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Could you handle a GF/Wife who was smarter/richer/stronger/taller/more successful than you?

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posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:18 AM
The idea for this thread came to me from a few places

1) Something a girl I was dating about 5 years ago said
2) A conversation I had with a Korean Girl 2 days ago
3) A thread posted on ATS today I Write Like A Dude and in particular 1 post, 2 from the top on the 2nd page

So 5 years ago while in Malaysia I was dating a girl who was very attractive, came from a wealthy family, had a high paying job, was very successful, had a great sense of humour and I dont just mean she found me funny but she was also funny and so much so she did a bit of stand up comedy and surprisingly was very good (I hate to admit but I find very few female comics that great), she was clever as sh!t and could talk intelligently on any topic you cared to mention and on top of all that was confident to boot. Not arrogant mind you.

So anyway as you can guess I was quite smitten and after we had been dating about a month it hit me how truly amazing this woman was, I asked her how it was I was so lucky and that she was still single, it was more of a rhetorical question/compliment but she answered and it has made me think ever since.
She said because men (and not just Asian men, she had been dating mostly Westerners) were scared of her, not because she was all the things I listed above but because she didnt need a man for anything and men need to feel needed and superior!!! According to her theory they need to know the woman couldnt get by or would at least struggle if they (or another man) werent around.
I questioned the validity of that statement and said maybe they were just intimidated, I suggested that perhaps since she was so attractive and outspoken men had a hard time approaching her. She explained she got approached all the time and even went on quite a few dates but men very quickly ran away, I was the first guy in 3 years who had gone out with her more than 4 times!!!!
She explained she did want a man in her life (but didnt need one for anything) and had learnt to tone down most aspects of her personality and to not talk about her achievements too much.
I was skeptical and just assumed there was more to it

So moving on 5 years, 2 days ago Im having dinner with a lovely Korean lady, not sure if it was a date as Im helping her with a thesis but we did get into a very date like convo and it had a distinctly date like feel. we were talking about ex's and she asked if I had ever dated a Korean, I said I hadnt but I had dated a Japanese girl and I assumed they had many similarities, she asked how so and I explained they were both 1st world countries where women had equal opportunities as men but were still very docile and submissive compared to Western women. She disagreed and asked why I stopped seeing the Japanese girl.
I told her the story of maybe the 10th time we saw each other, to cut a long story short the Japanese chick was a pleaser, she never had an opinion and when asked what she wanted to do would always say "whatever you want to do" that suited me fine the 1st few times we went out but quickly got boring and even frustrating
At around date 10 I insisted she decided what we did, after much stress and reluctance on her side she finally suggested (more asked) we do dinner at her place. I thought it was a great idea and told her I would bring it over, after 30 min of trying to get her to decide what she wanted I gave up and told her I would surprise her. I turned up with a bag of groceries and was going to cook, this poor girl nearly had a fit literally screaming "Boys dont cook, Boys dont cook" she wanted to make it while I sat down but after I explained she wouldnt know how to cook it and told her if she liked she could help by cutting some stuff up she relaxed a bit, when there was nothing left for her to do she literally sat watching me while wringing her hands together rocking back and forward with a look of worry on her face. after it was in the oven everything was fine till after dinner when I went to pick up the dishes from the table, the look of horror on her face scared the crap out of me and this tiny Japanese girl literally threw me across the room while screeching "NO NO!!!! Boys dont clean, boys dont clean!!!" and proceeded to take everything to the sink and frantically wash while watching me over her shoulder with a look of panic.
I was actually frightened, not of her but of what would happen if we stayed together, it sounds great in theory to have someone willing to wait on you hand and foot while expecting nothing but how long till you take it for granted? How long can you maintain any sort of respect for someone who acts like a slave and is happy doing it with nothing in return? That was the 2nd last time I saw the Japanese girl.
My Korean friend after hearing the story agreed that many Korean women were also like this and it is just the way they were brought up, it was never explicitly stated or told to her she should act a certain way but you just knew you did whatever you could to keep the man happy and always agreed with him. Luckily so far she does not fit into this stereotype

To be fair the above to examples are both from Asian cultures but now we have todays thread, Ill quote a bit but the thread itself is worth checking out. From a Female member I assume to be western speaking about western guys

It appears some men do not like women that think above their level. I have had boyfriends that literally said they believed men as ''superior'' intellectually and otherwise. They weren't boyfriends much longer after those comments.

and from an article quoted in the above members post

Men have been taught or conditioned to believe they are superior, when a woman shows a competitive edge, he becomes threatened.

Men aren’t ready to accept being second in the bread-winning competition and this is causing women to either settle or stay single.

