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A rock to lean on, My discoveries, and my Bible

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posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 08:20 PM
This is not going to be your standard religion/philo/confessional post.

It is only in the last 18 months while currently at the age of 45 yrs old, that I find myself at this place in life. I've discovered Buddhism. After living life for 45 years and never proclaiming membership wherein I am part of any particular conviction or faith, it is very difficult for me to suddenly jump out of a cake and proclaim....

"HEY!!! I'm a THIS (put in group name here)!!!! Receive me as your brethren!"

No. I've been raised to accept other's beliefs. To respect them. But in doing these things, I've been something of an outsider. Standing at a lonely watchpoint somewhere on the periphery.

Group think, well, is not an appealing dynamic to me. By and large, we are all individuals. We all have different needs and desires. Joining any particular group would be like forcing a man's size 14 foot into a woman's size 7 shoe.

I've learned to observe, to process, and hold a largely non-judgmental stance on the particulars of what I observe. I've learned respect.
I've learned tolerance through the idea of putting yourself in the shoes of those that do count themselves as a member of a congregation.

Where does this leave me? Well, my affinity to Buddhism is that it speaks to me on many levels. The eight fold path is something from Buddha himself, and it is a means of giving a title to the way I live and view the world.

Buddhism in and of itself is not the actual "bible" or the "rock" upon which I glean support in life.

What does?

Profound glimpses of truth. Truth that to me, is the most beautiful thing in the world.

I'm the kind of guy that does not want anesthesia other than local. I want to know the worst case scenarios, and where I stand when approaching those scenarios.

This is why I value, prefer, and seek to be, truthful. I've come to realize though, that no matter what I put out there, it is largely improbable that others want the same from me. It's a sad thing in my eyes, but, I've come to expect this.

My rock, my as follows...

You know how that rabbit feels, running under your spinning wheels, bright images go flashing by, like windshields towards the fly. Frozen in that fatal climb, but the wheels of time, just pass you by.

It is the rocket that ignites itself, And launches its way to the stars [ambition is the fire], A driver on a busy freeway, Racing the oblivious cars

I'm not giving in to security under pressure, I'm not missing out on the promise of adventure,I'm not giving up on implausible dreams
Experience to extremes

You don't get something for nothing, You can't have freedom for free,You won't get wise With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be, What you own is your own kingdom, , What you do is your own glory, What you love is your own power, What you live is your own story, In your head is the answer, Let it guide you along, Let your heart be the anchor And the beat of your own soul

Can any part of life be larger than life?, Even love must be limited by time, And those who push us down that they might climb, Is any killer worth more than his crime?, Like a steely blade in a silken sheath, We don't see what they're made of, They shout about love, but when push comes to shove, They live for the things they're afraid of

And the knowledge that they fear is a weapon to be used against them...

Some of you may recognize these words. I expect many won't.

They've been my anthem. My hymn. My comfort when little was working well for me in life.

These words, verses, are my own personal Bible.

I had to file for unemployment benefits this morning. I've had a horrible career trajectory while 2014 was in effect. It's a dirty punch to pride, all in all. Family, friends, all depending on me. Not unlike the titan named Atlas, and like many, many of us here, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders because of the responsibilities on my shoulders.

But I am not a victim. My ambition is a cooled and solid fuel which propels my rocket forward. I also acknowledge and know first hand that in this world, we are crabs in a bucket. The crabs below you will pull you down long before you manage to make it out of the bucket so that they might climb themselves.

When bathing in the cold rays of truth, I find my alignment. I find the opportunity to express the emotions that I cannot show others who depend upon me. In this, these words and other verses from the Apostles who gave them to me, a pressure valve is introduced. One which allows me to accept fear, defeat, even gut punches to the ego that sew the seeds of self doubt in my soul. Acknowledge, accept, process, review, and move on.

This is long and rambling. I am not saying I've found "the best" approach, as so many others seem to want in an effort to seek affirmation from those around them.

What truth is, is the mirror I know I need to look into from time to time to remind myself of the truth. In the world, in myself, and in the situation I am facing.

Peart, Lifeson, and Lee are my Apostles. Truth is the kingdom I hope to bathe in for eternity. Not pretty and convenient truth, but truth in and of its self.

Truth. The single most beautiful thing to be discovered in the rare instances it actually exists.


posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 08:42 PM
a reply to: nullafides

There are certainly worse sentimens.

"The most endangered species, the honest man, will still survive annihilation."

