Help, I'm falling for a girl that wasn't part of the Universe's plan!

Alright fellow ATS'ers that don't mind hearing a wacky, wild tale from a relative youngster.

Onto the story...

So for a while now, I've been showing interest in a particular girl that I've been friends with for a couple years. We haven't met in person, partially due to distance and trying to meet around both of our schedules. She's not really a "conspiracy"-type person, was raised with a slightly-more religious family than I was, and for the most part, is an all-around caring individual. Well, she indicated more and more that she wants to meet in public (finally), and it sounds like things are starting to pick up as of writing this.

Yes, there's a "but".

BUT.

Just before the start of the new year, I met someone while getting out on an adventure. This is where the plot thickens; it turns out that this chance encounter brought me to someone that I can only describe as "my kind". Normally, with every person I meet, I get warning sighs a mile away. By all logical standards, I should have gotten some with her (she has a rougher background than most girls). She was amazing, in that she loves nature as much as I do, wants to do the same activities that I do, and, out of all the people I could have met, believes in metaphysics, conspiracies, and anything in-between. 30 minutes became 3 hours that day.

This is where it gets interesting: When we first met, she was in an "it's complicated" relationship status; she liked someone, almost to the point where she broke down in front of me because she couldn't muster the courage to talk to him about it (at this point, I saw her as a friend, so I told her to go for it, and tell me how it went later). New Year's came around, and it was almost as if the Universe was trying to nudge me in her direction. Found out after New Years the person she liked did something extremely stupid, and she didn't see him in the same light.

It's just been really, confusing for me these last couple weeks; it's almost like a Higher Power is steering me in favor of this other person that I met, and not in favor of my particular crush. It's like in Bruce Almighty, when he asks for a literal sign and gets a truck full of them passing him; similar events have been happening ever since I met her.

The only difference is that right now, the relationship I have with this girl is platonic; it's not like my crush at all. And I seem to be content with that.

Thoughts, advice, anything? And yeah, I know I'm young, and that I've got plenty of time. What do I do when my heart and brain conflict with one another?

-fossilera

Ah, young one, you must let the one you think is a better match know how you feel. If she feels the same, you're all set, if not, you can freely move on.

It is rare that an internet crush is anything like reality. It does happen, but it is very rare.

On the other hand, you have met a real person that you talked to ... in persons ... and liked.

Go with the real one.

Now here is a hint. Do not ask for a commitment. Just say something along the lines of, "Can we spend some time together to really get to know each other because so far, I really like you.

Or words to that effect.

P

There's nothing wrong with just being loving friends. More often than not, that is a wiser path.
She'll tell her friends how sweet you are.
Next thing you know you'll be up to your ears in her friends competing to see who is first to knock boots with you.

I can give some advice on some subjects but I won't touch this subject with a ten foot pole.

The only advice I can give is that you have to meet the other girl to see if there is any personal attraction. Chemistry is involved in this sort of thing and sometimes we may seem to like someone through correspondence but when we meet them we just aren't attracted to each other. That is about all I can say, the rest is all up to you.

Sometimes when you have a girl as a friend for a very long time, it feels awkward to go out with her. It is like dating your sister. Been there, done that before. Never could figure how they did that on the TV show "Friends"

a reply to: fossilera

You are young have plenty energy there are 7 days and nights in a week date them both


you are only young once - go forth and multiply

God said so in the bible - who are we to argue

If you're falling in love...pretty sure that makes it officially part of the Universe's plan. lol!

Also, as they say...a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. My advice - go with the one you've actually met in person, in real life.

a reply to: fossilera

relative youngster.

How young?

We haven't met in person

Do you know what she looks like, and does she know what you look like? How far away are you? Unless you have a staggeringly deep connection if you can't see her once a month, I don't think I would personally pursue.

She's not really a "conspiracy"-type person, was raised with a slightly-more religious family than I was, and for the most part, is an all-around caring individual

Those all sound like positives to me personally. I have a fair amount of disdain for people that are super into conspiracy theories. It's rare when you meet someone that's open to them but doesn't believe all of them, at least in my real life experience. Unless she's going door to door and incapable of a conversation that challenges her views, I wouldn't worry about the religion thing. There are many inter-faith couples and couples where one partner is religious and the other agnostic or an atheist that work beautifully. I personally prefer women that have some faith, but to each his own. I don't think anyone would argue that an all around caring person isn't a good trait.

By all logical standards, I should have gotten some with her (she has a rougher background than most girls).

If you're saying that, you got the signs and are ignoring them. Describe rougher background and your background if you feel so inclined, and I'm betting the membership here will give you a real good answer, maybe one you don't want to hear. Having things in common doesn't mean you have the RIGHT things in common.

