a reply to: Peeple
OK. Where to start.
So for more than 15 years now, I've been very interested into philosophies, shamanism, old hermetic texts and mysticism. Probably as a reaction to my
education since I'm an engineer first and engineers like to know how things work from the inside.
I mean sure particle physics, chemistry, biology, it all explained a lot of things already, but there were still pieces missing from the puzzle. Hard
sciences do not deal with subjective stuffs like meaning, will, consciousness etc and yet these things are also part of the universe. So you have to
integrate them in order to get the full picture.
That's exactly what philosophies, mysticism, hermeticism and all these older "sciences" are doing. In classical times, there was no separation between
the human and the world, the human, the observer, the consciousness, is the basis of all observation and must thus be accounted.
Modern sciences try very hard to eliminate this "human error" from the picture but the result is we only get a part of the picture. For example when
we start to look to the infinitely small, we discover the behavior of particles is never independent from the observer.
Observer and observed are both part of a single reality and in order to understand how each work, you have to take them together.
So that's why I was into all these old and less old texts which have no problem mixing physics and psychology, philosophy and chemistry, etc... After
a few years of study, suddenly, one day, while reading one of these books (a famous hermetic text) I had an epiphany. It's like when all the pieces of
the puzzle fall perfectly into place and the whole thing emerges.
It was beautiful. It was also very powerful. A simple idea, so simple most of the time we ignore it, and yet that simple idea was illuminating
Suddenly, I could make sense of all the other texts that were previously too obscure, too symbolic for me. I went back to older texts I did not
understand before and suddenly they made sense.
That night the foundations of my old world crumbled and I found myself immersed in a new and infinite sea of knowledge. I cried tears of joy and
My mind felt free to explore all these new territories with this new light, this new key that could magically explain virtually everything.
Problem is, my mind wasn't disciplined enough yet. I was thirsty for knowledge and I found the key to it, but I wasn't aware it could be intoxicating
if you abuse it.
For days, my mind wouldn't stop thinking, thinking and thinking about all these new possibilities. I couldn't sleep at all for days, despite taking
sleep aids or hammering myself with pot or booze. Actually, these substances would even make me even higher than before, but they wouldn't make me
Then the strangeness started.
I always loved to look for synchronicities around me because they are fun. But these days, synchs would be looking for me. I started to see them all
the times, literally 5 times or more per hour. It was getting out of control.
It was starting to be too much for my mind. I was begging for rest, for things to get back to normal for some time, but they wouldn't.
I bit the forbidden fruit of knowledge so I had to die. And I did, symbolically (but that's another story).
The more time passed without sleep, the stranger things became, but I was watching this all with an almost detached look. I quickly realized the
things I was hearing and seeing, it was only for me, not a shared experience.
At first it was all out of control, visions imposed to me from my subconscious, fears and obsessions incarnated. It was scary but I suffered it.
Then I started to play with it. I realized I could change the atmosphere by changing my state of mind, I could make things I was thinking about happen
before me. Sometimes I felt like I was being followed and watched by people, always dressed in black, like they were stalking me. But I also realized
I just needed to laugh at them to dispel it all and to make them become normal people again.
Basically, for 3 weeks non stop, I experienced synchs, visions, psychic experiences, prescience, all these "crazy" stuff.
During all this time I studied it like an engineer, emotionally detached, learning to actually control them.
Then I got better and found rest again. As my mood was getting more peaceful I started to experience more "heavenly" stuff like feeling angelic
presences instead of demonic ones, seeing more vibrant colors, hearing more melodious sounds.
Since then, I tried to understand this experience and I started to make sense of it. I browsed many boards, exchanging with people, realizing my
experience was unique but also similar to many others, that I wasn't alone. Then I started to find many different books on the topic, all giving this
experience different labels (spiritual crisis, mystical experience, schizophrenia, gnosis) but all describing the same symptoms and the same
And here I am today. One day I found a key to the otherworld. There I was met by death at the bottom of the abyss, and I had to rebuild myself from
the shattered pieces. Today I'm back. I still have this key and if I need it, I know how to use it.
edit on 3-2-2015 by Develo because: (no