It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.
Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.
Thank you.
Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.
There Are So Many Beautiful Women, How Am I Supposed To Pick One?
page: 3share:
originally posted by: Nickn3
Fortune favors the bold, be bold. If you ask out ten women at lest one will say yes. The trick is to not get kicked in the nads by the other nine.
I have no intention of asking any them out, they live in a different reality than I do.
It's the paradox of trying to choose that really baffles me.
As someone who is experienced with a large variety of women, here is my view: for a guy it is usually a physical attraction that stimulates their
interest, and from here things can go a variety of ways. Also, for a guy this attraction is almost always based on looks. You do not see most guys
attempting to start a relationship with a woman they're not physically attracted to, unless they have really low self-esteem, lack confidence, or for
some reason think attractive women are "out of their league." For a woman this physical attraction is usually not based upon looks. Or to put it
another way, looks are not as important for a woman as they are for a man. There will be far fewer guys initiating a relationship with a woman based
on something other than looks, while a woman is attracted to a man for reasons other than looks.. It can help of course, but it is not necessary to
create that attraction. So men and women are different in that respect. I know this was not what you were referring to, but it never hurts to this up
for guys who think they can never be with an attractive woman because they're not attractive themselves.
One thing I've found is that, while looks create the initial attraction, the attractiveness of a woman is a horrible indicator of their mental state, their personality, etc...I've been in relationships with women that I've had to bail on quite early, precisely because I fell victim to their physical charms, as opposed to being a bit more cautious. See here is the thing: really attractive women are often treated differently. You've got most guys coming up to them all the time, buying them drinks in clubs, and basically falling at their feet. Even women who are not that physically attractive, although attraction is subjective, have guys falling at their feet sometimes. The guys are always trying to please them when they first meet, and this happens so often for attractive women. To them all these guys are basically the same, because they all act the same way. They treat the woman this way based on her looks, and she has probably received numerous advantages because of this. This affects the woman psychologically, and whether she knows it or not she will almost never go for the guys that are always chasing her. You could even say she doesn't respect them in a certain sense, but it is their own fault.
What point am I driving at? My point is that being in a relationship with a woman like this is extremely difficult, unless one knows how to handle such a woman. They are not like ordinary women. And I should clarify that not all attractive women fall into this category. One thing I've found is that it depends on how they were raised. I have also found that the girls who grew up with money are far worse in this respect than girls who grew up with little money, or even in a middle-class family. So it is extremely important, when starting a relationship with an attractive girl, to ensure that she is "grounded." When they've got all these guys constantly putting them on a pedestal it can alter them in undesirable ways. Too often guys will continue relationships with these types of girls, and when I say they cannot handle them I mean that the guys will consistently be "used." They lack the confidence to be able to turn down such an attractive woman, and this goes hand in hand with being submissive, and confidence is the number one factor when it comes to attracting women.
Anyway, my advice to you is basically to say that you are setting yourself up for failure by focusing strictly on looks. And you asked what you would do if she has a friend that is more attractive. This is not a problem, but an opportunity. Do not commit yourself to a relationship right off the bat, as you can date both of them. You should not be worried about upsetting either one of them, because if you don't commit yourself then you've done nothing wrong. Often times when I give advice to guys they think it seems "shallow," and some women especially do. But you have to realize that extremely attractive women are completely different from "regular" women. Not to say "regular" women are not attractive, because there are plenty of them. It is hard to say exactly what I mean, as you kind of have to experience it yourself. If you go for attractive women only, you will find out what I'm talking about at one point or another. That goes for all guys.
I also have a view of love that is different from that of most people. I believe the feeling of love that we often feel is a dropping of the ego, and a relationship based on that feeling alone is destined to fail. I don't have enough space to elaborate, but I will do so if anyone wishes to know what I think. They can message me. As far as determining who and how to approach it will depend on your goals. If you're simply looking for a good time as opposed to a serious relationship, then approach any woman who takes your fancy. If those are your goals then it is a numbers game. If however you're looking for a serious relationship, you have to spend more time getting to know the woman, at which point you will be able to tell if she is what you're looking for. This will start with the physical attraction, and that is basically what determines whether you will approach or not. Just do not make their appearance the number one factor when getting into a long-term relationship, as their personality has much more of an effect on long-term happiness. The "how" is pretty easy and straightforward. Never use pick-up lines or anything like that, lol. I've done all kinds of things, but believe it or not the thing that works the best is to simply say "hi." They know what the score is if you're approaching them. If you're going to compliment them, you must accompany it with something that pokes fun at them. Girls like to be played with like that, and they respond better to it than anything else. And sometimes you will get those who have no sense of humor, and then you know to not pursue the matter any further. One thing that I've always had luck with is when I first approach a woman she will say "I have a boyfriend." So I say "I'm not interested in him." The look on their face, if done correctly, is always priceless. Sometimes I will mix it up like she was trying to say I would be interested in her boyfriend, and will respond accordingly. It comes with practice. And trust me, the woman you finally enter a long-term relationship with will appreciate cocky humor greatly, and it will increase her attraction for you because it tells her you are confident, playful, etc...That is the key to approaching women in my opinion. To flirt with them but not by complimenting her, falling at her feet, etc. There might be a time for such things, but it is NEVER when you first meet a woman. Keep your power and show her you are a manly man, but a man who is a match for her. Women can sense things, especially a lack of confidence. But don't be "pushy." It is an extremely fine line, and I cannot really explain myself without showing someone with a physical example. And don't be mean to the woman. Again, fine line.