Women in a "it's complicated" relationship are a HUGE red flag. I would stay away. That's some sketchy crap. That's like dating the girl you first started seeing while she was dating someone else. She's got issues, and it's a pattern that repeats. I'm not sure what the situation was exactly, but that sounds like head games and if you want to be happy you need to avoid anyone who wants to play those games.

You're a little too vague on the details to offer really concrete advice, but I'm saying stay away from second girl mentioned in your OP. She just sounds convenient. My honest advice is to find someone that isn't either of these two unless you can actually see internet girl (also how did you meet her?) at least a few times a month.

What do I do when my heart and brain conflict with one another?

Listen harder. If you really can't decide, listen to your heart.

You didn't really say anything nice about proximity girl, just that you liked the same things. There are a ton of people that like three things I like. My dog likes three things that I like.

It's not like you have to be exclusive either. Continue talking to online girl and take proximity girl on a few dates. Take more girls on a few dates.

Good luck man. If one is more important you'll know. If you soul search and still have trouble deciding neither is the right one.

Go with the real live girl....for all you know the internet girl whom you've never met, and it's seems too hard to meet , could be a scam.

a reply to: fossilera

My advice to you is two-fold: Don't lie to either of them and treat both as you would wish to be treated in the same situation.

If you know for sure this online girl is for real, even after you meet, then I would stick with her. I know logically you should date people you can regularly, well, date. But you want to meet her and she wants to meet you, I say wait and find out if she's the love of your life in person before taking a risk on this other girl and hurting the first one in process.

Since you are single and not in a committed relationship to anyone, date both of them and see how it goes. Just be honest about what you are doing, leaving your options open. I'm sure as you experiment within the line of being friends and committed relationship you will find out who you would want to be committed to, if it even is one of them. Take your time, no need to rush, follow your heart.

Just letting everyone know, there's a few two many names for me to get everyone in on the posts (I did read everyone's replies so far).

From the above replies, I'm leaning in favor of trying to date both of them; The "real world" person that I've met already is planning the next trip we go on, seeing as I called the other ones. The "online" person I don't see as a sister (like some of the friends I have), but she deserves a chance, considering everything she's gone through. And I don't mean to be even like this on ATS; it's just that I'm not used to this scenario.

@Domo - Just in case you check back, I'm in my middle twenties, and the person I met online is 6 months older than myself, the person I met in the real world is a couple years younger. By rougher background, I'm referring to something that breaks the T&C's (Think along the lines of using certain things to reach a meditative state the artificial way). You can PM me for more (some details are a bit more personal; I know it hurts the judgement calls on here, but I can mention more in private).

@kosmicjack - Ha, I guess falling in love is part of the Universe's plan.

I'll keep everyone informed at some point in the future; I'm not important enough for day-by-day details, but if something major happens in the coming months, then I'm sure you all will find out at some point (who knows, maybe we'll gain a new ATS member).

-foss

a reply to: fossilera

Good luck!

Hey All,

It seems once again that the Universe has pulled the rug out from under me; My hiking partner decided to fizzle out & throw me to the side.

Looking back, I think I at least know why we were brought together - Point blank, I was getting lazy, things just weren't as fun as they used to be. So, something saw I was heading the wrong way, and caused me to meet the hiking person. She did rekindle my love of doing things on a weekend. Maybe my crush is there to give me hope for the future then? I don't know.

Under normal circumstances, I'd ask that a mod remove this thread...But I actually want to keep the thread so that people after me can see the amazing responses that I've gotten from everyone.

originally posted by: kosmicjack
If you're falling in love...pretty sure that makes it officially part of the Universe's plan. lol!

Also, as they say...a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. My advice - go with the one you've actually met in person, in real life.

well said!

a reply to: fossilera

Foss, best of luck my friend!

Certainly not my area of expertise, but trust your heart. Of course, I have to recommend the physical one. Only because LDR adds an extra level of complication.

You're not crushing on the other girl.

You're crushing on the IDEA of the other girl you have built up in your head.

Not the same thing.

Why get hung up on the IDEA of someone, when someone more compatible is right in your face?

Look, the Universe isn't steering ANYTHING here.... You're not going to find "THE ONE" at a young age anyway...and this is PERFECTLY OK (you'll grow, the women you like will grow, and eventually, you'll want different things that you do now, and that's normal)..... So, why fight it? Enjoy yourself. Have a good time with this girl. If it works for a time, great. If it doesn't, well, live and learn...better to have loved and lost and all that.

EDIT: I see now it didn't work out. Seriously, no big deal. You'll have lots of other relationships, believe it or not, so don't try and involve the Universe in it.