Beer, Computers and Cats, Ugh...

Hello, this is my first rant and wanted to keep it personal. I thank anybody who takes the time to read it as this may sound boring to some. It will make sense towards the end. Please understand, I am aware that there is much more important things in life to be upset about so don't give me the spiel. I am being overdramatic on purpose.

Anyways, I would like to share something that happened to me last night. A peaceful evening at home quickly turned into a nightmare in half a second. Three objects that have nothing to do with each other came together to wreak havoc on a tired man yearning for his bed. A manifested trifecta of evil working as one to ensure the most calm, level headed person completely loses it. Frustration on another level.

Yesterday evening was a disaster of nerd like proportions. To explain a little, I'm a quality over quantity type of guy and the few electronics that I have are nothing short of badass. It took a lot of hard work and dedication to save my money for what I own, but the payoff was sweet. They have more value to me and I take care of them very well. Spending the extra buck will also future proof you for a much longer period of time given the ability to upgrade. The object being discussed in this rant is the computer I use on a daily basis. Its over a year old but looks and runs like I just took it out of the box. Not a crumb or smudge to be found. I am a compulsive cleaner which helps keep my belongings very clean at the expense of my sanity.

The same could also be said for the beer I drink. Instead of your average thirty pack of Coors or Busch lining the bottom of my fridge, there are two 64oz growlers filled with sweet nectar from New England Brewing Co. In this regard I am spoiled. World class beer in my own backyard. Life is good. Drink less but treat yourself to the finer things in life when you do. You will find the act of drinking more rewarding in itself and less of a routine.

It all started when I began to unwind for the night. Dinner was done and cleaned up. The girlfriend got her phone time. There wasn't much left to do except feel the reward of my hard work with a nice imperial IPA. I fired up my top of the line Toshiba scream machine and told my brain to go home for the day. As the aroma of fresh hops and grapefruit began to tickle my senses, I knew the rest of the night was a sure thing.

The last part of the equation can be attributed to my cat Willow. Sorry, no pictures unless someone asks. He basically has his own room and sits like a spoiled king at the top of his eighty inch tower. I'm 6'5" and he loves the fact he can still look down on me. He ventures around the house when I'm home but I keep the door shut while out to protect the furniture. Anyone who lives with a cat knows the struggle of dealing with pet hair, but my situation is pretty much under control. He was sleeping in the other room during the entire event so it was hard to get mad at him. But boy did he have a hand in all of this.

While sitting at my kitchen table I left the beer underneath my nose for a minute in the space between me and my laptop. I logged into ATS and putzed around for a little, absorbing the latest doom before being whisked off to bed. I began to take interest in a particular thread which drew the focus off of my surroundings. What a big time mistake that was. I mistake of nerd like proportions. As I got up, I nudged my beer glass and in one tenth of a second, went into panic mode. I thought I could save it with my cat like reflexes but instead came around with the left hand of god, causing the glass to flip up off the table in a of flash of panic. The entire glass drained its contents into my keyboard fell off the table and shattered on the floor.

I took one breath while my brain registered what I had done. I screamed hysterically, you #$%! idiot!!! Son of a bitch!!!, more times than I can remember. Growling like some mother bear trying to defend it's cub, I immediately yanked the power cord out from the side of the computer and in less than two seconds was able to shut her down. I ripped the shirt off my body that I was wearing and threw it over my keyboard with the hope of reducing or I may have done. Obscenities continued to fly out of my mouth as I ran through the house looking for my microfiber rags and cleaning supplies. I almost forgot about the puddle of glass and beer on my floor and was having a hard time deciding what to clean up first.

Upon reentering the kitchen, I stopped and looked at the mess. My fists were clenched as I continued to insult myself in every conceivable way. I began to laugh maniacally and walked over to my fridge. Next in the clip was a bomber of Sierra Nevada's Organic Estate Ale. I picked it up and began shouting at it like I was shaking it down for its lunch money. I walked into every room in the place wanting to punch something I was so upset. I must have threatened three different walls and tossed around enough pillows to make me feel like a tough guy, lol. In my mind, I was actually surprised about how upset I got. After cleaning up the floor, I bleached the area. The smell of bleach actually made me feel better, strange.

After finally calming down, I realized what lie ahead of me. A complete teardown and rebuilding of my laptop. All components removed, cleaned and reassembled in perfect working order. This would have been fine if it wasn't already midnight. I was tired from work, tired from cleaning and if not for the nerd rage, I would have never made it to the end. See, putting a space heater or blow dryer on it would just leave a sticky mess behind. Sticky keys and components was not an option. I threw a towel over the table, grabbed my mini screwdriver kit, dentist tools, and of course the last remaining beer in the fridge. I laughed when taking a sip because I set the beer down in the other room like it was radioactive or something. No more chances...

Popped off the service bay and removed both hard drives. Took out the battery and usb receivers. Sixteen screws later, had the bottom chassis removed. Something I usually do but didn't this time was take a picture of the motherboard for reassembly.

My head was in the zone or everything had gone numb around me, I was focused and determined. The adrenaline released while thinking I was going to lose her also helped. I used rubber gloves with a homemade grounding bracelet and proceeded to remove twelve more screws between the motherboard, Ethernet board, Wi-Fi board and the speakers.

Five ribbon connectors of various sizes and types were disconnected. After the motherboard came free there were eighteen more screws holding the keyboard in place which took me a while to figure out. Eventually, the bastard came loose and what an ugly sight it was. Luckily the keyboard isn't very easy to clean so they safeguarded the layer between it and the main components. Few would have the guts to attempt to remove and clean it, but I have some experience. Doesn't make it fun though.

