posted on Jan, 2 2015 @ 08:20 PM
This is not going to be your standard religion/philo/confessional post.
It is only in the last 18 months while currently at the age of 45 yrs old, that I find myself at this place in life. I've discovered Buddhism.
After living life for 45 years and never proclaiming membership wherein I am part of any particular conviction or faith, it is very difficult for me
to suddenly jump out of a cake and proclaim....
"HEY!!! I'm a THIS (put in group name here)!!!! Receive me as your brethren!"
No. I've been raised to accept other's beliefs. To respect them. But in doing these things, I've been something of an outsider. Standing at a
lonely watchpoint somewhere on the periphery.
Group think, well, is not an appealing dynamic to me. By and large, we are all individuals. We all have different needs and desires. Joining any
particular group would be like forcing a man's size 14 foot into a woman's size 7 shoe.
I've learned to observe, to process, and hold a largely non-judgmental stance on the particulars of what I observe. I've learned respect.
I've learned tolerance through the idea of putting yourself in the shoes of those that do count themselves as a member of a congregation.
Where does this leave me? Well, my affinity to Buddhism is that it speaks to me on many levels. The eight fold path is something from Buddha
himself, and it is a means of giving a title to the way I live and view the world.
Buddhism in and of itself is not the actual "bible" or the "rock" upon which I glean support in life.
Profound glimpses of truth. Truth that to me, is the most beautiful thing in the world.
I'm the kind of guy that does not want anesthesia other than local. I want to know the worst case scenarios, and where I stand when approaching
This is why I value, prefer, and seek to be, truthful. I've come to realize though, that no matter what I put out there, it is largely improbable
that others want the same from me. It's a sad thing in my eyes, but, I've come to expect this.
My rock, my bible.....is as follows...
You know how that rabbit feels, running under your spinning wheels, bright images go flashing by, like windshields towards the fly. Frozen in that
fatal climb, but the wheels of time, just pass you by.
It is the rocket that ignites itself, And launches its way to the stars [ambition is the fire], A driver on a busy freeway, Racing the oblivious
I'm not giving in to security under pressure, I'm not missing out on the promise of adventure,I'm not giving up on implausible dreams
Experience to extremes
You don't get something for nothing, You can't have freedom for free,You won't get wise With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be, What you own is your own kingdom, , What you do is your own glory, What you love is your own power, What you live
is your own story, In your head is the answer, Let it guide you along, Let your heart be the anchor And the beat of your own soul
Can any part of life be larger than life?, Even love must be limited by time, And those who push us down that they might climb, Is any killer worth
more than his crime?, Like a steely blade in a silken sheath, We don't see what they're made of, They shout about love, but when push comes to
shove, They live for the things they're afraid of
And the knowledge that they fear is a weapon to be used against them...
Some of you may recognize these words. I expect many won't.
They've been my anthem. My hymn. My comfort when little was working well for me in life.
These words, verses, are my own personal Bible.
I had to file for unemployment benefits this morning. I've had a horrible career trajectory while 2014 was in effect. It's a dirty punch to pride,
all in all. Family, friends, all depending on me. Not unlike the titan named Atlas, and like many, many of us here, I carry the weight of the world
on my shoulders because of the responsibilities on my shoulders.
But I am not a victim. My ambition is a cooled and solid fuel which propels my rocket forward. I also acknowledge and know first hand that in this
world, we are crabs in a bucket. The crabs below you will pull you down long before you manage to make it out of the bucket so that they might climb
When bathing in the cold rays of truth, I find my alignment. I find the opportunity to express the emotions that I cannot show others who depend upon
me. In this, these words and other verses from the Apostles who gave them to me, a pressure valve is introduced. One which allows me to accept fear,
defeat, even gut punches to the ego that sew the seeds of self doubt in my soul. Acknowledge, accept, process, review, and move on.
This is long and rambling. I am not saying I've found "the best" approach, as so many others seem to want in an effort to seek affirmation from
those around them.
What truth is, is the mirror I know I need to look into from time to time to remind myself of the truth. In the world, in myself, and in the
situation I am facing.
Peart, Lifeson, and Lee are my Apostles. Truth is the kingdom I hope to bathe in for eternity. Not pretty and convenient truth, but truth in and of
Truth. The single most beautiful thing to be discovered in the rare instances it actually exists.