Why it is important to forgive others.

This thread is designed to help those understand why we should forgive one another. For those who do not believe in the Christian faith stop here and read no further unless you have come to cherry pick my words and troll throughout this thread and if that is your intention I will not reply to your post. This thread is designed to help those who have sincere problems with not understanding why it is important to learn forgiveness.

I came from an abused family. My grandmother and father were mean alcoholics and my grandparents raised me while my father was in prison so from the age of four to eight I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather was always traveling so my grandmother raised three children. She was the meanest female I have ever met. She would beat me with anything she could get her hands on. One time she ripped my clothes off and the clothes off my baby sister (she was 3 at the time) and threw us naked outside in the snow. Thank God I knew to go to the next door neighbor for help. The beatings I got from my grandmother and father are legendary and it is a miracle I was not left physically disabled. I was left mentally scarred and that I carried with me for a few decades.

I hated my grandmother and father for most of my life. In the early 70's my father has a serious car accident that left him on the verge of death. My little sister and I were so scared of him we would pray that he would die and not survive the accident. He actually did die a couple of times on the operating table but the doctors brought him back. My father returned home 100% disabled and believe it or not even meaner than before. He was a big man and very powerful. Often I would take my little sister's beatings because they were too hard for her and her mental condition was borderline.

At 16 I ran away - over 1000 miles away from home but eventually got caught and was returned home. I joined the military to get away from the abuse something I wish I had never done because I felt guilty for leaving my little sister alone with that madman. So I lied about my age and joined the Army at 17 and off I went. Boot camp was a vacation. Those drill sergeants could cuss and their abuse was nothing compared to what my father could do. I felt no fear... to me it was funny; to others I would watch them as they cried themselves to sleep.

I was so full of hate. I did not believe in mercy or compassion. This hate followed me into adult life. The day my grandmother died I flew home to attend her funeral. After the funeral that night I went back to the graveyard and stood on her tombstone while I urinated on her grave; of course drunk on my ass and full of weed.

Throughout my twenties and thirties I could never let go of this hate and when someone treated me wrong I would hate them as well. Actually I would demand justice and would go out and slash their tires, knock in their car windows, take my Bowie knife and carve words into the car paint job, or just beat the hell out of them with a bat, ..... etc... a real criminal and jerk. I should have gone to jail but no one could prove it was me. Everything I touched turned out wrong and bad, my life was a total nightmare with regular nightmares. I had two personalities, one for my day job and one at night when I could let down my falsehoods and act like I felt. My life was a living hell. Whenever anyone crossed me I could never let it go. I didn't care if you were a male or female, you messed with me and you would pay a price.

I have had four head on car collisions (direct head-ons) causing deaths in one and putting someone in a wheel chair in another. (not to change the subject - but this is a sign of a demonic attack - anytime you have multiple head on collisions) All four collisions were not my fault and the last one left me 40% disabled. I cursed God day and night and I blamed everything in heaven for my life. I could not pay my bills let alone feed my family.

So there you have it. So what changed? Right? One night I felt something stirring up inside me and it told to me to surrender and give up ..... so I did. I could no longer take it. I was tired of fighting the system and myself. I simply gave up and turned to God. I fell to my knees and I told God, "OK I give up, I surrender, you win". That night I asked God to forgive me for my sins and for the first time in a long time I felt something good stirring inside me. I told God that I will put all my troubles in your hands, if I eat then you feed me and my family... etc. When I was done praying I was wet from tears with sore kneecaps. No telling how long I had been on my knees praying but it was for some time. My life did change for the better and it happened that night but I could also tell that I still had issues. Even though I often prayed the Father's prayer I really did not mean it when I said to forgive other who have sinned against me... I still felt hate for them.

That hate is what held me back in my Christian faith…. My health started deteriorating, high blood pressure, migraines, diabetes with a 40% handicap to my left side leg and hip. This forgiveness held me back from receiving blessings from heaven. As I started to learn how to walk in the Christian faith and mature in the Christian faith I could tell I still needed help and there was much work needed and after studying the scriptures and through prayer it was revealed to me that I was not being honest when saying the Father’s prayer and I ask God why I should forgive them. It was revealed to me that as long as I could not forgive them with all my heart they would always be there before me tormenting me and giving me no peace. I was also reminded that if I wanted my sins forgiven that I had to forgive everyone who has done me wrong. After much thought and meditation I decided it was time to give up this hate so I got down on my knees and prayed to God to truly forgive (by name and what they did to me) and with sincerity and after that prayer I felt a peace come upon me that is indescribable! No longer did I have hate in my heart but peace and for those that have never felt real peace, let me tell you, it is a life changing event. And oh BTW no longer do I have migraines, high blood pressure or diabetes.

