'Fix Society': Transgender Teen Posted Plea Before Suicide

They're not the same, but they are similar. It involves a man who wants to be on the receiving end. Transgender people have my sympathy, but they seem much less adjusted than gay men. Which is the reason I said, just be gay. I'm well aware that some people are going to have the operation, and I try to treat them with tolerance whenever I bump into them. The ex-army guy who helped himself to a seat at our table at the bar did not look at all like a woman, but whatever, it's his life. He said he always felt like a woman.
a reply to: Annee

a reply to: Parthin

Transgender is not gay.

Gay men are attracted to same sex.

Transgenders are attracted to the opposite sex of the gender they identify with.

originally posted by: Annee
a reply to: Parthin

Transgender is not gay.

Gay men are attracted to same sex.

Transgenders are attracted to the opposite sex of the gender they identify with.

Actually, who we're attracted to is completely separate from the gender we are. I'm bi, with attraction to both sexes. I'm also a woman with birth gender of male. Being transgender as you said is not gay, is is also not straight, is gender identity, gay, straight, ect is sexual preference not identity.

a reply to: Puppylove

I took a sex education class in college (don't judge me), and we had a transgender come speak to our class. She was born a male, transgendered to being a female, and she identified as a lesbian - so she was attracted to females. I don't know how unusual it is, but I've seen it myself.

a reply to: kaylaluv

Is very common, like I said, is a completely separate issue. Honestly while "masculine", had no desire for a man, male body on male body has no interest for me. As a woman though, I love men. Still love women too though.

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Jamie1

Simple question re Leelah:

Is it a fact or story that she would have been happy if her parents accommodated everything she wanted?

Really? You're seriously gonna ask me if a teenager should be given everything they want?

Like I said ---- everything with you is black and white.

You missed the point of the question.

It's not about a right or wrong answer, should a teenager be given everything they want, and what might or might not have happened.

It's about something very simple. Is the answer to the question a fact, or is it an opinion, a story?

Is saying Leelah would be alive now if her parents did things different a fact, or is it a story?

originally posted by: Lyxdeslic

originally posted by: Jamie1

originally posted by: Lyxdeslic
This story cuts deep, man. My boyfriend and I talked about this the other day, and he could not understand why I got so upset about it. He kept saying, "I don't understand why HE wanted to be female. If he wanted to be gay, he could just be gay." And "Why can't he just accept himself for what he is?" I wanted to punch him. I had to explain to him that sexuality has nothing to do with gender. And that there are MTF who like girls, not guys. And there are FTM that like guys, no girls. And that the better question is "Why can't society accept these people?"

Facts are, some people will never understand it until they see it unfold in front of them. He will likely not understand until he either has a friend in that situation or if one day we have a child in that situation.


I just don't get it, why would someone rather have a dead child than a happy child? If you can think of any time that you wouldn't love your child, you probably shouldn't be having children. I'm disgusted with this girls family, and I hope she's finally at peace.

I'm intrigued by the paradox in your post.

You want people to accept other people, but when your boyfriend had a different perspective, you wanted to punch him.

Aren't you condemning the parents for the exact same thing? Accepting somebody doesn't mean becoming angry when a person is different than you, right?

The difference is I love and accept him. His opinions are just differing than mine. You can have differing opinions and still accept someone. Who knew, right? Leelah's parents could have disagreed with her actions and wants but still accepted her as a human being. Parents do it all the time. For example, my younger siblings biological dad is on the sex offenders list. He's been to jail multiple times, and burned bridges with that vast majority of people who were in his life. His mother does not agree with what he's done. However she accepts him as the person he has become. She treats him differently for it. But she accepts him, loves him, and does things for him... Even though he doesn't deserve it.

People need to learn unconditional love. You may not like someone because of their choices, but that doesn't mean you don't love them. I used to work at a daycare. When kids misbehaved we put them in time out. in my 'classroom' after a child got out of time out, we talked. I explained to them that I did not love their actions, but I still love them. That's the way it should be with all things, and all people. You might not care for their choices, beliefs or actions, but you should still care about them.

