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My Story i a Nutshell

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posted on Jan, 29 2015 @ 11:08 PM
I was about 27 years old and maybe younger when I had a chemical biological urgent syndrome. Some people would equate this to a mental breakdown, but I am way smarter than that and had a Father who constantly reminded me that my ongoing woes was just a chemical process of the mind. So on from here, I realized what ego really was by seeing it rather than rationalizing it or deriving it by logic through a psychotic episode induced by Zoloft and amphetamine and to mention the following: psychological abuse from my sibling and Father, workplace harassment, and a lone wolf mindset.

My brother use to open ad shut the doors loud and it always seemed to bother me I would put up with it, not saying I was too sensitive at heart, but caring for his ego because it could easily deteriorate due to my successes. Though this situation was perfectly set up better then "Death of a Salesman". When Jesus said he came to divide household by setting families apart in a consequential morality way, he was not lying. I had an overbearing Father and and a manipulative brother.

This is what I saw before I go into the slamming of doors (purposeful attacks against my well-being). I saw that ego was evil as I shored through depression and into hypomania, mania, and through psychosis to schizophrenia. With a high IQ, these are just higher states of mind. Ego is not our sense of selves, but a barrier humanly put up in order to protect oneself from inflicted pain from others.

I confronted my brother while going through psychosis (anger at his unlimited self esteem magic tricks) and he fell into tears. I read his mind. He was aware of my sensitivity to sound and all of my other quirks that could be abused. I was aware of the events, but did not see the ego attacks accompanied with them.

My ego the turned to light upon my forgiveness of my brother. The certainty (psychosis obtained) combined with the acceptance of God's presence led me to a high functioning self control like non other. I became a high functioning psychopath aware of the mental abuses that can be used against men and women without them knowing in order to get what you wanted. I refuse to practice it and thank God I saw my brother through glass.

posted on Jan, 29 2015 @ 11:37 PM
Welcome, I just joined myself.

Your story is very reminiscent of mine, although I was not brave enough to share it quite yet. I was diagnosed bi-polar about 3 years ago as my life imploded like a dyeing star. I was a very good aircraft mechanic with no previous mental history for 28 years and then boom, i'm crazy. Its funny how getting between some truly sinister narcissistic people happened to flick the crazy switch in my head. I lost (career, girlfriend, all my friends and my possessions) everything and now I have only just begun to pick up the pieces. I have been in and out of psych wards for the last couple years. I have absolutely no friends anymore, I am pretty much a recluse now, having regular panic attacks, too paranoid to go anywhere and barely get any enjoyment out of life. ATS helps shine a little positive light on my broken self. As for now I sit and wait and just hope my brain and soul heal.

posted on Jan, 29 2015 @ 11:43 PM
Hi and welcome.

I'm loud and proud anxiety-ridden depressed person.

posted on Jan, 30 2015 @ 02:00 AM

originally posted by: mynameiseffort
With a high IQ, these are just higher states of mind.

No, depression, mania and psychosis are a chemical imbalance in the brain, not a higher state of mind. If you go down that rabbit hole you'll not be getting better any time soon.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

posted on Jan, 30 2015 @ 02:45 AM
one introduction thread per member is all that is aloud.
Please use your first intro thread Give me cookies, flags, and stars for any comments you wish to make.

This thread is now closed,


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