Miracles still happen today just as they did during the times of Christ. It is NEVER too late to change no matter how old or young you are.

Have you forgiven those who have sinned against you?

Thank you for testifying.

Forgiveness is hard to achieve, especially when you are betrayed by those closest to you - your family.

But to me forgiveness is also one the most important of the Lord's teachings. To carry the hate only hurts you, not the one's that have hurt you.

Good for you for walking the good walk with Jesus.

You made me think of my own path of forgiveness today.

Peace and Blessings.
Missie

originally posted by: Missmissie173
Thank you for testifying.

Forgiveness is hard to achieve, especially when you are betrayed by those closest to you - your family.

But to me forgiveness is also one the most important of the Lord's teachings. To carry the hate only hurts you, not the one's that have hurt you.

Good for you for walking the good walk with Jesus.

You made me think of my own path of forgiveness today.

Peace and Blessings.
Missie

For me it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but I thank the Lord for showing me the way.

May God bless you and protect you my sister

Good testimony.

On a practical note, I will add that feeling hate, nursing hate takes a lot of your time and energy. It's a powerful emotion and does bad things to your system over time. I have found that it is much more trouble than it's worth to nurse it for very long.

Letting go and feeling that tight inside feeling die away. Feeling that inner tension you may not even be aware of because you've held onto it for so long die away is so rewarding and freeing. And forgiveness does that for you.

I still remember the things that were done to me, but I can give up the power they had to hurt me through forgiveness.

I had an abusive relationship for three or four years, and I forgave him.

Just demanding to forgive yourself isn't going to cut it. You need to prove how really sorry you are (are you) for doing others wrong and seek out as many of them as you can, apologizing to them face to face, making reparations to them as much as possible. A couple of cry sessions (sore knees?) is just self deflection.

Cry a river, but apologize in person, if possible.

a reply to: intrptr

Believe it or not, it is sometimes easier to seek forgiveness for yourself than it is to forgive those who will never, ever come ask you for your forgiveness.

a reply to: ketsuko
The point is more apologizing to the people that we wrong, it doesn't matter if they forgive us, only that we apologize to them, again whenever possible.

Its the amendments step in the twelve step. Takes a lot to go up to someone we wronged and apologize, praying on our knees is easy by comparison.

No?

What does it say, if thine brother have something against thee, first…?

a reply to: DeathSlayer

Thank you for sharing your story. I thought my father was bad for not taking any interest in my life. I guess he pales in comparison.

Forgiveness is not exclusive to Christianity. It is shared among many 'spiritual' traditions.

My road to forgiveness toward relatives and family members who I felt have disrespected me is the idea that we do not really choose who we are. We are born into a particular situation and environment that condition who we are. I wonder if we really have any choice in what we become?

Whatever the case, hate, anger, ill will, will eat you up.

Your story touched me.

With your life experience, you could easily have ended up a bitter man, entrenched behind your walls, armed to the teeth with guns and hate.

My personal God experience is not molded by a religion, but is simply a connection with a spiritual realm in which we are all one and part of the same consciousness, which you can call God if you like.

In an eastern philosophical perspective, one could say that by forgiving those that hurt you, you forgive yourself. The hate you send out to the Universe eventually returns to you. Smile to the universal mirror, and it will smile back to you.

A lot of good advice and great comments.

It is great to see so much harmony in a thread.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

Hugs.

Today must be testifying day for the body, yours is the second one I have read today with a story much like this. Good for you and amen.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

beautiful thread.

For me, it helped to write it out, all my feelings and everything.. it was then that I was finally able to forgive myself, and others, for things that happened.

So glad to hear your testimony..

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: ketsuko
The point is more apologizing to the people that we wrong, it doesn't matter if they forgive us, only that we apologize to them, again whenever possible.

Its the amendments step in the twelve step. Takes a lot to go up to someone we wronged and apologize, praying on our knees is easy by comparison.

No?

What does it say, if thine brother have something against thee, first…?

Oh, definitely it's important to apologize when we wrong someone. And it can be hard to realize that you've wronged someone because sometimes you don't understand that what you've done is wrong.