Yes, thank you. I agree 100%

Unconditional love is the starting point.

If you're loving somebody, you can't be judging them.

originally posted by: Spiramirabilis
a reply to: Jamie1

That was a decent post

But, not really an answer to my question

:-)

LOL... what was the question. And thank you. Coming from you, saying my post was decent, is a great honor. Seriously.

its a trick question so why would you even ask that? you know its just an opinion for the most part

only because shes not alive to prove you wrong

originally posted by: Entreri06

3: Everyone doesn't accept anything. We can stop kids from being physically assaulted and from them being ganged up on by "the mob". We cannot stop ANY kid from being offended or made fun of in single instances.

We can teach kids (and adults) how being offended is an option, it's not a requirement.

If you've seen some other threads, many people have said things to me that could be looked at as personal attacks.

I don't choose to be offended, ever.

I understand being offended is my choice. Things happen in life every day. My quality of life is not determined by events, people, or circumstances. It's determined by how I respond to those things, and the meanings I choose to give them.

So yes, we can stop kids from choosing to be hurt, choosing to be offended, choosing to feel bad about themselves based on how others treat them, or "accept" them.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
its a trick question so why would you even ask that? you know its just an opinion for the most part

It's not a trick question. It's probably one of the most important questions that can be asked.

Is something a fact, or is it a story?

The reason it's important to ask is because emotions are caused by the stories (opinions, beliefs) that we give situations. And our actions are determined by our emotions. The results we produce are determined by our actions.

If you're upset or angry, you'll say and do different things than if you're not upset or angry, almost always with better results.

So clearly, it's a story, not a fact, that Leelah would be alive or dead today if her parents acted differently. Nobody knows.

But if we tell the story that it was her parent's fault, then it causes certain emotions and results in our lives.

If we just realize we're telling a story, the emotions diffuse, and we will take different actions.

This could be the difference in screaming at somebody in the heat of an argument, or stopping to hug them to tell them you love them unconditionally.

How much difference might that make in a person's life if they can be aware when they are in a story, and immediately act from a place of love instead of anger in any situation?

what can I say... its easier said than done to just "stop arguing and start hugging the person instead"

I mean c'mon nobody does that.. besides, it can be gratifying to defend oneself with words.
if your just taking it from a bully then your just giving them what they want...
when's the last time you really felt threatened and had to defend yourself, anyway?

a reply to: kaylaluv

Yes. I was just trying to make a simplified distinction of the difference.

There's really not a one fits all. It's individual.

originally posted by: Jamie1

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Jamie1

Simple question re Leelah:

Is it a fact or story that she would have been happy if her parents accommodated everything she wanted?

Really? You're seriously gonna ask me if a teenager should be given everything they want?

Like I said ---- everything with you is black and white.

You missed the point of the question.

It's not about a right or wrong answer, should a teenager be given everything they want, and what might or might not have happened.

It's about something very simple. Is the answer to the question a fact, or is it an opinion, a story?

Is saying Leelah would be alive now if her parents did things different a fact, or is it a story?

Putting words in my mouth?

I didn't answer the question in the way you wanted?

Life has variations --- it's not black and white.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
what can I say... its easier said than done to just "stop arguing and start hugging the person instead"

I mean c'mon nobody does that.. besides, it can be gratifying to defend oneself with words.
if your just taking it from a bully then your just giving them what they want...
when's the last time you really felt threatened and had to defend yourself, anyway?

No, it's very easy to do. All it takes is ONE moment of being aware when you're in story.

Physical, real world problems still exist, and still need to be solved. It's almost always easier to find a solution when you are calm and aware over when you are caught up in the emotions of a story.

Yes, it can feel good to defend yourself with words IF you're story is that you are being attacked by words. If you are aware the other person is just caught up in their own stories, and all they really want is love, it's very simple to find a more gratifying path forward than "defending" yourself with words.