You may be sensitive, sweet and insecure, but your intelligence makes you threatening. You may not have muscles and a big d*ck, but men will look at you as competition. While most intelligent women aren’t pompous or arrogant about it, many times men assume they are. They assume the woman is going to correct them, upstage them or, God-forbid, make them feel worthless.

Society has come to teach women that being funny and smart won’t get you dates, but empty heads and shallow hearts will.

So what I want to know is how many Men here would be threatened by a woman who was better than you in one or more of the "traditionally masculine" areas? would any of the issues in the Thread title be a deal breaker for you? Have you ever dated someone who was "superior" in any of those regards? Would you want a totally submissive partner who was at your beck and call,always deferred to your judgement etc etc?

And to the Ladys, do you really feel like men are threatened by all the stuff mentioned? do you try and dumb down/downplay certain aspects of yourself to cater to what you perceive as the fragile male ego? have you experienced men being threatened by you on a regular basis or just in isolated incidents? do you feel like men really want the quiet, docile, dotting servant type?

If you managed to get through the above long winded essay (LOL) please comment and share your thoughts/experiences on the topic.
I look forward to reading them

edit on 21/1/2015 by IkNOwSTuff because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:26 AM
No, why should I feel threatened by it?
Each and every person in the world has some aspects in which he/she is better than you. If you feel threatened by it, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:28 AM
a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

I think it depends very much on culture stereotypes and also individual to individual. Personally, I would not have a problem with it as a male. I keep an open mind.

I feel, if anything, that this should be a question aimed more at women. If there is a predominance of choosing partners who are deemed more successful than oneself then it is more a female trait; it is in fact a traditionally entrenched expectation after all. I would say that women are more likely to have a problem having a relationship with a male who is in some way beneath them than men having a problem with women who are more successful. I temper this with the individual to individual exceptions to the rule as I wrote above.

edit on 21-1-2015 by lonesomerimbaud because: spelling.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:31 AM

originally posted by: Hellhound604
No, why should I feel threatened by it?
Each and every person in the world has some aspects in which he/she is better than you. If you feel threatened by it, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

Never a true'r word spoken.

We are all equal on this planet, some humans are more educated than others and visa versa. I'm terrible at maths, my wife is brilliant. I'm terrible at world religions, my wife is an RE teacher. I'm great a cooking, my wife however is not so much.

See? We still love and respect each other regardless of who knows what. We learn from each other, guide and teach.

Don't ever feel threatened :p:


posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:36 AM
a reply to: lonesomerimbaud

I feel, if anything, that this should be a question aimed more at women. If there is a predominance of choosing partners who are deemed more successful than oneself then it is more a female trait; it is in fact a traditionally entrenched expectation after all.

Now that is an interesting thought!!!!

Could these highly intelligent women actually be rejecting or pushing men away as they feel they are inferior rather than the other way around of men rejecting them?

From a purely biological/evolutionary and also a broad cultural standpoint that makes more sense, adding the genes of a man who was in some way inferior to her offspring would in fact weaken them. telling her friends about a guy who was less successful would lower her social standing (both in theory of course)

I had never considered that aspect before, I might look into that a bit more I thinks
edit on 21/1/2015 by IkNOwSTuff because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:37 AM
I wouldnt feel threatened at all, heck my wife beats me at Trivia Crack every night... ugh

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:38 AM
No. I could never date a woman like that because I am a woman like that.

My husband and I have an older fashioned marriage where I stay at home and he works BUT...

When I say that I take care of the house... I mean that I take care of the house. I mow the acres of yard, I change the filters, I do small electrical repairs, I've done the roof work, I've hung doors and put in windows. I can also work on older model vehicles. I have always taken pride in the fact that I can do all of these things and when I see women who cringe at the thought of getting sweaty by doing hard work, I can only shake my head.

I want to be a woman who doesn't need a man "to use him". I want to be his partner and help him as much as I can. Being a grown woman means (to me) that I do not need someone to take care of me. We can take care of each other. Marriage is a partnership.

It boggles my mind how some men absolutely love women who act like they can't do anything for themselves. Same as it boggles your mind why some women act like that. The helpless act makes me dry heave a bit every time I see it. My eyes have been in danger of rolling out of their sockets whenever I witness it. It takes all kinds to make this old world go around.

I have always been this way and I have never had a hard time finding a date or my husband. They have always seemed appreciative of the fact that I am not more concerned about my hair than I am about what is going on around me.

It's true that there is someone for everyone. What floats one's boat can vary greatly from one person to the next.
edit on 1/21/2015 by Kangaruex4Ewe because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:45 AM
Something i've noticed about asian women and men, having lived in a highly populated student area, many of which were from the asias. I'm unsure if they were japanese or not, i think so.