But for me, once I figure it out, it's easier to face them and apologize than it is to forgive someone who will likely never understand the pain they caused you. I am betting it's very different for others. I'll bet it's way harder for others to face someone they wronged in person.

I guess the one for me offers the better prospect of closure and laying it to rest which is what I really want from the whole sorry mess.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

Forgiveness enables us to move on with our lives in a positive manner.

To continue to hate and hold grudges will destroy from the inside until you have nothing left.

Love rules!

Fprgove and forget. Forgetting is forgiving. Carrying a grudge is dwelling on our anger. This feeds it, building it up and making it worse.

Letting go, lets it go.

Fuhged abowd id…

ETA: The part than can't let go is our pride.

originally posted by: DeathSlayer
This thread is designed to help those understand why we should forgive one another. For those who do not believe in the Christian faith stop here and read no further unless you have come to cherry pick my words and troll throughout this thread and if that is your intention I will not reply to your post. This thread is designed to help those who have sincere problems with not understanding why it is important to learn forgiveness.

I came from an abused family. My grandmother and father were mean alcoholics and my grandparents raised me while my father was in prison so from the age of four to eight I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather was always traveling so my grandmother raised three children. She was the meanest female I have ever met. She would beat me with anything she could get her hands on. One time she ripped my clothes off and the clothes off my baby sister (she was 3 at the time) and threw us naked outside in the snow. Thank God I knew to go to the next door neighbor for help. The beatings I got from my grandmother and father are legendary and it is a miracle I was not left physically disabled. I was left mentally scarred and that I carried with me for a few decades.

[snip]
Have you forgiven those who have sinned against you?

I thank you for your testimony. I know it is not easy to give all the time. I too had a very traumatic childhood. My father was gone a lot for work, so our paranoid schizophrenic mother watched us. Not the good schizo either, the kind that thinks their kids are the devils and need to be beat, not fed, etc... Yeah, that was a fun 5 years. Not! After my dad divorced her, like you, I used to pray for her death. I used to physically dream of running her over. I still remember that. The dreams. I was 5. Obviously I don't have them anymore. It's been almost 40 years, I've tried numerous times to reach out to her and have some kind of connection, but she gets mad at me, a lot. It's sad because I HAVE forgiven her, and I would like contact. I have to be very careful though because my autistic daughter wants contact as well and she has told me some very hateful, sexual things about my father years ago, that I really don't want my daughter hearing. But sadly I cannot control what she says. She is always unmedicated. Every time we have talked in the past, she bashes my paternal extended family. (Aunts, uncles, grandmother, grandfather, etc...) while ranting about her brother who died of a coc aine overdose. (She claims it was a mob hit, that he was a bookie for the mob and that when he went to jail, they were afraid he talked to the cops so they killed him and made it look like a drug overdose. Some of her fantasy stories, I truly don't mind, but when she becomes hateful, I have to hang up. have eliminated that from my life, and she gets mad when I don't wish to hear that.

At 7, after she had left, my father had hired a baby sitter to watch us who lived next door. He and his sister spent a year raping and molesting me. I was scared into silence so I told no one of course. When it was discovered, he would stalk me by standing outside by bedroom window at night while I tried to sleep. I would get my father, but of course, he lived next door, so he'd be in his home by then. This went on for about 6 months to a year. I am slowly working my way to forgiving them. That one is a little harder, I will admit it. It has left me very emotionally scarred. For many nights, I couldn't sleep. Period. Not without medication anyway. To this day I still need medication to sleep. I now have a benign brain tumor that either leaves you feeling narcoleptic, or keeps you up all night long. Got to love it. That and the severe almost 5 a day migraines that go with the tumor. I used to have a hard time sleeping REALLY bad. I used to have a long chef's knife under my pillow in one hand, and a cell phone in the other, all the house lights on, and I couldn't go to bed until I checked the locks on all the doors, and windows at least 3-5 times, check behind every closet, then, if you hear a noise, get up and repeat the process. I jump at the slightest touch or noise. I can't help it. I've tried. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder and Depression. I used to have suicidal thoughts constantly and even attempted it when I was 13. To this day no one in my family knows. You see, I had blocked out the attacks when I had the exam to protect my mind. Funny thing brains. They say I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. (Used to be called Multiple Personality, but since it only occurred once, and only on Ambien, they're not sure.) I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore and have asked God's forgiveness in this. It was only because I began having flashbacks and I thought I was becoming schizo like my birth mother. Considering the physical abuse she put me through, I didn't want to become that crazy that I put someone else through that as well.

