posted on Jan, 30 2015 @ 03:36 AM
I have been married for more than twenty years, and value that relationship immensely. It enriches my life to an extent I cannot describe.
Yet, I am not insensitive to your (OP) feelings- I have retained the memory of a time in my early twenties when I was living alone, convinced I never
wanted to be in a romantic relationship, and was perfectly happy alone. The prospect of engaging in all the complications of living with another
person was not enticing at all.
Then I met my husband, and he was quite driven and insistent, and I ended up in a whirlwind of relation, and having to deal with interdependence-
which was as difficult as I thought it would be, and I sometimes mourned the simple years of being alone.
I found that relationship of this sort is a skill. Just as if you decided to undertake learning to pilot a plane, or do rock climbing, learn
martial arts, or sailing, scuba diving, to play an instrument, learn to dance, there is a period of learning those basic skills that must be done
before you get to the really fun part!
Maybe that 10,000 hours rule applies? I don't know. But what I found is that it is exactly the same as undertaking those types of skills, in which a
period comes when all that seems difficult at the beginning is integrated as automatic reflexes, and you just get creative and doors open to exploring
the world in ways that you couldn't before, and that make living AWESOME.
Ways which make this world an life so much richer, it inspires you to want to even go into other skills or disciplines, (that you know will be
terribly difficult at first) because you know rich rewards will come of them.
It becomes a conduit to investing yourself more in the outside world in general.
I am in my late forties now, and my husband and I have always retained quite a bit of independence anyway, and at this time, he has a job which takes
him far away for many days each week. So I get my alone time that I need. But we also really appreciate when we get back together. We have a
relationship built in which we each know each other and don't need to force anything. We fall into sync without effort and only bring each other
happiness and support. It wasn't always that way, but it sure was worth the years of effort to build!
When you start to get older, and the physical body begins to show weakness, that is really valuable. You get to where you don't want to partake of
the stupid games relationships entail when young, but you really appreciate having someone you can depend on.
I'd hate to start that whole process this late in life! In would be even more difficult than when I was in my twenties!
(I always feel really sympathetic for people who end up divorced at this age, and have to do that).