Dear Parents Who Shop At Wal-Mart....
You remember it like it was yesterday. You were in labor, or you were watching your wife/partner/significant other (trying to get my PC down) suffer
through labor and emotions were high. You hoped and prayed for 9 months that you would bring your own healthy progeny into this world. Progeny who was
not only healthy, but had all of their fingers and toes, and was cute as a button as well.
Labor was scary and all you can really remember afterwards are those tense moments in between your child being delivered and their first Hello World
SCREAM! Those were and always are tense moments. It's seems like eons in the moment and the relief you feel upon hearing it, can not be measured with
anything. Not even a quick and witty analogy.
You know what other people DON'T want to hear from your progeny after their birth??? I'll give you a second while the theme song from Jeopardy plays
in your head.....
If you said "Not My Child Screaming Bloody Murder In Wal-Mart While You Are Standing In Line With 50 Registers Available And only 3 Open For 45
Minutes For $500 And The Win Kanga"... You're a winner!!
I'm beginning to think that China is spraying all of their products they ship to Wal-Mart with some kind of sinister "Making Children Scream
Pheremone" as their way of sticking it to the man and making the US pay for buying their cheap knock off products. Who can blame them? Really...
But seriously... Wth people? How can you stand there and not even hear that your curtain climbing, crumb toters, are screaming at decibels that make
banshees look like Bob Ross on an especially relaxed "Happy Tree" day?? By all rights, you should have blood seeping out of your ears from puncture
wounds caused by the sheer sound that is directed towards you for not listening to why they need that 15th pack of gum by the foot for the day.
Why are you ignoring it? You will cave before you pay for your goods. You always do and that's why they always act like home training is a concept
born out of some spirit killing boot camp. As if a single no from your mouth had the ability to snap the wings off the faerie folk with enough force
to clear a four lane highway.
They throw themselves on the ground where millions of other toddlers have taken up the cause before..... eyes as dry as the Sahara but mouth open
large enough for small woodland creatures to travel in and out of freely. You don't see it or hear it, but oddly enough EVERYONE else in the store
does. Nobody wants to hear that cry you waited so long to hear in the delivery room. They either experienced it themselves or chose not to because
they have seen enough out of your kids to turn them away from ever bearing a child.
You are the best form of birth control there is and sometimes I don't know whether to go to the fitness section and get some Joe Weider products to
throw at you or thank you for helping keep the population down ever so slightly.
I guess that's the end of my rant. Let me be clear that I am not talking about infants needing to be fed here or kids who have been hurt somehow. I am
talking about your preschoolers and up that you have apparently ignored since they were infants and have become a pro at tuning them out. Not everyone
has or can do that. Your lack of respect for everyone around you is a sight to behold and I can hardly wait until your children grow up to produce
even more constant screams until the whole world has just become deaf. I suppose then, they can just start lobbing snack packs at the walls in silent
And for those who say quit going to Wal-Mart... If I didn't run into it everywhere else, that may be a good solution. But no. It's a pandemic of epic
proportions. It's just so many more of them at Wal-Mart from my experience.
ETA - That yes... I am a mother.
edit on 1/4/2015 by Kangaruex4Ewe because: (no reason given)