Interesting take on the virginity thing . So if you have a desire to do so and i would imagine the finances (is the operation covered ) you can surgically get your V thing back . I dont miss mine that much , but an interesting take nonetheless .




posted on Feb, 7 2015 @ 09:29 PM
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Awwww! Hugs for bravery and kick that suicide to the curb and get it on with your new body!

All in all what a wonderful outcome to a potentially scary "talk" with your wife... so glad our world is changing to accept all the various nuances of gender and sexuality. And your wife liking girls-how perfect is that?

I'm female with what feels like a man's mind (no drive to change sex physically perhaps because I am bi-sexual) and my boyfriend has a woman's mind. We've joked about if one of us transitions the other happily would too. That compatibility makes it survivable and is such a blessing.

ATS feels like a great place to be open about this. It has allowed me to be "out" in a way that my small community wouldn't understand (we look like a straight couple). Thanks for sharing and best wishes with it.



posted on Feb, 7 2015 @ 09:49 PM
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Fantastic! What an incredible personal adventure of discovery and growth.



posted on Feb, 7 2015 @ 09:57 PM
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originally posted by: Cuervo
Once a transgender person's brain gets more balanced with the right hormonal balance, things change. A lot. Sometimes, that's plenty and it alleviates the dysphoria sensations but sometimes it's not enough. There are many transgender people who medicate with hormones but don't feel the need to present as any particular gender just so long as their brain and hormones agree with eachother (a huge step up from where they start).


I have never heard this before, but that makes a great deal of sense. At any rate I wish you luck. Of all the qualities I've admired in transgendered people it's the courage to embrace it that impresses me most. It doesn't matter if it takes you a few days or a few decades to make the decision. What matters is that you do. Of course, here's to hoping as time goes on culture will make it easier to make that decision. We've lost enough lives to bias and judgment.



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 12:35 AM
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a reply to: Cuervo

Congratulations!!!!

The fact you have a life partner who supports you is an amazing find and in that I envy you for having someone love you through a very difficult time for you. I would also like to congratulate in being brave to come to us on ATS as who you are rather than joining us again. I feel the strength in your writing of total acceptance and know this has not been an easy change for you and what the conflict your life has been like.

I knew Ruth / Bob and really never shared this experience. I met her / him as a young boy becoming a man. My mothers,(lesbian) friend was so full of doubts and back in the late 60s (San Francisco) was not as acceptance of his change as he had hope for. His family was worse. I remember when Ruth lost her boobs to be more Bob. That was not the problem rather the accepting family who called him vile names etc. This was the biggest trauma to Bob as he was now under chemical tablet changing every time I saw him. Shaving was amazing. Unfortunately people were cruel and was his family which added to his mental instability. One night he was pushed out / fell out a window in a San Francisco late 60's party. It was never clear murder / suicide. His family clear out his stuff. They were clearly things out when my mother had stopped by as he wanted a few items to go to me. The moment she heard their tone she had left. Bob was only a friend of my mother and I was hmmmm a young boy turning into a man help her/him consider who his children would take it. Where I took this intellectually and internal, they took it external and attacked. I was sadden by Bobs passing. I have many times thought how confusing it must have been and all due respects blown away how cruel the gay community was in treatment of him through the partial transition.

I lost friends in the service. So final and my feelings for Bob passing has the same emotional impact on me. Neither was ready for it and both seemed unfair. I not compared the two before this evening after reading what you had to say. It shows me the world has progressed.

So thank you for your honesty and can say you are exceedingly lucky. I can only hope this goes as smooth for you as it can be.

I want to thank all ATS Brothers and Sisters for your kind responses. I feel had my friend received this kind of support he would have finished his journey. Friends, Family and in this situation life partners are all so important for the trust you have to show to talk and explain leaves you so vulnerable IMHO...

Good Luck and please do not remain a stranger!!!!



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 03:47 AM
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Not sure if you saw last years Celebrity Big Brother UK? (Ok, I kind of have a secret deviant liking of this show. UK version only. I feel like I know how certain people will react. I see a confrontation 2 weeks beforehand. I enjoy the psychology of it all and how wrong it is and how people cope under stress. I'm less in the Celebrity version though....)

Anyways, my point was they had a famous guy Frankie Malloney - probably in his mid-sixties? Well, he decided he would kind of come out that he would prefer to be Kellie Maloney. FANTASTIC. But for the love of god, why on earth did he chose to do it on Big Brother? But it was fascinating to hear him talk about it all, but at the same time he could seem very 'on edge'. Quite a bit a fang baring outward violent snaps. Obviously medication is messing with him, but it seemed to me when she was angry she became 'male' for want of a better descriptive word. Not a normal male, a male but with the rage of a woman scorned.

So, why am I sharing all that? Well, I think what you are going through is incredible, amazing brave and inspiring. But be careful and sure of what medication they put you on, if I was Kellies wife and saw that change on tv, I would have been terrified. It might be worth watching the cbb just to see how welcoming and supportive most people are. It seemed Kellie struggled greatly with her decision, which was very verbal and open. An interesting case study on the first two weeks being born again at sixty odd.

Anyway, I gift you my love and support although I'm asexual so probably not that much use to anyone anyways :-)
edit on 8-2-2015 by Qumulys because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 05:30 AM
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a reply to: Cuervo

Hi Cuervo,

Good luck to you, this sounds like it's going to be a massive journey for you (I hate that word, but you know what I mean!). I wish you and your wife all the luck in the world and hope that you begin to find peace in yourself.
One caveat though...it won't change your posts I hope? I love reading your posts, you have such a unique perspective which I always enjoy (and usually agree with)...so don't change too much!