And since you mentionedIt was as if he had run a race against his own body, and all the exhaustion of years, which he refused to acknowledge, had caught him at once and flattened him against the desk top. He felt nothing, except the desire not to move. He did not have the strength to feel--not even to suffer. He had burned everything there was to burn within him; he had scattered so many sparks to start so many things--and he wondered whether someone could give him now the spark he needed, now when he felt unable ever to rise again. He asked himself who had started him and kept him going. Then he raised his head. Slowly, with the greatest effort of his life, he made his body rise until he was able to sit upright with only one hand pressed to the desk and a trembling arm to support him. He never asked that question again.
edit on 2-1-2015 by hearows because: addition

posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 08:56 PM
I appreciate the read and the consecutive steps! In the end though, you leave no conclusions and instead leave us study a band that reminds me of trailer park boys and Bubbles obsession with Rush:

Never been a fan of rush, but to each his own.

posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 10:06 PM
Wow, yeah, I can't even get my hand into a woman's size seven shoe.

How do you like unemployment, I used to like getting layed off when I was younger, knowing there was work when I wanted it. That is not so much the case anymore though.

Yes it was a little long and rambling, but I enjoyed reading it.

posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 11:20 PM
a reply to: nullafides

I am assuming that Lee is Bruce Lee?

Be like water?

posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 11:55 PM
a reply to: ghostrager


Apparently, you didn't get the idea that the verses are from my bible, my scripture, and mean much to me.

Go ahead, laugh as you wish.


posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 11:57 PM
a reply to: WarminIndy




posted on Jan, 3 2015 @ 05:20 AM
a reply to: nullafides

Sounds like you are going through a mid life crisis.

On BTW ...... Buddhism is not a religion but a philosophy.

You are searching for answers and that is good..... keep looking.

posted on Jan, 3 2015 @ 09:23 AM
a reply to: DeathSlayer

Thank you for summing everything about what I said in a multiple paragraph, several hour contemplated statement with a single line summary.

Mid life crisis are typically where one feels old. Wants to feel youth and vigor again, to be the "Man" they once were. Where one is coming to terms with the idea that the zenith, the point of no return, the rubicon, has been passed in their life. Old age, AARP, a higher frequency of funerals, and their own inevitable death are so close on the horizon that they can both smell and taste it.

What I described was my take on life, and my philosophy.

Perhaps if you'd read and paid attention to the 3rd sentence of the second paragraph, you'd have noticed the following....

After living life for 45 years and never proclaiming membership wherein I am part of any particular conviction or faith

BTW, This is hardly stating it is a religion. What I go on to describe IS a philosophy. A personal conviction.

I truly wonder if you even read and digested what I had to say, let actually read, anything beyond the second paragraph. You saw/read (maybe read, as reading means digesting) "After living life for 45 years", and decided to decide. To label, to categorize.

It's funny, yesterday I was talking to a close friend, and a family member as well, about how people jump to conclusions. Both of them are in the psychiatric and psychological fields. The topic was how alot of people lately, either in written (such as in forums, not unlike ATS here) or spoken communication, fail to work to an understanding of what was actually stated or asked. And then comes the rapid fire vomiting of "answers", as if there are gold stars to be awarded merely for raising their hand and being noticed by the teacher. Both agreed.

My advice to you, my friend, is to work on two things.

- Learn to listen, as this is a valuable life skill. It leads to far fewer confusions and miscommunication in life. It also shows people that you give a sh&t about what they had to say. An excellent tool in day to day life, but also to show those you care about, that you actually do give a sh&t.

- Work on reading comprehension. In my days of elementary school, this was highly focused on. What *did* Sally mean when she mentioned something about going to the store? Was she proclaiming that there was a general need for milk, or that she was going to start WW3?

And just to drive the point home....

Really? No F#@$ing Sh@t. Buddhism is not a religion.

- NF

posted on Jan, 3 2015 @ 02:53 PM

"Give it a name" - Jimmy the Saint in the movie "Thing To Do in Denver When You Are Dead" played by Andy Garcia

posted on Jan, 3 2015 @ 05:27 PM
a reply to: nullafides

What I got out of your reply was arrogance and self pride.......

Are you expecting a pat on the back or for someone to say "Good Job buddy"?

Like I said....... mid life crisis........ nothing more.

posted on Jan, 4 2015 @ 09:24 PM
a reply to: DeathSlayer

Funny. Self Pride? Nahh.

Arrogance? Well, that could be easily construed from your asinine and quick to label assessment of my assertions as "a mid life crisis".

I believe I suggested before, and had I not, I'll do now. Seek out a course in reading comprehension. It'll help you in all most all areas of life.

Now, good night. And consider this a goodbye to you. Any responses to this from you will be ignored.

Sleep tight.


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