I was physically threatened a couple days ago in a parking lot at the grocery store. I immediately stressed out, and went into a state of fear.

Because I know how this works, I knew it was because of the story I was telling myself. Stories appear almost instantly. I was thinking this guy was going to shoot me or pull a knife.

Instead of being in fear and reaction, I just calmly got into my car and didn't escalate or antagonize him.

Just try it.

Think of when you were upset, and become aware of the stories you're telling yourself that are upsetting you.

It works.

You don't need to change the stories, just become aware that they're stories, not Truth, even if they feel good, or feel like Truth. Then ask yourself, what do you really want to accomplish? What's your outcome?

You can't be loving somebody when you're in a story that you need to defend yourself. If somebody is saying things you don't like, you can become aware of the meaning you're giving it, and then just love the person, even if the words are not what you want to hear.

Love beats anger. Anger leads to more anger.

It works.

Just try it.

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Jamie1

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Jamie1

Simple question re Leelah:

Is it a fact or story that she would have been happy if her parents accommodated everything she wanted?

Really? You're seriously gonna ask me if a teenager should be given everything they want?

Like I said ---- everything with you is black and white.

You missed the point of the question.

It's not about a right or wrong answer, should a teenager be given everything they want, and what might or might not have happened.

It's about something very simple. Is the answer to the question a fact, or is it an opinion, a story?

Is saying Leelah would be alive now if her parents did things different a fact, or is it a story?

Putting words in my mouth?

I didn't answer the question in the way you wanted?

Life has variations --- it's not black and white.

You didn't answer the question I asked.

Of course life has variations. Facts don't have variations.

Leelah is dead. At least physically dead.

That's a fact.

There are a few other facts. Her parents took her to a Christian therapist. Fact. Her parents took away her computer. Fact.

What else? She wanted treatment to counter her testosterone. Fact. Her parents didn't get her the treatment. Fact.

She walked in front of a truck. Fact.

Everything else?

Stories.

All "should have's" and "would have's" are stories. All speculation about what might have happened in the future are stories.

Yes, that's black and white, and it's a fact. Nobody knows what would have happened if the past was different, or what will happen in the future.

But it is 100% certain that how you feel in any moment will depend on the stories you're telling yourself in that moment, the meaning you're giving your situation.

That's black and white. You will not be happy if you're telling yourself you can't be happy.

thanks : )

originally posted by: Puppylove

originally posted by: Annee
a reply to: Parthin

Transgender is not gay.

Gay men are attracted to same sex.

Transgenders are attracted to the opposite sex of the gender they identify with.

Actually, who we're attracted to is completely separate from the gender we are. I'm bi, with attraction to both sexes. I'm also a woman with birth gender of male. Being transgender as you said is not gay, is is also not straight, is gender identity, gay, straight, ect is sexual preference not identity.

Yes -- I gave a simplified answer to try to differentiate the difference between being gay and being transgender (as a different gender then the physical body).

Years ago I worked at a company where I was the minority being a straight female. Interesting group. Surprised me how they categorized all the different factions of LGBTQ and which ones "they" considered acceptable and not acceptable. "Water Cooler" talk was definitely enlightening.

There has not been cohesion within the LGBTQ community, although work is being done to try to bring everyone together.

It really is very complex.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
thanks : )

You're very welcome.

It's my honor and privilege to help if I can. I'm very blessed to know what I know, and to have the opportunity to help a lot of people who were struggling in life. You can only imagine the horrific situations people find themselves in.

What I shared with you works in even the most horrible circumstances you can imagine. It really does. What you believe about a situation is what causes all the emotional pain. Just being aware if this dissolves the pain. You don't even need to be aware of the story, or change the story. Just be aware that it's only some story that's causing you to be upset in any situation.

Usually when you see the story, the bad state dissolves, and is replaces by gratitude.

Gratitude is our natural state when we're present, and not stuck in a story.