Could you handle a GF/Wife who was smarter/richer/stronger/taller/more successful than you?

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Very insightful OP.

My wife and I both sort of upset the boat of who's supposed to be what in regards to "traditional gender roles". She's often the breadwinner (we've both had periods of that) for example but it doesn't stop there. I guess the only traditional roles we maintain are the ones about giving birth and opening jars.

Also, think about same-gender couples. It's a bit more complicated there because there are no gender "rules" they have to follow. Many do (butch lesbian with lipstick lesbian, etc) but many more split those roles up comfortably depending on who's simply better suited to do it.

Of course... what an odd question?
It's not a competition, it's a union, a relationship, a partnership.

Why would anyone have an issue with it?

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

All of those and because there was an emotional bond. Typically any issues only appeared when the relationship became long term, and an emotional bond was established, also because of sex, rather than being slutty and finding other guys.

So why do you feel that you accepted and played this role? was it because you thought it was what was expected from the woman? coz you didn't want to lose the guy/be alone? or something else?

My experience of men acting out their perceived promiscuous expectations were something similar to how you described, they thought of their behaviour as how they were meant to be.

I was accepting of a subversive role then because it was just easier, it was as you suggest at least part societal programming, but the result of that was that my heart was not in the relationship 100% and that was always a factor.

I have emotional depth and there was always something missing from those relationships, an element of distrust or that I could see through their attempts at psychological manipulation, as most good looking men know the things to say to women for getting their own way, mostly for sex. Also just knowing that those relationships were ultimately castles built on sand. I was younger then though and my priorities could have been better.

I am a parent now and finding relationships whilst not actively seeking them isn't so easy, I prefer to know a person first and have a real emotional bond there before considering a more intimate relationship. I am more aware of my relationship needs now, with a better perspective of the dynamics of relationships and the qualities needed for long term partnership.

I've been married for all of 41 years to the same woman. I, literally, married, 'the woman of my dreams'. The day I met her she was so beautiful that I could actually feel my heart gently pounding inside my chest. She graduated summa cum laude from her university; I didn't. She has, almost always throughout our marriage, earned more money than I have; and she won't allow me to balance the family checkbook. Who cares! I know I don't. She thinks I'm smart; she thinks I'm a good athlete; she thinks I'm good-looking, too; or, at least, I used to be. (I know she dated better looking, more athletic men before we met; but that's never seemed to matter.)

None of that silly superficial stuff really matters! We communicate well; we implicitly trust one another; and we, both, feel that we'd rather be together than anywhere else. (Even after 40 years, when she talks to me, I'll still turn off the radio, or lower the volume in order to hear what she has to say.) On her part I'd have to say that she, 'spoils me rotten'. I always get whatever I want; and I've (sort of) abused the privilege by coming home, on occasion, with something outrageous like a new dog, or a new car. Did she care? No, she thinks my taste in everything, as well as my judgment of people-in-general is always, 'spot on'.

Me? I'll eat anything she puts in front of me. She usually does the cooking; but, like most adult Sicilian males I'm a gourmet chef; and, every now and then, I'll whip up something special. Neither one of us likes to argue; we don't like to upset anyone in the family - Not even the animals! So things are usually pretty quiet around here. Before we were married she told me that if I ever became involved with another woman she'd leave me. I believed her; and I never have; in fact I've only rarely, if ever, even thought about it.

I think the trust (Fleming's necessary, 'Quantum of Solace') that exists between us goes a long way toward explaining the length of our relationship. Good looks and brains can wear off. Mutual trust, innate cooperation, and, 'easy on the nerves' companionship do not.

Anyway, in all new relationships, there is a tendency to marry yourself - to marry your illusions. An older woman once asked me, 'How long have the two of you been married?' I replied, 'About 20 years.' She thought for a moment before remarking, 'Then yours is a long term relationship.' I asked her what brought that up; and she said, 'You're, both, very different from each other!' I had to think for a moment before replying, 'Yes, we are different people; but we, each, trust and enjoy one another.' The woman just nodded her head in agreement.

Why am I telling you this? Don't, 'sweat the small stuff'. Sometimes you've got to give the other person a fair chance to demonstrate who he (she) really is. When we first met; I can honestly say that my wife didn't like me; she even volunteered that we wouldn't be going out again. That didn't happen! When I heard her say that I replied, 'You know, you could be a little more fair!' 'I mean, after all, you don't even know me.' She agreed; and I got that second (actually third) date.

a reply to: Expat888

13 ex wives! Jeeesuus! No wonder you've no problem being a bachelor lol!
I've never even had "feelings" for one woman, much less 13! I have no desire for wealth or success though, nor have I ever even said I Love You to my parents.
I have always been solely attracted to powerful strong women, but even now I'm finding that they are just all too addicted to the system, & all I think about anymore is when the system as we know it will end.

Well, my wife for many years was bringing in more salary than I was, and I did not care. If not for her getting laid off a few years back, she would still trend higher than me. I spend zero seconds of my life thinking about her money, nor she mine.

We both have our own bank accounts, we each take care of our share of the joint bills, we each pay our own car and credit card payments. She spends whatever money she spends, as do I. Works perfectly. Not once have I ever asked her where she was spending money. It's her money, and none of my business. Same with my money.

a reply to: Expat888

13 ex-wives along the way .. grown quite cynical of human nature .

HOLY CRAP!!!! thats gotta be some kind of record!!!
I think anyone would be slightly cynical after that many let downs haha

Were they all SE Asian girls? Never had an issue in malaysia but Ive learnt my lesson after just 1 Laos girl, I cant imagine having to go through anything like that again LOL. The mentality is just to alien for me, Ive actually included "must be from a 1st world country" to my list of requirements for future GF's.

Msg me next time your in Laos, 1st beers on me and you can explain in detail how you got stung not once, not twice but 13 times LOL

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Only two were asian .. the others were western ..

originally posted by: Expat888
a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Only two were asian .. the others were western ..

OK then we really need to talk, where the hell can I find decent Western women out here????

Actually considering your record maybe your not the best man to ask Haha

Sorry Mate just messin around

Sincerely though when you near VTE next msg me here and well grab a beer

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

I have absolutely no problem with that. In fact it would give me a goal to achieve and get on same level.

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Yea...ExPat is a serial divorcee. While it might be nice to listen to him, but don't take his words as advice, but rather warnings.

All three of my ex wives were smarter and richer than me.
It didn't bother me but I think my second and third wife were bothered.
Lol.