One thing I've found is that, while looks create the initial attraction, the attractiveness of a woman is a horrible indicator of their mental state, their personality, etc...I've been in relationships with women that I've had to bail on quite early, precisely because I fell victim to their physical charms, as opposed to being a bit more cautious. See here is the thing: really attractive women are often treated differently. You've got most guys coming up to them all the time, buying them drinks in clubs, and basically falling at their feet. Even women who are not that physically attractive, although attraction is subjective, have guys falling at their feet sometimes. The guys are always trying to please them when they first meet, and this happens so often for attractive women. To them all these guys are basically the same, because they all act the same way. They treat the woman this way based on her looks, and she has probably received numerous advantages because of this. This affects the woman psychologically, and whether she knows it or not she will almost never go for the guys that are always chasing her. You could even say she doesn't respect them in a certain sense, but it is their own fault.
What point am I driving at? My point is that being in a relationship with a woman like this is extremely difficult, unless one knows how to handle such a woman. They are not like ordinary women. And I should clarify that not all attractive women fall into this category. One thing I've found is that it depends on how they were raised. I have also found that the girls who grew up with money are far worse in this respect than girls who grew up with little money, or even in a middle-class family. So it is extremely important, when starting a relationship with an attractive girl, to ensure that she is "grounded." When they've got all these guys constantly putting them on a pedestal it can alter them in undesirable ways. Too often guys will continue relationships with these types of girls, and when I say they cannot handle them I mean that the guys will consistently be "used." They lack the confidence to be able to turn down such an attractive woman, and this goes hand in hand with being submissive, and confidence is the number one factor when it comes to attracting women.
Anyway, my advice to you is basically to say that you are setting yourself up for failure by focusing strictly on looks. And you asked what you would do if she has a friend that is more attractive. This is not a problem, but an opportunity. Do not commit yourself to a relationship right off the bat, as you can date both of them. You should not be worried about upsetting either one of them, because if you don't commit yourself then you've done nothing wrong. Often times when I give advice to guys they think it seems "shallow," and some women especially do. But you have to realize that extremely attractive women are completely different from "regular" women. Not to say "regular" women are not attractive, because there are plenty of them. It is hard to say exactly what I mean, as you kind of have to experience it yourself. If you go for attractive women only, you will find out what I'm talking about at one point or another. That goes for all guys.
I also have a view of love that is different from that of most people. I believe the feeling of love that we often feel is a dropping of the ego, and a relationship based on that feeling alone is destined to fail. I don't have enough space to elaborate, but I will do so if anyone wishes to know what I think. They can message me. As far as determining who and how to approach it will depend on your goals. If you're simply looking for a good time as opposed to a serious relationship, then approach any woman who takes your fancy. If those are your goals then it is a numbers game. If however you're looking for a serious relationship, you have to spend more time getting to know the woman, at which point you will be able to tell if she is what you're looking for. This will start with the physical attraction, and that is basically what determines whether you will approach or not. Just do not make their appearance the number one factor when getting into a long-term relationship, as their personality has much more of an effect on long-term happiness. The "how" is pretty easy and straightforward. Never use pick-up lines or anything like that, lol. I've done all kinds of things, but believe it or not the thing that works the best is to simply say "hi." They know what the score is if you're approaching them. If you're going to compliment them, you must accompany it with something that pokes fun at them. Girls like to be played with like that, and they respond better to it than anything else. And sometimes you will get those who have no sense of humor, and then you know to not pursue the matter any further. One thing that I've always had luck with is when I first approach a woman she will say "I have a boyfriend." So I say "I'm not interested in him." The look on their face, if done correctly, is always priceless. Sometimes I will mix it up like she was trying to say I would be interested in her boyfriend, and will respond accordingly. It comes with practice. And trust me, the woman you finally enter a long-term relationship with will appreciate cocky humor greatly, and it will increase her attraction for you because it tells her you are confident, playful, etc...That is the key to approaching women in my opinion. To flirt with them but not by complimenting her, falling at her feet, etc. There might be a time for such things, but it is NEVER when you first meet a woman. Keep your power and show her you are a manly man, but a man who is a match for her. Women can sense things, especially a lack of confidence. But don't be "pushy." It is an extremely fine line, and I cannot really explain myself without showing someone with a physical example. And don't be mean to the woman. Again, fine line.
a reply to: Eunuchorn
Yep .. suspect being intj as well added to the jinx I had with wives .. quite understandable on that count ..
