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Ten tips for Christmas eating

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posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 09:55 AM
Merry christmas everyone!
The following are just a few tips on enjoying christmas dinner...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Run. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

Fruitcakes make good door stops.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read these tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Enjoy your day

posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 10:03 AM
11. Grab all the cookies and leg it to a safe place to eat them all ..

Good tips .. merry christmas

posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 10:41 AM
I have ten tips, thanks.

-Counts fingertips-

Enjoy your holiday!

posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 11:37 AM
a reply to: Hoosierdaddy71

LOL Great tips, love them, except I do like fruitcake, and like eggnog it is only available now.

posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 12:19 PM
And wear pants with an elastic band... they make nice jeans and slacks with them now

posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 09:09 PM
I had the testicles of a wild boar, spiced with Carolina Reaper, and half a bottle of tequila.
There is a chunk of time missing, but damn if I don't feel manly.

posted on Dec, 25 2014 @ 09:24 PM
a reply to: skunkape23

Someday you will meet the ghost of Christmas

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