The smell of beer throughout the computer was causing waves of anger to arise and thoroughly cleaning it was not easy as I began to notice the third part of my dilemma. For some strange reason, no matter how hard I tried, cat hair was finding its way onto everything I tried to clean. Just a few hairs but always constantly showing up when I thought I had gotten them all. I took it into another room, they followed me. I even removed my fleece pants and shirt. What a sight, half naked man playing with his gadgets, lol.

My OCD started to flair up and at two in the morning I began to lose it. What could have taken a half hour to reassemble took over an hour as I could not let one cat hair remain in or on my computer. I looked over at Willow and softly cursed his name. He looked up at me with severe bedhead, yawned, and went back to sleep. Next haircut, I'm going to dump my hair all over his tower and see how he likes it.

Well, my journey eventually came to a finish a little after three in the morning and she fired back up without any problems at all. No smell of beer, no stickiness, and the satisfaction of salvaging my computer against all odds gave me a good feeling. A true nerd victory that only few can appreciate.

I didn't expect my rant to get this long but if you made it to the end, I sincerely thank you for reading. I felt that typing it all out would help me release some tension and be able to laugh about it in the future. If you've had any similar situations, please share and let me know how you made out.

I know this isn't the response you probably want but, thank you for the laugh. It makes me feel good to know that other peoples cats also terrorize them!

hehehe left hand of God...love it.

a reply to: superman2012

The gift of receiving any response at all after that wall of text is comforting. Thanks for reading. My hope was to laugh about it the next day.

Well I enjoyed the read. Thanks

a reply to: EnigmaAgent

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

Never surf while drinking. Bad things can happen.

originally posted by: eisegesis
Next haircut, I'm going to dump my hair all over his tower and see how he likes it.

Lucky (for the cat and its tower) that it didn't poop on your keyboard.
Falling and breaking your neck while exacting revenge is a Darwin Award in the making.

Good story though!
Incidentally, I'm sitting here typing on my laptop drinking my homebrewed Pale Ale in the company of two of my cats.
Should I be worried?

I'm a member on some overclocking forums. One of the members that frequents there as well spilled everclear on his overclocking rig, and it caught on fire.

So, then he built an identical one... and the same thing happened.

Aside from that, I was OCing my new rig sometime last year after having a few beers too many, and Instead of typing 1.175 V for the core, I accidenally typed 1.75 V, ignored the bright red warning text, hit save and exit, let my computer restart, started up prime95 to stress test, THEN opened up my temp monitor and... WHOA

I've never turned a computer off so fast in my life.

Sorry, my stories don't involve any cats.

a reply to: eisegesis

Thanks for the burst of laughter, really enjoyed that. I knew already from the title exactly what happened.

Yes, yes, that was a great laugh but I do feel sorry for you and your pain. Cats don't care what they do, whether on purpose or accidental, they are like lords of the empire. One of my previous cats, he was smart but did the dumbest things. He would jump up on this old piece of furniture and then jump down behind it. It was angled into a corner so that there was a triangular space behind it. First time he did that he meowed and meowed for rescue. So I rescued him and then after he continued to do that. A way of seeking attention? I don't know but they do drive you crazy as much as you just love them to bits.

I commend you for taking it out on the pillows, a 6'5 man beating up pillows shows me what inner strength you have compared to the outer strength - well done!

And am I ever impressed at how you took it all apart and cleaned it up. I'll tell you my level of expertise and it's sad really - sometimes I am on the computer and mistakenly hit the on/off button and then sit here wondering what the heck just happened to my computer. Did it die? But I can grow a mean plant in the garden!

a reply to: eisegesis

I'm sure you know now that "an ounce of prevention is Truly worth a pound of cure". I had something similar happen only it was water instead of beer and not very much and all I had to do was let it dry out. But ever since then, with a cat around I NEVER EVER EVER leave any liquid that can spill in a place that if it spills it will cause something to go wrong. I've saved many a tear and cheap electronics gear that way.

a reply to: eisegesis

I used to work for a company that repaired broken mac's...it was all day every day laptops that had some kind of liquid spild over them....you're not the first.

Kudos on repairing it yourself!! Thanks for the laugh...

Peace

a reply to: HumansEh

From laptop to craptop!

After thinking about it, I would still dive in head first. It would take way more beer to achieve the same results. Now that I've cracked this baby open, I wont be as hesitant in the future. Bring it on. Just tell the cat to shoot for early afternoon instead of midnight.

What laptop are you using?

originally posted by: ccseagull
a reply to: eisegesis

I commend you for taking it out on the pillows, a 6'5 man beating up pillows shows me what inner strength you have compared to the outer strength - well done!

Indeed!

And then you fixed the problem...Respect to you sir.

a reply to: ccseagull

Thank you. That is hilarious about your cat. Luckily they have different calls to let you know their having a stupid moment, lol.

Ya, I was so upset because that has never happened to me. Taking it our on something would have left me feeling more upset at the end then when I started. You have to learn control. I've never had an electronic device die by my own hand. I guess the first time gets you the most.

I learned what I know by accepting hand-me-downs, LOTS of research, trial and error and patience. The bedrock of any new endeavor. Some old ladies have nice computers and when it goes fugazi on them, I've seem them go out and buy a new one because they thought it was the only solution.

I keep my ears open and learn to fix the ones I come across. Some turn out to be real diamonds in the rough with a few upgrades in memory and graphics. You eventually learn the rest naturally if your interested and can collect quite the stockpile of parts over time.

If it makes you feel any better, I accidentally bricked my Logitech gaming keyboard the other day.
At least now I have a nice new one