Trying to recall .. there was a site that stumbled across when was reading up on personality types that matched people by type .. was few years ago that saw it ..
supposedly theres a type that compliments intj .. but think better luck finding aliens ..
Yep .. suspect being intj as well added to the jinx I had with wives .. quite understandable on that count ..
Trying to recall .. there was a site that stumbled across when was reading up on personality types that matched people by type .. was few years ago that saw it ..
supposedly theres a type that compliments intj .. but think better luck finding aliens ..
edit on 5/1/15 by Expat888 because: early.. need more coffee.. typo.. grr..
a reply to: Eunuchorn
Really??
I'm not saying this to be rude, but have you ever considered that maybe your interests lie elsewhere?
As to having multiple sexual partners, I've never met 1 woman I've enjoyed sleeping with, much less connected with on any real level.
Really??
I'm not saying this to be rude, but have you ever considered that maybe your interests lie elsewhere?
originally posted by: Expat888
a reply to: Eunuchorn
Yep .. suspect being intj as well added to the jinx I had with wives .. quite understandable on that count ..
Trying to recall .. there was a site that stumbled across when was reading up on personality types that matched people by type .. was few years ago that saw it ..
supposedly theres a type that compliments intj .. but think better luck finding aliens ..
I like you. Made me LoL. I'm not just INTJ, I have Asbergers & acute negative symptom schizophrenia. I've had 6 therapists tell me they don't know what they can do for me / can't help me. Their problem is they are just as long term conditioned as everyone else.
Typelogic.com has some of the best type descriptions imo.
edit on 5-1-2015 by Eunuchorn because: (no reason given)
originally posted by: LewsTherinThelamon
a reply to: Eunuchorn
As to having multiple sexual partners, I've never met 1 woman I've enjoyed sleeping with, much less connected with on any real level.
Really??
I'm not saying this to be rude, but have you ever considered that maybe your interests lie elsewhere?
Not sure about the OP but you usually get the experimentation out of the way fairly early. I knew by the age of 13 I wasn't gay. I found out at the age of 16 I was more asexual. There's quite a few men out there, and women I'm sure who tried finding compatible mates and realized that it just wasn't going to work. I know that and am content to just wait and see. Thankfully it's not something that I desire too much.
originally posted by: Eunuchorn
originally posted by: Char-Lee
a reply to: Eunuchorn
First let them know you are shallow and the choice will be narrowed down a ton!
My biggest fear is I'll be in a relationship & she will just get bangs one day. I couldn't date a girl with bangs.
Does that make me shallow?
Sexual/physical attraction is subjective. Everyone is attracted to something different.
Having a specific attraction does not make you shallow. Breaking up with someone because their looks changed might, though.
edit on 5-1-2015 by
LewsTherinThelamon because: (no reason given)
originally posted by: LewsTherinThelamon
a reply to: Eunuchorn
As to having multiple sexual partners, I've never met 1 woman I've enjoyed sleeping with, much less connected with on any real level.
Really??
I'm not saying this to be rude, but have you ever considered that maybe your interests lie elsewhere?
lol, I'm less attracted to men than I am women. I get physically nauseous just seeing people in bars hug & touch, especially Hererosexual males hugging. I've never said I love you to my parents.
originally posted by: corvuscorrax
originally posted by: LewsTherinThelamon
a reply to: Eunuchorn
As to having multiple sexual partners, I've never met 1 woman I've enjoyed sleeping with, much less connected with on any real level.
Really??
I'm not saying this to be rude, but have you ever considered that maybe your interests lie elsewhere?
Not sure about the OP but you usually get the experimentation out of the way fairly early. I knew by the age of 13 I wasn't gay. I found out at the age of 16 I was more asexual. There's quite a few men out there, and women I'm sure who tried finding compatible mates and realized that it just wasn't going to work. I know that and am content to just wait and see. Thankfully it's not something that I desire too much.
Sorry, I suppose I was just being subjective. I didn't mean to jump to the conclusion that OP is gay, but I'm a very sexual person--so asexuality is foreign to me.
edit on 5-1-2015 by LewsTherinThelamon because: (no reason given)
a reply to: LewsTherinThelamon
You're right, if I ever somehow made it to the point of being in a relationship, she would be someone who hates bangs as much as I do.