There was an apartment, the third one i'd seen occupied by nothing but asian males. They do not know how to clean. I've seen these kids walking on cardboard so they're not walking on the trash. No wonder i got bugs (i lived across the hall)

The asian women's rooms i've seen have been pretty much immaculate.

In japan, women did all the cooking and cleaning and the boys never learned to do that because it was their mother/sisters that did that. Its a cultural thing.

That's probably why she freaked out in the end there.

I hope my lady becomes more successful than me, then i can be a stay at home dad. Which would be alright in my books.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:46 AM
a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Yep, I would love a wife like that, she would make my life a million times easier!

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:53 AM

Could you handle a GF/Wife who was smarter/richer/stronger/taller/more successful than you?

You mean:

Oh no the horror

the correct question would be why a successful woman would like to be with a poor, short, weak, dumber men, one can keep dreaming though

edit on 21-1-2015 by Indigent because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:56 AM
Why do all those materialistic things matter in a relationship unless you are A - about 12 years old or B - not very self confident?

In the case of B - I can empathise with that a little.

To answer the question, yes, I could handle it. Especially if I were the house husband to a rich lady.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:56 AM
Dubble bubble
edit on 21-1-2015 by and14263 because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:57 AM
I love a gal that can ride and shoot. Your are partners in a relationship 50 / 50, keep the gender out of it. You should complement each other.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:59 AM

originally posted by: Indigent

Could you handle a GF/Wife who was smarter/richer/stronger/taller/more successful than you?

You mean:

Oh no the horror

the correct question would be why a successful woman would like to be with a poor, short, weak, dumber men, one can keep dreaming though

What a lovely young lady. I think women are walking art and if they are smarter, stronger, whatever... I embrace it. (and I will embrace them at every opportunity)

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:16 AM
a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

I would embrace it. She could make up for my lack of all of that.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:22 AM
a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

I put my wife through nursing school so that she would have an outstanding income and feel good about her profession. For the longest time she made more than me, and it was great.

How much we make, all that kind of nonsense.....never mattered.

Day before yesterday was our 19th anniversary.
I married her because she is smart.

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:26 AM
OK so far its just everyone saying "no worries", as expected I guess.

Ill be honest and say that I am a tad sexist and I dont believe the sexes are equal.
I dont think men are superior but neither do I follow what I consider to be the PC BS that we are as good at each other in all things. Speaking in generalities (but fairly accurate ones) Men are stronger and taller, women posses more empathy and emotional intelligence, of course we can all point out examples of those statements being incorrect but as a general rule they are true.
Men see movement better and women can take in more visual details is another scientifically proven difference between the sexes.
There is a balance

I do think I would feel emasculated if I was dating a girl who was physically stronger than me and Im not sure I would be comfortable dating a girl who was taller, Im 6ft so I dont come across them very often luckily.

And once again being 100% honest I would prefer to make more money than my partner, it wouldnt be a deal breaker and I wouldnt get down about it but when it came to raising a family, the first few years of my childrens lives I would want me or my wife at home looking after them most of the time, not some nanny or other stranger. To me it makes sense that the partner who makes the most money goes out and works while the other looks after the kid, Id feel Id failed my wife if it was more practical for her to leave the Kid and go back to work, thats assuming my wife wanted to stay home and look after it I guess.

Smarter wife? bring it on, I would love to have a wife who was a genius

But what if you had a really famous wife, Im not sure (and this is purely ego and insecurity speaking) that I would cope well with a wife who was adored by complete strangers, received a ton of attention from the media and have myself relegated to being known as "the Husband of so and so"

Would I have a problem with a more wealthy or successful wife? No
Do I secretly hope that Im wealthy and successful enough that that is unlikely thereby saving me potential mental and moral conundrums? Yes

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:28 AM
a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Hmm, interesting subject but in order to answer properly i feel like you need to provide me a 6ft amazon like millionaires who also posseses several degress at Masters level or above.

Feel free to PM me with the details and i will be sure to respond with a full report in a month or so....

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:29 AM
Thats all I prefer to date, I love to be around beautiful positive girls that are insanely smart and fun. I am greatful when I catch the attention of one because usually they are a great influence on me and make me an all around better person and happier as well. It is often reflected onto all aspects of my life and when with people like that I usually do my best artwork and don't drink as much =D

Awesome OP and topic kudos breh!

posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:31 AM
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

And that... Is exactly what it's all about.

We are supposed to love our spouses as we love ourselves. Seeing them happy is supposed to make us happy. Not jealous. You always want better for your children than you had, and it should be the same for your mate. It only benefits the relationship in the long run IMO.

If your partner is better in any way, then everyone around them benefits from that. Why crush it? It should be fostered in just the way you and your wife did it.

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