I eventually married and thought everything was ok. I found out 4 years ago my entire marriage was a lie. He cheated on me when I had the swine flu and on my birthday 18 years into our marriage, asked me for a divorce on my birthday. When I told him he was a creep to ask me on my birthday, he replied, "I forgot it was your birthday." Gee thanks. Before he left, he broke a vow he had made me. He knew I had been raped as a kid and swore he would never do anything like that. Well, he was on the way out and wanted sex, I said no. So he raped me, twice. One resulted in a pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage. Would you believe 5 years later he is still angry with me? If anyone is angry it should be me, but no. I've forgiven him and moved on.

I know I am still growing in Christ, and I am still learning, still making mistakes and still pushing past those mistakes and continually asking God's forgiveness. Thank you again for your testimony. I will tell you, I was very angry growing up but when my daughter almost died at birth and almost died having her, that is when I returned to God. I begged Him to save her and take me instead.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

Matthew 6:14-16. yes we must forgive to be forgiven.

And remember judge not lest ye be judged for what measure you use to judge will be used against you.

Maybe this is why it's usually the most judgmental people who are always scared of hell and tell others about hell so quickly.

Water is The Living Water, it cleans you and makes you born again (living through forgiveness makes you more patient and kind - Love is patient Love is kind).


But The Fire of The Holy Spirit is what moves through you as you do good works.

Fire - love, good works ("fairness/justice")
Air - Change, Movement (the change forgiveness makes to kindness)
Water - forgive ("cleanse")
Earth - the world, the flesh

a reply to: Anyafaj

I am sorry to hear that you too had a terrible childhood and a terrible marriage. Thank you for your testimony.

I can see you have had a hard life, don't let these terrible times control your way of thinking or feeling towards anyone.

Pray daily and ask God to protect you and your children from harm and he will. At nights before going to bed pray that you and your children don't have nightmares or any spiritual attacks while sleeping and ask to be refreshed through sleep and he will give this to you.

I will pray for you my sister,

Prayer and studying God's word will keep your faith strong.

God bless you and your children.

originally posted by: arpgme
a reply to: DeathSlayer

Matthew 6:14-16. yes we must forgive to be forgiven.

And remember judge not lest ye be judged for what measure you use to judge will be used against you.

Maybe this is why it's usually the most judgmental people who are always scared of hell and tell others about hell so quickly.

Water is The Living Water, it cleans you and makes you born again (living through forgiveness makes you more patient and kind - Love is patient Love is kind).


But The Fire of The Holy Spirit is what moves through you as you do good works.

Fire - love, good works ("fairness/justice")
Air - Change, Movement (the change forgiveness makes to kindness)
Water - forgive ("cleanse")
Earth - the world, the flesh

I agree. I can honestly say I don't judge anyone other than myself.

originally posted by: DeathSlayer
a reply to: Anyafaj

I am sorry to hear that you too had a terrible childhood and a terrible marriage. Thank you for your testimony.

I can see you have had a hard life, don't let these terrible times control your way of thinking or feeling towards anyone.

Pray daily and ask God to protect you and your children from harm and he will. At nights before going to bed pray that you and your children don't have nightmares or any spiritual attacks while sleeping and ask to be refreshed through sleep and he will give this to you.

I will pray for you my sister,

Prayer and studying God's word will keep your faith strong.

God bless you and your children.

Thank you for this. I do pray daily, as does my daughter. I also receive a Bible verse a day on my cell phone and my facebook. Not only does it help me learn the Bible, but sometimes I feel as if it as a verse delivered just for me. There are times when something is going on in my life and a verse is delivered that speaks directly to that particular issue/s. I's a wonderful app. I even have it on my Kindle and put the children's cartoon version on my daughter's phone. This way we both have the Bible everywhere we go. Right now I am doing a daily reading plan called the Bible in a Year. I'm also doing a Bible in a Year Devotional as well. It has helped a lot. Thank you for the specific prayers to ask for. I really appreciate that. I still do have some nightmares because of the PTSD. Not as many as I used to have as a kid. Man I had TONS! But some are definitely still there. I got a dog last March that I think God put in my path because I've learned every time I have nightmares, my pup will lick my face to wake me. It seems I whimper and cry in my sleep without knowing it, but she notices immediately and tries to wake me. I see my therapist in a few weeks and I'm going to ask her how I go about getting my pup registered as a therapy pet. If I can't get her registered, then I know I at least have another Angel by my side looking after me.

The Bible