You're right, if I ever somehow made it to the point of being in a relationship, she would be someone who hates bangs as much as I do.
originally posted by: Eunuchorn
a reply to: LewsTherinThelamon
You're right, if I ever somehow made it to the point of being in a relationship, she would be someone who hates bangs as much as I do.
Lol, I don't think you have to worry, the bangs phase died out long ago and I haven't ran into a single female that actually likes them.
a reply to: JiggyPotamus
You're very insightful, but nothing you said really applies to my situation.
I love the way you so easily refer to the prospect of being in a relationship, long or short term. I've always been especially intrigued by how easily people seem to "date", short or long term.
I know within 15 minutes if theres even the slightest chance at compatibility with someone & I have a very unique aura & presence so I can feel when I'm getting a "vibe" from a girl.
You're very insightful, but nothing you said really applies to my situation.
I love the way you so easily refer to the prospect of being in a relationship, long or short term. I've always been especially intrigued by how easily people seem to "date", short or long term.
I know within 15 minutes if theres even the slightest chance at compatibility with someone & I have a very unique aura & presence so I can feel when I'm getting a "vibe" from a girl.
a reply to: Eunuchorn
Have you ruled out the possibility that you might be extraterrestrial?
I know within 15 minutes if theres even the slightest chance at compatibility with someone & I have a very unique aura & presence so I can feel when I'm getting a "vibe" from a girl.
Have you ruled out the possibility that you might be extraterrestrial?
new topics
-
God's Righteousness is Greater than Our Wrath
Religion, Faith, And Theology: 2 hours ago -
Electrical tricks for saving money
Education and Media: 5 hours ago -
VP's Secret Service agent brawls with other agents at Andrews
Mainstream News: 6 hours ago -
Sunak spinning the sickness figures
Other Current Events: 7 hours ago -
Nearly 70% Of Americans Want Talks To End War In Ukraine
Political Issues: 7 hours ago -
Late Night with the Devil - a really good unusual modern horror film.
Movies: 9 hours ago -
Cats Used as Live Bait to Train Ferocious Pitbulls in Illegal NYC Dogfighting
Social Issues and Civil Unrest: 10 hours ago
top topics
-
VP's Secret Service agent brawls with other agents at Andrews
Mainstream News: 6 hours ago, 9 flags -
Florida man's trip overseas ends in shock over $143,000 T-Mobile phone bill
Social Issues and Civil Unrest: 17 hours ago, 8 flags -
Cats Used as Live Bait to Train Ferocious Pitbulls in Illegal NYC Dogfighting
Social Issues and Civil Unrest: 10 hours ago, 8 flags -
Electrical tricks for saving money
Education and Media: 5 hours ago, 4 flags -
Bobiverse
Fantasy & Science Fiction: 17 hours ago, 3 flags -
HORRIBLE !! Russian Soldier Drinking Own Urine To Survive In Battle
World War Three: 14 hours ago, 3 flags -
Nearly 70% Of Americans Want Talks To End War In Ukraine
Political Issues: 7 hours ago, 3 flags -
Sunak spinning the sickness figures
Other Current Events: 7 hours ago, 3 flags -
Late Night with the Devil - a really good unusual modern horror film.
Movies: 9 hours ago, 2 flags -
The Good News According to Jesus - Episode 1
Religion, Faith, And Theology: 12 hours ago, 1 flags
active topics
-
Cats Used as Live Bait to Train Ferocious Pitbulls in Illegal NYC Dogfighting
Social Issues and Civil Unrest • 20 • : Asher47 -
Nearly 70% Of Americans Want Talks To End War In Ukraine
Political Issues • 12 • : Asher47 -
VP's Secret Service agent brawls with other agents at Andrews
Mainstream News • 39 • : Asher47 -
Electrical tricks for saving money
Education and Media • 4 • : Lumenari -
New whistleblower Jason Sands speaks on Twitter Spaces last night.
Aliens and UFOs • 54 • : Ophiuchus1 -
DONALD J. TRUMP - 2024 Candidate for President - His Communications to Americans and the World.
2024 Elections • 514 • : WeMustCare -
The Acronym Game .. Pt.3
General Chit Chat • 7744 • : bally001 -
Truth Social goes public, be careful not to lose your money
Mainstream News • 128 • : Astyanax -
Sunak spinning the sickness figures
Other Current Events • 5 • : glen200376 -
SETI chief says US has no evidence for alien technology. 'And we never have'
Aliens and UFOs • 44 • : MikeDeGrasseTyson