I noticed your point about earlier societies making room for individuals with 'twin souls', which is lovely way of putting it. I sincerely wish you all the best, and admire the guts it must have taken to write this thread.

B x



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 10:43 AM
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originally posted by: Cuervo
Love you guys!


I love you, too. Always have.
edit on 2/8/2015 by Benevolent Heretic because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 11:09 AM
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a reply to: Cuervo

just be You mate, some will understand, some won't but the best ones will love you anyway


Glad to read that you have the support of your Wife, she'll help you get through, just don't steal her clothes, she may kill you



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 11:51 AM
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a reply to: Cuervo

will your marriage be legally recognized once the state finds out your wife is/will be married to a woman?

also, congratulations on not choosing a dirt nap. from what i have observed, you are a valuable member of the community both online and irl.
edit on 8-2-2015 by TzarChasm because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 12:29 PM
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I can't believe I missed this thread! You are one of my favorite posters, and I'm so glad you had the courage to be open and honest with us. You definitely have my support!


Best of luck to you in your journey, and stay strong!!



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 12:49 PM
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originally posted by: TzarChasm
a reply to: Cuervo

will your marriage be legally recognized once the state finds out your wife is/will be married to a woman?

also, congratulations on not choosing a dirt nap. from what i have observed, you are a valuable member of the community both online and irl.


The state will recognize it. She would still a biological male to them. I am also Gender dysphoric as many of you know who frequent the chatroom. ALthough i am in a situation that if i came out with that id be shunned,and kicked out on my own.

I am Glad that cuervo is able to persue her dreams to be female. And hey who knows maybe by th e time she gets ready for the surgery the newly grown DNA vaginas will be adapted to work with Transgender women as well. Not just the V jay jay but the entire system has been grown an d implanted sucessfully in women who had lost theirs. yay science!



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 01:10 PM
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a reply to: yuppa

so basically, yesterday's genders are tomorrow's outfits. yay science!



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 01:13 PM
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originally posted by: TzarChasm
a reply to: yuppa

so basically, yesterday's genders are tomorrow's outfits. yay science!



Cant tell if trolling or serious......hmmmm.



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 01:16 PM
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originally posted by: yuppa

originally posted by: TzarChasm
a reply to: yuppa

so basically, yesterday's genders are tomorrow's outfits. yay science!



Cant tell if trolling or serious......hmmmm.


entirely serious. if we develop the capability to switch genders as easily as switching medications, there is no stopping the market unless it proves more hazardous than lucrative.

i appreciate your faith in my compassion though.

edit on 8-2-2015 by TzarChasm because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 04:00 PM
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originally posted by: TzarChasm
a reply to: Cuervo

will your marriage be legally recognized once the state finds out your wife is/will be married to a woman?

also, congratulations on not choosing a dirt nap. from what i have observed, you are a valuable member of the community both online and irl.


Even after I legally change the marker and my birth certificate to my proper gender, we won't have a problem as we are in Oregon so two women can totally be married here.

We plan on renewing our vows after we are full-time in our new lives. My wife is totally about two white dresses at the altar.



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 04:06 PM
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originally posted by: TzarChasm
a reply to: yuppa

so basically, yesterday's genders are tomorrow's outfits. yay science!


Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I started an initiative a few years ago about transcending ethnicity, religion, and gender (another one of my coping mechanisms to avoid confronting my condition) and I even had t-shirts, mugs, etc made. The slogan was "Dude suits and chick suits: pop culture lied to you" and the core values always referenced males and females simply as "suits" we wear. It's more complicated than that but it's how I felt at the time. It was a cry for help, obviously, but the sentiments I threw down were real and I believe them to this day.



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 04:15 PM
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originally posted by: yuppa
I am also Gender dysphoric as many of you know who frequent the chatroom. ALthough i am in a situation that if i came out with that id be shunned,and kicked out on my own.


Just hang in there. You'll just make it work when the time comes. I'm starting a bit later than some but I don't regret it a bit. If you have to wait a while due to safety and stability, make use of that time. It's probably the lamest thing to hear but even hearing that would have helped me a few years ago.



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 05:49 PM
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originally posted by: Cuervo

originally posted by: boymonkey74
a reply to: Cuervo

Good for you girl

So happy your wife is standing by you, you have a good one there.
Be who you want to be dudette.
Good luck for the future
.


Thank you. And you're right; my wife is an amazing woman. I'm just glad I married a woman who was secretly into women. It was just about the best thing I could have heard from her after telling her.

So she looks at it like "So I guess I married a woman and I'm a lesbian. Yay!"

Couldn't have gone better on that front.


How does this even happen? I'm not being hateful.. just the odds are crazy! haha



posted on Feb, 8 2015 @ 05:49 PM
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a reply to: Cuervo

A friend of mine is going through the same kind of changes. I have known that person for thirteen years, since college, and they started making some changes about a year and a bit ago. Things are still levelling out for her at the moment, and there are struggles which have come with it, as there often are when someone makes such a drastic change to the way they present themselves to the world. As sad as it is to say, people sometimes value their perceptions of people, more than they value the people themselves. That is a very difficult concept for some people to wrap their minds around at first blush, and it is even harder to recognise elements of it within ones own psyche.

That does mean that it can be hard for some to accept changes like this. Luckily, my buddy has people around her that she can rely on for understanding and support, which, let's face it, we all need, no matter whether our problems revolve around a disconnect between the perceptions others have of us, and the way we feel inside, or whether our issue on a given day is considered more mundane and easier to effect positive progress with.

Personally, I wish you every success in winding up where you want to be, in the form you feel most comfortable in. That your wife has your back is incredible and wonderful, and I hope that the transitional process treats you well!



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